Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Jules1011 · Jules1011

I asked my partner to leave on Saturday after having such a stressful few weeks, I have been to two f2f meetings and wanted to go to one this morning but my alarm was at the wrong time! When we are arguing he pushed me to the very edge of distress and as soon as he thought I was going to leave he would turn this ar...

mackinac · mackinac

Hi guys, I am new to this. As a matter of fact I am not sure I am doing this posting correctly. I am married to an alcoholic. I am not sure how often he drinks, or how muh. it varies, sometimes a few bottles (the ones that can fit in your pants), I imagine someitmes less. I guess the amount is irrelevant. It aff...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

My inlaws will be coming into town for the holidays. They stay for several weeks (not with us--they have a place of their own). I don't know whether I should talk with them about my AH. We are at the point where it feels like AH's disease is increasing exponentially each day. My therapist (specializes i...

Pushka · Pushka

I'm grasping the idea that it is ok to be perfectly imperfect and people love me anyway. I might not always say the right thing or do the right thing, I can only try to do the best that I can in any given moment. Sometimes it's all just dumb luck that I come close to saying or doing the right thing .. lol. Som...

tommyecat · tommyecat

I recently referenced the 5 G's in Alanon responding to a post. For those of you who would like to know where I borrowed them from they are in our literature on PP 122, Hope for Today, May 1st reading. The reading references they were originally published in an out of print Forum magazine volume 4 PP 14...

amills4294 · amills4294

Well just got off the phone with my mom. She is the alcoholic in denial in my life and has been one most of my life. Her mom died at 39 from alcohol and painkillers - her body just wasted away. My mom has never admitted to that. She lied to us about how she died. I ordered the death certificate when I was hav...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Hi all, not looking for advice so much as I'm just looking to vent. First, please understand that I know the seriousness of this situation. A week ago today, my wife got falling down drunk while our kids were at preschool. She somehow managed to drive the 5 miles from our home to the school to pick up the ki...

rara avis · rara avis

Hey guys, I just need a hug, or comfort, or something. I've been trying to do the right things - exercise, friends, staying busy, etc...but just when I feel a bit better my ex RA comes into the picture and slams me again. This time I got slammed HARD. He found the storage unit after having difficulties...

Jozie · Jozie

Hi All :0) First a Mini Update... MIL Home & Doing Alot Better..

. & Gram is HOME :)

And Back to Put'n around Like only she knows how... So BIG THANK YOU To All of You that Kept us in your Prayers... They have Lifted them all back to "Better" health, and on their way to Recov...

youfoundme · youfoundme

I finally got Step 1, and my sponsor and I are going to have a meeting about it in the next few days. I feel pretty good about it. All that said (and you know I have been trying to *GET* step one for a while now, when I finally surrendered to it, I got it..) I had this dream last night that was really vivid and re...

HoofnIt · HoofnIt

Yesterday my Abf came home after visting one of his friends from work and going to his parents house. I knew that he was at this person's house and knew that he would be drinking before I even talked to him. When he got home I could tell that he had been drinking and just ignored it. I didnt ask and I didn't bri...

kris10 · kris10

I am 28 years old. I have piercings and tattoos. I have short (changing from week to week ) rainbow colors in my hair. I ride a hot pink skateboard. I like to wear holy jeans. I prefure my funky glasses over contacts any day. I listen to my music loud. And I drive my car fast. I probably smoke entirely way to ma...

jmanning · jmanning

Well it started out a good day. Spent the day with a friend we went shopping and used coupons for the first time. And I was so proud of what I got for the little money I spent. Then we did lunch and then went to her moms and clipped coupons and talked. I really enjoyed the day. Got home unloaded the car and got li...

youfoundme · youfoundme

Just watched this movie called 28 Days (from 2000, with Sandra Bullock)... I actually didn't mind it so much. Normally these rehab type movies seem so fake. The place she was at in the movie had Equine Therapy and one line stuck out at me. They had to get the horse to lift its back hoof to clean the hoof...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

HI So I have not been travelling real well lately. Gave in and had the heart to heart with my husband this morning. Basically he has laid down the law as I see it and has allowed me the choice to be part of it or not. He is going to increase his camping and fishing and hunting activities, and he is not going to...

nyc018 · nyc018

Ive writen many posts writing about the dilemma I have with my family (mom, etc). Well, I have a pretty big one with my MIL AHs mom. Here's the story: MIL was an RA having been sober 22 years until this July. She relapsed, twice, buckling from the pressure of seeing her sons (my AH) descent from alcoholism...

amills4294 · amills4294

Hello all - I was asked to "introduce" myself to the forum as it shows that I'm a "newbie" :). I actually had been on here before and then in haste removed myself and then came back, so, yes I'm new but not that new. Same username. I'm an adult child of an alcoholic (my mom). I'm on m...

DadtoCandE · DadtoCandE

I feel like I'm growing. Last year my wife's disease progressed to my bottom. We are currently seperated, my wife lives in a condo that we bought together, I live in the familiy house. In addition to the addiction there were also infidelities by her in our marriage, I am not sure how much was related t...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I spent some time w/ my MOM before I got on this computer. She wanted me to help her find my step-father's grave site & I complied. It was a little difficult to find but we found it. This is actually not morbid at all--I actually didn't mind the whole scenario. Things go well w/ her sometimes that I can a...

atheos · atheos

Tonight, I really needed a meeting, and there wasn't one nearby. I wound up driving half an hour to another town, but it was worth it... I heard something I really needed to hear -- "when you compare your rough inside to somebody else's polished outside, you always come out on the bottom". An...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Many many times I have mentioned my MOM. I love her I do but she can drive me up the wall! On Sat. I wanted to spend time w/ a friend who I rarely get to spend time at her home. I am mentioning this now because I couldn't get on here later on Sat. Anyhow, I was alerted by my mom via my H that I was supposed to go out w/ h...

Sarah_Winters · Sarah_Winters

I don't know where to begin. Should I start with when my brother was 17 and started drinking and I knew, I 'xxxx' knew he had this problem even when I was 14? Well, he's 30 something now and it's the same old story. He gets drunk, he has DUIs, he does drugs. I walk around with a knot in my stomach because I know...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone, It's been some time since I've come to this site. I miss it. Lately it seems I can barely find time to think. The baby is teething, still nursing, and I am still working full-time while my AH has been unemployed for 1 1/2 yrs. I have hardly made it to meetings. My "recovering"...

amills4294 · amills4294

I will bring this up at alanon face to face - I haven't found a sponsor yet. But I'm having a terrible time with being triggered by others. I know I'm responsible for how I react but it's really becoming overwhelming. My spouse and I have been separated for 14 months and have discussed having a trial ba...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

I've been reading, and reading, going back through the many pages of posting. My schedule is so crazy that finding a face to face meeting just doesn't seem possible at this time, but I keep checking to see if I can find one that I could go to. I'm starting to see a pattern, every time I speak about the positi...

Katy · Katy

I am learning to enjoy the quiet times, and trying to think no news is good news, that was the case this last week, our son went out Tuesday and when I phoned him about him coming home for dinner he was already drunk, around 5pm, of course he said he wasn't, as they do, he usually doesn,'t come home now after...

rehprof · rehprof

One of the things everyone keeps saying is "take care of yourself." After 28 years of living with an abusive AH, and being so focused on keeping him happy and our life stable...I have realized that I am SO disconnected from my own needs that when someone says "take care of yourself&quo...

sickgirl · sickgirl

Can someone help me understand what is happening with my boyfriend? He is a severe alcoholic (1-2 cases a day. Around the clock for the first 2 weeks of the month). Yesterday was day 3 of his not drinking. It was pleasant, he seemed fine except a few shakes here and there. Today he started out very snappy....

rosielee · rosielee

this is the run down- my mum has borderline personality disorder with narcissistic traits- i committed the cardinal sin of forgetting her birthday.she phone up to tell me i had forgotten- but as narcissists do- she put loads of emotional baggage onto me and it was the tip of the iceberg as several time...

HoofnIt · HoofnIt

Hi everyone i'm new here and have been reading through the post. I am 26 and engaged to an alcoholic. We have been together for a year and 8 months. He got his 3rd dui back in April while driving my truck which has caused me some problems with my insurance. He has admitted that he has a problem and has been goi...

rara avis · rara avis

Welllll....my ex RA has been very silent, but left messages on my phone last night. He wants to meet in a neutral place, because he feels he 'hasn't been heard.' He said if I'd just told him he was going to lose me, instead of leaving a note and running, he would have shaped up. He also said I was playing a dan...

clep · clep

I started going to a naturopath many months ago for multiple things. My MD couldn't fix the issues and most were in my pelvis. My naturopath tells me that the stress from relationship issues are stored in the pelvis. It has finally caught up with me. In the last two weeks, I have had hip pain. I starte...

glad · glad

I went to a ladies meet and greet tonight organized by a local church. Just ladies getting together for fun. I got to be around people who are similar to me and and seemed to like me for me. It was reinforced to me that I am secure, it was the alcoholism that made me seem so insecure... I even said the closing p...

Pushka · Pushka

So today has been a much better day than yesterday was, my AH and I had a really great evening. He slept which I am more than ok with, he works his butt off every day of the week. Before he napped he was out bbqing in the rain, God love him, he's got more moxie than I do at times. I am looking forward to tomorro...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

In the "normie" world, the world where addiction doesn't reign supreme, I imagine a family trip is something fun to plan. I used to have fun planning our family trips before addiction demanded we invite it everywhere. Now... it is hard. Addiction takes up so much space there isn't a lot of r...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

Last night my AH got out of hand with the drinking. I went downstairs around midnight to see what the heck was going on downstairs because I heard all this commotion. He was taking a beer outside and then putting it in the pool. Then he stumbled around the side yard and threw out his paper bag in the tras...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

So it's been six months since I decided to leave my AH of 29 years. As I was driving home from work today, I had an "aha" moment. I keep wondering why he doesn't try to reach out and contact me. I check my phone everyday for a text or voicemail, and it's not there. I usually call him once a week just t...

likemyheart · likemyheart

My ex periodically sends me names of songs to listen to (or links to youtube videos) - mostly about me breaking his heart, or how his heart is broken, how could I say goodbye, how could I.... you know? Are there any songs that very specifically address choosing to not be with someone because of their addi...

glad · glad

In real life bombs do go off... I was surprised to learn that there are aprox. 14 times per month in my area, that the fire dept. / bomb squad goes on real calls that involve actual bombs designed to hurt and kill people. There are living among us real "gangs" and all kinds of scary groups. On the...

Mylife · Mylife

I am now living with my AM. Years ago when I left her and moved out she almost died. She ended up in the hospital detoxing and going through Physio for 2 months...and then she was sober for about 11 years. She is drinking again, but trying to hide it from me. She is rarely drunk in my presense but I know she is d...

Mlkiss75 · Mlkiss75

For over a year, I have been begging and pleading, bargaining and reasoning with my alcoholic husband, trying ANYTHING to get him to stop drinking. I figured out how to detach with love last week. He drank all week, then stopped yesterday. He feels lousy today, shaky and dehydrated, but he's pushing t...

Jerry F · Jerry F

I was drawn back to Hawaiilover's original post on this subject because after I read and supported I was reminded of an inventory I did on my relationship and marriage to the alcoholic/addict in my life and it went like this. "She's such a bitch...goes out gets drunk and loaded and sleeps with e...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

AH and I are off tomorrow for a 5 day vacation without our son. It's a business incentive trip for his company and we'll be in the Caribbean. I'm actually very nervous to be alone with him for so long. Is he going to drink(everyone else will be getting trashed like they do every year), is he going to be ki...

nyc018 · nyc018

I posted in the past about the same issue so apologies if I'm repeating myself. Just need to vent since I got an earful from my mom again this morning about AH, from whom Im separated. Long story short AH had a break down this summer, ended up in rehab, and lost his job as a result of his absenteeism caused by...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

He came home from fishing. He rang when he was on his way in.. I was at lunch with a friend. I didn't get home until about another hour. I quite obviously disturbed their afternoon as he friend came out and opened the gate for me with a bong in his hand. My husband appeared a few minutes later. Stoned and...

Cupcake · Cupcake

Today I went to the gym to work out. It wasn't too busy or full of the muscle heads building their biceps - sometimes it's eye candy, sometimes just ridiculous. Anyway, I started looking around and I noticed a few things. An old man on the treadmill, walking and reading a book with the pages held down w...

Wendie · Wendie

I am going through many family adjustments & my AH is really not supportively there for me...it truly is like 'going to the Hardware store for bread'. I attended a meeting tonight & on the way home, I decided to bring home a simple inexpensive meal to share w/him. Upon arriving home, there he wa...

blupaisan · blupaisan

i thought i caught my bf using. he denies it. i thought i had evidence. he explains it away. i want soo much to trust him. doesnt trusting him do good things for him? how do i know when it might be enabling him to cheat? i dont know how to handle this. i expect the same thing to happen again, and want to be...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Hi Everyone, The thought of taking a break from this board has been popping into my mind the past few months. It's nothing personal! I've always felt love and acceptance here by all. There's something going on inside of me that I want to clarify. To take a break is a gut feeling. I can't explain it oth...

atheos · atheos

Since starting my new job and moving to a dayshift, I haven't been able to go to my morning homegroup any more, and haven't gotten around to finding new meetings (I tend to stress out about meeting new people, so I've been putting it off). Amazing how much things can start to slip without me even realizin...

jmanning · jmanning

I haven't posted in about 2 weeks. But its been 1 month since by AH went to jail. We have heard that hopefully he will be getting sent to to rehab this week, that means he will be home in 9 months. We have had many heart to heart talks and he is looking forward to rehab. He wants to stay sober. He also has been get...

youfoundme · youfoundme

I have had a great day, that I hope to bring with me for the weekend...My qualifier is at work today from 9-5. My older son has a homecoming dance to go to tonight. Last night my son and I had some time together. I was going to go to a meeting but I realized he and I hadn't connected in a while so we did. We mad...

Mlkiss75 · Mlkiss75

Greetings folks - I'm on day 3 of my "detachment with love" experiment and I must admit I'm wavering a bit. My AH (who began his binge on Saturday after 42 days of sobriety) woke up this morning very ill. He managed to get up to walk the dog, told me he made it to a 12:30 AA meeting but then I didn'...

Jozie · Jozie

Powerlessness.... You Know ... I have been Goin over the Roller Coaster for the Past 3 weeks, and I Can Honestly Say, It has not slowed down much... However, Coming here... Feeling Accepted, Loved, Cared for Emotionally, Prayed for Daily... I know HP Works Over time for Me! With all the Family "I...

silentcygnet · silentcygnet

Things have been going so much better these past few days. I have found support and wisdom through this board (thank you all!) and my ftf meetings and have begun to feel stronger in my belief that I need to focus on me and my children's future and lives as we move forward with or without my AH. I was feeling m...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

I married someone I thought would be my best friend, someone I could sit out on the front porch and talk to. We hadn't been married 3 full days and he yelled at me about the clothes in the closet. The first 6 weeks we were married, were horrible. I finally confronted him, told him that he needed to get help. E...

New member · Miss Maddie

Hi all! I'm new here.....just found this forum recently & decided to join. I'm 42 yo and my husband is what I call a "functioning alcoholic" - he doesn't miss work or anything like that. But he drinks daily, often to the point of passing out. Most times when he's drunk, he VERY angry &a...

Telling family members.... · Miss Maddie

So I have a question I've been wondering about for some time now........Has anyone "told" other family members about their Alcoholic spouse's problem? I'm asking cuz my AH has a grown daughter who has her own house. She freaked out over the summer over a rash my AH has on his back he refuses...

tommyecat · tommyecat

I was carrying so much anger when I walked into the rooms of alanon that I could not feel any other emotion. I felt completely comfortable with indifference, apathy, and disdain. As a newcomer I absolutely hated what my AH did to me and the life I was having as a result of his choices. Today I am remind...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

For a long time before I got involved with Alanon I was resentful and bitter that I was the sole breadwinner for my AH and myself. "What a burden I carry" I would often think, why is my life so hard. I make a very good living which supports us nicely, he has never been able to hold down steady wor...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Ive done it......need strength now! (Preview) I asked my partner to leave on Saturday after having such a stressful few weeks, I have been to two f2f meetings and wanted to go to one this morning but my alarm was at the wrong time! When we are arguing he pushed me to the very edge of distress and as soon as he thought I was going to leave he would turn this ar...	Jules1011	14	721	Oct 20, 2011 by rrib
	help (Preview) Hi guys, I am new to this. As a matter of fact I am not sure I am doing this posting correctly. I am married to an alcoholic. I am not sure how often he drinks, or how muh. it varies, sometimes a few bottles (the ones that can fit in your pants), I imagine someitmes less. I guess the amount is irrelevant. It aff...	mackinac	8	673	Oct 20, 2011 by rrib
	To tell or not to tell--thinking things through (Preview) My inlaws will be coming into town for the holidays. They stay for several weeks (not with us--they have a place of their own). I don't know whether I should talk with them about my AH. We are at the point where it feels like AH's disease is increasing exponentially each day. My therapist (specializes i...	Very Very Tired	11	549	Oct 20, 2011 by Very Very Tired
	Perfectly Imperfect .. (Preview) I'm grasping the idea that it is ok to be perfectly imperfect and people love me anyway. I might not always say the right thing or do the right thing, I can only try to do the best that I can in any given moment. Sometimes it's all just dumb luck that I come close to saying or doing the right thing .. lol. Som...	Pushka	5	467	Oct 20, 2011 by Jozie
	5 G's of Alanon (Preview) I recently referenced the 5 G's in Alanon responding to a post. For those of you who would like to know where I borrowed them from they are in our literature on PP 122, Hope for Today, May 1st reading. The reading references they were originally published in an out of print Forum magazine volume 4 PP 14...	tommyecat	8	4305	Oct 20, 2011 by Jozie
	My alcoholic mom (Preview) Well just got off the phone with my mom. She is the alcoholic in denial in my life and has been one most of my life. Her mom died at 39 from alcohol and painkillers - her body just wasted away. My mom has never admitted to that. She lied to us about how she died. I ordered the death certificate when I was hav...	amills4294	3	381	Oct 20, 2011 by rosielee
	What happens next? (Preview) Hi all, not looking for advice so much as I'm just looking to vent. First, please understand that I know the seriousness of this situation. A week ago today, my wife got falling down drunk while our kids were at preschool. She somehow managed to drive the 5 miles from our home to the school to pick up the ki...	usedtobeanyer	9	561	Oct 20, 2011 by soulhavoc
	feel awful, this nightmare [ ex RA ] won't leave me alone (Preview) Hey guys, I just need a hug, or comfort, or something. I've been trying to do the right things - exercise, friends, staying busy, etc...but just when I feel a bit better my ex RA comes into the picture and slams me again. This time I got slammed HARD. He found the storage unit after having difficulties...	rara avis	12	636	Oct 20, 2011 by rara avis
	Free to Be Me... & UPDATE.. (Preview) Hi All :0) First a Mini Update... MIL Home & Doing Alot Better.. . & Gram is HOME :) And Back to Put'n around Like only she knows how... So BIG THANK YOU To All of You that Kept us in your Prayers... They have Lifted them all back to "Better" health, and on their way to Recov...	Jozie	4	574	Oct 19, 2011 by hotrod
	A break through? (Preview) I finally got Step 1, and my sponsor and I are going to have a meeting about it in the next few days. I feel pretty good about it. All that said (and you know I have been trying to GET step one for a while now, when I finally surrendered to it, I got it..) I had this dream last night that was really vivid and re...	youfoundme	8	430	Oct 19, 2011 by rrib
	Telling him "I know" (Preview) Yesterday my Abf came home after visting one of his friends from work and going to his parents house. I knew that he was at this person's house and knew that he would be drinking before I even talked to him. When he got home I could tell that he had been drinking and just ignored it. I didnt ask and I didn't bri...	HoofnIt	15	791	Oct 19, 2011 by HoofnIt
	assumptions... (Preview) I am 28 years old. I have piercings and tattoos. I have short (changing from week to week ) rainbow colors in my hair. I ride a hot pink skateboard. I like to wear holy jeans. I prefure my funky glasses over contacts any day. I listen to my music loud. And I drive my car fast. I probably smoke entirely way to ma...	kris10	12	716	Oct 19, 2011 by flopadopilus
	I am just tired.................... (Preview) Well it started out a good day. Spent the day with a friend we went shopping and used coupons for the first time. And I was so proud of what I got for the little money I spent. Then we did lunch and then went to her moms and clipped coupons and talked. I really enjoyed the day. Got home unloaded the car and got li...	jmanning	7	489	Oct 19, 2011 by flopadopilus
	28 days and finding my feelings and resolve (Preview) Just watched this movie called 28 Days (from 2000, with Sandra Bullock)... I actually didn't mind it so much. Normally these rehab type movies seem so fake. The place she was at in the movie had Equine Therapy and one line stuck out at me. They had to get the horse to lift its back hoof to clean the hoof...	youfoundme	5	578	Oct 19, 2011 by youfoundme
	abandonment issues? (Preview) HI So I have not been travelling real well lately. Gave in and had the heart to heart with my husband this morning. Basically he has laid down the law as I see it and has allowed me the choice to be part of it or not. He is going to increase his camping and fishing and hunting activities, and he is not going to...	Lindaoakford	15	1627	Oct 19, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Boundaries (Preview) Ive writen many posts writing about the dilemma I have with my family (mom, etc). Well, I have a pretty big one with my MIL AHs mom. Here's the story: MIL was an RA having been sober 22 years until this July. She relapsed, twice, buckling from the pressure of seeing her sons (my AH) descent from alcoholism...	nyc018	5	595	Oct 19, 2011 by flopadopilus
	introduction (Preview) Hello all - I was asked to "introduce" myself to the forum as it shows that I'm a "newbie" :). I actually had been on here before and then in haste removed myself and then came back, so, yes I'm new but not that new. Same username. I'm an adult child of an alcoholic (my mom). I'm on m...	amills4294	6	570	Oct 19, 2011 by flopadopilus
	just talkin' (Preview) I feel like I'm growing. Last year my wife's disease progressed to my bottom. We are currently seperated, my wife lives in a condo that we bought together, I live in the familiy house. In addition to the addiction there were also infidelities by her in our marriage, I am not sure how much was related t...	DadtoCandE	3	551	Oct 19, 2011 by flopadopilus
	things are a little better already! (Preview) I spent some time w/ my MOM before I got on this computer. She wanted me to help her find my step-father's grave site & I complied. It was a little difficult to find but we found it. This is actually not morbid at all--I actually didn't mind the whole scenario. Things go well w/ her sometimes that I can a...	Hoot Nanny	3	609	Oct 19, 2011 by flopadopilus
	I'm keeping a journal and it's PRIVATE! (Preview) Tonight, I really needed a meeting, and there wasn't one nearby. I wound up driving half an hour to another town, but it was worth it... I heard something I really needed to hear -- "when you compare your rough inside to somebody else's polished outside, you always come out on the bottom". An...	atheos	8	478	Oct 18, 2011 by MDK
	what do I do w/ an impatient mother? (Preview) Many many times I have mentioned my MOM. I love her I do but she can drive me up the wall! On Sat. I wanted to spend time w/ a friend who I rarely get to spend time at her home. I am mentioning this now because I couldn't get on here later on Sat. Anyhow, I was alerted by my mom via my H that I was supposed to go out w/ h...	Hoot Nanny	6	1043	Oct 18, 2011 by Hoot Nanny
	Intro. Hoping for help (Preview) I don't know where to begin. Should I start with when my brother was 17 and started drinking and I knew, I 'xxxx' knew he had this problem even when I was 14? Well, he's 30 something now and it's the same old story. He gets drunk, he has DUIs, he does drugs. I walk around with a knot in my stomach because I know...	Sarah_Winters	7	533	Oct 18, 2011 by tommyecat
	Re-emerging (Preview) Hi Everyone, It's been some time since I've come to this site. I miss it. Lately it seems I can barely find time to think. The baby is teething, still nursing, and I am still working full-time while my AH has been unemployed for 1 1/2 yrs. I have hardly made it to meetings. My "recovering"...	KLotus	5	589	Oct 18, 2011 by tommyecat
	reacting to others that "trigger" fear in me (Preview) I will bring this up at alanon face to face - I haven't found a sponsor yet. But I'm having a terrible time with being triggered by others. I know I'm responsible for how I react but it's really becoming overwhelming. My spouse and I have been separated for 14 months and have discussed having a trial ba...	amills4294	6	432	Oct 18, 2011 by tommyecat
	3 steps forward 2 steps back (Preview) I've been reading, and reading, going back through the many pages of posting. My schedule is so crazy that finding a face to face meeting just doesn't seem possible at this time, but I keep checking to see if I can find one that I could go to. I'm starting to see a pattern, every time I speak about the positi...	Jackie11	6	459	Oct 18, 2011 by Jackie11
	So sad today and hurting! (Preview) I am learning to enjoy the quiet times, and trying to think no news is good news, that was the case this last week, our son went out Tuesday and when I phoned him about him coming home for dinner he was already drunk, around 5pm, of course he said he wasn't, as they do, he usually doesn,'t come home now after...	Katy	8	480	Oct 18, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Don't know how to take care of me! (Preview) One of the things everyone keeps saying is "take care of yourself." After 28 years of living with an abusive AH, and being so focused on keeping him happy and our life stable...I have realized that I am SO disconnected from my own needs that when someone says "take care of yourself&quo...	rehprof	10	599	Oct 18, 2011 by flopadopilus
	HELP NEEDED - BF has just left me and son 3 days after trying to stop drinking. (Preview) Can someone help me understand what is happening with my boyfriend? He is a severe alcoholic (1-2 cases a day. Around the clock for the first 2 weeks of the month). Yesterday was day 3 of his not drinking. It was pleasant, he seemed fine except a few shakes here and there. Today he started out very snappy....	sickgirl	10	557	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	my mum phoned up....and i answered it!! (Preview) this is the run down- my mum has borderline personality disorder with narcissistic traits- i committed the cardinal sin of forgetting her birthday.she phone up to tell me i had forgotten- but as narcissists do- she put loads of emotional baggage onto me and it was the tip of the iceberg as several time...	rosielee	6	408	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	1st time here. Looking for guidance. (Preview) Hi everyone i'm new here and have been reading through the post. I am 26 and engaged to an alcoholic. We have been together for a year and 8 months. He got his 3rd dui back in April while driving my truck which has caused me some problems with my insurance. He has admitted that he has a problem and has been goi...	HoofnIt	15	680	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	ESH on the adult thing to do? (Preview) Welllll....my ex RA has been very silent, but left messages on my phone last night. He wants to meet in a neutral place, because he feels he 'hasn't been heard.' He said if I'd just told him he was going to lose me, instead of leaving a note and running, he would have shaped up. He also said I was playing a dan...	rara avis	18	649	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Stress (Preview) I started going to a naturopath many months ago for multiple things. My MD couldn't fix the issues and most were in my pelvis. My naturopath tells me that the stress from relationship issues are stored in the pelvis. It has finally caught up with me. In the last two weeks, I have had hip pain. I starte...	clep	3	512	Oct 17, 2011 by clep
	Blessings come in small little packages! (Preview) I went to a ladies meet and greet tonight organized by a local church. Just ladies getting together for fun. I got to be around people who are similar to me and and seemed to like me for me. It was reinforced to me that I am secure, it was the alcoholism that made me seem so insecure... I even said the closing p...	glad	3	479	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Better day .. (Preview) So today has been a much better day than yesterday was, my AH and I had a really great evening. He slept which I am more than ok with, he works his butt off every day of the week. Before he napped he was out bbqing in the rain, God love him, he's got more moxie than I do at times. I am looking forward to tomorro...	Pushka	8	419	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Addiction wins again (Preview) In the "normie" world, the world where addiction doesn't reign supreme, I imagine a family trip is something fun to plan. I used to have fun planning our family trips before addiction demanded we invite it everywhere. Now... it is hard. Addiction takes up so much space there isn't a lot of r...	Very Very Tired	11	687	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	So ticked off right now. What do I do/say? (Preview) Last night my AH got out of hand with the drinking. I went downstairs around midnight to see what the heck was going on downstairs because I heard all this commotion. He was taking a beer outside and then putting it in the pool. Then he stumbled around the side yard and threw out his paper bag in the tras...	ilovedogs	15	614	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Separation is Tough separation denial (Preview) So it's been six months since I decided to leave my AH of 29 years. As I was driving home from work today, I had an "aha" moment. I keep wondering why he doesn't try to reach out and contact me. I check my phone everyday for a text or voicemail, and it's not there. I usually call him once a week just t...	Green Eyes	10	9324	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	meaningful song (Preview) My ex periodically sends me names of songs to listen to (or links to youtube videos) - mostly about me breaking his heart, or how his heart is broken, how could I say goodbye, how could I.... you know? Are there any songs that very specifically address choosing to not be with someone because of their addi...	likemyheart	11	440	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	real life (Preview) In real life bombs do go off... I was surprised to learn that there are aprox. 14 times per month in my area, that the fire dept. / bomb squad goes on real calls that involve actual bombs designed to hurt and kill people. There are living among us real "gangs" and all kinds of scary groups. On the...	glad	5	425	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	How to come to terms with the fact that my AM is killing herself? (Preview) I am now living with my AM. Years ago when I left her and moved out she almost died. She ended up in the hospital detoxing and going through Physio for 2 months...and then she was sober for about 11 years. She is drinking again, but trying to hide it from me. She is rarely drunk in my presense but I know she is d...	Mylife	5	480	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	It really works! (Preview) For over a year, I have been begging and pleading, bargaining and reasoning with my alcoholic husband, trying ANYTHING to get him to stop drinking. I figured out how to detach with love last week. He drank all week, then stopped yesterday. He feels lousy today, shaky and dehydrated, but he's pushing t...	Mlkiss75	5	407	Oct 17, 2011 by Jerry F
	Infidelity and Betrayal - revisited (Preview) I was drawn back to Hawaiilover's original post on this subject because after I read and supported I was reminded of an inventory I did on my relationship and marriage to the alcoholic/addict in my life and it went like this. "She's such a bitch...goes out gets drunk and loaded and sleeps with e...	Jerry F	15	885	Oct 17, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Wish me luck and prayers (Preview) AH and I are off tomorrow for a 5 day vacation without our son. It's a business incentive trip for his company and we'll be in the Caribbean. I'm actually very nervous to be alone with him for so long. Is he going to drink(everyone else will be getting trashed like they do every year), is he going to be ki...	ilovedogs	6	451	Oct 17, 2011 by Debilyn
	Family Issues - more of the Same (Preview) I posted in the past about the same issue so apologies if I'm repeating myself. Just need to vent since I got an earful from my mom again this morning about AH, from whom Im separated. Long story short AH had a break down this summer, ended up in rehab, and lost his job as a result of his absenteeism caused by...	nyc018	5	767	Oct 17, 2011 by Debilyn
	its back (Preview) He came home from fishing. He rang when he was on his way in.. I was at lunch with a friend. I didn't get home until about another hour. I quite obviously disturbed their afternoon as he friend came out and opened the gate for me with a bong in his hand. My husband appeared a few minutes later. Stoned and...	Lindaoakford	15	734	Oct 17, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Appreciating my HP at work (Preview) Today I went to the gym to work out. It wasn't too busy or full of the muscle heads building their biceps - sometimes it's eye candy, sometimes just ridiculous. Anyway, I started looking around and I noticed a few things. An old man on the treadmill, walking and reading a book with the pages held down w...	Cupcake	8	524	Oct 17, 2011 by Hoot Nanny
	Frustrated (Preview) I am going through many family adjustments & my AH is really not supportively there for me...it truly is like 'going to the Hardware store for bread'. I attended a meeting tonight & on the way home, I decided to bring home a simple inexpensive meal to share w/him. Upon arriving home, there he wa...	Wendie	6	495	Oct 17, 2011 by Pushka
	trusting... (Preview) i thought i caught my bf using. he denies it. i thought i had evidence. he explains it away. i want soo much to trust him. doesnt trusting him do good things for him? how do i know when it might be enabling him to cheat? i dont know how to handle this. i expect the same thing to happen again, and want to be...	blupaisan	5	569	Oct 17, 2011 by Pushka
	Taking a Break (Preview) Hi Everyone, The thought of taking a break from this board has been popping into my mind the past few months. It's nothing personal! I've always felt love and acceptance here by all. There's something going on inside of me that I want to clarify. To take a break is a gut feeling. I can't explain it oth...	GailMichelle	15	827	Oct 17, 2011 by GailMichelle
	The little things that make life manageable (Preview) Since starting my new job and moving to a dayshift, I haven't been able to go to my morning homegroup any more, and haven't gotten around to finding new meetings (I tend to stress out about meeting new people, so I've been putting it off). Amazing how much things can start to slip without me even realizin...	atheos	3	569	Oct 17, 2011 by youfoundme
	Its been a month today (Preview) I haven't posted in about 2 weeks. But its been 1 month since by AH went to jail. We have heard that hopefully he will be getting sent to to rehab this week, that means he will be home in 9 months. We have had many heart to heart talks and he is looking forward to rehab. He wants to stay sober. He also has been get...	jmanning	5	556	Oct 17, 2011 by tommyecat
	Living in reality (Preview) I have had a great day, that I hope to bring with me for the weekend...My qualifier is at work today from 9-5. My older son has a homecoming dance to go to tonight. Last night my son and I had some time together. I was going to go to a meeting but I realized he and I hadn't connected in a while so we did. We mad...	youfoundme	9	537	Oct 17, 2011 by Wendie
	Day 3 of Detachment Recovery Detachment Gratitude Support (Preview) Greetings folks - I'm on day 3 of my "detachment with love" experiment and I must admit I'm wavering a bit. My AH (who began his binge on Saturday after 42 days of sobriety) woke up this morning very ill. He managed to get up to walk the dog, told me he made it to a 12:30 AA meeting but then I didn'...	Mlkiss75	14	9371	Oct 16, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Powerlessness = Acceptance.... (Preview) Powerlessness.... You Know ... I have been Goin over the Roller Coaster for the Past 3 weeks, and I Can Honestly Say, It has not slowed down much... However, Coming here... Feeling Accepted, Loved, Cared for Emotionally, Prayed for Daily... I know HP Works Over time for Me! With all the Family "I...	Jozie	5	786	Oct 16, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Why is it so hard for my heart to believe what my mind knows is true? (Preview) Things have been going so much better these past few days. I have found support and wisdom through this board (thank you all!) and my ftf meetings and have begun to feel stronger in my belief that I need to focus on me and my children's future and lives as we move forward with or without my AH. I was feeling m...	silentcygnet	6	765	Oct 16, 2011 by Pushka
	Conditional (Preview) I married someone I thought would be my best friend, someone I could sit out on the front porch and talk to. We hadn't been married 3 full days and he yelled at me about the clothes in the closet. The first 6 weeks we were married, were horrible. I finally confronted him, told him that he needed to get help. E...	Jackie11	10	682	Oct 16, 2011 by flopadopilus
	New member (Preview) Hi all! I'm new here.....just found this forum recently & decided to join. I'm 42 yo and my husband is what I call a "functioning alcoholic" - he doesn't miss work or anything like that. But he drinks daily, often to the point of passing out. Most times when he's drunk, he VERY angry &a...	Miss Maddie	14	627	Oct 16, 2011 by Pushka
	Telling family members.... (Preview) So I have a question I've been wondering about for some time now........Has anyone "told" other family members about their Alcoholic spouse's problem? I'm asking cuz my AH has a grown daughter who has her own house. She freaked out over the summer over a rash my AH has on his back he refuses...	Miss Maddie	8	431	Oct 16, 2011 by flopadopilus
	A N G E R (Preview) I was carrying so much anger when I walked into the rooms of alanon that I could not feel any other emotion. I felt completely comfortable with indifference, apathy, and disdain. As a newcomer I absolutely hated what my AH did to me and the life I was having as a result of his choices. Today I am remind...	tommyecat	5	576	Oct 16, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Gratitude For Self Sufficiency (Preview) For a long time before I got involved with Alanon I was resentful and bitter that I was the sole breadwinner for my AH and myself. "What a burden I carry" I would often think, why is my life so hard. I make a very good living which supports us nicely, he has never been able to hold down steady wor...	surfgirl123	7	812	Oct 16, 2011 by flopadopilus
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.