The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This always happens. I start to feel good and then my moods, energies and mind all backfire on me. Its like my body sould won't allow me to feel good about things for too long. I am sitting here thinking I am bipolar!!!!
I just want to crawl under the blankets and disregard the world and everyone in it.
Yes part of this is hormonally driven. I felt the changein my mood yesterday afternoon.
I put the HALT into play several times last night. My husband smoked in the morning and had a few drinks at the end of his work day. He was in a great mood and I just couldn't be bothered with him. I said Iwas gonna have a cup of tea and he asked if the passionflower tea was still in the cupboard. I replied yes it was but it was really old and I was thinking of throwing it out. He replied..nah leave it I will smoke it....I replied that would have been one of my reasons of throwing it out. He laughed and said "well you said passionflower itself is better than the passionflower/damiana mix" (the damiana lowers blood sugar). I just looked at him and calmly said, lets not have this conversation right now please.
It is similar to another thread that is going on. He listens to that. Apparently I said ....... so that is what will happen... what about all the times I asked him not to smoke.. doesn't listen to that does he!!!!
It made me angry that he took that one thing I said because he was having some health concerns and I am a Nurse...and Ifeel like he is throwing it at me.
I really want to throw it out now, but now if I throw it out, I will feel like I am doing it to get it away from him. He has said he wants it.
That isn't the reason I am feeling like this. I know it is hormonally driven, if I was feeling better in myself I would have made light of it, and made some comment. But in myhead at the moment this is a massive argument brewing so I just walked away from it. I guess that is progress that even when I feel like doo doo on the bottom of a shoe, I can put these things in practice.
HOw can one person, me, go from happy to angry to sad in a flash. The sad and down is very persistent. When will the happy be just as persistent?
This too shall pass. For me, I have noticed that my moods go up and down when I unconsciously go on the "ride" with other people's moods. I have to stop myself and say this is theirs not mine. Maybe I am talking about boundaries.
You are in early recovery yourself. You used to put all the energy into checking up on him and trying to control his use. Now you have turned the focus on you and that means extra attention and focus on how you feel, your own thoughts, your own reactions. Basically, you are doing a lot of self-focus and that is good, but along with that come a degree of neurosis that wasn't there before. It will even out. Nobody is in a good mood all the time even if they seem like they are.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 14th of October 2011 05:35:36 PM
I find it's my brain telling me I am moving faster than I can process it really DOES get better and after each time I feel low within a few days I feel better than ever. This is only temporary and you can take the time to allow your brain to catch up with your heart or the other way around. It's ok and it will be ok and the best thing is YOU are going to be ok no matter what. Keep working your program.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Your adjusting.. people who are mentally ill rarely think things through as well as you appear to .. I am not a doctor but have much experience being around bi polar people thru work.
I think your doing amazing well!
I felt IF I had mental health issues they would also be present when I was in a positive secure environment..and since the symptoms were not present when I felt in a safe normal place for me I felt it must not be so....don't know what a doctor would say but that thought made me feel better.
To ad to all of this, not long after Iposted, my husband came home early from his first job and said that his afternoon job fell through (some of you may remember he is a professional athlete and basically he is not competing this afternoon like he does every week). That means our day was open up to do anything.
Immediately after he told me he said he knew I wouldn't be happy, but he wants to go fishing early and leave this arvie and spend the night out there and still be out fishing tomorrow.
So... now I am gonna be sitting here alone feeling miserable because my hormones and self pity wil not allow me to go out. I would be a bad date anyway.
I might get a book and put on a movie and lock the doors and sit with my pets. I just feel like crying
Hang in there linda! I'm also having a pathetic-feeling friday evening dealing with several of the hhalt's. I'm watching tv and snuggling with my dog while trying not to think about my "failures". I think one of the keys, especially with the hormones, is that you just have to take care of yourself and wait. In a day or two, the clouds will lift and the sun comes out. I think my plan is to relax with a book and some chocolate!
:)
Doozy
oh cripes....he you soound like you are at the mercy of his treatment of you- and responsive to his goods and bads. maybe it wuld be better if you started to detahc and built your own life more,, well i dont know abut your situation and cant possibly say advice - im just saying this is what i would do- to stop shopping for bread at the hardware store..maybe this is what send you into that deep nosedive when yu find you the shop you are in doesnt have what yu need. xx
