Good morning PatK,

I am feeling in a similar situation that is happening to me too in my workplace, and a co worker is trying to discredit me, I feel very much under the microscope right now and it's making me feel uncomfortable going into work each day and facing it, this is only one person out of many but it's affecting me, I don't wish to fight fire with fire, I want to beable to handle this in a dignified and respectful way, we do have a whistle blowing policy but I know management name name's, to set co workers against co workers to keep them off thier backs, I don't feel I have any problems with anyone else I think this person feels threatened by me, I am not the only one that feels like this and so I am trying to figure out my part, I have always apolagised for things she points out about me which I do wrong, she makes mistakes too but I will not point her failings out, I do not want to be that person, I don't feel for the first time in my life I am the problem here, for now I am just sitting tight hoping hp will guide me to do the next best thing, because right now I have no answer, I look forward to the wisdom of others, this is something I struggle to deal with, conflict!

Katy

  x

Patk, that's very worrying!

Is there a wise person with a longer time at the school who could advise you? Would the person who observed the confrontation be helpful to talk to privately? 

It's clear that appeasing him won't help.  I suspect our Al-Anon skills of detaching, remaining neutral, and not taking it personally could help.  However, unlike in our personal lives, you have to see this guy every day whether it feels safe or not.  And it sounds to me as if something's wrong with him.  He may be emotionally unbalanced, or have substance-abuse problems, or both, or some kind of mental illness.  I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that you're far from the first person who has encountered this.  But maybe someone with a longer time at the school can tell you whether he has a pattern of blowing hot at someone and then cooling off, or what kind of pattern he does have.  You could also find out how the school is likely to respond if you file a report.  And what might happen if you go into the principal or whoever and say, "I'm reluctant to file a report, but [Angry Guy] has been confronting me and I have to confess I'm concerned..." 

Also, keep a good record of everything that's happened, when it was, what he said, what you said, and who if anyone observed it.  You may never need it, but better safe than sorry.  Take good care of yourself.

Hi Katy, GailMichelle, and Mattie,

Thanks for your replies. Mattie, I was told by a friend that he was let go from teaching at another school for "losing it with his students." Another friend told me an anecdote about meeting him on a train and when he said hello to him this guy replies, " I am not just reading newspapers or novels but academic journals." It was kind of the same "out of the blue, " Or "where the hell did that come from?" response to me when I greeted him one day with a "Good Morning."

Pat

The taking care of you is submitting the report.  Sounds like a "courage to change the things I can"...deal.  If he has history with rage and anger and has been let go for it in the past there is a problem.  If he's raging and shaking physically...there is a problem he has no control over and you don't either.  If his self centered self is hitting on you for attention he cannot define or has limits with you're being victimized...submit the report.

Some teacher locally just got major consequences for throwing a hammer at a student and hitting him on the head with it.  Not everyone is nicely wrapped and sane...if he is showing signs of dysfunction don't deny it and how it is affecting you. 

violence against women isn't a new subject.   In support (((((hugs)))))