The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its been quite some time since I have read or posted here, and its bittersweet to see some old faces as well as some new ones.
I have finally ended my 9 1/2yr relationship with my abf. Things went from bad to worse, and very quickly after he went to work beyond commuting distance last summer. Without anyone there to be held accountable to, he plummeted on a downward spiral, ending up losing his job and being sectioned by his parents. He did 21 days of a 30 day program (he knows all the right things to say and do). Got out on Good Friday and ended up back in the Tuesday following Easter. I was foolish enough to believe that two back to back rehabs would finally set him in motion, but I was dangerously wrong. He took off for 3hrs after I picked him up, and surprise surprise, returned to our home drunk. I waited silently for him to pick himself up and use his tools, sadly he never did. In a drunken rage, he threw me across a room, attempted to choke me to death and punched me so hard, broke three of my ribs. I now have a no contact order effective for one year, and an upcoming court date, where as a victim, I can have my say/recommend what his punishment for the assault and battery should be. I would like nothing more than for him to get the help he needs, so that he never faces this situation again in his life, or inflict it on anyone else.
I used to be able to separate the man from the disease, after this incident, I realize that the disease and the man are one in the same, and it breaks my heart.
He took every thing good in his/our life, and threw it away, I feel so betrayed.
seeking peace,
jeannie
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if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you
Aloha Jeannie...welcome back. Go to your memory and review all the things you have heard and learned about helping Jeannie to recover, survive and be happy and find the meeting times and places in your area where we get together an help each other out of the cunning, powerful and baffling and fatal disease of alcoholism. You're still alive and thanks your HP for that. Broken ribs are painful and it is more painful with the realization that it can happen again in the future if I don't learn and practice something different in my life. Sorry girl...I'm a past abuser and Alternatives to Violence mens' case manager. I apologize to you for what happened to you and wish you had the stuff to get the hell of of its way at that time. TROs work, they are a tool which can keep you alive from getting killed by someone not in their right mind. Good that you are using it.
Now for HP and meetings and literature and steps, traditions and working it. You gotta stay alive...for you and maybe the ones coming after you that need to hear this story.
Keep coming back. Thoughts and Prayers going your (and his) way. ((((hugs))))
I hope you are reading lit and attending meetings. I'm so glad you came back here to the boards. So sorry for the pain you are in. It really does get better, so I hope you will keep coming back.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
(((jeannie))) I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm glad you weren't hurt more than three broken ribs. Not that I'm taking that lightly, I know broken ribs can be very painful. But you're right that you're exactly where you need to be right now. Welcome back, and keep coming back. The peace you seek is within your reach.
thank you all for your words of encouragement, and your never ending support. I am too tired, emotionally, physically and mentally to keep going any longer. What his disease has taken away from me, I fear I will never recover. I have been in counseling for more than a year and I am not really making any improvement. Before this incident happened, I felt like I was slipping away. In the past, because of his disease, and my shame, I withdrew from friends and family, and now have no real support system. Im in a mess financially and feel there is really no light at the end of the tunnel. I have various medical issues, obviously emotional and mental ones as well, and no means to treat them. I have lost 50lbs in just a few short months and now weigh less than 90lbs soaking wet. This weight loss, due to stress, is causing more physical symptoms as well as emotional ones. I cant help but feel that my suffering is never going to end, while he goes about his life as if nothing has happened. He has never had to face any consequences for his actions or behaviors, but for me, who suffers daily, the consequences dont end. I just cant deal with it any longer.
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if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you
It is ok that you feel like that. You are ok and you will be ok.
Read what you have written here: Its been way too long, but I'm right where I need to be. Bring forth what you have within. In the PAST I withdrew from friends. I can have my say/recommend what his punishment (will be).
Think about the power that you have set in motion: You are taking this man to court to face his actions, could you have done that a year before you started counselling? You have kicked him out and you have the freedom to chose what you do next.
The grief and stress you are feeling is perfectly ok. You need a bit of time to recouperate from this trauma. All that adrenaline dumped into the system at once and now it is gone. Your hormones. neurotransmitters and minerals and vitamins are all over the place right now.
Can I suggest you seek medical assistance if you haven't done so already. Can I suggest you take some Vitamin B to boost that immune system and get things working again.
I have been in the place where I took an overdose I knew that I just couldn't do this (that) any more. It was allll toooo mmmuuchchhh... please just let me sleep and stop this pain from happening to me. I am the only one hurting, no one else cares.
My abusive partner at the time drove me to work the next morning after the overdose and I was stopping to vomit every few km along the way. He dropped me at the front of my building. I went to work. I couldn't function. I didn't seek help.
You are showing me so much more strength than I had. I know you don't feel it mate, but I can see it. You are here, you are talking to us, you do have people and everything that you have mentioned in that last post is fixable. Little by little, baby steps, and in time... you will see that what you have done is amazing.... It may not happen in a week or a month, but it will happen. Slowly slowly catch the monkey.
Your HP is always there.. and we are all holding you in a warm embrace.
