Thoughts on car ignition locks? - Al-Anon Family Group

usedtobeanyer · Senior Member

Thoughts on car ignition locks?

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am with you. My feelings are anything to keep humans and other living things safe is very ok.

Had a friend drunk driving during Halloween! I took his keys, drove him to his aunts, gave her the keys and walked home.

Myself, I would never leave my kids with an A alone. Never.

I am so sad this is becoming a huge problem!It's so hard on you! Hey I would put a breathalizer on the car! Seriously!

love,deb

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Ignition locks, taxis, other arragements...what ever will work is best thinking and doing. I'm also in to dis-abling the vehicle when you're not there and she isn't sober. I once was spending some time looking for my alcoholic/addict wife who was missing in the face of drinking and using and I was frantic. The kids were not with her and that doesn't matter to an enabling husband and so in my search I turned a corner in our town and there was was white Ford Pinto parked up on the guy wire of a telephone pole. My wife's care was a white Mercury Bobcat...same body style...same year and my head, heart, spirit...all of me...nearly died. I found her in the hospital as a "missing Jane Doe" 36 hours after she disappeared. If the worse can happen the worse will happen when alcohol and drugs are involved. There is no such thing as over-reacting when it comes to a drunk trying to act normal while under the influence...not even!! Lockouts are expensive and children and others are priceless. ((((hugs)))) smile

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs,

I tend to agree anything that keeps an active drinker from driving is a good thing. They are expensive and at least here for my AH to drive for year it would have run us 2300$ including installation. My AH hasn't driven for a year and thankfully he never did with the kids while drinking. It still scared the life out of me that he placed so little value on his own life as well as that of other people, who weren't even family.

I'm with Jerry on just making sure the cars aren't drivable. If it takes to much effort .. usually they just won't or they will walk.

Hugs P :)

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm with you on protecting your kids. It sounds drastic, but I would think the only sure thing would be make other arrangements for getting the kids home every day. Because for instance, what happens if she gets the car started and then starts drinking once it's going? (You may be able to tell that my ex-AH had a court-mandated device like this put on his car, and now I know all the tricks.) Or she turns off the car at school, gets the kids loaded up, but then she's too drunk for it to start again. Will she make good choices on how to get the kids home now that she can't drive the car? My experience suggests no.

I've had to make all arrangements for my child as if his A dad were not present -- were living on the moon and couldn't help with any child arrangements. Sometimes I can tell he's sober (he's a binge drinker and so he doesn't drink every day) and I let them go off on foot (also my child is old enough that he knows all about crossing the street and all of that). But I've had to make alternative arrangements for school drop-off and pick-up. We have a big system of car-pooling set up with other parents. That's my workaround for my A's irresponsibility. Tragedy is all too likely with an A at the wheel.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I might consult a lawyer on this one. This type of thing is a small step from having your kids taken from you and them winding up in foster care. When Child Protective Services is called for a drunk mom showing up and trying to get the kids they will take the kids and ask questions later. You obviously can't have this happen. If her judgment is that bad she need to have it legalized to only have supervised visitation with the kids and that needs to be then put into place and made known to everyone including the kids' school. This is what I know from working with kids in foster care.

It's not a matter of needing a breathalizer on her car. It's a matter of her having terrible judgment and not being safe to be aroudn the kids period.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

mark I hope you saw that my experience was I would never leave my kids with an A ever.

But I would NEVER let my kids get into the system. It is far worse than dad making other arrangements. that is my experience. I had one kid who had been in 17 homes in three years....ugh.

hugs,deb

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Well...usedtobeanyer is such a good dad and it seems he is capable of beng that lead parent. I won't want them confusing him with the mother who shows up at school druink and for them to think he is letting this go on and doesn't care. I have made abuse calls MANY times in the past on behalf of children. And if I saw a trashed mom tryng to put her kids in the car I would call 1 800 96 Abuse.

rosielee · Senior Member

good idea. on the question of legality- its illegal to drink and drive- i dont think you will get any police who is willing to prosecute you for doing this. do it- do it tomorrow. is there anyone else that can take the school run for you?

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I wanted to add my support of usedtobe, being a really good dad. I do think it is easy to forget the long term consequences of what happens IF when it comes to kids. That's exactly why this is such a great topic of making sure we are doing what is best for us and for our children, it is our responsibility as parents if we have made mistakes as we are not perfect people either, to correct and adjust what we need to do for them while putting our own wants, needs and fears aside for a moment. Children have no active say in what happens to them, they are at the whim of the adults in their life. The alcoholic is going to do what the alcoholic is going to do my role as a parent is to limit the collateral damage that the kids and I suffer as a result of their dad and his choices. If I EVER found out that my AH was driving the kids around while drinking it would be a HUGE issue to the point some hard choices would have to be made for the sake of the kids.

Hugs P :)

mr5191 · Member

I am in she same situation. My AW has been in and out of rehab and is still actively drinking. Its hard to believe that she went through one of the most intensive rehab programs in our area and it did absolutely nothing.
I am doing all the kids transportation. I like doing it but I also cant trust her to drive the kids around and being drunk. She usually is passed out in the bedroom so at least its an easy decision. She already has lost her good paying job to alcohol and has driven drunk with the kids before. I have disabled the car and taken keys before. I know I cant control the alcoholism but the safety of my kids and innocent people have to take priority. I am also interested in an ignition interlock system. Her couselor also mentioned taking away the debit card so who knows what I am going to do. Good luck with your battle. Just know others are fighting the same fight.

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