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I was sick yesterday, had a stomach thing going on, and so I called out of work. I am wondering why I always feel so guilty when I call out (Haven't called out since February) and my sponsor helped me with that yesterday. She said to pray, stop and meditate...stop the chaos from running around in my head. To give myself a pat on the back for all I do for my family, having a full time job, the running around and everything I do. I never put me first. To call out sick is ok, especially if I really am sick! And to encourage myself, let myself know how wonderful I really am... basically reparent myself. she gave me a great quote too: "I am truly the only person I have to spend the rest of my life with, so it makes sense to put some time and effort into that relationship with myself..." A great and wonderful friend from here also said to me "HP first, me second and everyone else third..." Why is it so hard to implement that though? To change that behavior of giving so much of myself to everyone and not taking care of me and what I want? I guess when I invite my HP in to allow him/her to take over the reigns things do go a lot smoother. I can only change me... so the guilt finally fell away later in the day, and I did some resting. Today at work, no one was mad that I was out sick. What was I worried about? I am working on living in the now and that is yet another reason that I need to do that...
Thanks....grateful member :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
dont take this as being cheeky- but i think we should all flog ourselves with birchwood twigs every day and then carry huge crosses accross our backs over a ten mile marathon on a daily basis.....i think this would be easier than carrying around the guilt we all seem to have. and you cant seem to get rid of it- its logic versus hot wired in responses that has a pattern over years ive been feeling guilt since i could walk.....still doesnt go away. i wish i could find a magic pill to make it disappear!! so if you can get rid of it then all power to you- it really is a wasted resource and just one big nothing......yuck.
sorry- i think im a little off centre today- too many hours grape picking for cash and now im very tired!
Ah yes, guilt, guilt, and more guilt. Thank you for reminding me that it's OK to take care of myself sometimes. I hope you're feeling better by today, stomach bugs really do suck and no one at your work wants to get it either so it's always best to stay home. My therapist was berating me because she said that I 'over-parent' myself and put huge expectations on myself, only to let myself down, and then feel(you guessed it...) GUILTY. It's the best way I know how to get into guilt mode: place unattainable expectations on myself and then fall short. What did I expect? I can't move the moon and I can't make a day last longer than 24 hours, believe me I think I've tried. Anyway, take care of yourself and I hope you have a good weekend.
Rosielee: ahahahaa... I get the humor :) LOL... Here's to my magic pill, which is talking to my sponsor to get my head on straight.... :)
ilovedogs: You are right, no one was mad that I called out for a stomach virus...and I do feel better today, a little worn out but better. I do what you said, put too huge expectations on myself and then let myself down. Which makes it that much easier to beat myself up...and carry a huge cross of guilt...
Thanks all :)
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Ahhh, guilt. That is the biggest reason I still come to AlAnon. I have this vision in my mind of what is the perfect...... well, everything. It is influenced by my family and my society that I live in. I want to be perfectly whatever it is that I have to be, want to have, how to look, how to act. All of it. And AlAnon helps me get my head on straight about what really is important. What is just there to sell magazines. What looks good on the table but no other value. And I don't have to accept the guilt that I heap on myself and that other people fling at me. I am just fine how I am. I am allowed to be sick. I am allowed to have bad moods. I am human too.... not a super hero.
I love this post!! Yay!! It's a use to have condition thanks to my HP and the program.
Rosielee's response was right on for me as a part of my upbringing is as a Catholic and the flogging, crucifiction, martydom and marathon treks to the hill for public display were a part of my daily life style...Those who suffer best and most reach sainthood and of course that is one of the things my Mom and family wanted...first a priest and then the family saint...couldn't I be the first one to graduate from college? or the first astronaut.
I learned in program that one of the most undesirable traits of the enabler is perfectionism...the character of displaying a sinless condition and demanding it from others while living in fantasy.
Al-Anon made it easy for me in the summary of the steps; 1-3 Trust God (I'm not one or the the) 4-10 (Clean house...when I'm pointing that 1 finger out at the alcoholic/addict or anyone else there are 3 more pointing back at me) and, 11-12...(help others; myself included).
Great thread!! Love all of the responses!! I just wanted to tell you again so glad you are feeling better!! Being sick is no fun and I would say that the office has got to be thankful whatever you have going on you decided NOT to share it with them .. LOL! There's a time to share and a time to keep it to yourself .. I'd say viral sickness is something people rather not be exposed to.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
