The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It makes no real "sense" to want him back. He is not good for me and there would only be pain and confusion. No matter the reasons - No matter what I think I want. It's like wanting something that is bad for me.
It makes no real sense for him to drink, long term there is only pain and confusion, no matter why he thinks he must drink. It's like wanting something that is bad for him.
Because I don't understand it all, just for this moment I will take it step by step and trust that there is a higher power who will guide my path moment by moment if I just stop trying to figure it all out and trust him. Just today, just this minute. Just for now.
Today, mostly because today I don't want to right now, Today I will sweep the worries from my mind and pray to see what higher power wants me to see, the sunrise? nothing? a more clear view of myself? whatever is to be, will not be because of just me, but because of his direction, I'll let go, just let go...just for this moment.
-- Edited by glad on Thursday 13th of October 2011 08:45:15 AM
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
thanks!!! thats right...this is what i must do- say a prayer and let it all go- im so glad to have come on this forum today and read this- i was thinking about leaving it- not because you arent all wondrful- but because my mums problem isnt really alcoholism but a personality disorder. but youve made me realise- i must stay if i get to read posts like this- that offer help and make so much sense. many thanks xxxxxxx
I looked away ... and looked away.... and looked away. Twenty-six years went by until I was so sick that I had no choice but to look.
In my case, I was in denial. I did not want alcoholism in my family, did not want him to be one, did not want any problems whatsoever. So I looked away because looking at it meant I had to do something different... and I didn't want anything different, I wanted what I wanted (spiritual immaturity.) I wanted that picture-perfect marriage I had dreamed about. I wanted it with him. I wanted my will. Dammit.
I did pray. But I kept praying for God to do something to help us, to fix us, to save us... I kept telling God what to do. Somewhere along the line, I was told I was praying for an outcome... that I should just ask God to help ME, and leave it at that. I eventually learned that I can't have a god and BE God at the same time. I eventually began to accept reality. I surrendered because it seemed like God was telling me that I was loved... and I didn't have to suffer anymore.... and I could trust that I would be okay.
Yep. I'm divorced. But I'm free. I released him. I no longer hold him responsible for my happiness or for the misery of the past... it was ME who stayed in it because I had an addiction to HIM.... despite all the pain, I could NOT get myself out of it. That is addiction. Pia Melody's book on Love Addiction was a great discovery for me.
Anyway,
that's my story. I wish you the brightest blessings on your journey. ((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Great topic Glad and shares...What I did was go after my HP as hard and as constantly as I went after my alcoholic/addict. She I made my higher power for a time and the one before that and the one before that and when I inventoried my past with various relationships I became aware that I was putting too much pressure on them to be my higher power and so when I got into program and started learning to "substitute" I went after a relationship with my HP as steadily or more than when I did with my alcoholics and addicts and it worked. My spouse can never be the source of peace of mine and serenity and joy and happiness that I need. It takes a power greater than her or others to direct and then help me attain the peace of mind and serenity I desire.
Just for this mili-second I will surrender my spouse to be the person she is and chooses to be without "wanting or needing" her to be someone else.
