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I feel broken, disillusioned. The jeep the murderers left up here had a body in it, the killers father.
They also killed a man for being black in Eureka Ca.Who knows who else they killed. They killed Cody becuz his name sounded Jewish. Can you imagine what they would have done, me being a JW?
Do not feel safe at all. Very sad, sick, not feeling the love.In other words I feel awful.
It's not just me,its feeling the feelings others feel that are hurting. That this crap goes on everywhere all the time. Didn't used to around here, rarely.
It's major if anyone kills anyone around here. The hate is spreading. I know it's suppose to get very bad before the end. Most all of us can see it with our own eyes happening.does not make it easier.
Feels cold and empty right now. How can anything really be good, when this bad is so horrible? I don't know if I can do this anymore. I mean living up here alone. But I hate living in town, its not much better.Not anything I can change.
Guess I better look at options. Right now I just don't know any. My husband is dead. my second one is totally insane.
Being older,living alone is a drag sometimes. I know I am rich with other things. Just feel like someone squeezed my heart and put holes in it.
love,debilyn and nothing even tastes good either
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Putting HP first, always <(*@*)>
"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."
Your situation sounds really scary. I fear for your safety. Being alone around all that killing isn't safe at all. Hope you find somewhere else safe for you and your animals. I am really surprised there is so much killing in such a peaceful place. Please, stay safe. Keep up posted. Praying for your safety.
You're only as safe as you make yourself Deb; Three blocks away from me a woman I knew was murdered by her husband; Every day someone is hurt by someone else and location doesn't seem to do much to ensure safety. You have your gun, your Bible and your dogs - believe me, the bad guys are much more afraid of your dogs than your gun - reading your first post on this I recall reading that the best defense against burglars is a barking dog, doesn't matter the size, just something that sets up a racket to inform the owners of intruders. Imagine the bad guys thoughts as they tried your door handle and hearing all those dogs going off?
Yes the bad things are happening everywhere now and the hate IS spreading and the only way to fight back is to not let it spread to you! And spread your own joy and love - every day I see reminders that there is still a lot of good in the world.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
This is certainly horrific and scary. Violent, insane people like that are rarer than it seems like when you listen to the TV news. And the figures show that violent crime has actually dropped. But I know that statistics don't matter as much when you've been touched by the horror up close. It's hard to get rid of the feeling that life has suddenly become very dangerous. I had a bad crime happen to me once and ever since my attitude has been, "I don't care what you say about it being unlikely, it happened to me and therefore it's not unlikely to me."
I think whatever we choose to do to make ourselves feel safer can be a good thing. Your dogs are certainly a good thing. Maybe moving to a less isolated location would make you feel better, or maybe there's another way to feel less isolated. We have to take care of our emotions just as much as our physical health. I hope you can find some ways forward that will help you feel safer. My guess is that you most likely are safe now -- those dangerous and damaged kids are in custody and those incidents are unlikely -- but feeling that safety is also crucial. Take good care.
Oh Dear!
Remember that you are not alone. We are all here for you and with you spiritually.
I'm gla you have your dogs. They are awesome with instinct and protection.
You are an amazing, strong woman, and your faith shields you from evil.
I'm sorry that your peace was disrupted and those thugs tried to intrude on you. They were unsuccessful, however HP was there & prevailed. You give so much good out to the universe and that will continue to come back to you. :)
Think positive, remember your strength, trust in the support of your friends & family, and feel the love girl! ;) We are embracing you! :)
Sorry I can't write too much right now. On a quick break at work but will PM ya tomorrow. Just want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending positive energy your way!
Hugs & Love!
Nic
When I start thinking about the situations and circumstances of others that make me feel fear and grief it helps me to focus back on my faith that I am exactly where I am meant to be at any given time. Knowing this reminds me that so is everyone else. I may not understand the reasons why but I can trust there is purpose even in horrible circumstances.
Checking your options is always a good idea especially if you are not feeling safe. Wishes and prayers for you and your community's healing.
Give yourself some time. I'm sorry about having that be so close to home.
The reality is people do get killed every day and there is no bubble to live in that keeps that from happening. I remember sobbing at a funeral where I had to do a video of the baby who had passed and it was because the father killed the son. I was absolutely horrified that they had pictures of the dad in the video ... it was awful to see that guy smile and hold that baby. It wasn't my video and so I sat and cried as I made the it. I left the office and spent the evening with my own children wondering what drives a person to kill something so innocent. I had to go and do more videos the next day and the sun did come back up and the world kept turning. Life doesn't stop just because a life ends, even if we experience the tragedy and/or the loss and want it to life continues.
I hope you will get up and go outside and see the wonderful blessings outside your door today. I envy your spunk of living alone in the wilderness with your animals.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You are never truly alone my friend but amongst true friends that adore and love you here on MIP. I feel the sorrow in your post and wanted to let you know you are surrounded by love, comfort, and support from the forum.
Deb, HUGS! Like the other said, you are not alone here :) We are with you in spirit... that said, a few things my Grandma does (she lives alone and is almost 86), she has a couple of security lights that go off with movement, she has her garage doors shut and locked and her front and back doors too. She has a lifeline button (she can push it if she falls or needs help in anyway) and though she doesn't have dogs, she does have those other things and a phone she can use... I hope you can find ways to make yourself feel safer up there, and I too envy the fact that you live alone in the woods... how awesome. I wish I could visit you! Glad you have your doggies and that they made some noise :) HUGS!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I've lived in some 'bad' neighborhoods. The last one, after 2 years of watching all the crazyness around us I couldn't stand it any more - put the house up for sale and lived in an apartment until I found anohter place. Made me sad cause it was a great house.
Now I live in a tiny little house but the neighborhood is great. No fear. We even forget to lock the doors most of the time. I'm glad I decided to not stick it out at the other place. I see on the news the area hasn't changed much.
I read all of your shares. thank you. Ya brought me where I can start again to heal this.
GailMichelle, I liked "quiet your fearful mind." I talked to hp and asked for Holy Spirit and for angels to guide me. It is ok to have received a shock and be off balance, but I gotta learn how to get my yin and yang back. My strong and my postive mind.
Rib yes, I thought about how I LOVE it up here. It is a gift from HP. I like it when people come up and enjoy it too. Am I going to allow the evil force to keep me away from that, that I feel connected to?
Go to town,live by my son? Then not hear the river, feed all these birds, no one griping about my dogs, no one judging me? Well and up here I don't feel so weird taking Piggys food out at the end of the drive to the woods to feed him, and i put a chair there to stay with him, and enjoy the beauty. plus I usually have on my nightgowns or t shirt....(c:
I read more here, love to look out of the windows, seeing weird bugs. NO, it is not worth it to move where I would not be content, to feel safer.
You found me, my son suggested the same thing,motion lights. thank you for reinforcing that. I do lock up now. Never did before. Was encourageing to hear about your grama. I love gramas and grampas! You are right too, I gotta et a phone to workup here. (c:
I am only a lets go camping trip away uno!
thank you TC that means a lot. I am not lonely, as I did learn it was missing my family and other loved ones that hits me. physically alone can be pretty weird sometimes. NOT often. So you reminded me of that too. I will get my feet back on the ground. (c:
Pushka you are right, its temporary, to give myself time to find my power again. I think it was all too very close to experiencing that which we sometimes feel it happens to everyone but us.
Yes I went outside first thing! Making dickens pig go eat. He hates to get his hoovies wet! gads. sat in my chair out there with my curls going all over the place. In my nightgown and slippers...grabbed the pooty duty tools and cleaned up the whole back area! lol Before I knew it I was finished!
Then I even hoed out this area i am putting bark down in!been doing about four sq. feet at a time. I am old. lol
So yes that helped. (c: Ok life goes on, and I need to do things to make it safer up here. Be neat to have a moat!!! Put Koi in it and fake alligators!I think a whole bunch more bells on the front gate are in order! smoink!
Ah thank you Jennifer. You are right, it rocked this area. It did make me think about how I want to be more proactive about safety. What no telling me to get another Mastiff??? give Paxislobberpuss a kiss for me.
Kp, oh I liked what you said,"your faith shields you from evil." Great thought. It really is true. No matter what happens, I always have faith things will be ok. I am going to make a poster of that. thank you!!!
Jerry thank you for calling me sis. That made me feel good. yes I do feel everyones spirit. I believe that's what brought me to MIP. You guys understand, I am not embarrassed to share here. hugs!
mattie your share touched me. I am so sad you went thru something awful. It has to leave a scar! You are right I can look at how to make it safer up here.
You are right too, once we go thru something, and others have not, the reality of it is with us always. Husbands do die, whole families pass and you end up with out them, best friends die too,evilness can try to get in. "feeling the safty is crucial" that is going up too! (c:
Like my heart, perfect,"hate is spreading,don't let it spread to you." this is very true. so far I have not allowed things in my life to take the kid in me,my joy away. I just will not live in that darkness! hugs!
Hawaii, sadly the seriousness of what I heard about exconvicts move up here, and there are tons of meth people camps is very true.
I am sure these killers knew right where the meth was and wear to hide up here.
I will make this home safe. I feel more me than I ever have. Even more so than my farm living.
Always wanted to head for the mountains when we did stuff. Have been doing this since I was born. gma and gpa had a cabin not far from here. My son walked the first time right into a creek up here. He and his sister got into a fight in the same creek too lol.So many memories. My deceased husband Ed came up here the first time I took him to the mountains in the 70's. Its part of me.(c:
thank you. don't feel as bad as yesterday.So one day at a time! love, debilyn
__________________
Putting HP first, always <(*@*)>
"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."
Deblyn i sympathise- i moved house last year- to get away from hate crimes- anti social behaviour and harrassment- my life has healed in so many ways. i didnt have th money to move- i just knew i had to pull out all the stops to get myself out of there. my grocery money went for the removal and i borrowed money to live off- do what you have t do to get out. i totally sympathise- its not nice at all. in the mean time you can try and make yur own place a sanctuary...but i think its better if you moved away from it totally- it really effects your whole outlook on life and happiness when yu are living with that kind of stuff- its horrid.
when we moved it was the best day- we have never looked back!
Debilyn, what a scary thing to go through! I hope your sense of peace and security will be restored because it sounds like you have a very special place there with your critters. Even this is a place for the serenity prayer. You can make yourself as safe as you can with lights, gun, dogs etc. and then put the rest up to hp. I hope it's some comfort that you have so many friends here for you :)
Maybe your guinea pigs need to watch that g-force movie and become a trained security force :)
Wishing you well,
Doozy
LoL no I would not tell you to get a moose like I do. Of the three I have had as companions they would all most likely have hidden if anyone had come in the house anyway. I just like the lazy personality and big boof they let out :)
I am glad you are feeling better. Fear is still a hard reaction for me to work through especially in a shock situation like yours. Be well, Jen
You are so not alone between the Love from HP and from us, you are covered! I loved reading all the support you received from our MIP family, it is so reasuring that with all the wrong going on in the world you only have to come here to see the right! Sending you love and support on your journey!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
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