Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

InspiredPhotography · InspiredPhotography

Hi everyone :) I wanted to share some enlightenment. I have been reading "stop walking on eggshells" It is an amazing book. It draws so much of what I have been going through with my SO. Not only that is also allows me to be honest with myself (dealing with past traumatic events). It has draw...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi Everyone, My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. Over the last couple of days, since hearing of my dad's second dui, I have a whole mix of emotions. Anger, resentment, relief....but a new one has emerged, anxiety. Anxiety over the prospect of having to potentially (key word), e...

islandtime · islandtime

been married to a AH for over 40 years. why ??don't ask me. I feel like he has sucked the sole out of me. He brings the worst out of me. I am completely alone, I have no one. A husband is supposed to be your friend, and have your back. He is supposed to be your companion. I get nothing from him.I have needs , non...

islandtime · islandtime

A couple of years ago, I dragged the AH to get marriage counceling, what a joke that was. The huge elephant in the room was that he was an AH. I danced all around it without ever coming out and saying it . Didn't want to offend him LOL!! After a few sessions, she decided what our plan of action should be........

InspiredPhotography · InspiredPhotography

It is amazing when the writing is on the wall. I came to the site exactly a year ago close to this time. Infact I posted close to my birthday. Guess what? The same things keep happening. It is almost like repeat seeing things. My SO are now living in different cities, different places and things haven...

cagirl · cagirl

I'm new on this board. A little background ... I have been attending Al Anon meetings for 18 months and I have a sponsor. Four months ago my RAH served me separation papers - we have been married for 17 years and have a 14 yr old daughter. At first he wanted a financial separation but for the past 3 month...

Sam813 · Sam813

I haven't been on here in awhile and am glad to be back :) My brother is an addict (for years now...hes 24) and I've been able to detach with love and pray for him with the help of alanon. He's been in and out of rehabs and homeless for awhile as well. He is currently sober 2 months, completed inpatient and...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

I'm so sad I just can't stand this anymore. My son asked me if he could wash some clothes....I said OK. As I was helping him put them in the washer a bottle of water fell out. I told him I would put it in the refrig. He left, I was thirsty, went to refrigerator got the bottle of water, opened it and took a big...

RandomPerson · RandomPerson

I've been reading this board for about three months now, not really sure how to 'step in' to any conversations. I'd like to start in by saying that I read a lot of posts on here and think "OMG! MY AH DOES THAT!!". It's been nice to know that I'm not the only one who is going through this. - not nice t...

Bettina · Bettina

Everyone born in this world has a unique role that only he or she can fulfill. Were this not the case, we would not be here. The Universe never acts without cause, everything invariably has a reason for being. Even the weeds people love to loathe serve a purpose. -- Edited by Bettina on Sunday 25th of...

Jerry F · Jerry F

was the topic at my face to face "Wednesday Night Turning Point AFG" meeting. One of our elders was looking for the feedback as she could not find anything in the index on "Hopeless" so she did what we all should do...brought it to a meeting and asked the fellowship. It turned o...

Lyne · Lyne

Hi-A spouse and I are away. I've put my guard down 1/100th since she has joined recovery and admitted to me she has a drinking problem and will not be drinking. This was a miracle and great news to me (and for her). So we are driving to our destination and pass a winery. She said, let's go-that would be f...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

The visit went better this time. My mom is still a little bit the same but she is coming down. It is crazy though that I can't bring anything into the hospital just basically myself. I brought her 3 cards so far. Another crazy thing: I can't read to her because I can't bring my reading glasses into the hospi...

grateful2be · grateful2be

I just went outside again to the peace of the natural that exists beyond my garage door. I noticed a hummingbird flying close to a red, shiny butterfly birdfeeder that hangs empty on a shepherd's hook. It is the second time I've noticed one there. I realized they or it is attracted to the red color tha...

qwerty49 · qwerty49

well, just kind, supportive & loving, wanting nothing in return. Just wanted to say thank you. & it's given me new hope

Bettina · Bettina

I wanted to share this little amusing story. Since the A passed lots of memories are surfacing, sad ones, funny ones. Today I was sharing and made a comment how A's can be clever and wanted to share a laugh, some may think its funny, some may not, but I find that being with the alcoholic all those years, I co...

hisimage · hisimage

My older DD dislikes her AD my AH so very much. Of course it is due to the drinking, or who he is when he drinks. I've talked often to both of my daughters about this, so much so that they can not stand anything that creates a person to be under the influence. Although I don't know much about Al anon, I know en...

missy1234 · missy1234

My mother is Alcholic and blames me for her problems i moved 12 hours away and she is still making my life miserable i recently went for a visit and found out she is telling lies to friends and family about me and ruined my vaction with my husband and 3 small kids I have not done anything or asked her for any...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

There's been so much posted in the last few days about anger, resentment, detachment, all so totally relevant to me right now. And just checking in, reading through the posts a couple of times a day has helped me stay in control, even though I've been feeling low, angry and kinda all over the place. I do...

sadsusie · sadsusie

I am grateful for the other posts on detachment. At a meeting last night someone pointed out that I was not detaching in love. I left home and my AH about 2 months ago. He just got out of Rehab yesterday after about 20days. He seems committed and I am proud of his progress. But I am coming to realize over and o...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Hi All It's been such a busy week. Absolutely crazy at work but I got the job done and feel good about it. I'm thinking next week will just the same so I will be up to the challenge. Haven't had much time to think about my son and how he might be doing but a little while ago I started thinking about him. Is he...

Pushka · Pushka

STBAX is out of the psych ward and I am concerned at this point. There are a lot of little things that have come into play, what my part is and isn't .. well I'm not creating a crisis however I'm not being passive either. The charges are there and he's going to have to deal with them. I have given all inform...

islandtime · islandtime

I'm just new on here today, and have a lot to say.... SORRY everybody, I haven't had anybody to talk to, and also reading a lot of your posts, a few thoughts have been sparked. One thing I really need to do, is stop being mad and bitter. I have gotten to the place that I will seldom even look at my AH, I talk as l...

Ms co-dependent · Ms co-dependent

ok i am very confused again ,last week the police were at my house because of the screaming my ah sober did.lost his temper thank god i was not here i was at a meeting when the police called me. . this current week a big change for me. good and wondering whats behind the good. past 2 days my husband has been q...

sad_dog_mommy · sad_dog_mommy

Why does my rational brain get jumbled up my boyfriend's irrational ranting? Why do I get sucked in by his lies? When will I stop 2nd guessing myself when he tries to manipulate me? I guess after years of this kind of emotional abuse I cannot trust my own judgment. When I do not engage with him about hi...

jlynn77854 · jlynn77854

I don't feel like a normal person anymore. I am consumed with monitoring my AH and I can't stop. I want him to leave but the thought of him leaving causes me panic attacks. We have been together 15 years. At times he has been violent, verbally abusive and he has had times of sobriety and than the lyi...

Katytexasmom · Katytexasmom

My son offered to help my mom with jobs around the house. He'd been clean about a week. After helping her he forgot to put the ladder back in the garage. I had moved the ladder and out of site out of mind. My mom offered to pay him. He said he didn't want money, he just wanted to help her. Later when she realized...

Rose50 · Rose50

My son has stayed sober and is attending AA meetings as far as I know. I spoke with him today and he's really depressed as he hasn't been able to find a job and he's broke. I have been helping him with his rent and food. I know he doesn't really want to take my money but under the circumstances he needs the hel...

canadianguy · canadianguy

What a great post...(thanks BreakingFree), and thought I would continue on with the discussion on a new thread.... When I first joined Al-Anon, I was quite full of myself.... Yes, I was desperate, due to the situation in my home, but I also was arrogant enough to believe that I knew what others needed t...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

I thought my "detachment" was working pretty well for a while there while AB was reacting to it and trying to get my attention. And then, he managed to push my buttons, I got angry and upset and suddenly- he's a calm and happy AB, aloof and rude and quite smug, accusing me of things like "h...

Debilyn · Debilyn

If it were not for hp, our creator, and my son I would not be here. I really put myself out there, gave my all. Learned to believe in someone, trust, depend. He was great, still is. Never, ever thought this would happen, neither did he. He has to raise his grandkids. Parents are not coming back. Plus his own...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I can actually see the other side w/o projecting too much. I am not making a lot of sense sometimes but I do know where I am coming from. I actually have a little serenity. I only hope that I can continue to go to meetings & find that there but also find some on my own. My mom is not getting better fast enoug...

wornoutmrsfixit · wornoutmrsfixit

Just wanted to give a quick update of things since the AH went to court for his reckless driving charge. His last hospital stay for detox was in early June and although he had kept up with his AA meetings and therapy/outpatient group meetings he was starting to slip again although he was not too out of con...

hisimage · hisimage

Or wait, was I manipulating? I'm not sure now. As I've said many times blah blah blah.. I am pretty new to this all. (the support detach part, not the AH) So I''m sorta trying to figure out how this all works. When my AH is drinking, I am very cool, aloof to him but not rude. I just pull away from any attention...

afglin · afglin

I bought the book Breathing Under water for my Kindle. I am almost finished with it But one part surprised me....sort of disappointed me. I'd love your take on it since you did an online course on it. In the chapter on step 11- "no wonder we largely descended into mere civil religion and cultural Ca...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

Advice giving can be so hurtful when you think you know the answers for someone else's life and problems. We all come to al-anon in some sort of disarray, because our lives have become unmanageable. I came in on my knees, such a hot mess that I was miserable and did not know which way was up. I was sick and n...

stephaniej · stephaniej

My AH's former "partner in crime" for the last 18 months has been in recovery for a grand total of about 4 weeks. He has reached out to me a few times in recent days to (a) express compassion for me and my situation and regret for his past actions, and (b) ask for my "permission" to ha...

AWomanCalledQuest · AWomanCalledQuest

I'm getting married in March. We're doing it in Disney World. Mom hates to travel. She originally said she was okay with going anywhere we wanted; it's our family and choice. Last night, it changed - she didn't think she could come because of complications with her job and am I suuuure about Disney worl...

Bettina · Bettina

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children. And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your l...

gingerfizz · gingerfizz

It has come to my attention that I may be detaching with control rather than detaching with love. I feel like this is the best I can do for now. And I am trying to be kind and forgive myself for that. It is very hard to feel love when there are so many negative experiences and resentments in my mind. When I try...

Lyne · Lyne

So, for the last few days I have not had the chatter in my head that says stuff like OMG where is she, who is she with, is she lying, is she drinking, is she gambling, is she by any chance telling the truth????? It is from all the help I'm getting from you guys, from my sponsor, from my F2F, from my reading, etc...

sadsusie · sadsusie

My AH is getting out of Rehab today after about 20 days. He has participated wholeheartedly in groups, has participated in the outside AA meetings, and found a sponsor, he told me today that he is going to try to put as many obstacles between him and alcohol as he can. I moved out about 2 months ago...so he...

Pushka · Pushka

Don't know and if he hasn't hit yet .. I don't know that he will or how much further it will be. At this point he's been involuntarily admitted to the psych ward and I was informed this by the cities finest confirmed by the hospital. This was all a God thing in terms of information .. I mean I'm in shock stil...

Desirae · Desirae

I've recently had computer problems and I am about to have an IRC do-over... how do I get the Al-anon scripts again?

lvcluny · lvcluny

I found out my husband was an alcoholic while I was pregnant and now we have an 8 month old son. My husband put himself through detox and has gone back and forth from sobriety to drinking since then. In March he put himself in the hospital and his liver isn't doing too well. Since his last breakdown he has ag...

Jerry F · Jerry F

August 20th!! Okay I know about it and don't remember it like she does until I get to the breakfast table and see the card and package. Then I have to go into self acceptance of the man who doesn't have as close a connection with his "female side" as maybe it's thought that I should. What th...

stephaniej · stephaniej

I had a phone conversation last night with my AH, who is working 900 miles away. I made some very brief, neutral, non-inflammatory statements that related back to a horrible, awful fight we had on the phone the night before. I was very proud of myself for the way I stated my boundaries (I do not always a...

Tiff5484 · Tiff5484

For starters I would like to say that I have been in alanon for 5 months not 2. I have been going to three meetings a week and the rest of my week is on here. I love getting on here and reading posts and finding new websites on alanon. I have done a lot of reading on this. I am praying more and talking to the lord mo...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

Well, as I've shared, I've been keeping pretty cool, calm and collected for a while now. Detatched and even at times amused by my AB's relentless logic-twisting, blame and sometimes out and out harassment. I posted the other day about something ridiculous he had said- and in one of the replies Betti...

sad_dog_mommy · sad_dog_mommy

I have sort of been a lurker on this message board. I have attended 4 Al-Anon meetings; read the pamphlets, bought 'courage to change' and I have started journaling again but I am too new to this way of thinking to be strong enough to deal with this on my own. I am too ashamed to tell my friends and family...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi Everyone,My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon.I have an issue that I feel may be rooted in my fathers alcoholism. Growing up in an alcoholic home I was very ashamed. I was very embarrassed by my family, my upbringing and my father. This affected many areas of my social life inclu...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/05/10/your-neighbor-is-an-alcoholic/#.UhV08ZLVCO8

sweeetr · sweeetr

I went back and looked at all my old "start topics" yesterday. Most depressing to say the least... well at first it was. Then I realized. As i remember my emotional state behind my every post. from being a "first timer" to the middle to now. I realize that I am better, Though my AH b...

DavidG · DavidG

I am getting more confidence- legs, but not wings, in Alanon. Working out what we can talk about, and what we should not. This came from my family, of course. And in Alanon I am slowly learning a new healthy set of boundaries, with a whole bunch of other learners. Rick B. the CEO of Alanon Inc. is coming...

LeeMarie · LeeMarie

So, I finally got up the courage to stand up to my AH and ask him to leave; he wouldn't and I had to go to court to have him vacate the property legally. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'll never forget the look on his face. I know I had to do it for me, my kids and my AH. I did try to detach first (we'v...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

The latest is that I have been talking on the phone w/ my mom while she is in the hospital. It is very difficult as I knew it would be. I have an interesting instinct when it comes to her. I know that waiting awhile last Monday was the best good idea I had. I needed to re-group & take care of me today. My days...

brendastarr · brendastarr

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and have been talking a lot about marriage recently. Although I am very excited about our future together, I'm very concerned about his mother, her addictions, and her affect on our relationship. She drank throughout my boyfriend's first 20 years of life...

gingerfizz · gingerfizz

I am inexplicably feeling complete and utter joy and gratitude today, and expectations of good things to come in my life. Appreciating the sunshine, my job, my dogs, my life, my career. It is an amazing gift from Al-Anon. Yes, I am still with my dry AH. He is seeing the change in me. HE is coming to ME...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi All, I shared on top table at the shared meeting at the weekend with my partner present. I am normally quite confident when I share in Al anon but I think because he was there it was different. I shared how alcoholism had impoacted my life and got emotional at one point. then went on to how al anon is he...

Tasha · Tasha

I had a good chat with a member here on the board. What I came to realize is that even though I've been reading and now posting here for a while - I've never introduced myself. So Hi - I'm Natasha - I'm an alcoholic, adult child of an alcoholic, alanoner, and CODA 12 step worker. But here I will try to be ju...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	POWERFUL ENLIGHTMENT! (Preview) Hi everyone :) I wanted to share some enlightenment. I have been reading "stop walking on eggshells" It is an amazing book. It draws so much of what I have been going through with my SO. Not only that is also allows me to be honest with myself (dealing with past traumatic events). It has draw...	InspiredPhotography	2	459	Aug 26, 2013 by Bettina
	Anxiety about my dad/me. (Preview) Hi Everyone, My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. Over the last couple of days, since hearing of my dad's second dui, I have a whole mix of emotions. Anger, resentment, relief....but a new one has emerged, anxiety. Anxiety over the prospect of having to potentially (key word), e...	slogan_jim	7	451	Aug 26, 2013 by PP
	first time on here (Preview) been married to a AH for over 40 years. why ??don't ask me. I feel like he has sucked the sole out of me. He brings the worst out of me. I am completely alone, I have no one. A husband is supposed to be your friend, and have your back. He is supposed to be your companion. I get nothing from him.I have needs , non...	islandtime	15	490	Aug 26, 2013 by grateful2be
	going to a therapist (Preview) A couple of years ago, I dragged the AH to get marriage counceling, what a joke that was. The huge elephant in the room was that he was an AH. I danced all around it without ever coming out and saying it . Didn't want to offend him LOL!! After a few sessions, she decided what our plan of action should be........	islandtime	6	539	Aug 26, 2013 by RandomPerson
	A Year Later (Preview) It is amazing when the writing is on the wall. I came to the site exactly a year ago close to this time. Infact I posted close to my birthday. Guess what? The same things keep happening. It is almost like repeat seeing things. My SO are now living in different cities, different places and things haven...	InspiredPhotography	6	379	Aug 26, 2013 by InspiredPhotography
	RAH moving forward with divorce, I'm having a hard time letting go (Preview) I'm new on this board. A little background ... I have been attending Al Anon meetings for 18 months and I have a sponsor. Four months ago my RAH served me separation papers - we have been married for 17 years and have a 14 yr old daughter. At first he wanted a financial separation but for the past 3 month...	cagirl	6	838	Aug 26, 2013 by Bettina
	What about mental illness (Preview) I haven't been on here in awhile and am glad to be back :) My brother is an addict (for years now...hes 24) and I've been able to detach with love and pray for him with the help of alanon. He's been in and out of rehabs and homeless for awhile as well. He is currently sober 2 months, completed inpatient and...	Sam813	6	989	Aug 26, 2013 by islandtime
	Just let me go (Preview) I'm so sad I just can't stand this anymore. My son asked me if he could wash some clothes....I said OK. As I was helping him put them in the washer a bottle of water fell out. I told him I would put it in the refrig. He left, I was thirsty, went to refrigerator got the bottle of water, opened it and took a big...	Cathyinaz	27	692	Aug 26, 2013 by sweeetr
	New here, need advice and an ear. (Preview) I've been reading this board for about three months now, not really sure how to 'step in' to any conversations. I'd like to start in by saying that I read a lot of posts on here and think "OMG! MY AH DOES THAT!!". It's been nice to know that I'm not the only one who is going through this. - not nice t...	RandomPerson	18	4363	Aug 25, 2013 by grateful2be
	Wisdom for the Modern World (Preview) Everyone born in this world has a unique role that only he or she can fulfill. Were this not the case, we would not be here. The Universe never acts without cause, everything invariably has a reason for being. Even the weeds people love to loathe serve a purpose. -- Edited by Bettina on Sunday 25th of...	Bettina	3	394	Aug 25, 2013 by hotrod
	Powerless vs Hopeless... (Preview) was the topic at my face to face "Wednesday Night Turning Point AFG" meeting. One of our elders was looking for the feedback as she could not find anything in the index on "Hopeless" so she did what we all should do...brought it to a meeting and asked the fellowship. It turned o...	Jerry F	15	1323	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	slap upside the head (Preview) Hi-A spouse and I are away. I've put my guard down 1/100th since she has joined recovery and admitted to me she has a drinking problem and will not be drinking. This was a miracle and great news to me (and for her). So we are driving to our destination and pass a winery. She said, let's go-that would be f...	Lyne	7	545	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	visit went better (Preview) The visit went better this time. My mom is still a little bit the same but she is coming down. It is crazy though that I can't bring anything into the hospital just basically myself. I brought her 3 cards so far. Another crazy thing: I can't read to her because I can't bring my reading glasses into the hospi...	Hoot Nanny	3	242	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	Drinking from the well (Preview) I just went outside again to the peace of the natural that exists beyond my garage door. I noticed a hummingbird flying close to a red, shiny butterfly birdfeeder that hangs empty on a shepherd's hook. It is the second time I've noticed one there. I realized they or it is attracted to the red color tha...	grateful2be	9	619	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	Touched by the amazing loving people on here... I didn't know there were people still left in the world that were...... (Preview) well, just kind, supportive & loving, wanting nothing in return. Just wanted to say thank you. & it's given me new hope	qwerty49	9	503	Aug 25, 2013 by Breakingfree
	On the lighter side (Preview) I wanted to share this little amusing story. Since the A passed lots of memories are surfacing, sad ones, funny ones. Today I was sharing and made a comment how A's can be clever and wanted to share a laugh, some may think its funny, some may not, but I find that being with the alcoholic all those years, I co...	Bettina	6	397	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	My daughter just let me have it (Preview) My older DD dislikes her AD my AH so very much. Of course it is due to the drinking, or who he is when he drinks. I've talked often to both of my daughters about this, so much so that they can not stand anything that creates a person to be under the influence. Although I don't know much about Al anon, I know en...	hisimage	5	502	Aug 25, 2013 by el-cee
	new on here (Preview) My mother is Alcholic and blames me for her problems i moved 12 hours away and she is still making my life miserable i recently went for a visit and found out she is telling lies to friends and family about me and ruined my vaction with my husband and 3 small kids I have not done anything or asked her for any...	missy1234	7	428	Aug 25, 2013 by MeTwo2
	Anger. (Preview) There's been so much posted in the last few days about anger, resentment, detachment, all so totally relevant to me right now. And just checking in, reading through the posts a couple of times a day has helped me stay in control, even though I've been feeling low, angry and kinda all over the place. I do...	Melly1248	4	491	Aug 25, 2013 by John
	Detaching with...well, with fear (Preview) I am grateful for the other posts on detachment. At a meeting last night someone pointed out that I was not detaching in love. I left home and my AH about 2 months ago. He just got out of Rehab yesterday after about 20days. He seems committed and I am proud of his progress. But I am coming to realize over and o...	sadsusie	11	641	Aug 24, 2013 by John
	This might be crazy but I believe (Preview) Hi All It's been such a busy week. Absolutely crazy at work but I got the job done and feel good about it. I'm thinking next week will just the same so I will be up to the challenge. Haven't had much time to think about my son and how he might be doing but a little while ago I started thinking about him. Is he...	Cathyinaz	5	333	Aug 24, 2013 by Rose50
	Update many little things (Preview) STBAX is out of the psych ward and I am concerned at this point. There are a lot of little things that have come into play, what my part is and isn't .. well I'm not creating a crisis however I'm not being passive either. The charges are there and he's going to have to deal with them. I have given all inform...	Pushka	7	442	Aug 24, 2013 by Jill
	getting rid of anger (Preview) I'm just new on here today, and have a lot to say.... SORRY everybody, I haven't had anybody to talk to, and also reading a lot of your posts, a few thoughts have been sparked. One thing I really need to do, is stop being mad and bitter. I have gotten to the place that I will seldom even look at my AH, I talk as l...	islandtime	5	548	Aug 24, 2013 by Melly1248
	why the big change!!!!! (Preview) ok i am very confused again ,last week the police were at my house because of the screaming my ah sober did.lost his temper thank god i was not here i was at a meeting when the police called me. . this current week a big change for me. good and wondering whats behind the good. past 2 days my husband has been q...	Ms co-dependent	5	734	Aug 24, 2013 by Ms co-dependent
	When will I feel ok in my own skin again? (Preview) Why does my rational brain get jumbled up my boyfriend's irrational ranting? Why do I get sucked in by his lies? When will I stop 2nd guessing myself when he tries to manipulate me? I guess after years of this kind of emotional abuse I cannot trust my own judgment. When I do not engage with him about hi...	sad_dog_mommy	9	518	Aug 24, 2013 by grateful2be
	New here Lost and Confused. (Preview) I don't feel like a normal person anymore. I am consumed with monitoring my AH and I can't stop. I want him to leave but the thought of him leaving causes me panic attacks. We have been together 15 years. At times he has been violent, verbally abusive and he has had times of sobriety and than the lyi...	jlynn77854	4	486	Aug 24, 2013 by Green Eyes
	Angry (Preview) My son offered to help my mom with jobs around the house. He'd been clean about a week. After helping her he forgot to put the ladder back in the garage. I had moved the ladder and out of site out of mind. My mom offered to pay him. He said he didn't want money, he just wanted to help her. Later when she realized...	Katytexasmom	6	477	Aug 24, 2013 by grateful2be
	Anxiety about my son (Preview) My son has stayed sober and is attending AA meetings as far as I know. I spoke with him today and he's really depressed as he hasn't been able to find a job and he's broke. I have been helping him with his rent and food. I know he doesn't really want to take my money but under the circumstances he needs the hel...	Rose50	12	622	Aug 24, 2013 by Addy
	Don't Should on me - continued (Preview) What a great post...(thanks BreakingFree), and thought I would continue on with the discussion on a new thread.... When I first joined Al-Anon, I was quite full of myself.... Yes, I was desperate, due to the situation in my home, but I also was arrogant enough to believe that I knew what others needed t...	canadianguy	7	609	Aug 24, 2013 by grateful2be
	Detaching with vengeance? Oops. (Preview) I thought my "detachment" was working pretty well for a while there while AB was reacting to it and trying to get my attention. And then, he managed to push my buttons, I got angry and upset and suddenly- he's a calm and happy AB, aloof and rude and quite smug, accusing me of things like "h...	Melly1248	7	622	Aug 24, 2013 by hisimage
	Lost all hope (Preview) If it were not for hp, our creator, and my son I would not be here. I really put myself out there, gave my all. Learned to believe in someone, trust, depend. He was great, still is. Never, ever thought this would happen, neither did he. He has to raise his grandkids. Parents are not coming back. Plus his own...	Debilyn	19	912	Aug 23, 2013 by Jerry F
	struggling but there is hope (Preview) I can actually see the other side w/o projecting too much. I am not making a lot of sense sometimes but I do know where I am coming from. I actually have a little serenity. I only hope that I can continue to go to meetings & find that there but also find some on my own. My mom is not getting better fast enoug...	Hoot Nanny	2	463	Aug 24, 2013 by hotrod
	The Long Arm of the Law Got Him Under Control for Now (Preview) Just wanted to give a quick update of things since the AH went to court for his reckless driving charge. His last hospital stay for detox was in early June and although he had kept up with his AA meetings and therapy/outpatient group meetings he was starting to slip again although he was not too out of con...	wornoutmrsfixit	2	530	Aug 23, 2013 by Debilyn
	Am I manipulating? (Preview) Or wait, was I manipulating? I'm not sure now. As I've said many times blah blah blah.. I am pretty new to this all. (the support detach part, not the AH) So I''m sorta trying to figure out how this all works. When my AH is drinking, I am very cool, aloof to him but not rude. I just pull away from any attention...	hisimage	9	590	Aug 23, 2013 by hisimage
	Paula? Breathing Underwater? (Preview) I bought the book Breathing Under water for my Kindle. I am almost finished with it But one part surprised me....sort of disappointed me. I'd love your take on it since you did an online course on it. In the chapter on step 11- "no wonder we largely descended into mere civil religion and cultural Ca...	afglin	12	664	Aug 23, 2013 by afglin
	Don't should on me! (Preview) Advice giving can be so hurtful when you think you know the answers for someone else's life and problems. We all come to al-anon in some sort of disarray, because our lives have become unmanageable. I came in on my knees, such a hot mess that I was miserable and did not know which way was up. I was sick and n...	Breakingfree	17	711	Aug 23, 2013 by Jackie11
	Looking for some ESH regarding my AH's friend in recovery (Preview) My AH's former "partner in crime" for the last 18 months has been in recovery for a grand total of about 4 weeks. He has reached out to me a few times in recent days to (a) express compassion for me and my situation and regret for his past actions, and (b) ask for my "permission" to ha...	stephaniej	15	457	Aug 23, 2013 by stephaniej
	My wedding and my mother - al-anon style (Preview) I'm getting married in March. We're doing it in Disney World. Mom hates to travel. She originally said she was okay with going anywhere we wanted; it's our family and choice. Last night, it changed - she didn't think she could come because of complications with her job and am I suuuure about Disney worl...	AWomanCalledQuest	5	415	Aug 23, 2013 by grateful2be
	To the Mothers (Preview) And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children. And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your l...	Bettina	8	357	Aug 23, 2013 by deacon
	Detaching with control vs. detaching with love (Preview) It has come to my attention that I may be detaching with control rather than detaching with love. I feel like this is the best I can do for now. And I am trying to be kind and forgive myself for that. It is very hard to feel love when there are so many negative experiences and resentments in my mind. When I try...	gingerfizz	16	664	Aug 23, 2013 by Lyne
	reclaiming my brain (Preview) So, for the last few days I have not had the chatter in my head that says stuff like OMG where is she, who is she with, is she lying, is she drinking, is she gambling, is she by any chance telling the truth????? It is from all the help I'm getting from you guys, from my sponsor, from my F2F, from my reading, etc...	Lyne	8	496	Aug 23, 2013 by Lyne
	My AH is getting out of rehab today... AH getting out of Rehab (Preview) My AH is getting out of Rehab today after about 20 days. He has participated wholeheartedly in groups, has participated in the outside AA meetings, and found a sponsor, he told me today that he is going to try to put as many obstacles between him and alcohol as he can. I moved out about 2 months ago...so he...	sadsusie	3	469	Aug 23, 2013 by Breakingfree
	How far before bottom .. (Preview) Don't know and if he hasn't hit yet .. I don't know that he will or how much further it will be. At this point he's been involuntarily admitted to the psych ward and I was informed this by the cities finest confirmed by the hospital. This was all a God thing in terms of information .. I mean I'm in shock stil...	Pushka	15	710	Aug 23, 2013 by Debilyn
	SCRIPTS? (Preview) I've recently had computer problems and I am about to have an IRC do-over... how do I get the Al-anon scripts again?	Desirae	3	485	Aug 22, 2013 by Desirae
	Feeling Stuck (Preview) I found out my husband was an alcoholic while I was pregnant and now we have an 8 month old son. My husband put himself through detox and has gone back and forth from sobriety to drinking since then. In March he put himself in the hospital and his liver isn't doing too well. Since his last breakdown he has ag...	lvcluny	12	489	Aug 22, 2013 by grateful2be
	Lucky number 19... (Preview) August 20th!! Okay I know about it and don't remember it like she does until I get to the breakfast table and see the card and package. Then I have to go into self acceptance of the man who doesn't have as close a connection with his "female side" as maybe it's thought that I should. What th...	Jerry F	17	2807	Aug 22, 2013 by Melly1248
	Let's Celebrate Our Growth and Victories (Preview) I had a phone conversation last night with my AH, who is working 900 miles away. I made some very brief, neutral, non-inflammatory statements that related back to a horrible, awful fight we had on the phone the night before. I was very proud of myself for the way I stated my boundaries (I do not always a...	stephaniej	5	403	Aug 22, 2013 by Melly1248
	a better understanding (Preview) For starters I would like to say that I have been in alanon for 5 months not 2. I have been going to three meetings a week and the rest of my week is on here. I love getting on here and reading posts and finding new websites on alanon. I have done a lot of reading on this. I am praying more and talking to the lord mo...	Tiff5484	9	607	Aug 22, 2013 by PP
	Sneaky catharsis? (Preview) Well, as I've shared, I've been keeping pretty cool, calm and collected for a while now. Detatched and even at times amused by my AB's relentless logic-twisting, blame and sometimes out and out harassment. I posted the other day about something ridiculous he had said- and in one of the replies Betti...	Melly1248	21	631	Aug 22, 2013 by grateful2be
	I dont want to go home. (Preview) I have sort of been a lurker on this message board. I have attended 4 Al-Anon meetings; read the pamphlets, bought 'courage to change' and I have started journaling again but I am too new to this way of thinking to be strong enough to deal with this on my own. I am too ashamed to tell my friends and family...	sad_dog_mommy	6	525	Aug 22, 2013 by sadsusie
	Talking to the opposite sex (Preview) Hi Everyone,My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon.I have an issue that I feel may be rooted in my fathers alcoholism. Growing up in an alcoholic home I was very ashamed. I was very embarrassed by my family, my upbringing and my father. This affected many areas of my social life inclu...	slogan_jim	18	617	Aug 21, 2013 by grateful2be
	Article I read (link) (Preview) http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/05/10/your-neighbor-is-an-alcoholic/#.UhV08ZLVCO8	slogan_jim	6	403	Aug 22, 2013 by neshema2
	long timer here (Preview) I went back and looked at all my old "start topics" yesterday. Most depressing to say the least... well at first it was. Then I realized. As i remember my emotional state behind my every post. from being a "first timer" to the middle to now. I realize that I am better, Though my AH b...	sweeetr	5	273	Aug 22, 2013 by Jerry F
	Alanon CEO coming down under... (Preview) I am getting more confidence- legs, but not wings, in Alanon. Working out what we can talk about, and what we should not. This came from my family, of course. And in Alanon I am slowly learning a new healthy set of boundaries, with a whole bunch of other learners. Rick B. the CEO of Alanon Inc. is coming...	DavidG	6	450	Aug 22, 2013 by DavidG
	Missing AH (Preview) So, I finally got up the courage to stand up to my AH and ask him to leave; he wouldn't and I had to go to court to have him vacate the property legally. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'll never forget the look on his face. I know I had to do it for me, my kids and my AH. I did try to detach first (we'v...	LeeMarie	9	574	Aug 21, 2013 by Mattie
	talking on the phone w/ MOM (Preview) The latest is that I have been talking on the phone w/ my mom while she is in the hospital. It is very difficult as I knew it would be. I have an interesting instinct when it comes to her. I know that waiting awhile last Monday was the best good idea I had. I needed to re-group & take care of me today. My days...	Hoot Nanny	2	275	Aug 21, 2013 by grateful2be
	Future MIL is an addict (Preview) Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and have been talking a lot about marriage recently. Although I am very excited about our future together, I'm very concerned about his mother, her addictions, and her affect on our relationship. She drank throughout my boyfriend's first 20 years of life...	brendastarr	4	480	Aug 21, 2013 by grateful2be
	Joy (Preview) I am inexplicably feeling complete and utter joy and gratitude today, and expectations of good things to come in my life. Appreciating the sunshine, my job, my dogs, my life, my career. It is an amazing gift from Al-Anon. Yes, I am still with my dry AH. He is seeing the change in me. HE is coming to ME...	gingerfizz	6	975	Aug 21, 2013 by gingerfizz
	post convention (Preview) Hi All, I shared on top table at the shared meeting at the weekend with my partner present. I am normally quite confident when I share in Al anon but I think because he was there it was different. I shared how alcoholism had impoacted my life and got emotional at one point. then went on to how al anon is he...	Tracy	6	427	Aug 21, 2013 by Jerry F
	Acceptance is the answer to all my problems (Preview) I had a good chat with a member here on the board. What I came to realize is that even though I've been reading and now posting here for a while - I've never introduced myself. So Hi - I'm Natasha - I'm an alcoholic, adult child of an alcoholic, alanoner, and CODA 12 step worker. But here I will try to be ju...	Tasha	13	1649	Aug 20, 2013 by DavidG
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.