The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I live in an extremely small town. There's one daytime and one night-time meeting per week. What if the people there don't like me? What if there is someone there from my daughter's school? One of the other parents? A teacher? What if someone sees me go in? The dog won't like it if I go out without him. He'll howl and maybe jump the fence. If I take him, he'll howl outside the church where the meeting is. If I go without him I'll have to walk him at another time during the day. I don't have time for that. I won't get any study done if I go to this meeting. And what if I walk or ride all the way there and it's been cancelled because no-one showed up? I haven't seen any other alcoholics in my town. So I don't see how there can be any al-anoners. Or maybe there will just be one person there and they will be a weirdo, some crazy old lady who sits in the hall every Wednesday waiting for someone to show up so she can shout at them... Maybe I shouldn't go. Maybe I should just stay here where it's warm and safe and make pumpkin soup. If I go to the meeting, I won't get time to make soup and then the pumpkins will be another day older and maybe I'll have to throw them out. And he hasn't had anything to drink for the last 2 nights (because he's out of money and I wont lend him any more). So maybe there isn't a problem after all? Maybe I just blew all of the crazy out of proportion?
What if you are about to embark on the most rewarding experience of your life thus far?
What if they are warm, welcoming, and encouraging to you?
What if it doesn't matter "who" is there, because you are all there for the same reason - to get yourself healthy?
Our minds can play that "what if" game from either side of the fence (positive or negative) - it's all about the perspective that YOU bring.
It is said that you/we will seek recovery when we are "sick and tired of being sick and tired", and it sounds like you are at that point...
I'd encourage you to go in with an open mind, and (hopefully) commit to trying at least 6 meetings before making any decisions about whether or not Al-Anon is for you...
Good on ya, for taking this step, and hope your meeting is amazing...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I pretty much still just listen and absorb. It will take awhile to figure it all out.
You are there for you not the alcoholic. Most people there will have relationships
With others and chat with each other after meetings. You might feel left out
But be patient. Buy your three daily readers and borrow any books that look
good to read.
Mirandac - that is great insight. So true - if you're really lucky - you will meet a group of outgoing people who will greet you and show you the way. But that was not my experience. I didn't understand back then, that people most often are just as shy and reserved as me. We didn't all walk into alanon with super high self esteem and self worth and everything all jolly!!!
I went to lots of meetings where most everyone was new. So I didn't get any sort of welcome at all. But being able to come and here read helped - and look at you - you're already reaching out and sharing!
I walked into alanon with very little expectation, and when I left - I felt like I was waiting my WHOLE LIFE to get there! WHERE HAD THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE???? Why was it such a secret???
Well - it didn't matter after a while... I was where I belonged since the day I was born into an alcoholic home... and I could feel it. It didn't matter if people said hello to me really... I connected with the shares and the readings and the feeling that everything was FINALLY going to get better! And I did end up finding some meetings with lots of long timers (took trying lots and lots and lots of different ones) and I found solution based meetings and keep to those now.
Now I work at greeting newcomers when they come, and try to give back what was freely given to me. There are lots of things you can do to help out... like offer to make coffee or set up the chairs... it helped me get to know people. I go to CODA meetings too because I am in recovery and married to someone in recovery - so it gets tricky sometimes... but things are 10000000% percent better, and I am looking forward to my life instead of dreading it. I hope the same for you! Keep us posted!
Ah yes, my head can come up with a million excuses when I don't want to do something... especially if I feel scared about it.
Hope you enjoy that meeting. :)
PS - I live in a small town too, I've come across many many people I know in my professional and social life inside the meetings of either Al-Anon or AA. I cannot tell you enough how I see people fully respecting and honoring anonymity. It's a real heart-warming experience to see that people are capable of trustworthiness.
Good luck tomorrow Melly! I was so happy after I went to my first meeting. I felt understood. I felt safe. I find the organization/predictability of the meeting format soothing/comforting as well. I hope you have a good experience.
You are very brave! I have all those same thoughts. Good for you for not letting them get the best of you. I hope you will come back and share how it went.
I was so close to climbing back into bed and hiding...but I went.
And guess what? When I got there it was just 2 ladies and they really seemed a bit shocked when I walked in lol. They said most weeks it's just the 2 of them...awkward at first but in the end really awesome. When I was talking I had this dreadful guilt and worry; because imagine what he would say if he heard- it's so weird how I can almost hear his voice as clearly as my own--he doesn't even have to be there for his twisty logic and blame to make me doubt myself- and then it dawned on me- he really truly isn't ever GOING to hear about it and I really can say whatever is true for me in that space, without any fear. It felt amazing. And they were lovely.
Yes, I absolutely did. And to be able to discuss honestly my concerns for my daughter and my desire to be a better model of strength and happiness without being judged was so good- no need to feel defensive-no need to fear repercussions for being honest- was very empowering.
