The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aloha OhCarolina and welcome to the board. Your post hit me right in the heart and right in my Al-Anon journey from the very start. My memory is very good thank God and I don't have to spend too much time trying to remember the lessons...all of them. Your statement of working on you so that you and he can come together was one of my intentions also...it was a wrong intention I found out and then the intention became what the program says of working it, seeking peace of mind and serenity whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. My life with my alcoholic/addict wife didn't define me or us...it defined my choices and the consequences of those choices. Why did I constantly choose to partner with broken women? Why was I most always in very negative and often life threatening consequences? I needed to know about me only and if I didn't find that out I would continue in the insanity of my life without change. One thing I had to learn which was rocket science for me...mind, body, spirit and emotions was why I "needed" another person in my life to feel complete myself...like I was supposed to have a bicycle...I was also supposed to have alcohol and drug affected people in my life. Learning that lesson was indeed recovery rocket science and I am forever grateful to the Al-Anon Family Groups for teaching me that and helping me practice it on a daily basis. Keep coming back and find yourself the Al-Anon Family Group face to face meetings in your area...the hotline number is in the white pages of your local telephone book. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 12th of August 2013 12:25:28 PM
In a 3 year relationship with a recovering alcoholic...he is making great strides in his emotional recovery...coming back to Christ and his morals. In the process he has distanced himself from our relationship to get to a place of peace, expresses his love for me, but not sure of our future.
I stood by him through the disease and near-death hospitalization...knowing the God sent me to him when he needed it, as did I. But now I am ripped off that I don't get to share more in his new peace-filled life. We spoke this weekend about our future and he just isn't sure. He loves me, supports me, and in his words "owes me a life-debt" for literally saving his life...I trust his words and know the love he has for me.
In this time of change, I know I should be working on me, so that we can come together and both be healthy...but I am struggling with putting the effort in to myself.
Is this common in the process of coming out of alcohol...? Anyone else having any experience with this?
This Alanon/MIP and you have come to the right place.
Its time for you to find some answers for yourself. Whether you come together with the alcoholic or not, you have to realize that you are just as important as him.
Sometimes when we are living and sharing this disease we don't know where the boundaries are for eachother and we suffer the effects.
I hope you come to the realization that your life is important and that you would benefit from attending Alanon meetings and coming here to post . This will give you everyone's experience with this disease and hopefully give you strength to find your own peace and serenity. You deserve it.
In this time of change, I know I should be working on me, so that we can come together and both be healthy...but I am struggling with putting the effort in to myself.
Is this common in the process of coming out of alcohol...? Anyone else having any experience with this?
Hi Carolina...When a person firsts gets into recovery, they have to pretty much set everything aside b/c it is a REAL intense experience for them until they get used to it...I would back off....let him do what he has to do and focus on you....
Are you going to any meets??? If no, you need to get into alanon meetings....they and the 12 steps and literature help you to focus on what you need to do and that is YOU...what will be will be, but you need to work on you...the only thing you can change is you.......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I belong to OA and I am not sure i can handle another 12 step program but I look forward to reading some literature and these boards...I would think this is a common situation...thanks for all your comments.
