The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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level.
Ive shared on this before, but am having a hard time accepting it. I feel like I am the one doing something wrong.
Since I have come to al-anon, my attitude has changed for the better regarding who to socialize with. I find myself less insecure, not as argumentative, judgemental, I find I really dont care to have people that aggravate me going forward. I now find myself wanting to re-start with new people as a post al-anon Jim.
Because of this, a lot of the people that I used to socialize with I have 0 interest in maintaining a relationship anymore. Some friends reach out and I consider briefly meeting up with them but then I think back to how I felt being around them and I honestly would feel more alone being with them than sitting at home.
I always found that many of them just didnt have enough experience in the real world. But, then I think what they experienced growing up is their real world and they likely look at me as the anomaly.
I would always get caught up in the gossip, the score-keeping, feeling like I kept having to live up to their expectations. I always felt they thought less of me and around them, I thought less of myself.
With a lot of them, they used to be who I vented to, complained to, a lot of the time theyd role their eyes as they didnt understand. I was in university, lived in a home, everything on the surface was nice and shiny, yet how could I feel I had it so hard? One thing they had that I didnt was hope, and it showed.
Now I have hope. I have a new perspective and the thought of hanging out with certain friends is just draining. Yet, I feel like I am isolating and pushing people out of my life who havent technically done anything wrong.
Hi, SJ. When I change, my relationships change, too. There is no bad guy or good guy to it. I outgrow them or they outgrow me. Some folks maintain the same friendships for their whole lives. I've envied that at times. But, truth is - being true to myself requires a lot of hanging on loosely now to relationships and moving on when its time. I think we all have paths we need to travel and not everybody can continue on the road with us. We can thank them for helping us get to this new fork in the road and grow on.
That was explained to me as "second guessing" myself by my elder sponsorship when I first found the program. They then went to to work me well on patience and expectations and commitment to my own recovery. You're doing the right thing Jim...repeat and duplicate often. ((((hugs))))
Hi, SJ. When I change, my relationships change, too. There is no bad guy or good guy to it. I outgrow them or they outgrow me. Some folks maintain the same friendships for their whole lives. I've envied that at times. But, truth is - being true to myself requires a lot of hanging on loosely now to relationships and moving on when its time. I think we all have paths we need to travel and not everybody can continue on the road with us. We can thank them for helping us get to this new fork in the road and grow on.
Can't add much to this really spot on share ....spirits come in to our lives for a reason (usually a lesson and it can be pleasant or not) or a season (to give us maybe a lift up for as long as we need it then they quetly go) then there is the lifetime folks...who no matter what we do or they do, we are together...those relationships though I treasure them the most, the others either lifted me up or taught me something as I was briefly in their lives to teach them, so yea, they are to be thankful for too......
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I have had to re-examine my thoughts about friendship...my very best friend for years hasn't called me in 3 years...
I have accepted that good people (and bad) move in and out of my life...and that is a natural thing as people and circumstances change. It is the rare friend that comes into my life and stays...and I don't fault myself for that...it's one more thing I am powerless over. I am honest, forthright, and responsible in my relationships with others...and the rest I leave to fate...
all best,
RP
-- Edited by rehprof on Sunday 11th of August 2013 07:40:53 AM
I found myself concerned about what friends to keep and what friends to move away from, I make that decision now based on how the person allows to me to feel around them, I want to be around upbeat happy people positive and down to earth, honest people, it seemed very hard in the beginning moving away from people that had become some what of an habit in my life but gradually as I let go of old friends new friends come along, for me I think all this was connected to my rigid thinking, I also learnt that I was allowed to do this with family members too, I no longer wish to put myself in situations where I feel uncomfortable around people that I have grown away from and have very little in common, along with this I have started to accept CHANGE to, I never thought about that before alanon but now i do because everything does and so must I to keep up with it.
It is possible to renew and maintain old relationships , a word we use a lot is Acceptance . Allowing people to be who they need to be is always the hardest part of recovery for me as I tend to judge people way too quickly . Today I can have a coffee with an old friend occasionally , I don't have to be in their life on a daily basis . I try not to talk about prog too much with old friends they really don't like it . I try to remember that even tho my old friends could also use this program they simply aren't ready so the best I can do is be a good example of Al-Anon so that when they are ready to make the changes I can be there for them . Louise
