The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am learning to face reality head on especially now that my mom is in the hospital & I am powerless over what happens to her from here. My hands are tied. My husband is her contact person not me. She chose him over me which I am finally getting over after less than a week. I am still at this point not talking to her after an incident on the phone on Monday. I feel that I need to take care of myself & work my program--The program today & do what it says in today's C2C reading on First Things First. I have to take care of me. I am so convinced of that now & am going to follow what I know is right.
So, tomorrow I am going to visit her if I am able. She may not be able to see me because she has been acting out a lot since she has been in there. It is about 60 miles away from home. For those who don't know, I had to take her to a hospital & she was voluntary. Now she is on a hold & may be going through a lot more treatment than she thought. I think my mom is an alcoholic according to her past experiences but I am not sure if I believe it to be so. It is her decision to claim that she is. I have to stay out of the way & it really isn't any of my business. I am not going to be concerned about that subject.
So, all I have is today & if I get to talk to her today I will have to be careful. I am not sure how to talk to her w/ her even though I have seen her go through similar times in the past. I am actually afraid to say anything that might set her off. I hope this is somewhat Al anon related. I am working my program as best as I can right now. I will try to read some Al anon literature today or take care of me anyway possible.
Hi, Kathleen. Walking on eggshells with my Mom - who was not an alcoholic or codependent but very, very complicated - was something I did until the day that she died. She didn't like me although she did love me. One day, when I was feeling hurt about something she said and something she did, I realized that when I died and met God face to face (which I believe will happen for me), I wouldn't be asked how many people loved me but how many people I had allowed God to love through me. I realized that I had no control over how my Mom saw me, felt about me or treated me - that was all her business and had absolutely nothing to do with me. The control I had was how willing I was to accept Mom as she was and not how I wanted her to be. To speak and act as I needed to speak and act as the person I was at that time was what I needed to do to keep my side of the street clean and to be as kind and understanding of her as I could be without taking on or absorbing her peculiarities. This made the whole situation still painful for me as she died of cancer, but I felt much more at peace and strong throughout the letting go process that was necessary then.
I don't know the whole story about your Mom, but I think it is very loving of you to allow her to pick your husband as her contact and not fight her on that. I also think it is loving of you to visit her as a daughter who does have a complicated relationship to her Mom and still loves her Mom very much. (((K)))
Ask HP to guide you with the right words so that you can speak to Mom with courtesy and respect. Keep the focus on yourself and remember that we are powerless over others.
Since mom attends alanon reading a page from the C2C and discussing it might work perfectly
