Strange phenomenon in Meetings - Al-Anon Family Group

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

Strange phenomenon in Meetings

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Susan - I wouldn't NOT reach out for fellowship, I would just mark her as not the fellowship type and move on. Some people do good in front of big groups of people but are lousy at the one on one; others relish the intimate interpersonal relationship between two and faint at the thought of speaking up in front of lots of others. Also, no one is liked by everyone, yeah? I'm told I'm low-class, which makes me snicker because the person saying it doesn't even know me. I embrace the slogan - what others think of me is none of my business. People who take the time to get to know me - they like me, those who don't, well, its their loss and I won't hold it against them.

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

It's funny because when I read my own posts I immediately seem part.

"I approached her."

That was my mistake.

I don't need to be running over to people after meetings.

HP is trying to show me that!

No one in any 12-step rooms is my Higher Power.

Loneliness, demanding friendship instead of being of service - period.

And you ain't low-class!!!

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

I have no doubt of my own self-worth - thanks! As I said, I wouldn't put the kibosh on reaching out because of one bad experience.

lgnutah · Senior Member

I don't know her, and I wasn't there, but if she was older, she may be only able to focus on one thing at a time. So, trying to figure out whatever she was doing with the books really might have needed all of her attention at that moment.

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow working thru it, you really worked thru that in a flash.

good job, I picked up a lot of great wisdom. When people dont react to me in a positive way,
I usually say things under my breath, lol...

Thanks

Bettina

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

I know EXACTLY what I see!!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

WTI. I think it was pretty courageous of you to reach out to somebody in that group. Sorry she couldn't or wouldn't reach back.

slogan_jim · Senior Member

Reading your title I was expecting something inspirational lol. Don't take it personally, if she were to bring it up again in the future she would likely have no clue what you're talking about.

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

I do have compassion for people like this too, BTW.

I simply see everything as Perfection and look for my part.

Thanks for posting all your responses - I get so much interesting insight here!

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

I've got to remember when I go into Al-Anon meetings that everyone is doing the best they can. Yes, some are sicker than others. My sponsor lovingly refers to these types as her "Al-Anon sandpaper", they help her polish out her own recovery.

I'm reminded again and again that everyone's behavior is about themselves. Not me. I have to QTIP (quit taking it personal.) As much as I like to convince myself of this, I am, in fact, NOT the center of everyone's universe. That means that their behaviors around me - be it good or bad - has nothing to do with ME likely 99.99% of the time. I am, however, responsible for my OWN behavior, and if I don't like the response I got out of someone, maybe I need to take a look at myself and see what's disturbing me.

Keep coming back.

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Love the sandpaper metaphor...

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My first thought was, what makes you care if others are unfriendly? We can only control us. You are right it is too bad. Especially bothers me when one talks of God yet is not a good witness for him. Jesus did not ignore anyone.

Instead of thinking it is you, I invite you to think for instance,wow I would hate to be that unfriendly. Or maybe sucks to be you. Or again thank your hp that you have a loving heart, and are not blinded to loving others.

Remember here we are learning to put the focus on us.

I do not like that hug they do at the end. that is the last thing I want to do. Now if I had been going awhile and it was like our group here, yes. But I am not into pretending.

thank you for sharing, I am just glad you have a good heart! love,debilyn

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

Great helpful responses.
It's expectations too.
I better get over myself!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear WTI

You have received great responses I just wanted to add that I learned how to use all the alanon tools by interacting in the rooms of alanon. Learning how to validate myself, say what I mean, mean what i say without saying it mean, letting go of anger and letting HP handle it, praying the serenity prayer instead of striking out I found this all worked wonders in the rooms so I took the risk and used it out side in my office with the same positive results. 'I would look at this situation as a learning experience and you did well.

Remember we are here because we are not all there smile

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

Betty you just said two things a good friend in AA and Alanon said to me the other night.
Yup!!!!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

WTI, you worked through it For me, I see that I can handle these types of encounters much easier than I used to....that is when I see my progress through this program. I still get caught sometimes, then, I have another chance to practice my recovery tools. Maybe it is HP's way of keeping me humble when I get too big for my britches. (((hugs)))

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds painful, especially as her words in the meeting had been so helpful and you were hoping to share that.

I just wanted to say that I am often very socially awkward. I was raised by parents who were terribly socially awkward, and they didn't give me many skills, and now I have just enough skills to see that I'm not saying or doing the right thing, without knowing how to fix it in the moment. I have been told that sometimes I come across as hostile or rejecting. Of course knowing this just makes me more socially awkward. I'm thinking, "I have to say something! I have to be friendly! She's going to think I dislike her! She's probably thinking it now! It's happening again! Oh no!" Meanwhile I am staring at the person and saying nothing, and finally I say "Oh" or something lame. Or "I'm just trying to get these books arranged."

My point is that everyone is fighting a hard battle. What this woman's struggles might be, there's no telling. She could be rejecting and hostile -- some people are. The fact that she said something that resonated in the meeting suggests she has some level of awareness, even if she can't put it into practice in every situation. It would be interesting to become friends with her and find out, a year from now, what her thoughts and impressions were of that first meeting. But maybe QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally) applies -- maybe it's not about her feelings towards you, but about something else unpredictable. Please don't see more hostility from the universe than you absolutely positively know is there. Because we all have enough to cope with without adding to our own burden. Hugs.

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

Suck great feedback. Thank you.
Y experience is I can't do any of this unless I close to God and in Truth
Hence, my current inventorying.
Best

John · ~*Service Worker*~

I had a few similar experiences that I got a little bit "twisted" about and shared with my sponsor. He smiled that stupid smile they teach in sponsorship school and simply said..."John, if you like everyone you meet in the meetings and everyone likes you... that would simply be evidence you are not making enough meetings!" LMAO! "Connections will be made between you and some people and not you and others, God will pick em' not you." And lastly... "Try to listen to the message, and not judge the messenger, you never know who will say the words that you need to hear".

John

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi John
That's right, not everyone can like me nor I them.

But let me get real honest here.

The simple truth is I have things a lot of people don't want me to have.
Period.

But the HP is the one who gives the gifts out, not people.

John · ~*Service Worker*~

Mind if I ask what things you think you have that people in the rooms would really give a damn about, one way or the other?

Has anyone actually told you this, or are you simply reading their minds?

Just very curious now.

John

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.