New to this; just left my alcoholic husband - Al-Anon Family Group

Mom2beans · Newbie

New to this; just left my alcoholic husband

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Mom2Beans

I am glad that you found Miracles in Progress and had the courage to reach out. Walking on egg shells,being sad, tired, and exhausted are all feelings that we who have lived with the disease of alcoholism are familiar with. The AMA has catagorized alcoholism as a disease which makes it clear that we are powerless over it, We did not cause it cannot control it and cannot cure. it

We who live with the disease become ill as well and require a program of recovery Alanon is that program . It was founded by the wife of the Founder of AA and offers constructive support to the family of alcoholics.

Face to Face meetings are held in most communities. I suggest you check out these meetings and attend. Here you will break the isolation and confusion and develop new tools that will enable you to see various solutions to your life problems. I urge you to check out the white pages for the alanon number, call and attend some meetings before making any drastic decisions

Keep coming back here as well.

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 14th of August 2013 06:18:01 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Good instincts. Focus on you and the girls. People don't get sober contingent upon others. You coming back to him has zero to do with his getting sober. If anything, him believing you would put up wih it forever was probably working against him...not that any of it's your fault. Alanon would be a great support to you right now.

Mom2beans · Newbie

Thanks I really appreciate it I'm going to go to meetings once I get us all settled. I need them, I need the support.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Mom2beans

10 months ago I came here and started going to meetings. In 10 months I have come so far in the program that I would have never gotten there on my own. It is becoming a lifestyle for me and not just to deal with the alcoholic. It's a program for us

I'm so happy you found us so keep coming back because you are not alone

Take care

Phoenix7 · Member

What I've found out (mostly here) over the past month and a half is that your A's behavior is classic, textbook. Mine's is too. So is my AXH's. And we who want to help them fall into the same classic, textbook behaviors in dealing with our A's.

Until we find a better way. My experience recently has allowed me to not believe this is all my fault, not dread coming home, to be able to look at it more objectively and be able to take care of/protect my children from the ugliness that happens in dealing with my A. The biggest thing though, is hope. I have hope once again that I can have a normal life where I count, everything doesn't revolve around alcohol and my family (with or without the A - his choice) can be happy.

There is SO much support and so many different experiences posted here, so very many people who care but don't tell you that you have to do this or that. It's been an absolute lifesaver for me. I only wish I'd come here sooner.

As has already been said - you're not alone and the more you come back, the more help and support you will find.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Mom...that exactly is our story...the story of untreated, progressively worse alcoholism. I'm with the others who encourage Al-Anon. I go as far as to say leave the stuff laying in a mess and get to the meeting first. The hotline number is in the white pages of your local telephone book...give that a call and listen to where and when we get together in your area. Keep coming back here also. (((((hugs))))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Your girls love their dad, but are torn. It is ok to tell them Daddy is sick, that we love him very much and care, but we do not like how he is acting. He acts that way becuz he has a disease. It's not his fault, but he has to get help himself. He still loves you very, very much.

They will feel guilty and find some reason to blame themselves. I still remember when my Mother took us and left Daddy, I am sixty! I remember being scared. I feel it is important for us to stay strong in front of them. Not put daddy down ever.

Meetings are important. If you have friends, let them know what you need. Same with family. The kids will need support from others besides you.

You know you did the right thing, our kids have to be protected. Believe me they knew how uncomfy it was this last year.

If you can maybe you can find it nice to make your own home. Maybe have the girls pick out their own theme for their rooms or room. Help them get involved in that. Also there are tons of kids books on addiction to help them.

Getting Them Sober is a great book for you, by Toby Rice Drews. Volume one. It saved me. I am sure your heart is broken, yet of course you are relieved to be away from the disease. If he chooses to get help, great. But it takes a very long time for an active A to really get their program of recovery to be their lifestyle. We never know however if and when they will relapse. So we have to decide do we want to take that chance and go back to them.

I protected my kids and did not allow him around them. We were not married. He caused a huge blow out one night, i had never seen that before. I grabbed my kids cat and dog and we went next door till he left!

Anyway you are on the right path, congrats!!! Keep coming! hugs,debilyn

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I just want to greet you with a big hello and welcome to the family of MIP. The wisdom and suggestions you received here on the board I'm sure is a big help to you at this critical time? Sorry that you and your girls have been displaced by a disease over which you have no control, didn't cause and can't cure. It's easy to get sucked into fear and resentments with this disease - its so ugly and hurtful. With Al-Anon, you will be able to restore your faith and replace your resentments with understanding and new coping skills. Separating yourself and the girls from this type of behavior was sane and healthy on your part. Good for you.

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

welcome...here at MIP you will find a crew of folks who have been there...maybe not your exact circumstances...but there are certainly commonalities with living with the disease of alcoholism and addiction...that we all have lived, or are currently living.

courage to change and codependent no more...are both books that I have read and read...I also read and read the posts here on the board...you can search the boards for key words too...

when we respond to your posts...please know that you can take what you can use, and leave the rest...some of us can be pretty direct -- and often that is just what I need! but sometimes people take things the wrong way, etc...so that's why we say "take what you need and leave the rest..."

Keep coming back,

RP

Mom2beans · Newbie

Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement, I feel really at peace and feel a little guilty I am enjoying it as much as I am and as not as sad as I should be. I am staying strong for my girls and have let them know Daddy is sick. I think part of them is glad too they seem more relaxed.

John · ~*Service Worker*~

((((SuperSizedHug4Mom2beans)))

ParisMemories · Senior Member

Dear Mom2Beans

Welcome, so glad you found us. Like Cathy, I've been here just about 10 months, maybe a little less. In that time I've learned that Alcoholism is a disease, and I can't control, cure, or cause it. I have felt all the same exhausted, sick, fed up feelings you write about. My husband, one of the alcoholics in my life, but the one that led me to Alanon, is now going to AA, and we are both so much more sane.

When you read about how alanon is for YOUR recovery, if you are like me, you may not believe it at first, but please trust me, it is true. I was a crazy b***ch when I first arrived here, always watching, criticizing, judging, arguing, condemning, threatening, etc., until I learned that living with an A was making me irritable and unreasonable. I learned how to feel my feelings, stop reacting, take care of me, and focus on MY health. And during that time my AH has found his way to AA meetings. His program is not perfect, neither is mine. But this program has truly saved my sanity.

The book "Getting Them Sober" mentioned by others is a wonderful. I still read it now, and it keeps me focused on doing the next right thing.

Take care of you and your girls. Keep coming.

Paris

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.