Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

ashraven · ashraven

I did everything I could to help my A stop drinking but it all has been fruitless. He doesn't even seem to care about quitting anymore. I'm about to give up on him. I just don't know what else to do.

kitty · kitty

By now u all know I had an accident in the wee hrs tuesday around 2am... car ran me off the road, I hit the curb & am left beatned in the face, cracked windscreen, in shock. Rushed to the ER, couldn't raise my parent's for the world from 4-6 am, finall y 7 got a friend to come colllect me. Dunno as o...

Debbie Lee · Debbie Lee

MARCH 11 "I've chosen my epitaph," says an Al-Anon friend. "I want it to read, 'He's finally minding his own business.''' We laugh, enjoying some relief in contemplating the lighter side of a serious subject, those defects of character that seem so hard to shake. Laughter makes o...

hudsond · hudsond

Today as I have read several posts (not just today really, but for the past couple of months as well) I just feel like I grew up in a bubble! My family was so different from those that I read about on this site. We grew up in the church-I'm not sure there was an alcoholic/addict of any kind in my f...

mebjk · mebjk

Hello, all, I thank you all for being here. At the same time, I have a question to ask of all of us on this forum. I know, from my years in Alanon, that true recovery happens when we work the steps with a sponsor. The Steps are a miracle, because our HP helps us to work them,and actually does the work, in my...

Robinks · Robinks

Hi everyone - I really need some group prayers. My son is going to stay with his dad for 10 days, spring break, I am sad. To make this time tougher, a woman has been calling my cell phone and leaving lovey dovey messages. I worked though that, then today one of my crazy neighbors that has filed...

Christy · Christy

(((Dear friends)))) As I began to post, I told my husband how all of you were so supportive and prayed for us both throughout the last month. He said: Please tell them that I am very grateful and that I sure do appreciate their prayers, I believe it worked. He is still pretty frail bu...

ditto · ditto

The story begins with R, an internet friend who is coming to visit me. He wished to go out to dinner with us on Saturday night, so I made reservations for 3 at Seasons 52. On Thursday R called to ask if he could change the plans and meet us on Friday. I agreed to this. But, then I had the quandry as to what...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

March 9 Small Things "In the past, we made simple situations into problems; we made mountains out of molehills."Basic Text, p. 87 Making mountains out of molehills seems to be our specialty. Have you heard it said that to an addict, a flat tire is a traumatic event? Or how about those of us who for...

whitie · whitie

After work today I went back to "our house" to sign our tax returns. I also had a chance to pick up a few of my belonging while I was there. Most importantly I was looking for my journal that I've searched high and low for since Oct. when I left. I finally found it in a box on the book shelf and was able to get...

maresie · maresie

For me al-anon is about using the muscle I build up and practice practice practice. I have been practising not fighting with the A trying to be cooperative and being civil. For that I have been greatly inspired by people in this room. I cannot do this work in a vacuum I need support, I need feedback...

lin0606 · lin0606

My husband is out of town for the winter, working up north. He's been doing this or some variant of it for years, we are used to it, so that's not the problem (though it is starting to get lonesome). His mother is very ill, and may be dying. There is a lot of old stuff between him and his sister, and this si...

ditto · ditto

I suppose I should start off by telling you that I have had a number of people that I loved die. So, I understand the impact of death. And normally I am empatheic when I learn that someone has died because I know what it is to grieve. An A and his friends went to a bar. It was not enough fo...

nmike · nmike

Hi, I am snowed in in a rural area. I was going to go to town and do some errands and do something nice for myself. I also need more medication for face - pre-cancerous cells treatment. Because of the change of plans I can feel myself trying to sink into self pity and really start blaming my A for leaving me...

Powerless · Powerless

I went to Barnes and Noble today to buy Courage to Change, but when I came home I realized I bought the wrong one. I'm going to read it anyway. I bought two other recovery books, but am not sure if I can say what they are. One is a daily meditation book about the twelve steps. I just...

maresie · maresie

My life has changed course recently in that I am working out there in the world. I can see how easily it is for me to get off course of my centeredness and much of it seems to be in picking up a resentment and not letting go of it. There are so many ways I can hold onto it. The way I get served at Starbucks, a slight...

been on both sides · been on both sides

Okay, new here. First time ever posting on a message board. Please be kind. Been reading posts for several days now. As my name says "been on both sides" I am an A. Don't hate me yet. Working on my recovery. And now living with a full blown A. He's on a rampage right now. Tearing thru our storage. To find a shi...

sdisnie · sdisnie

Once they have attained sobriety and are working the steps, going to AA and show the want to stay sober, what are the right and wrong things for us al-anoners to do? I know we still concentrate on ourselves and do our thing, but what else? Do we offer to go to meetings with them, or talk about t...

canadianguy · canadianguy

So as of yesterday, March 9, I am officially divorced. The papers were (finally) filed last month, and the official date has come and gone. Yesterday was a bit of a reflective day for me, but not one of particular sadness. In many ways, I think I 'grieved' the failure/loss of my marriage...

kismetstrand · kismetstrand

I was told here when brand new that I wanted to look for someone who knew the program and LIVED the program, someone active in it and whose ESH (experience, strength, hope) I liked. There were a couple women at my ftf (face to face) group who I had my eye on, by listening to their story I could see how f...

myst n rayne · myst n rayne

The last few nights I have been kept awake buy these burning questions... Why do we call it a disease? Is it not a choice? How does my A choose not to drink for a day or a week? I lost my dad to cancer a year ago...he could not choose to be cancer free for a day, a week, but my A...

d53sjurne · d53sjurne

dear all, I replyed to d day post last night and then read on to find another earlier one. I can't tell you how comforting it was to see how many here have A-kids. I waswondering as I've hung around recently if there were more than spouses on this site.I needed so bad to see this. I have an A-dau and A-mom. I...

rtexas · rtexas

Last night my A asked how long it would take for me to do this program? Well... It is not a summer school class and I don't have a schedule for graduation.... <sigh> I told her I had spent 41 years getting this way and there is no telling how long it will take me to get back. She still res...

expatanneli · expatanneli

My daughter is not going into treatment. She has spent the last week drunk every day and has made no arrangements to go into the center. Everything as usual is a lie and all she wants is for someone to rescue her and take care of her. She doesn't seem to be able to do...

rtexas · rtexas

Ok, until I get a sponsor... I have a question. "Admitted we are powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable." I am fully in bed with the unmanageable life part... lock stock and barrell. "Admitted I am powerless over alcohol..." I admit it, and my scientific self completly ag...

lebe27 · lebe27

Help! Just got new computer and have AOL 9.0 on it. When try to get in using mipchat.net get Miracles in Progress screen but fails to load. Just shows small red x at top left of screen even though says Done at bottom. When try to get in thru 12stepforums.net can get main screen and me...

Christy · Christy

Hello my dear friends.. All those prayers worked!!! Yesterday when I went to see hubby he was mentally back :) (almost) He was sitting up eating, and said "HI, little one". That was sooooo good to hear. He has said that to me for years so I knew he was feeliing much better. He asked if I'd help hi...

kitty · kitty

As much as I surender to God's will & not my own... I had fallen into worrying & projecting this weekend. Having some old 'stinkin' thinking' going on... and i get run off of the road!!! So I have to think about today & not worry about what will become of me, all it does i...

emma · emma

Has anyone else run into this -- in the last few weeks I very casually met someone, who after only speaking to them a very few minutes, certainly less than an hour during a meeting with 4 other people there, I was just bowled over with attraction. I didn't even know this person, and it was like I was knocked...

paintthinnr · paintthinnr

I have my f2f meeting tonight. I missed it last week. I don't really feel like going anymore. My a has been much better lately, though I know he is not permenantly better. I feel like I am falling off a diet, you know? Things are fine so I just don't want to go. ...

maresie · maresie

From day one I was always far more there for the A than he ever was for me. He only had to hint at financial difficulty and I stepped in. I prided myself on that he did not need to ask. He needed new clothes I bought them for him. I liked to try to anticipate his needs. These days I work on anticip...

expatanneli · expatanneli

I knew about Alanon many years ago. I even went to a couple of meetings but felt sure I could handle my problems myself. After all I am an educated woman. Surely I can do this on my own. Well, I know I can't. My 33 year old daughter has ste...

Becky1 · Becky1

I have been participating in the chatroom and message board since Jan. 1 of this year. I went to Alanon f2f 19 years ago, for about a year, but divorced the A, so figured I didn't need it. So, who am I married to now? Another A! I am also ACOA, father died when I was 16 from cirrhosis of the liver....

Becky1 · Becky1

I need some serious prayers, all. I have had the same job for 19 years, now they are firing all kinds of people for anything. I have always had good attendance, but in Sept. I missed 3 days, and the end of Feb. I missed a week. All due to stress from living with an A. I was in hospital in Sept. for s...

notsonew1111 · notsonew1111

my life has been a complete mess the past week or so. i have had no time to come on this message board even. i can feel everything going out of control because i havent had time for the program. i got to a f2f on monday and i felt good, its thursday morning and im a wreck. i know i need to phone my sponsor but am ter...

gardengal · gardengal

Sooner or later the alcoholic's behaviour makes other people angry. As we realize that the alcoholic is telling lies, using us, and not taking care of responisibilities, we may begin to feel that the alcoholic doesnt love us, We often want to strike back, punish, and make the alcoholic pay for the hur...

kitty · kitty

Well, I was involved in a car acident lst night, got banged up pretty badly... spent the night in ER. Nothing broken, thank God... I swerved & hit the right hand side curb, busting my tired, the air bag deployed & cut me up quite a bit. I'm all sore & bruised & very tired bu...

Lunamoth · Lunamoth

I'm soooo frustrated with dealing with my A. He is insane. I look at him and think, YOU ARE INSANE. Is it no wonder that I'm crazy??? We are suppose to be separating (legally). We've been physicially living apart for a year and a half. We see each other 3 time a wee...

mastiff · mastiff

hi all, i shared this poem on the board about a year or so ago, and a friend was asking me about a little while back. Thought i'd post it here for her and the newer members that maybe might like it to. LET GO As children bring thier broken toys- with tears- for us to mend, I brought my broken dream...

Hopefloats · Hopefloats

Ok I need some help with clarifying the role of a victim. I'm confused as usual. As victims we are intent on proving our rightness. Therefore we blame others and or circumstances that suit OUR NEEDS to justify our behavior in a given situation. Which makes us a victim of others or unlucky circumstanc...

bd · bd

I live with a wonderful man now (hahah they all have their bad points). My father is an A and so is my ex-husband. The ex is now long out of the picture and doesn't affect me in any way. However, because my mother still lives with my father he does affect me. My current partner rea...

sweetums · sweetums

Well I was on the phone with my A last night. I have spent the last five weeks or so working through the depression of being alone again, trying to find some zest for life again. I started to feel stronger this week, as per my latest posts, but now I realize something! I am angry! The only reaso...

jrtjosey · jrtjosey

After I told my boys what my online meetings were all about, Alanon. They said Mom, " You sure have changed a lot.Your a better Mom." I know we are going to be OK! At least I hope things don't change in their attititudes when it is only a female in the house. Thank you all for you...

sallyb · sallyb

I have come to a point with myself where I feel numb. I moved out of the house over two months ago and I feel like a zombie just going about my typical day. Every day. I miss my fiance. He has only had one drink in 66 days and I am so amazingly proud of him. We talk on the phone severa...

Powerless · Powerless

Today has been a very sad day for me. I gave in to my husband this morning and called off work for him. We ran some errands...got the staples out of the mastiff's belly, paid bills. My husband talked as we were flitting from one place to another. I was upset because a great aunt l...

myst n rayne · myst n rayne

Another newbie here! I have been looking through posts for the last 2 days and I was shocked to read "my story" from complete strangers. What a relief to know I am not alone. I often wonder why I just can't seem to let go of my A. We started out as high school sweethearts and wit...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

Thank you all who responded with knowledge on their experiences with the legal system. I offered my "a" supervised visits at his parents house with the kids. He reluctantly took it, but then called the next day to say how I'm treating him like a criminal. I was able to write up a Visi...

rtexas · rtexas

My wife is an active A and we have been in total turmoil for months now. So much so I scrambled around and found this wonderful place (and wonderful people). We had a civil conversation last night where she let me know she just couldn't live with me going to these 'meetings'. She doesn't l...

Becky1 · Becky1

Hub has been gone for 2 weeks. Came Sunday and spent a very chaste night. Was here Monday when I got home from work. Was not drinking. Wants to know where we are headed. He can come home anytime he wants to, but has resentment towards me. I love him, but have handed him over to HP. Am working hard to sta...

Lunamoth · Lunamoth

Thank you all!!! Tonight my A wasn't any different. But I was

I had said earlier today that I felt like I was fighting being in a paper bag. That if I would just quit fighting that I'd figure how to get out. Only it just felt impossible to gi...

penny · penny

Were off again... My A started helping a friend out in the evenings at a new take away shop. As it is normally around 12 when he gets back, I go to bed as I am up at 6 for work. This morning I woke to find him asleep on the sofa with empty cans of beer half hidden. I...

Powerless · Powerless

I started my morning this morning on a positive note. I have a lot of questions about my HP and sometimes have a lot of trouble handing things over to Him, but I know for a fact that He has Blessed my life in so many ways. I have a wonderful home. It's a double wide mobile home, but it's four bed...

maresie · maresie

My sponsor asked me this question because she feels it is a real issue in ending the cycle of choosing dysfunctional partners. I know for me the urge to depend, be included and be part of is enormous because I come from a family where I was absolutely excluded and ostracized and banned and punished.&nbs...

Hopefloats · Hopefloats

''So I guess what I am saying is take this time for you. Focus on yourself, commit to your own recovery. Let his be his, it will all play out in time. When I realized that my husbands behavior did not change whether he was drinking or not, without a program in AA, I also realized th...

annah · annah

Since I have been in contact with alanon I have learned that expectations were not necessarily good (leads to resentments). But surely I should be able to expect some degree of communication and cooperation from my a husband? Am I right to think I need to learn more about setting boundaries? If so, whe...

Powerless · Powerless

I am feeling better than I was a few hours ago. My husband received his tax refund today. We weren't expecting it because we thought he owed money. He was by himself when he got the call and he called me right away to tell me how much the check was. He cashed it and brought me all bu...

Tammy · Tammy

Living with an alcoholic is sooooo confusing. I know we all know that it is just some days it is more clear than others... I am having a very bad day and thought i would seek a shoulder from my friends here ... My husband is an alcoholic, we have been married a very long time and he has been a...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

Surrender Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him. --Step Three of Al Anon Surrendering to a Power greater than ourselves is how we become empowered.We become empowered in a new, better, more effective way than we believed possible.Doors op...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

Things are starting to get ugly. My "a" has demanded overnights with the boys and I'm so not comfortable about it. He says he'll take me to court if he has to. I know this girl has been pressuring him to fight for his rights to see them, but I can't trust him. He's lied about the af...

rtexas · rtexas

I am the only guy in the f2f meetings I have gone to. That doesn't bother me as right now I am just a sponge for information and help. They could be big red and green martians for all I care. My question is: Is my being there inhibiting anyone? I know you are not there, but in your...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Giving up (Preview) I did everything I could to help my A stop drinking but it all has been fruitless. He doesn't even seem to care about quitting anymore. I'm about to give up on him. I just don't know what else to do.	ashraven	4	424	Mar 11, 2006 by ashraven
	bitter moments (mom, ugh) (Preview) By now u all know I had an accident in the wee hrs tuesday around 2am... car ran me off the road, I hit the curb & am left beatned in the face, cracked windscreen, in shock. Rushed to the ER, couldn't raise my parent's for the world from 4-6 am, finall y 7 got a friend to come colllect me. Dunno as o...	kitty	7	549	Mar 11, 2006 by cedarpines
	March 11th Courage to Change (Preview) MARCH 11 "I've chosen my epitaph," says an Al-Anon friend. "I want it to read, 'He's finally minding his own business.''' We laugh, enjoying some relief in contemplating the lighter side of a serious subject, those defects of character that seem so hard to shake. Laughter makes o...	Debbie Lee	2	1835	Mar 11, 2006 by d53sjurne
	Feel like I grew up in a bubble! (Preview) Today as I have read several posts (not just today really, but for the past couple of months as well) I just feel like I grew up in a bubble! My family was so different from those that I read about on this site. We grew up in the church-I'm not sure there was an alcoholic/addict of any kind in my f...	hudsond	3	425	Mar 11, 2006 by Ria
	Working the Steps? (Preview) Hello, all, I thank you all for being here. At the same time, I have a question to ask of all of us on this forum. I know, from my years in Alanon, that true recovery happens when we work the steps with a sponsor. The Steps are a miracle, because our HP helps us to work them,and actually does the work, in my...	mebjk	5	366	Mar 11, 2006 by Powerless
	Please Pray For Me (Preview) Hi everyone - I really need some group prayers. My son is going to stay with his dad for 10 days, spring break, I am sad. To make this time tougher, a woman has been calling my cell phone and leaving lovey dovey messages. I worked though that, then today one of my crazy neighbors that has filed...	Robinks	9	503	Mar 11, 2006 by alanon_2002
	Hubby came home today :) (Preview) (((Dear friends)))) As I began to post, I told my husband how all of you were so supportive and prayed for us both throughout the last month. He said: Please tell them that I am very grateful and that I sure do appreciate their prayers, I believe it worked. He is still pretty frail bu...	Christy	11	415	Mar 11, 2006 by bob6502
	What is wrong with him?! (Preview) The story begins with R, an internet friend who is coming to visit me. He wished to go out to dinner with us on Saturday night, so I made reservations for 3 at Seasons 52. On Thursday R called to ask if he could change the plans and meet us on Friday. I agreed to this. But, then I had the quandry as to what...	ditto	3	364	Mar 11, 2006 by peewee
	nickel - dime aggravation (Preview) March 9 Small Things "In the past, we made simple situations into problems; we made mountains out of molehills."Basic Text, p. 87 Making mountains out of molehills seems to be our specialty. Have you heard it said that to an addict, a flat tire is a traumatic event? Or how about those of us who for...	rosie light shines	3	422	Mar 11, 2006 by Ria
	the wretched journey (Preview) After work today I went back to "our house" to sign our tax returns. I also had a chance to pick up a few of my belonging while I was there. Most importantly I was looking for my journal that I've searched high and low for since Oct. when I left. I finally found it in a box on the book shelf and was able to get...	whitie	5	619	Mar 11, 2006 by mebjk
	not starting the war (Preview) For me al-anon is about using the muscle I build up and practice practice practice. I have been practising not fighting with the A trying to be cooperative and being civil. For that I have been greatly inspired by people in this room. I cannot do this work in a vacuum I need support, I need feedback...	maresie	2	402	Mar 11, 2006 by BlueCloud
	A Reminder (Preview) My husband is out of town for the winter, working up north. He's been doing this or some variant of it for years, we are used to it, so that's not the problem (though it is starting to get lonesome). His mother is very ill, and may be dying. There is a lot of old stuff between him and his sister, and this si...	lin0606	3	327	Mar 11, 2006 by mebjk
	A sad tale (Preview) I suppose I should start off by telling you that I have had a number of people that I loved die. So, I understand the impact of death. And normally I am empatheic when I learn that someone has died because I know what it is to grieve. An A and his friends went to a bar. It was not enough fo...	ditto	2	350	Mar 11, 2006 by d53sjurne
	Determined to have a good time.... (Preview) Hi, I am snowed in in a rural area. I was going to go to town and do some errands and do something nice for myself. I also need more medication for face - pre-cancerous cells treatment. Because of the change of plans I can feel myself trying to sink into self pity and really start blaming my A for leaving me...	nmike	4	425	Mar 11, 2006 by aunitedway
	Bought the wrong book (Preview) I went to Barnes and Noble today to buy Courage to Change, but when I came home I realized I bought the wrong one. I'm going to read it anyway. I bought two other recovery books, but am not sure if I can say what they are. One is a daily meditation book about the twelve steps. I just...	Powerless	6	495	Mar 11, 2006 by nmike
	staying centered (Preview) My life has changed course recently in that I am working out there in the world. I can see how easily it is for me to get off course of my centeredness and much of it seems to be in picking up a resentment and not letting go of it. There are so many ways I can hold onto it. The way I get served at Starbucks, a slight...	maresie	3	311	Mar 11, 2006 by d53sjurne
	looking for a place to go (Preview) Okay, new here. First time ever posting on a message board. Please be kind. Been reading posts for several days now. As my name says "been on both sides" I am an A. Don't hate me yet. Working on my recovery. And now living with a full blown A. He's on a rampage right now. Tearing thru our storage. To find a shi...	been on both sides	11	487	Mar 11, 2006 by aunitedway
	What is the right or wrong thing to do living with someone in recovery (Preview) Once they have attained sobriety and are working the steps, going to AA and show the want to stay sober, what are the right and wrong things for us al-anoners to do? I know we still concentrate on ourselves and do our thing, but what else? Do we offer to go to meetings with them, or talk about t...	sdisnie	5	491	Mar 10, 2006 by Ria
	It was just another day... (Preview) So as of yesterday, March 9, I am officially divorced. The papers were (finally) filed last month, and the official date has come and gone. Yesterday was a bit of a reflective day for me, but not one of particular sadness. In many ways, I think I 'grieved' the failure/loss of my marriage...	canadianguy	8	616	Mar 10, 2006 by Maria123
	In asking for a sponsor... (Preview) I was told here when brand new that I wanted to look for someone who knew the program and LIVED the program, someone active in it and whose ESH (experience, strength, hope) I liked. There were a couple women at my ftf (face to face) group who I had my eye on, by listening to their story I could see how f...	kismetstrand	5	482	Mar 10, 2006 by maresie
	concerning question need your help! (Preview) The last few nights I have been kept awake buy these burning questions... Why do we call it a disease? Is it not a choice? How does my A choose not to drink for a day or a week? I lost my dad to cancer a year ago...he could not choose to be cancer free for a day, a week, but my A...	myst n rayne	8	579	Mar 10, 2006 by Ria
	My A-child,A-Mom,A-bro broke me (Preview) dear all, I replyed to d day post last night and then read on to find another earlier one. I can't tell you how comforting it was to see how many here have A-kids. I waswondering as I've hung around recently if there were more than spouses on this site.I needed so bad to see this. I have an A-dau and A-mom. I...	d53sjurne	4	510	Mar 10, 2006 by maresie
	Changing me is soo hard... (Preview) Last night my A asked how long it would take for me to do this program? Well... It is not a summer school class and I don't have a schedule for graduation.... <sigh> I told her I had spent 41 years getting this way and there is no telling how long it will take me to get back. She still res...	rtexas	7	765	Mar 10, 2006 by maresie
	D day is tomorrow. Am I doing the right thing? (Preview) My daughter is not going into treatment. She has spent the last week drunk every day and has made no arrangements to go into the center. Everything as usual is a lie and all she wants is for someone to rescue her and take care of her. She doesn't seem to be able to do...	expatanneli	8	407	Mar 10, 2006 by maresie
	Step 1 (Preview) Ok, until I get a sponsor... I have a question. "Admitted we are powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable." I am fully in bed with the unmanageable life part... lock stock and barrell. "Admitted I am powerless over alcohol..." I admit it, and my scientific self completly ag...	rtexas	8	430	Mar 10, 2006 by d53sjurne
	Can't get on Chat (Preview) Help! Just got new computer and have AOL 9.0 on it. When try to get in using mipchat.net get Miracles in Progress screen but fails to load. Just shows small red x at top left of screen even though says Done at bottom. When try to get in thru 12stepforums.net can get main screen and me...	lebe27	3	334	Mar 9, 2006 by lebe27
	Wonderful news!!!! (Preview) Hello my dear friends.. All those prayers worked!!! Yesterday when I went to see hubby he was mentally back :) (almost) He was sitting up eating, and said "HI, little one". That was sooooo good to hear. He has said that to me for years so I knew he was feeliing much better. He asked if I'd help hi...	Christy	12	498	Mar 9, 2006 by peewee
	God's Will be done! (Preview) As much as I surender to God's will & not my own... I had fallen into worrying & projecting this weekend. Having some old 'stinkin' thinking' going on... and i get run off of the road!!! So I have to think about today & not worry about what will become of me, all it does i...	kitty	5	375	Mar 9, 2006 by peewee
	attraction (Preview) Has anyone else run into this -- in the last few weeks I very casually met someone, who after only speaking to them a very few minutes, certainly less than an hour during a meeting with 4 other people there, I was just bowled over with attraction. I didn't even know this person, and it was like I was knocked...	emma	7	476	Mar 9, 2006 by emma
	lacking motivation (Preview) I have my f2f meeting tonight. I missed it last week. I don't really feel like going anymore. My a has been much better lately, though I know he is not permenantly better. I feel like I am falling off a diet, you know? Things are fine so I just don't want to go. ...	paintthinnr	9	415	Mar 9, 2006 by gardengal
	in direct communications (Preview) From day one I was always far more there for the A than he ever was for me. He only had to hint at financial difficulty and I stepped in. I prided myself on that he did not need to ask. He needed new clothes I bought them for him. I liked to try to anticipate his needs. These days I work on anticip...	maresie	3	291	Mar 9, 2006 by maresie
	Why did I wait so long? (Preview) I knew about Alanon many years ago. I even went to a couple of meetings but felt sure I could handle my problems myself. After all I am an educated woman. Surely I can do this on my own. Well, I know I can't. My 33 year old daughter has ste...	expatanneli	13	574	Mar 9, 2006 by expatanneli
	Sponsor needed (Preview) I have been participating in the chatroom and message board since Jan. 1 of this year. I went to Alanon f2f 19 years ago, for about a year, but divorced the A, so figured I didn't need it. So, who am I married to now? Another A! I am also ACOA, father died when I was 16 from cirrhosis of the liver....	Becky1	1	311	Mar 9, 2006 by aunitedway
	My Job (Preview) I need some serious prayers, all. I have had the same job for 19 years, now they are firing all kinds of people for anything. I have always had good attendance, but in Sept. I missed 3 days, and the end of Feb. I missed a week. All due to stress from living with an A. I was in hospital in Sept. for s...	Becky1	8	386	Mar 9, 2006 by myst n rayne
	trying to find time (Preview) my life has been a complete mess the past week or so. i have had no time to come on this message board even. i can feel everything going out of control because i havent had time for the program. i got to a f2f on monday and i felt good, its thursday morning and im a wreck. i know i need to phone my sponsor but am ter...	notsonew1111	4	294	Mar 9, 2006 by aunitedway
	Feelings of anger, denial, guilt (Preview) Sooner or later the alcoholic's behaviour makes other people angry. As we realize that the alcoholic is telling lies, using us, and not taking care of responisibilities, we may begin to feel that the alcoholic doesnt love us, We often want to strike back, punish, and make the alcoholic pay for the hur...	gardengal	4	660	Mar 9, 2006 by aunitedway
	car accident (Preview) Well, I was involved in a car acident lst night, got banged up pretty badly... spent the night in ER. Nothing broken, thank God... I swerved & hit the right hand side curb, busting my tired, the air bag deployed & cut me up quite a bit. I'm all sore & bruised & very tired bu...	kitty	14	451	Mar 9, 2006 by twinmom2
	He's insane (Preview) I'm soooo frustrated with dealing with my A. He is insane. I look at him and think, YOU ARE INSANE. Is it no wonder that I'm crazy??? We are suppose to be separating (legally). We've been physicially living apart for a year and a half. We see each other 3 time a wee...	Lunamoth	9	624	Mar 9, 2006 by kitty
	Letting Go - an awesome poem (Preview) hi all, i shared this poem on the board about a year or so ago, and a friend was asking me about a little while back. Thought i'd post it here for her and the newer members that maybe might like it to. LET GO As children bring thier broken toys- with tears- for us to mend, I brought my broken dream...	mastiff	2	660	Mar 9, 2006 by jrtjosey
	Playing the victim, blaming (Preview) Ok I need some help with clarifying the role of a victim. I'm confused as usual. As victims we are intent on proving our rightness. Therefore we blame others and or circumstances that suit OUR NEEDS to justify our behavior in a given situation. Which makes us a victim of others or unlucky circumstanc...	Hopefloats	8	1142	Mar 9, 2006 by Hopefloats
	how do you explain (Preview) I live with a wonderful man now (hahah they all have their bad points). My father is an A and so is my ex-husband. The ex is now long out of the picture and doesn't affect me in any way. However, because my mother still lives with my father he does affect me. My current partner rea...	bd	4	407	Mar 9, 2006 by rtexas
	and the cycle continues..... (Preview) Well I was on the phone with my A last night. I have spent the last five weeks or so working through the depression of being alone again, trying to find some zest for life again. I started to feel stronger this week, as per my latest posts, but now I realize something! I am angry! The only reaso...	sweetums	1	340	Mar 9, 2006 by mebjk
	23 days (Preview) After I told my boys what my online meetings were all about, Alanon. They said Mom, " You sure have changed a lot.Your a better Mom." I know we are going to be OK! At least I hope things don't change in their attititudes when it is only a female in the house. Thank you all for you...	jrtjosey	9	348	Mar 9, 2006 by twinmom2
	Numb (Preview) I have come to a point with myself where I feel numb. I moved out of the house over two months ago and I feel like a zombie just going about my typical day. Every day. I miss my fiance. He has only had one drink in 66 days and I am so amazingly proud of him. We talk on the phone severa...	sallyb	4	391	Mar 9, 2006 by leo
	It's a sad day (Preview) Today has been a very sad day for me. I gave in to my husband this morning and called off work for him. We ran some errands...got the staples out of the mastiff's belly, paid bills. My husband talked as we were flitting from one place to another. I was upset because a great aunt l...	Powerless	4	529	Mar 9, 2006 by leo
	Finding out I am not alone! (Preview) Another newbie here! I have been looking through posts for the last 2 days and I was shocked to read "my story" from complete strangers. What a relief to know I am not alone. I often wonder why I just can't seem to let go of my A. We started out as high school sweethearts and wit...	myst n rayne	5	343	Mar 9, 2006 by leo
	I'm fighting hard for recovery and safety (Preview) Thank you all who responded with knowledge on their experiences with the legal system. I offered my "a" supervised visits at his parents house with the kids. He reluctantly took it, but then called the next day to say how I'm treating him like a criminal. I was able to write up a Visi...	twinmom2	6	473	Mar 9, 2006 by leo
	Al-Anon, the 'latest' reason it's over... (Preview) My wife is an active A and we have been in total turmoil for months now. So much so I scrambled around and found this wonderful place (and wonderful people). We had a civil conversation last night where she let me know she just couldn't live with me going to these 'meetings'. She doesn't l...	rtexas	9	445	Mar 9, 2006 by twinmom2
	Working on me (Preview) Hub has been gone for 2 weeks. Came Sunday and spent a very chaste night. Was here Monday when I got home from work. Was not drinking. Wants to know where we are headed. He can come home anytime he wants to, but has resentment towards me. I love him, but have handed him over to HP. Am working hard to sta...	Becky1	5	309	Mar 9, 2006 by leo
	Thank you :-) (Preview) Thank you all!!! Tonight my A wasn't any different. But I was I had said earlier today that I felt like I was fighting being in a paper bag. That if I would just quit fighting that I'd figure how to get out. Only it just felt impossible to gi...	Lunamoth	1	297	Mar 9, 2006 by jrtjosey
	Off Again (Preview) Were off again... My A started helping a friend out in the evenings at a new take away shop. As it is normally around 12 when he gets back, I go to bed as I am up at 6 for work. This morning I woke to find him asleep on the sofa with empty cans of beer half hidden. I...	penny	3	315	Mar 9, 2006 by jrtjosey
	So many Blessings (Preview) I started my morning this morning on a positive note. I have a lot of questions about my HP and sometimes have a lot of trouble handing things over to Him, but I know for a fact that He has Blessed my life in so many ways. I have a wonderful home. It's a double wide mobile home, but it's four bed...	Powerless	1	306	Mar 9, 2006 by jrtjosey
	why did I choose the A (Preview) My sponsor asked me this question because she feels it is a real issue in ending the cycle of choosing dysfunctional partners. I know for me the urge to depend, be included and be part of is enormous because I come from a family where I was absolutely excluded and ostracized and banned and punished.&nbs...	maresie	3	636	Mar 9, 2006 by Sondee
	Breaking the behavior the negative pattern (Preview) ''So I guess what I am saying is take this time for you. Focus on yourself, commit to your own recovery. Let his be his, it will all play out in time. When I realized that my husbands behavior did not change whether he was drinking or not, without a program in AA, I also realized th...	Hopefloats	9	523	Mar 9, 2006 by emma
	Expectations vs boundaries (Preview) Since I have been in contact with alanon I have learned that expectations were not necessarily good (leads to resentments). But surely I should be able to expect some degree of communication and cooperation from my a husband? Am I right to think I need to learn more about setting boundaries? If so, whe...	annah	6	774	Mar 9, 2006 by emma
	Feeling better (Preview) I am feeling better than I was a few hours ago. My husband received his tax refund today. We weren't expecting it because we thought he owed money. He was by himself when he got the call and he called me right away to tell me how much the check was. He cashed it and brought me all bu...	Powerless	3	309	Mar 9, 2006 by aunitedway
	Confused (Preview) Living with an alcoholic is sooooo confusing. I know we all know that it is just some days it is more clear than others... I am having a very bad day and thought i would seek a shoulder from my friends here ... My husband is an alcoholic, we have been married a very long time and he has been a...	Tammy	9	384	Mar 8, 2006 by marmare
	yes, the SWEETNESS of surrender (Preview) Surrender Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him. --Step Three of Al Anon Surrendering to a Power greater than ourselves is how we become empowered.We become empowered in a new, better, more effective way than we believed possible.Doors op...	rosie light shines	3	441	Mar 8, 2006 by kitty
	It's time to fight for my boundaries (Preview) Things are starting to get ugly. My "a" has demanded overnights with the boys and I'm so not comfortable about it. He says he'll take me to court if he has to. I know this girl has been pressuring him to fight for his rights to see them, but I can't trust him. He's lied about the af...	twinmom2	9	436	Mar 8, 2006 by emma
	guys in your f2f meetings... (Preview) I am the only guy in the f2f meetings I have gone to. That doesn't bother me as right now I am just a sponge for information and help. They could be big red and green martians for all I care. My question is: Is my being there inhibiting anyone? I know you are not there, but in your...	rtexas	12	474	Mar 8, 2006 by iona54
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.