The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For me al-anon is about using the muscle I build up and practice practice practice. I have been practising not fighting with the A trying to be cooperative and being civil. For that I have been greatly inspired by people in this room. I cannot do this work in a vacuum I need support, I need feedback, I need encouragement.
This morning one of the big stressors happened. One of our dogs got out. That would always throw me in a panic before. I lived in panic as a child. I have been doing much much work on that in therapy. This morning rather than ranting and raving I simply got up got the dog and brought her home. I had no words of recrimination for the A. I did not go into a rant about the way he lets them out. I simply attended to it. I did not take his inventory and spoil the day.
I handled it and said nothing. He knows he lets them out wrong. I do not need to point it out again. I have pointed it out at least 300 times already. There are no more words to be said. I do not need to exploded, code (I have almost had a heart attack I have been in such panic and rage). I just take care of my end of it (this is my dog) and I go on about my day.
How wonderful to live so simply. I am still mad of course that he continues with the same self defeating stuff but I do not beat a drum about it anymore.
The line I especially resonated too in your post was, "...but I do not beat a drum about it anymore"--that made me chuckle with self-recognition. What a wonderful image for all the fuss I raise at times! With that line, I saw myself beating a drum, making a ton of racket, and sounding out the war cry--trying to get the attention of whoever I believe has injured me. And yet, as you rightly point out, when I go to the drumbeating, then suddenly, I'm living there, instead of in my daily activities. More, and more, I see that doing and getting things done and focusing my my daily routine really does bring me joy and serenity.
