The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just as i expected, I got home from work to find my A lay on the sofa having a love affair with a bottle vodka. For now the obscenities have'nt started but I am sure they will come.
When I walked through the door my stomach was in complete turmoil, I saw him and felt sick, numb with disbelief, then started to wonder if it was something I had done that triggered it off, was there something I could say that might bribe him in to stopping. I knew I needed to do something, so I did, but it was for me not him. So I took myself off to a meeting, listened then talked, listened some more, and came away feeling a whole lot better. This time yesterday when I posted all I could visualize was the pain and hurt he was going to cause me, today I realise that I dont have to allow him that pleasure.
I have never been good at detaching so I am going to arrange it so my weekend is busy, then I will be out of the house, out of his way and him out of mine. Its not going to be easy but I am sure going to give it my best. ....Oh and I will pray a lot....
So sorry for your situation. There is another post about the 3 C's.
YOU didn't cause it , can't cure it, or control it. I'm not good at funnies, but are
u sure just for the wkend ? You have a right to a fulfilled life !
The program will help lots, come back and you will learn what you need to know.
With lots of love, caring, kindness, and support.
>>>>>>>>BLESSINGS<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
Back in Oct I hit my bottom. I attended my first f2f the night of our anniversary. Joined Curves, fought w/going to AlAnon not going to AlAnon (Im finally comfortable at my Wed night & Sat morn) and joined a new Church. Kept busy, busy, busy. Now Im in a comfortable routine. Its time for me now to face the feelings Ive been stuffing. Im ready to start the 12 Steps.
Hi, 'well done' for getting to a f2f and sharing. I know its difficult not to get caught up in the madness so another 'well done' for keeping busy. Of course you feel hurt but you didn't cause it, its his disease talking to him. If you feel able you could try open AA meets. I found they gave me such insight into the disease and a greater compassion for my A's struggles. They also gave me hope. When I 1st went, without my A as he was still drinking and in denial of his addiction, I was worried I'd be seen as 'the enemy'. My fears were groundless and I was very much welcomed. Today I have my own personal friends in that fellowship too. As much as this helped, I had to keep my focus on myself and my program.
Detaching does get easier with practice. I stayed behind after meetings and asked others how they applied it in their lives. I struggled so much with detachment in the early days, one step forward, two steps back (and still far from being an expert on it!) but it gives you such a great feeling when you do achieve it. One day you may even find yourself doing it with love lol. As long as you stay honest, open and willing, growth and progress are inevitable. Stay strong, it's just for today. With love and best wishes
Hi.... reading your post, and all the great responses to it, all reminding you that this is HIS disease, and there isn't a darn thing you can do to make him stop.... You CAN take care of you.
I like the analogy of weather - think about how much influence and control you have over the weather..... and you have about exactly the same amount of influence and control over whether he drinks or not.... That being said, you CAN take care of yourself in weather, by using an umbrella, wearing winter clothes, etc..... So Al-Anon is our toolset for living our lives, regardless of the weather outside.... When we totally absorb and accept it, the weather outside becomes far less relevant to our daily serenity...
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Keep up the good work on detachment and taking care of you. Sometimes detachment can be difficult cause we care about the one who is drinking. I know by worrying so much about what they are doing does us no good and we then slowly forget about ourselves..take care!
Keepin it Simple.
