The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK, I am hoping that someone will give me some ideas of what to do with myself. I called my friend yesterday. And, he hasn't called back. I just get so worried. I know, logically, there is no reason to worry--that he can take care of himself (or at least should). And, I also know that if he isn't calling me back it is probably because he simply doesn't want to. But, it's like a disease that I can't get off my mind. I feel like driving over there just to make sure his car is in the driveway in one piece. Or, calling his roomate just to see if he is still alive. I can't figure out why with some people I am able to detach and with others I can't. It is like once I get in the helping mode I just forget about myself. I really hate that because I don't get done what I need to get done for myself. I probably end up being the one that needs to be rescued, not him!! How pathetic.
Does anyone else have this sort of problem? How do you guys get through it. It is like talking to him, just knowing he is OK is a drug or an addiction!!
I have heard it said that we are as addicted to the addicts in our lives as the addicts are addicted to the drugs. That's why we work a 12-step program as well. Turn him over to your HP.
I can relate so well to how you're thinking today, as I have felt the same way. Our minds obsess if they are ok, what they are doing and so on. Just stay focused on you and dont' forget about yourself..Have a good day!
oh yes, I remember well all the 'babysitting' and worrying I did over my A. His family felt I could and should 'cure' him! Once I started learning to detatch and look after myself, my life got sooo much better! I told my A to GROW UP and look after himself, that I was through 'babysitting' and it was time to be a 'big boy' at around age 60.
Take care of you, do something that makes YOU happy, Love TLC
Remember this "I can't help it" feeling, next time you are tempted to say "Why doesn't he just quit drinking, he would if he loved me". An addiction is an addiction -it's not easy to quit!
One thing I have found helps is "one minute at a time" - "I won't call until after I take a shower" "I'll vacuum the living room first, before I call" You get the idea. You can always last one minute, can't you? And then, go to the next minute. Often, the urge goes away, if you keep postponing it - it's like giving your innate good sense time to kick in.
Distraction is definitely key...in more ways than one in this instance....
First, distracting yourself is important. Second, realizing that this is distracting you from yourself is important as well. You are focusing on this other person to the exclusion of yourself!
This may lead you to focus on yourself, why are yo feeling this way? What is the REAL emotion you are experiencing? is it fear? anxiety? stress? worry? guilt? anger? These feelings are just like drugs within us, and serve the same purpose for us that alcohol does for an A. Distraction from your own self, being able to own your feelings instead of putting them out there on an 'other'.
This would always be a good time to stop, take a deep breath, sit on your hands for a minute and ask yourself for some honesty. You may be very surprised what you find, and then read some alanon literature, visit us here at the alanonn website, and call a friend. It may help you break the cycle of obsession.
It is just so hard! What did we ever do before cell phones? Today is not a good day for me all around. I don't know why! I am obsessing over my A...calling his cell phone and then worrying about him seeing how many times I have called. That's letting go...isn't it???? My own addiction (food) is so out of control today. All I know is that he needs to leave my home. I cannot protect him from the world and so I don't want to know what he is doing (or not doing) anymore. I was doing so good and today I feel like I have lost it again. I want a LIFE!!!! I don't want to be involved in his. I will try very hard to do this with love but...I don't know. I am feeling very angry today. I am afraid when I get home I will say some angry things. I'm afraid if I don't stay angry then I won't follow through. I will cave. I don't know what to do sometimes.
