The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had planned on telling my husband we were leaving yesterday, but my son screwed it up Saturday by qualifying for State Westling competition in two weeks.
I'm ready to to tell him anytime, but have been waiting for the boys wrestling to finish up as not to upset their lives by living with a prick with the rest of the month. Now the probblem being if I wait for wrestling to be over and that is only one week before we start to move out. What,we are happy family traveling togeher one weekend and gone the next?
I fear he will be a prick to live with and my son will suffer in his performance at State from the friction.
My gut says the right thing to do is tell him now and protect the kids the best I can from his mouth if he does get mouthy and nasty althugh it should't be a complete surprise, even the minister said we should seperate.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Maybe you could have a talk with the boys and kinda prepare them as to what to expect from your A. Heck, Maybe he won't be a prick. Maybe he'll just spend all his time in the garage. But, I agree, spending the weekend as a "happy family" will be like being used or blindsided if you tell him afterward. I think that would piss me right on off. He might choose not to go once he finds out. I guess the best advice is to do whatever seems fair and right. Do whatever you would like to see happen if the roles were reversed.
Love ya Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Congratulations on your son's state competition! You must be very proud!
I do not know your whole situation, but I was once married to a very controlling man. I planned my escape from him for 6 months with the help of the Abuse Advocates. When my husband came home from work that day, all my stuff was gone.
I felt like a real jerk doing it that way, but I knew if he knew I was leaving, he never would have let me, and would have made my life a living hell.
IMHO, The important thing is your sons. Keeping them happy and safe during this difficult time. Do they know about the planned leaving?
Only you will be able to decide what is best for your kids and you.
To me it doesn't really matter when you tell him. I would leave and call to tell him! Why put up with abuse if you do not have to? Is it going to change the inevitable?
Leave immediately if there's danger. But otherwise, I assume you are leaving with your sons. Are they mature enough to get their imput? Would you respect your sons imput? If not, make the decision alone as the adult. I believe you should only ask if you're truly prepared to consider their feelings. Good luck, and may you find the smoothest road.
Like Becky, I too had to flee while he was at work or face him talking me into staying. We can't tell you what's right for you and your boys but be sure if you want out, you get out without fear. I didn't tell my son until the night before because I didn't want him to feel quilty about maybe being able to stop it if he told his dad. There is no easy way to turn your life upside down and I don't know if there is a perfect way. Do what you have to to take care of your kids.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted.
