The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Well my kids have been expressing more and more lately that they really miss my ex-A. I haven;t taken them to see him for the past seven weeks because to honest I just didn't know how to handle the situation. Their father and I seperated many years ago and they see him reg. and so this puts my ex into a funny 'catagory'. He is not their father, but was living with me for 6 years, and took careo f them a lot. I decided that I had been wrong to not let them see him, and I was ignoring their feelings so I made a date with him on Sunday for him to see the kids.
I have been angry lately because when I told him he had to go, it was with the understanding that I would not wait for him, but that I wanted him above all others and he had to earn his way back in our family through recovery. Well, six weeks later when he still did not seek it out, I started to get mad. That old feeling of control again. I expected him to want recovery if his family was at stake for him. I am a jerk for using emotional blackmail. Now I feel like it was at the expense of my kids feelings!
I am glad that they got to see him and hug him, and so are they. They love him. I will make sure from now on that they are allowed to have their own relationship with him as before and I will stepoff and quit trying to control things so much.
By the way, it was good for him to spend some time with us, too, as a family. He contacted AA last night, told his NA friend that he lives with, and got support from his friend. He was very surprised and relieved by that. I told him never be embarrased of taking the right steps in the right direction. Be proud. Now it jsut bears to see if he attends meetings and follows the steps seriously.
I will pray for him, and continue letting the kids see him on a regular basis. I will support him emotionally as a friend. I have new resolve for my own program. If he does get into recovery, I want to be better as a person too. If he fails at recovery or gives up, I will be better able to handle it.
you seem to have it so together. i guess i am still stuck in that selfish spot as my A doesn't attempt to do much with our kids, but i don't encourage it either as it is easier, more peaceful for me to minimize my time/contact with him. some times i think i can offer them better w/o him. but i think you are correct, that they need their father (father figure in your case), i will have to figure that one out. you seem to have it figured out - good luck with the implementation - you are an inspiration to us all!
