The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Over the past few days I feel myself changing more. I have been coming here for quite some time, but he I have made more progress this weekend than I ever had. My husband did not give me his while check on Friday as he normally does and I did not ask for it. I know that the money he kept went for crack, but I did not mention it. That was hard for me. Yesterday he took $100.00 out of my purse that I had forgotten to hide. After staying in the rooms until I calmed down, I no longer felt the need to confront him about it. As I was at the meeting last night I witnessed him reading his NA book while smoking a joint. Again, I kept my mouth shut and kept the focus on me. Today he is still asleep and it is noon. Normally I would be very angry that he is not up and participating in the family. I planted flowers with my two year old, watched a movie I like, got some work done, cleaned up a bit and relaxed. Normally I don't allow my son to get his 4-wheeler out without my husband, but another father was out there as were a bunch of children so I knew he wouldn't be alone. I got to thinking, I am perfectly capable of handling my son if he wrecks. I allowed him to begin his day without waiting on dad. The program is working for me. These are just small steps, but I already feel better since noticing that I can do it. It causes anxiety to do something new, but I know it will work. Thank you to everyone who gave me words of wisdom this weekend.
Powerless, I was in the room when you were chatting last night, and I felt your pain and frustration. But, LOOK, girl! You DID it! I am so proud of you! You let it go, which I know is hard, but it was probably the best thing. And look at you, this morning, living your life, not waiting on your husband. That is go great. Someday I hope I can do that. By the grace of God, I will!
I, too, am struggleing to change my behaviors, but my husband has been gone for 3 weeks come tomorrow. He is staying with an A couple that we know, his best friend from 1st grade. I miss him terribly, but am grateful I have had time to read, study, learn, try to absorb some major alanon. Wish I had realized how important it was for me to be here a few years ago. Maybe it would have helped our marriage situation before it got as bad as it is. Who know? I know I can't go back and change the past, but I will move forward, hopefully with my marriage intact. You see, I love him. But he is very ill and not able right now to love me the way I want to be. But, he still calls sometimes, so he must still love me as much as he is able. He is in outpatient treatment, but still actively drinking.
Glad your hub was at least reading his NA book, even if it was with a joint in his hand. We will never understand their behavior, I guess.
I am so happy for you. Hope you come to the room more often so we can chat. Until then, hang in there. You are doing an awesome job! ODAT!
Great job on focusing on yourself and your kids. I'm sure they can feel a difference in you too. keep waiting for you to change your name here to enpowered! You're sounding stronger all the time.
