I got by with a lil help from MY friend too (tee hee) and one of the nicest things that happened was that my boss said "wow I really like your paper; it's really interesting.  She's the daughter of an A and has a ton of isms (tee hee).  She asked what the 12 steps were (lol).

Alcoholism is a Family Disease

Alcoholism is a family disease; consequently, treatment is necessary for the non-alcoholic family members as well.  “Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic.  The entire family is, to some extent, ill” (Alcoholics Anonymous 122).  Treatment, also known as recovery, for non-drinkers is attending Al-Anon, Alateen, or any form of individual counseling.  Recovery -- a regaining of something lost, a regaining of balance, control or composure -- is necessary for families living with an alcoholic because “over time, the family can become as functionally impaired as the member with alcoholism” (Kinney 210).  Katrina S. states “[. . .] as the length of our relationship grew, so did the strength of the disease.  I tried everything to make him ‘better,’ I poured out booze, I threw away my own pain killers, even when I medically needed them after surgeries, injuries, or even given birth to our children, I would not fill any prescription for narcotics putting my own health and pain level aside.”

            “Dealing with our loved ones -- our closest, most important and often most troublesome relationships -- can be a strong test of our recovery.  These are often the people who were responsible for our seeking out Al-Anon in the first place” (Paths to Recovery 122).  In Al-Anon, attending meetings, getting a sponsor, using the slogans and working the 12 steps can provide relief and a life worth living whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.

In alanon [sic] I learned that alcoholism is a disease that affects the whole family.  I, for the first time saw that I was just as sick, if not sicker, than any alcoholic around me and that I needed help too.  I learned that there was no way I was ever going to be able to ‘cure’ my husband or my family from this disease, and for the first time in my life, I could finally stop trying too. (Katrina S.)

Al-Anon has meetings world wide and has a toll-free number, 1-888-4AL-ANON, in order to access meetings in your community.  “As newcomers to Al-Anon, many of us are overwhelmed with the concept of the family disease.  We learn early on about the Twelve Steps.  We hear that ‘working’ these Steps is our path to personal recovery” (Paths to Recovery xii).  Al-Anon uses the Serenity Prayer to help those in recovery deal with daily strife.  The prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference,” (Paths to Recovery 20) does give one an opportunity to pause while dealing with crisis and evaluate your possibilities and may ultimately assist in choosing a better option. 

For example, Step 5 is admitted to ourselves, our Higher Power and someone else the exact nature of our wrongs.  That someone else may or may not be a sponsor.  After working Steps 1 through 4, one has begun to develop trust again.  It's still fragile, however, so selecting the right person or sponsor to work Step 5 is critical.  It's important to note that “we are not looking for someone to tell us how to handle our problems, but rather for a loving witness who can provide perspective on our spiritual journey; one who can appreciate what we are doing and how we are growing” (Paths to Recovery 55).

“The family is no better able to cope with the disease in its midst than is the impaired member, and thus involved in treatment is essential” (Kinney 210).  Families who live with alcoholism grow up with no boundaries, lack communication skills, and have little self-esteem.  “Recovery does not cure us of every human imperfection or eliminate all pain in our lives.  But it gives us the tools to deal with our problems and to continually work to improve ourselves” (Paths to Recovery 102).

There are many reasons I felt I needed the help that alanon has to offer; the first of which is because my husband is a recovering alcoholic and secondly because of the dynamics of my family of origin.  I come from a family 25 members in all, and of which, only 4 people are not alcoholics or drug addicts.  I am grateful to be able to say that I am one of those 4 people; however, coming from such a background, I did not come out unscathed (Katrina S.)

Al-Anon also has slogans, such as Think, Live and Let Live, and One Day at a Time, which are useful tools for dealing with life.  Take the acronym “Think” for example.  Think answers the following questions:  Is it Thoughtful?  It is Honest?  Is it Intelligent?  Is it Necessary?  Is it Kind?  Think has one analyze one's own actions.  Using the acronym Think when taking an action or responding to a stressful situation is applied to each question.  Is it thoughtful inferring spending some time considering the action, not just a knee-jerk reaction.  Is it honest taking some time to reflect on the truthfulness of the situation?  If it is not intelligent, the decision may be not taking that course of action.  For example, calling someone a jerk in reaction to something they have done is not an intelligent response and does not yield the type of result in rectifying the particular problem.  In this way, you have made a mature and thoughtful decision.  The final two questions often result in an action not being taken.  They are is it necessary and is it kind? (Paths to Recovery 106).

“What is important to note is that the behaviors exhibited by the non-alcoholic parent can moderate the impact of the drinking on family life” (Kinney 218).  By going to treatment, the parent is a living example to their children.  For children affected by someone else’s drinking, Alateen is a suggested recovery program.  Alateen is geared towards teenagers.  “If you have answered yes to any of these questions, Alateen may help you” (Has your life been).

In Alateen, kids learn that compulsive drinking is a disease; they can detach themselves emotionally from the drinker's problems while continuing to love the person; they are not the cause of anyone else's drinking or behavior; they cannot change or control anyone but themselves; they have spiritual and intellectual resources with which to develop their own potentials, no matter what happens at home; they can build satisfying and rewarding life experiences for themselves. (What Alateen) 

I am grateful for what life has brought me. Before Alateen, I never knew how many things there are to be grateful for.  I am thankful for my friends, family, and Sponsors.  I am happy that more than one Sponsor showed up at our meeting. If it wasn’t for them, I probably wouldn’t be here. I am grateful to have such loving and caring friends. Alateen helped me overcome some of my fears. When I went to Alateen, I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t talk for a while. But I’m grateful that when I started going to meetings and talking, I knew I was helping others too. (Michael)

The process for healing the inner child begins by continuing to grieve, telling our story, transforming our lives, and integrating all of the information garnered throughout the recovery process. 

Twelve-Step self-help groups describe their stories as “What we were like,” “What happened” and “What we are like now.”  People in group therapy may call it risking, sharing, participating and “working” in group.  In individual counseling or psychotherapy we may describe it be similar names, and psychoanalysts may call it “free association, working through transference and through unsolved internal conflict.”  Among close friends, we may call it “baring our souls” or “having a heart-to-heart talk.” (Whitfield 96) 

By sharing “your story,” one begins the process of healing within.  “At the same time that we experience more personal power and more possibility and choice, we also begin to take more responsibility for making our lives work (Whitfield 107).

Today, I can gratefully say that my life is completely different.  I can stand on my own two feet.  My happiness is not dependant [sic] upon anyone but myself. [. . .]  Alanon has offered me a better way to live.  My husband is sober with 16 months of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous now but still suffers from the “isms” of alcoholism as do I.  We both still attend our meetings regularly. [. . .]  This program is not a miracle cure or a magic pill that has fixed or cured me.  It is a way of living that I need to continue to use in order to maintain the priceless gift of serenity I was given. (Katrina S.)

“As we become more familiar with being our observer self and with the healing power of spirituality, we can begin to construct a possible path to realizing serenity, inner peace and happiness”   (Whitfield 137). 

I will always have the scars this disease has left me with, however today, they have healed and no longer hurt, they are only scars.  My husband and other family members will always be alcoholics; the difference is, today, I can love them the way they are and still maintain my own happiness, whether they are drinking or not. (Katrina S.)

“Each time we complete and integrate a story, i.e., that particular 'episode' of our life story, we are then free to create a newer, bigger and more truthful or honest story” (Whitfield 121). 

Some readers may be skeptical about this concept of “spirituality.”  Some may be confused.  Others may not believe any of it. [. . .]  By contrast others may find some solace in reading it, and still others may identify a lot of useful material here.  Whatever your reaction, I invite you to follow your reactions and instincts. [. . .] Use what you can, and leave the rest.  Spirituality has worked for me and I have seen it work for hundreds of others in healing their Child Within.  (Whitfield 141)

            Recovery is a lifelong journey.  Treatment is required on an ongoing basis.  In conclusion, by attending Al-Anon, Alateen or any form of individual counseling on a continued basis, recovery is not only hopeful for the non-drinking family members but also can assure that all family members’ recovery will continue.

Works Cited

Alcoholics Anonymous.  Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. New York City: 2001.

“Has Your Life Been Affected By Someone Else’s Drinking? Alateen Is For You!” ­Al-Anon/Alateen.  2000.  2 Mar. 2006 <http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/pdf/S20.pdf>.

Kinney, M.S.W., Jean. Loosening The Grip, A Handbook of Alcohol Information.  Boston:  Mc Graw Hill, 2000.

“Michael.” Alateen Talk 43.1: 2 pages.  2 Mar. 2006 <http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/pdf/alateentalk.pdf>.

S, Katrina, Personal interview. 20 Mar. 2006.

Paths to Recovery, Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts / Al-Anon Family Groups. 1997.

“What Alateen members learn.” Alateen.  2 Mar. 2006 < http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/alamore.html >.

Whitfield, M.D., Charles L., Healing the Child Within. Deerfield Beach:  Health Communications, Inc., 1989.