Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Ness · Ness

My daughter, who became a single parent exactly one yr ago, when she asked her A husband to leave, has had the offer of not one job but two! One job is safe, (boring) well paid (with pension plan etc) but no chance for her to grow in her field. The other is with a vibrant, young dynamic company, 3 month trial...

idontknow · idontknow

i have a hard time with this--determining what is controlling vs putting up boundaries. I often feel like people are more trying to control me than vice versa. Like today, on a message board with one of my ex's. I have no relationship with him at all. (he dumped me--HARDCORE) Yet he constantly brings up...

Columbine 1122 · Columbine 1122

How do you begin to confront the feelings of losing a parent? I'm only 28 years old and my mom is gone. Forever. My mom was an alcoholic before I was even born. She used to think it was funny that she drank while she was pregnant with me and "my daughter turned out just fine!" I never thought...

intothewoods · intothewoods

The f2f meeting I *thought* was today is tomorrow. Well! One day at a time, right? Since there's no meeting for me, I thought I'd post here instead. I'm having mixed feelings that I need to let loose on the internet. Well... He went to a meeting with an addiction counselor today, and he got more info about...

Codependent · Codependent

My therapist says I have choices and just need to stop with all these "feelings" for him. "Feelings" of rejection. "Feelings" of wanting him. "Feelings" of preoccupation. How do you stop feelings?

regigse · regigse

Greetings everyone my name is Regina, I just joined your online al-anon message board. It surprises me that I did because I have been near al-anon before, and I didn't think I was enabler. I still am not sure that I am, but I do know that how I feel right now... Just about all of you have probably felt.....

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

I know that no one can tell me what to do, but I want to run a situation by you and get some opinions. Last year we were supposed to go to Hawaii. We've been going every year for 10 years. We have a time-share there, so we don't every have to play for a place to stay. We bought 2 plane tickets and the 3rd one was p...

Karilynn · Karilynn

(((((Family)))), Life is too short not to dance around the house with our furry friends. So grab your pets, step away from the chaos and boogie down with them. You'll be surprised how much you smile. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the day. Much love and blessings to you and your families and of course, our pe...

miss lucy · miss lucy

hi all. i had a text last night from AH saying he missed me and the dog! BREAKTHROUGH #1. He never backs down. Up until now its always been me that has made the peace, done the chasing to make things better. I was shocked to say the least. It was quite late when he text so i naturally thought here we go.,.....

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

I hope I'm not completely overstepping my posting boundaries here. Feel like I've been a posting demon the past week or so, but I guess this is my form of "sharing" outside of the rooms. For that I am SOOOO grateful for this board and for all of the wonderful members :) Last night, my exabf whom...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

I am told to PRACTICE powerlessness. Practice Step one. How? In my mind I seem to resist this surrender. I feel if I do this than there is no way my exabf will want me back. Ibelieve that my struggling and fighting and trying to maintain some sort of control - somehow prevents pain? I am learning that power...

pineapple · pineapple

My A still drank on the past two days, but unlike most days lately he didn't drink til he was drunk or passed out. He barely drank at all and was actually sober for most of the time. It was so nice having him ¨present¨ for a change. But it was so hard for me to admit my powerlessness. I kept thinking that becaus...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

Third time's a charm or three strikes and you're out. Either way, I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be the official sentencing and my AH will be going to jail for his DUI (I would honestly be shocked if he got a 4th extension). He made a plea deal of 45 days work release. I've got some anxiety about being alo...

Raven68 · Raven68

I disabled I live with an alcoholic mother and an a verbally abusive step father. I am, if I can afford to move to assisted living faculity. I am not sure I can.

Ness · Ness

Today one of my f2f family has lost her husband to this hateful disease. She has been separated from him for a while but lived nearby and was witness to the ongoing progression of his disease. He was prone to blackouts and we believe he succumbed to hypothermia after collapsing outside. She has many yrs...

Overcome · Overcome

I started dating this wonderful man 12 days after divorcing my husband. (sign #1) He seemed to be the answer to prayer and met my every need. (sign #2) Bought me things and spoiled me lavishly (wanted to buy me a horse for Christmas). Started talking about marriage after dating 4 months (sign # 3) Had a me...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i am quite a creative person. i love writing:- letters, poems, short stories, etc. this skill has been of great help and comfort during some very dark times in my life. i have started using the skill again since my breakup with AH. sometimes i just sit and write whatever comes into my head (most inc...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Just got back from my "other" meeting this moring...the one just 20 or so feet from the Pacific Ocean. The ocean was calm and peaceful and the meeting was a quiet spiritual, HP event. Two people, married, both receiving anniversary coins for the same length of time in recovery. Both with...

intothewoods · intothewoods

Hey, everybody. Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me. This forum has really helped my sanity! I just thought I'd post tonight about where I am now. I feel like I'm in Limbo. Despite my boundaries and all my work, nothing's changed. Nothing's changed, so nothing's changed, yep I learn...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Found these while looking online today and thought I'd share:) Peace and faith, shelly Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apat...

Mattie · Mattie

I recently posted on my realization that there was a disconnect between the rewards I think the relationship with the A will bring, and the actual misery and anxiety of the experience. Then I found a scientific report that says they have found that exact thing! Apparently there are two different kin...

Festfan · Festfan

Book reviews wanted... Hi all and happy weekend! So, I have been reading lots & lots on this site all week (seems so long and so short at the same time). I know that there are a lot of Al Anon and related books out there - what are your favorites - especially at the beginning of your journey? There is no...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i have been reading some posts and would like to know...what is the definition of an addictive personality? how do you know if you are attracted to one? how do you know if you are one yourself? the reason i ask is that i have been married 3 times now,,,,hubby no1 was a very violent paranoid schizophre...

Festfan · Festfan

And I can't tell if I am relieved or not... I really didn't know what my exact "position" would be with him - have been debating the full break up vs setting up some boundaries. We had not seen each other since New Year's & very few phone calls - mostly texting. I didn't invite him to a par...

blender_girl · blender_girl

Well, after about of month of relative peace and occasional borderline happiness, I fell back into the trap of my soon to be ex AH's manipulation and mind games. I see now that I had allowed myself to trust the illusion that he was doing better - getting sober. We managed to have several pleasant (dar...

Mattie · Mattie

I had a breakthrough this morning. I was obsessing about my ex. And so I was yearning and missing him and having these conversations in my mind where I explain the truth and he gets it and repents and everything's perfect... And I was trying to get this obsession out of my mind by telling myself, "...

miss lucy · miss lucy

hi again. i had a nice surprise earlier today. AH asked me to go to his home for a talk. he was calm, collected and very focused. i haven't seen him like this for....oooo...must be 2 years or more. Anyway, he made me a coffee and he started the conversation off .."how are we going to sort this mes...

3littlekittens · 3littlekittens

Hi all-- You have always been so helpful to me, so I thought I would seek your ESH on separating from my AH in regards to our children. My AH (finally!!) moved out on December 30 (this is a very, very good thing for me). Kids took the news well, asked questions, and I am working to keep a very open dialogue on t...

John · John

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jasobel · jasobel

This week was the second meeting I had with my sponsor. After the meeting I worked for a couple of hours on the questions for my first step. What brought me into alanon was a relationship with an A boyfriend that ended after3 years when he left me for another woman he met in AA. Well after my journaling on so...

Carol_Lynn · Carol_Lynn

Carol Lynn, alanon. Detachment. this issue was what got me in the rooms of Alanon last September. People just got to me, left and right. I almost died becasue I internalized everything they said and did to me---esp. the A's I got involved with. I stopped making any more friends becasue I got so tired o...

LSL · LSL

I'm a 20something year woman with an alcoholic father. He is a good man but I believe he is severely depressed and self-medicates with drinking. My mom is finally at a breaking point and doesn't know how to handle it anymore. We know we can't save him and he is the only one who can save himself. Does anyone...

Dyinginside · Dyinginside

Driving the people in their lives crazy?! I'm not sure if my BF thrives on gaslighting and playing mind games or if he actually doesn't even know he's doing it. Why is the reaction of others so imporant to addicts. Even when they are sober and in recovery? Does this ever go away? Never in my life have I had s...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone, well my ABF had a slip beginning of NOV and I have just realised so did I big time. I kept going to meetings, reading, talking o sponsor but have not been walking the walk. There re big consequences to this that I now have to face. My ABF went straight back to AA after a 24 hr slip, he lost alot due...

miss lucy · miss lucy

hello again. i hope it is ok to post almost every day but i am finding it really helpful to share my thoughts this way and mention anything that is really bothering me as i cant get to a one to one group at the moment (i live 6 miles out of town and AH has kept the car). a thought hit me today that i am actually n...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Today is a good day! I am grateful & even have a bit of serenity. Maybe it is because I am finally starting to let go of the past & move on. 24 years ago I was in a very messy situation--a very difficult one. I was going through my first breakdown of many. Now I can see the "light" of day! ...

idontknow · idontknow

Hey all Been in recovery for a few years now and not attending face to face meetings for a while. Online is safer for me. I was "raised" by alcoholics and I married someone who was also "raised" by alcoholics. All of my relationships are dysfunctional/abusive/harmful etc. I'll...

cassie · cassie

Hello everyone, Just really want to introduce myself. Both my parents are alcoholics. One active - the other dry at the moment. However I am 44yrs old and live with someone and I am finding his behaviour when he drinks really nasty and aggressive. (not physically) He is nice in the day time but in the eve...

RLC · RLC

It could be just me, but for the last several months on this board, and in my two weekly meetings it seems newcomers are getting and applying the program quicker than in the past. They don't question the program, they are applying it in their lives and seeing their life get better. There are seve...

kitty · kitty

I have come to the conclusion that all of us, alanons, codas, acoas and even A's - the root of our problem is one of self intimacy & loving the self. The A's use to be numb and avoid themselves, we focus on othrs to avoid ourselves. Once I began to work to love me as my own first priority... like a best fri...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i have now finished setting up home in my little caravan and have finally run out of things to do to keep me occupied. i managed to get out for a while and go see a friend of mine last night which was nice. i still cant sleep though. thoughts circling my mind....could i have done more, did i help him enough...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Good evening family...Came to the board to read and gain perspective and direction for tomorrow morning's Super Saturday meeting and I've found the topic. It is working Powerlessness or How I work Powerlessness. Let me leave that topic open to the board especially the old timers who have worked it...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Well I received another call yesterday from the Dr with more bad news. I need to have a test done on my bladder and bladder surgery. I don't know all the details yet as I haven't spoken to the Dr directly and the PA had little information, but I believe it has to do with the removal of the endo from my bladde...

Festfan · Festfan

Hi new Al Anon Friends... I have been thinking a lot about what to say to my ABF the next time I see him (uncertain when that will be) about what I have been going through and what I have learned. I am trying to figure out my boundries for him. I'm fairly certain that I will break up with him, but I want to do th...

Debilyn · Debilyn

So depressed I am angry at everyone and everything. Migraine, broke my same rib again. Had a bone dens test. That was very painful laying on my back. Pelvis is at its finest pain again. four thing toaster is now two,dryer still not fixed, kitchen faucet died, stupid plastic parts, recliner is stuck u...

miss lucy · miss lucy

thank god i have found this site...i am so upset and confused i dont know what to do. 4 days ago i left my heavy drinking, cannabis smoking husband of 7 years as i had reached the stage that i no longer felt safe with him. the police were called after his latest outburst which involved a knife and taunting m...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

This situation is not related to my A but, to a program female friend. She is in the program, he does not actively work a program but does attend meetings with her occasionally. Her husband asked me if I would be willing to talk to him about addiction and the way it has hurt his life and how it is affecting hi...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

We have been speaking to each other. He asks me for a hug. We had a long talk the other night about how great our relationship was when we were both working a program. We both admitted that we were in a self-loathing funk for alot of last year, wishing the other person could drag us out of our self-imposed mi...

Jozie · Jozie

Again, One of our own is in need of some Strength... Hope... & Love.... Shellyj123 has more to handle, And I would just ask that you all give her some if you have it to give, I'm sure she will update, but just asking you all to spare a Prayer or two for her health, and a big hug ;) THANKS MIP.... Jozie

pineapple · pineapple

I've been coming here for a couple weeks now and have found this site and the people on it to be a great help. I thought I was learning detachment- I quit nagging about his drinking, I had no problem leaving him passed out on the patio until he woke up, letting him go without eating when he was too drunk to j...

meagain · meagain

I have been divorced from my A/Ex Hubby for about 28 yrs. My 3 sons were about 6,7,8 at the time. So it has been MANY years. The thing I don't understand is I have been remarried to a great man for 23 years....but my 3 sons are so much like their dad. I guess its all in the 'genes' They are now 34/35 and36. My big...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, the A is going to rehab in Florida next Thursday. He thanked me for my help and said that " he hoped he could take it from here." He also said that he wasn't ready before, but that he was ready now. I wished him the best. I am working hard at detaching. My therapist sorta yelled at me yes...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Well I went back to the Dr and found out some more less than favorable news-the Endo they took out, all the lesions were all over my bladder. The good news is that they found it and removed what they could see and there is no cancer there, the bad news is that I'm told the lesion stage is the last/final stage...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

I find myself being overwhelmed by fear and powerlessness. I still ache for his love and comfort. I find myself attempting to ween this in the moments I can. When I get it, I am more peaceful. But then in the empty spaces, the fear returns. I hold on and it hurts. I struggle with letting go of HOPE for TODAY a...

Tracy · Tracy

I have pulled away from my ABF after his slip in Nov. He went striaght back to AA but has needed to focus on himself which I understand but if I am truthful I was not working my programme and was resentful that I was left again, just dropped because of the disease. The more I have withdrawn he has chased, I j...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

I don't mean to double dip today ... but I'm posting instead of texting/calling. I feel very alone and sad right now about our relationship. A mutual friend sent me a message that said 'Don't forget to breathe'. I feel ticked off by this because I did not tell her what was going on and for some reason I feel...

Tattyhead · Tattyhead

I just wondered if any others on this board have experienced problems with what to tell children about alcoholic parent My son is 29 but with a learning disability which means he functions around the age of 12 emotionally. He has witnessed his father at his worst and also the rows beteween his parents....

Priscilla83 · Priscilla83

I need to stop snooping. Is doing me no good at all. This is my addiction, snooping into my exAH (wow that feels so strange to say...ex) facebook, emails, phones..you name it.. I know I have to stop cause everytime I find more and more hurtful things, but it's like a compulsion. I just miss him so much I fee...

charna · charna

Hi everyone - I would appreciate any advice or direction someone can point me in. Thank you. My older brother and his wife, I fear, have both become alcoholics. I knew they drank quite a bit over the past several years but now they have both lost their jobs. He is borrowing money from me and for the first t...

Gailey · Gailey

while feeling compassion for the A son I feel sadness all the time. When I feel anger I think I do not feel that sadness. watching him go down this path of distruction is devastating, even on days that he doesn't use. it is so hard not to try and offer some assistance or try to help him find a way out of the deep...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Good news (Preview) My daughter, who became a single parent exactly one yr ago, when she asked her A husband to leave, has had the offer of not one job but two! One job is safe, (boring) well paid (with pension plan etc) but no chance for her to grow in her field. The other is with a vibrant, young dynamic company, 3 month trial...	Ness	6	709	Jan 14, 2010 by Ness
	controlling vs boundaries (Preview) i have a hard time with this--determining what is controlling vs putting up boundaries. I often feel like people are more trying to control me than vice versa. Like today, on a message board with one of my ex's. I have no relationship with him at all. (he dumped me--HARDCORE) Yet he constantly brings up...	idontknow	8	2220	Jan 14, 2010 by Mattie
	My heart is breaking for my mom who passed away last month. (Preview) How do you begin to confront the feelings of losing a parent? I'm only 28 years old and my mom is gone. Forever. My mom was an alcoholic before I was even born. She used to think it was funny that she drank while she was pregnant with me and "my daughter turned out just fine!" I never thought...	Columbine 1122	12	1152	Jan 14, 2010 by Karilynn
	trying not to hope (Preview) The f2f meeting I thought was today is tomorrow. Well! One day at a time, right? Since there's no meeting for me, I thought I'd post here instead. I'm having mixed feelings that I need to let loose on the internet. Well... He went to a meeting with an addiction counselor today, and he got more info about...	intothewoods	9	875	Jan 14, 2010 by kitty
	Feelings (Preview) My therapist says I have choices and just need to stop with all these "feelings" for him. "Feelings" of rejection. "Feelings" of wanting him. "Feelings" of preoccupation. How do you stop feelings?	Codependent	3	799	Jan 14, 2010 by RunnerChick
	I just miss her so much... (Preview) Greetings everyone my name is Regina, I just joined your online al-anon message board. It surprises me that I did because I have been near al-anon before, and I didn't think I was enabler. I still am not sure that I am, but I do know that how I feel right now... Just about all of you have probably felt.....	regigse	4	921	Jan 14, 2010 by regigse
	Making Sacrifices? (Preview) I know that no one can tell me what to do, but I want to run a situation by you and get some opinions. Last year we were supposed to go to Hawaii. We've been going every year for 10 years. We have a time-share there, so we don't every have to play for a place to stay. We bought 2 plane tickets and the 3rd one was p...	N8SMOM	13	893	Jan 13, 2010 by N8SMOM
	Thought for the day... (Preview) (((((Family)))), Life is too short not to dance around the house with our furry friends. So grab your pets, step away from the chaos and boogie down with them. You'll be surprised how much you smile. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the day. Much love and blessings to you and your families and of course, our pe...	Karilynn	3	2490	Jan 13, 2010 by Christy
	hubby taking small steps every day (Preview) hi all. i had a text last night from AH saying he missed me and the dog! BREAKTHROUGH #1. He never backs down. Up until now its always been me that has made the peace, done the chasing to make things better. I was shocked to say the least. It was quite late when he text so i naturally thought here we go.,.....	miss lucy	4	986	Jan 13, 2010 by miss lucy
	Does the 'Why' of it all, really matter? (Preview) I hope I'm not completely overstepping my posting boundaries here. Feel like I've been a posting demon the past week or so, but I guess this is my form of "sharing" outside of the rooms. For that I am SOOOO grateful for this board and for all of the wonderful members :) Last night, my exabf whom...	RunnerChick	8	990	Jan 13, 2010 by Jerry F
	Illusion of Control, Powerlessness & practicing STEP ONE (Preview) I am told to PRACTICE powerlessness. Practice Step one. How? In my mind I seem to resist this surrender. I feel if I do this than there is no way my exabf will want me back. Ibelieve that my struggling and fighting and trying to maintain some sort of control - somehow prevents pain? I am learning that power...	RunnerChick	17	2017	Jan 13, 2010 by Charlie
	morning rambling (Preview) My A still drank on the past two days, but unlike most days lately he didn't drink til he was drunk or passed out. He barely drank at all and was actually sober for most of the time. It was so nice having him ¨present¨ for a change. But it was so hard for me to admit my powerlessness. I kept thinking that becaus...	pineapple	3	641	Jan 13, 2010 by RLC
	Court Sentencing (Take 3) (Preview) Third time's a charm or three strikes and you're out. Either way, I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be the official sentencing and my AH will be going to jail for his DUI (I would honestly be shocked if he got a 4th extension). He made a plea deal of 45 days work release. I've got some anxiety about being alo...	N8SMOM	11	1259	Jan 13, 2010 by Tenderheartsks
	I really need help and a sponsor!!!!!!! (Preview) I disabled I live with an alcoholic mother and an a verbally abusive step father. I am, if I can afford to move to assisted living faculity. I am not sure I can.	Raven68	2	626	Jan 13, 2010 by meg7
	A friend's sad loss. (Preview) Today one of my f2f family has lost her husband to this hateful disease. She has been separated from him for a while but lived nearby and was witness to the ongoing progression of his disease. He was prone to blackouts and we believe he succumbed to hypothermia after collapsing outside. She has many yrs...	Ness	10	900	Jan 13, 2010 by Ness
	Signs you need to get out of a relationship. (Preview) I started dating this wonderful man 12 days after divorcing my husband. (sign #1) He seemed to be the answer to prayer and met my every need. (sign #2) Bought me things and spoiled me lavishly (wanted to buy me a horse for Christmas). Started talking about marriage after dating 4 months (sign # 3) Had a me...	Overcome	10	1456	Jan 13, 2010 by lost one
	writing therapy (Preview) i am quite a creative person. i love writing:- letters, poems, short stories, etc. this skill has been of great help and comfort during some very dark times in my life. i have started using the skill again since my breakup with AH. sometimes i just sit and write whatever comes into my head (most inc...	miss lucy	4	1213	Jan 12, 2010 by Jerry F
	Expectations... (Preview) Just got back from my "other" meeting this moring...the one just 20 or so feet from the Pacific Ocean. The ocean was calm and peaceful and the meeting was a quiet spiritual, HP event. Two people, married, both receiving anniversary coins for the same length of time in recovery. Both with...	Jerry F	6	1124	Jan 12, 2010 by Ness
	Limbo (Preview) Hey, everybody. Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me. This forum has really helped my sanity! I just thought I'd post tonight about where I am now. I feel like I'm in Limbo. Despite my boundaries and all my work, nothing's changed. Nothing's changed, so nothing's changed, yep I learn...	intothewoods	9	1162	Jan 12, 2010 by suzydawn
	Quotes on Gratitude, Faith and Serenity (Preview) Found these while looking online today and thought I'd share:) Peace and faith, shelly Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apat...	shellyj123	1	6514	Jan 12, 2010 by Jozie
	More on the breakthrough (Preview) I recently posted on my realization that there was a disconnect between the rewards I think the relationship with the A will bring, and the actual misery and anxiety of the experience. Then I found a scientific report that says they have found that exact thing! Apparently there are two different kin...	Mattie	1	820	Jan 12, 2010 by kitty
	Daily Readings - where to start... (Preview) *Book reviews wanted...* Hi all and happy weekend! So, I have been reading lots & lots on this site all week (seems so long and so short at the same time). I know that there are a lot of Al Anon and related books out there - what are your favorites - especially at the beginning of your journey? There is no...	Festfan	8	6269	Jan 12, 2010 by tea2
	question about addictive personalities (Preview) i have been reading some posts and would like to know...what is the definition of an addictive personality? how do you know if you are attracted to one? how do you know if you are one yourself? the reason i ask is that i have been married 3 times now,,,,hubby no1 was a very violent paranoid schizophre...	miss lucy	2	602	Jan 11, 2010 by miss lucy
	Finally had the "talk" with ABF... (Preview) And I can't tell if I am relieved or not... I really didn't know what my exact "position" would be with him - have been debating the full break up vs setting up some boundaries. We had not seen each other since New Year's & very few phone calls - mostly texting. I didn't invite him to a par...	Festfan	10	954	Jan 11, 2010 by Mattie
	Slipping, Falling, and Getting Back Up (Preview) Well, after about of month of relative peace and occasional borderline happiness, I fell back into the trap of my soon to be ex AH's manipulation and mind games. I see now that I had allowed myself to trust the illusion that he was doing better - getting sober. We managed to have several pleasant (dar...	blender_girl	3	827	Jan 11, 2010 by Debilyn
	Breakthrough realization (Preview) I had a breakthrough this morning. I was obsessing about my ex. And so I was yearning and missing him and having these conversations in my mind where I explain the truth and he gets it and repents and everything's perfect... And I was trying to get this obsession out of my mind by telling myself, "...	Mattie	5	966	Jan 11, 2010 by RunnerChick
	learning to take one step at at time (Preview) hi again. i had a nice surprise earlier today. AH asked me to go to his home for a talk. he was calm, collected and very focused. i haven't seen him like this for....oooo...must be 2 years or more. Anyway, he made me a coffee and he started the conversation off .."how are we going to sort this mes...	miss lucy	1	819	Jan 11, 2010 by RLC
	Need ESH on separation from AH and our children (Preview) Hi all-- You have always been so helpful to me, so I thought I would seek your ESH on separating from my AH in regards to our children. My AH (finally!!) moved out on December 30 (this is a very, very good thing for me). Kids took the news well, asked questions, and I am working to keep a very open dialogue on t...	3littlekittens	10	967	Jan 11, 2010 by Nodaybut2day
	Humor :) (Preview) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------	John	4	1148	Jan 11, 2010 by Hoot Nanny
	Working with a sponsor - does bringing things up make the pain worse? (Preview) This week was the second meeting I had with my sponsor. After the meeting I worked for a couple of hours on the questions for my first step. What brought me into alanon was a relationship with an A boyfriend that ended after3 years when he left me for another woman he met in AA. Well after my journaling on so...	jasobel	8	1450	Jan 11, 2010 by maresie
	sharing on tonight's topic of detachment (online meeting) (Preview) Carol Lynn, alanon. Detachment. this issue was what got me in the rooms of Alanon last September. People just got to me, left and right. I almost died becasue I internalized everything they said and did to me---esp. the A's I got involved with. I stopped making any more friends becasue I got so tired o...	Carol_Lynn	3	907	Jan 11, 2010 by Carol_Lynn
	Alcoholic Father and Depression (Preview) I'm a 20something year woman with an alcoholic father. He is a good man but I believe he is severely depressed and self-medicates with drinking. My mom is finally at a breaking point and doesn't know how to handle it anymore. We know we can't save him and he is the only one who can save himself. Does anyone...	LSL	2	819	Jan 11, 2010 by Jerry F
	Does part of the mental illness of addiction include.... (Preview) Driving the people in their lives crazy?! I'm not sure if my BF thrives on gaslighting and playing mind games or if he actually doesn't even know he's doing it. Why is the reaction of others so imporant to addicts. Even when they are sober and in recovery? Does this ever go away? Never in my life have I had s...	Dyinginside	15	1378	Jan 11, 2010 by buick23
	BIG SLIP (Preview) Hi everyone, well my ABF had a slip beginning of NOV and I have just realised so did I big time. I kept going to meetings, reading, talking o sponsor but have not been walking the walk. There re big consequences to this that I now have to face. My ABF went straight back to AA after a 24 hr slip, he lost alot due...	Tracy	3	1045	Jan 10, 2010 by Jerry F
	i am surprised at my own inner strength (Preview) hello again. i hope it is ok to post almost every day but i am finding it really helpful to share my thoughts this way and mention anything that is really bothering me as i cant get to a one to one group at the moment (i live 6 miles out of town and AH has kept the car). a thought hit me today that i am actually n...	miss lucy	3	1014	Jan 10, 2010 by Jerry F
	JUST A SHORT ONE! (Preview) Today is a good day! I am grateful & even have a bit of serenity. Maybe it is because I am finally starting to let go of the past & move on. 24 years ago I was in a very messy situation--a very difficult one. I was going through my first breakdown of many. Now I can see the "light" of day! ...	Hoot Nanny	4	733	Jan 10, 2010 by Tracy
	gettin up again (Preview) Hey all Been in recovery for a few years now and not attending face to face meetings for a while. Online is safer for me. I was "raised" by alcoholics and I married someone who was also "raised" by alcoholics. All of my relationships are dysfunctional/abusive/harmful etc. I'll...	idontknow	2	897	Jan 10, 2010 by Tracy
	hello (Preview) Hello everyone, Just really want to introduce myself. Both my parents are alcoholics. One active - the other dry at the moment. However I am 44yrs old and live with someone and I am finding his behaviour when he drinks really nasty and aggressive. (not physically) He is nice in the day time but in the eve...	cassie	5	930	Jan 10, 2010 by cassie
	I Have a Question ? (Preview) It could be just me, but for the last several months on this board, and in my two weekly meetings it seems newcomers are getting and applying the program quicker than in the past. They don't question the program, they are applying it in their lives and seeing their life get better. There are seve...	RLC	2	794	Jan 10, 2010 by abbyal
	self love & intimacy issues (Preview) I have come to the conclusion that all of us, alanons, codas, acoas and even A's - the root of our problem is one of self intimacy & loving the self. The A's use to be numb and avoid themselves, we focus on othrs to avoid ourselves. Once I began to work to love me as my own first priority... like a best fri...	kitty	6	1779	Jan 10, 2010 by mac57
	cant sleep,,,cant stop worrying about him! (Preview) i have now finished setting up home in my little caravan and have finally run out of things to do to keep me occupied. i managed to get out for a while and go see a friend of mine last night which was nice. i still cant sleep though. thoughts circling my mind....could i have done more, did i help him enough...	miss lucy	5	1101	Jan 9, 2010 by miss lucy
	Working Powerlessness... (Preview) Good evening family...Came to the board to read and gain perspective and direction for tomorrow morning's Super Saturday meeting and I've found the topic. It is working Powerlessness or How I work Powerlessness. Let me leave that topic open to the board especially the old timers who have worked it...	Jerry F	9	1174	Jan 9, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Honestly, not sure how much more I can take.... (Preview) Well I received another call yesterday from the Dr with more bad news. I need to have a test done on my bladder and bladder surgery. I don't know all the details yet as I haven't spoken to the Dr directly and the PA had little information, but I believe it has to do with the removal of the endo from my bladde...	shellyj123	2	821	Jan 9, 2010 by masspedirn
	Boundries vs. Control vs. Ultimatums (Preview) Hi new Al Anon Friends... I have been thinking a lot about what to say to my ABF the next time I see him (uncertain when that will be) about what I have been going through and what I have learned. I am trying to figure out my boundries for him. I'm fairly certain that I will break up with him, but I want to do th...	Festfan	12	3032	Jan 9, 2010 by blender_girl
	It's broken I'm broken (Preview) So depressed I am angry at everyone and everything. Migraine, broke my same rib again. Had a bone dens test. That was very painful laying on my back. Pelvis is at its finest pain again. four thing toaster is now two,dryer still not fixed, kitchen faucet died, stupid plastic parts, recliner is stuck u...	Debilyn	10	976	Jan 9, 2010 by blender_girl
	help me please....am at my wits end (Preview) thank god i have found this site...i am so upset and confused i dont know what to do. 4 days ago i left my heavy drinking, cannabis smoking husband of 7 years as i had reached the stage that i no longer felt safe with him. the police were called after his latest outburst which involved a knife and taunting m...	miss lucy	11	1041	Jan 9, 2010 by Mattie
	How to handle this situation...?? (Preview) This situation is not related to my A but, to a program female friend. She is in the program, he does not actively work a program but does attend meetings with her occasionally. Her husband asked me if I would be willing to talk to him about addiction and the way it has hurt his life and how it is affecting hi...	RunnerChick	8	951	Jan 8, 2010 by nmike
	Don't want to give this TOO much thought... (Preview) We have been speaking to each other. He asks me for a hug. We had a long talk the other night about how great our relationship was when we were both working a program. We both admitted that we were in a self-loathing funk for alot of last year, wishing the other person could drag us out of our self-imposed mi...	RunnerChick	5	870	Jan 8, 2010 by nmike
	Prayers & Strength Needed... (Preview) Again, One of our own is in need of some Strength... Hope... & Love.... Shellyj123 has more to handle, And I would just ask that you all give her some if you have it to give, I'm sure she will update, but just asking you all to spare a Prayer or two for her health, and a big hug ;) THANKS MIP.... Jozie	Jozie	2	838	Jan 8, 2010 by maire rua
	how far does detachment go? (Preview) I've been coming here for a couple weeks now and have found this site and the people on it to be a great help. I thought I was learning detachment- I quit nagging about his drinking, I had no problem leaving him passed out on the patio until he woke up, letting him go without eating when he was too drunk to j...	pineapple	9	949	Jan 8, 2010 by woopsadaisy
	No respect (Preview) I have been divorced from my A/Ex Hubby for about 28 yrs. My 3 sons were about 6,7,8 at the time. So it has been MANY years. The thing I don't understand is I have been remarried to a great man for 23 years....but my 3 sons are so much like their dad. I guess its all in the 'genes' They are now 34/35 and36. My big...	meagain	5	1010	Jan 8, 2010 by maresie
	Rehab (Preview) Well, the A is going to rehab in Florida next Thursday. He thanked me for my help and said that " he hoped he could take it from here." He also said that he wasn't ready before, but that he was ready now. I wished him the best. I am working hard at detaching. My therapist sorta yelled at me yes...	Codependent	3	1014	Jan 8, 2010 by kmarty
	The hamsters in my head are taking over today!!!~ESH desperately needed today (Preview) Well I went back to the Dr and found out some more less than favorable news-the Endo they took out, all the lesions were all over my bladder. The good news is that they found it and removed what they could see and there is no cancer there, the bad news is that I'm told the lesion stage is the last/final stage...	shellyj123	3	857	Jan 8, 2010 by Tattyhead
	Powerlessness and Obsession - just sharing... (Preview) I find myself being overwhelmed by fear and powerlessness. I still ache for his love and comfort. I find myself attempting to ween this in the moments I can. When I get it, I am more peaceful. But then in the empty spaces, the fear returns. I hold on and it hurts. I struggle with letting go of HOPE for TODAY a...	RunnerChick	6	986	Jan 8, 2010 by jasobel
	is it worth it (Preview) I have pulled away from my ABF after his slip in Nov. He went striaght back to AA but has needed to focus on himself which I understand but if I am truthful I was not working my programme and was resentful that I was left again, just dropped because of the disease. The more I have withdrawn he has chased, I j...	Tracy	5	728	Jan 8, 2010 by maresie
	Posting instead of calling/texting (Preview) I don't mean to double dip today ... but I'm posting instead of texting/calling. I feel very alone and sad right now about our relationship. A mutual friend sent me a message that said 'Don't forget to breathe'. I feel ticked off by this because I did not tell her what was going on and for some reason I feel...	RunnerChick	9	1031	Jan 8, 2010 by RunnerChick
	Talking to children about alcoholic father (Preview) I just wondered if any others on this board have experienced problems with what to tell children about alcoholic parent My son is 29 but with a learning disability which means he functions around the age of 12 emotionally. He has witnessed his father at his worst and also the rows beteween his parents....	Tattyhead	2	1436	Jan 8, 2010 by Jen
	Not good at all (Preview) I need to stop snooping. Is doing me no good at all. This is my addiction, snooping into my exAH (wow that feels so strange to say...ex) facebook, emails, phones..you name it.. I know I have to stop cause everytime I find more and more hurtful things, but it's like a compulsion. I just miss him so much I fee...	Priscilla83	2	925	Jan 7, 2010 by Festfan
	First time here (Preview) Hi everyone - I would appreciate any advice or direction someone can point me in. Thank you. My older brother and his wife, I fear, have both become alcoholics. I knew they drank quite a bit over the past several years but now they have both lost their jobs. He is borrowing money from me and for the first t...	charna	3	758	Jan 7, 2010 by charna
	compassion versus anger (Preview) while feeling compassion for the A son I feel sadness all the time. When I feel anger I think I do not feel that sadness. watching him go down this path of distruction is devastating, even on days that he doesn't use. it is so hard not to try and offer some assistance or try to help him find a way out of the deep...	Gailey	4	1212	Jan 7, 2010 by Jerry F
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.