Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

pineapple · pineapple

My A still drank on the past two days, but unlike most days lately he didn't drink til he was drunk or passed out. He barely drank at all and was actually sober for most of the time. It was so nice having him ¨present¨ for a change. But it was so hard for me to admit my powerlessness. I kept thinking that becaus...

N8SMOM · N8SMOM

Third time's a charm or three strikes and you're out. Either way, I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be the official sentencing and my AH will be going to jail for his DUI (I would honestly be shocked if he got a 4th extension). He made a plea deal of 45 days work release. I've got some anxiety about being alo...

Raven68 · Raven68

I disabled I live with an alcoholic mother and an a verbally abusive step father. I am, if I can afford to move to assisted living faculity. I am not sure I can.

Ness · Ness

Today one of my f2f family has lost her husband to this hateful disease. She has been separated from him for a while but lived nearby and was witness to the ongoing progression of his disease. He was prone to blackouts and we believe he succumbed to hypothermia after collapsing outside. She has many yrs...

Overcome · Overcome

I started dating this wonderful man 12 days after divorcing my husband. (sign #1) He seemed to be the answer to prayer and met my every need. (sign #2) Bought me things and spoiled me lavishly (wanted to buy me a horse for Christmas). Started talking about marriage after dating 4 months (sign # 3) Had a me...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i am quite a creative person. i love writing:- letters, poems, short stories, etc. this skill has been of great help and comfort during some very dark times in my life. i have started using the skill again since my breakup with AH. sometimes i just sit and write whatever comes into my head (most inc...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Just got back from my "other" meeting this moring...the one just 20 or so feet from the Pacific Ocean. The ocean was calm and peaceful and the meeting was a quiet spiritual, HP event. Two people, married, both receiving anniversary coins for the same length of time in recovery. Both with...

intothewoods · intothewoods

Hey, everybody. Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me. This forum has really helped my sanity! I just thought I'd post tonight about where I am now. I feel like I'm in Limbo. Despite my boundaries and all my work, nothing's changed. Nothing's changed, so nothing's changed, yep I learn...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Found these while looking online today and thought I'd share:) Peace and faith, shelly Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apat...

Mattie · Mattie

I recently posted on my realization that there was a disconnect between the rewards I think the relationship with the A will bring, and the actual misery and anxiety of the experience. Then I found a scientific report that says they have found that exact thing! Apparently there are two different kin...

Festfan · Festfan

Book reviews wanted... Hi all and happy weekend! So, I have been reading lots & lots on this site all week (seems so long and so short at the same time). I know that there are a lot of Al Anon and related books out there - what are your favorites - especially at the beginning of your journey? There is no...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i have been reading some posts and would like to know...what is the definition of an addictive personality? how do you know if you are attracted to one? how do you know if you are one yourself? the reason i ask is that i have been married 3 times now,,,,hubby no1 was a very violent paranoid schizophre...

Festfan · Festfan

And I can't tell if I am relieved or not... I really didn't know what my exact "position" would be with him - have been debating the full break up vs setting up some boundaries. We had not seen each other since New Year's & very few phone calls - mostly texting. I didn't invite him to a par...

blender_girl · blender_girl

Well, after about of month of relative peace and occasional borderline happiness, I fell back into the trap of my soon to be ex AH's manipulation and mind games. I see now that I had allowed myself to trust the illusion that he was doing better - getting sober. We managed to have several pleasant (dar...

Mattie · Mattie

I had a breakthrough this morning. I was obsessing about my ex. And so I was yearning and missing him and having these conversations in my mind where I explain the truth and he gets it and repents and everything's perfect... And I was trying to get this obsession out of my mind by telling myself, "...

miss lucy · miss lucy

hi again. i had a nice surprise earlier today. AH asked me to go to his home for a talk. he was calm, collected and very focused. i haven't seen him like this for....oooo...must be 2 years or more. Anyway, he made me a coffee and he started the conversation off .."how are we going to sort this mes...

3littlekittens · 3littlekittens

Hi all-- You have always been so helpful to me, so I thought I would seek your ESH on separating from my AH in regards to our children. My AH (finally!!) moved out on December 30 (this is a very, very good thing for me). Kids took the news well, asked questions, and I am working to keep a very open dialogue on t...

John · John

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jasobel · jasobel

This week was the second meeting I had with my sponsor. After the meeting I worked for a couple of hours on the questions for my first step. What brought me into alanon was a relationship with an A boyfriend that ended after3 years when he left me for another woman he met in AA. Well after my journaling on so...

Carol_Lynn · Carol_Lynn

Carol Lynn, alanon. Detachment. this issue was what got me in the rooms of Alanon last September. People just got to me, left and right. I almost died becasue I internalized everything they said and did to me---esp. the A's I got involved with. I stopped making any more friends becasue I got so tired o...

LSL · LSL

I'm a 20something year woman with an alcoholic father. He is a good man but I believe he is severely depressed and self-medicates with drinking. My mom is finally at a breaking point and doesn't know how to handle it anymore. We know we can't save him and he is the only one who can save himself. Does anyone...

Dyinginside · Dyinginside

Driving the people in their lives crazy?! I'm not sure if my BF thrives on gaslighting and playing mind games or if he actually doesn't even know he's doing it. Why is the reaction of others so imporant to addicts. Even when they are sober and in recovery? Does this ever go away? Never in my life have I had s...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone, well my ABF had a slip beginning of NOV and I have just realised so did I big time. I kept going to meetings, reading, talking o sponsor but have not been walking the walk. There re big consequences to this that I now have to face. My ABF went straight back to AA after a 24 hr slip, he lost alot due...

miss lucy · miss lucy

hello again. i hope it is ok to post almost every day but i am finding it really helpful to share my thoughts this way and mention anything that is really bothering me as i cant get to a one to one group at the moment (i live 6 miles out of town and AH has kept the car). a thought hit me today that i am actually n...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Today is a good day! I am grateful & even have a bit of serenity. Maybe it is because I am finally starting to let go of the past & move on. 24 years ago I was in a very messy situation--a very difficult one. I was going through my first breakdown of many. Now I can see the "light" of day! ...

idontknow · idontknow

Hey all Been in recovery for a few years now and not attending face to face meetings for a while. Online is safer for me. I was "raised" by alcoholics and I married someone who was also "raised" by alcoholics. All of my relationships are dysfunctional/abusive/harmful etc. I'll...

cassie · cassie

Hello everyone, Just really want to introduce myself. Both my parents are alcoholics. One active - the other dry at the moment. However I am 44yrs old and live with someone and I am finding his behaviour when he drinks really nasty and aggressive. (not physically) He is nice in the day time but in the eve...

RLC · RLC

It could be just me, but for the last several months on this board, and in my two weekly meetings it seems newcomers are getting and applying the program quicker than in the past. They don't question the program, they are applying it in their lives and seeing their life get better. There are seve...

kitty · kitty

I have come to the conclusion that all of us, alanons, codas, acoas and even A's - the root of our problem is one of self intimacy & loving the self. The A's use to be numb and avoid themselves, we focus on othrs to avoid ourselves. Once I began to work to love me as my own first priority... like a best fri...

miss lucy · miss lucy

i have now finished setting up home in my little caravan and have finally run out of things to do to keep me occupied. i managed to get out for a while and go see a friend of mine last night which was nice. i still cant sleep though. thoughts circling my mind....could i have done more, did i help him enough...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Good evening family...Came to the board to read and gain perspective and direction for tomorrow morning's Super Saturday meeting and I've found the topic. It is working Powerlessness or How I work Powerlessness. Let me leave that topic open to the board especially the old timers who have worked it...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Well I received another call yesterday from the Dr with more bad news. I need to have a test done on my bladder and bladder surgery. I don't know all the details yet as I haven't spoken to the Dr directly and the PA had little information, but I believe it has to do with the removal of the endo from my bladde...

Festfan · Festfan

Hi new Al Anon Friends... I have been thinking a lot about what to say to my ABF the next time I see him (uncertain when that will be) about what I have been going through and what I have learned. I am trying to figure out my boundries for him. I'm fairly certain that I will break up with him, but I want to do th...

Debilyn · Debilyn

So depressed I am angry at everyone and everything. Migraine, broke my same rib again. Had a bone dens test. That was very painful laying on my back. Pelvis is at its finest pain again. four thing toaster is now two,dryer still not fixed, kitchen faucet died, stupid plastic parts, recliner is stuck u...

miss lucy · miss lucy

thank god i have found this site...i am so upset and confused i dont know what to do. 4 days ago i left my heavy drinking, cannabis smoking husband of 7 years as i had reached the stage that i no longer felt safe with him. the police were called after his latest outburst which involved a knife and taunting m...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

This situation is not related to my A but, to a program female friend. She is in the program, he does not actively work a program but does attend meetings with her occasionally. Her husband asked me if I would be willing to talk to him about addiction and the way it has hurt his life and how it is affecting hi...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

We have been speaking to each other. He asks me for a hug. We had a long talk the other night about how great our relationship was when we were both working a program. We both admitted that we were in a self-loathing funk for alot of last year, wishing the other person could drag us out of our self-imposed mi...

Jozie · Jozie

Again, One of our own is in need of some Strength... Hope... & Love.... Shellyj123 has more to handle, And I would just ask that you all give her some if you have it to give, I'm sure she will update, but just asking you all to spare a Prayer or two for her health, and a big hug ;) THANKS MIP.... Jozie

pineapple · pineapple

I've been coming here for a couple weeks now and have found this site and the people on it to be a great help. I thought I was learning detachment- I quit nagging about his drinking, I had no problem leaving him passed out on the patio until he woke up, letting him go without eating when he was too drunk to j...

meagain · meagain

I have been divorced from my A/Ex Hubby for about 28 yrs. My 3 sons were about 6,7,8 at the time. So it has been MANY years. The thing I don't understand is I have been remarried to a great man for 23 years....but my 3 sons are so much like their dad. I guess its all in the 'genes' They are now 34/35 and36. My big...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, the A is going to rehab in Florida next Thursday. He thanked me for my help and said that " he hoped he could take it from here." He also said that he wasn't ready before, but that he was ready now. I wished him the best. I am working hard at detaching. My therapist sorta yelled at me yes...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Well I went back to the Dr and found out some more less than favorable news-the Endo they took out, all the lesions were all over my bladder. The good news is that they found it and removed what they could see and there is no cancer there, the bad news is that I'm told the lesion stage is the last/final stage...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

I find myself being overwhelmed by fear and powerlessness. I still ache for his love and comfort. I find myself attempting to ween this in the moments I can. When I get it, I am more peaceful. But then in the empty spaces, the fear returns. I hold on and it hurts. I struggle with letting go of HOPE for TODAY a...

Tracy · Tracy

I have pulled away from my ABF after his slip in Nov. He went striaght back to AA but has needed to focus on himself which I understand but if I am truthful I was not working my programme and was resentful that I was left again, just dropped because of the disease. The more I have withdrawn he has chased, I j...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

I don't mean to double dip today ... but I'm posting instead of texting/calling. I feel very alone and sad right now about our relationship. A mutual friend sent me a message that said 'Don't forget to breathe'. I feel ticked off by this because I did not tell her what was going on and for some reason I feel...

Tattyhead · Tattyhead

I just wondered if any others on this board have experienced problems with what to tell children about alcoholic parent My son is 29 but with a learning disability which means he functions around the age of 12 emotionally. He has witnessed his father at his worst and also the rows beteween his parents....

Priscilla83 · Priscilla83

I need to stop snooping. Is doing me no good at all. This is my addiction, snooping into my exAH (wow that feels so strange to say...ex) facebook, emails, phones..you name it.. I know I have to stop cause everytime I find more and more hurtful things, but it's like a compulsion. I just miss him so much I fee...

charna · charna

Hi everyone - I would appreciate any advice or direction someone can point me in. Thank you. My older brother and his wife, I fear, have both become alcoholics. I knew they drank quite a bit over the past several years but now they have both lost their jobs. He is borrowing money from me and for the first t...

Gailey · Gailey

while feeling compassion for the A son I feel sadness all the time. When I feel anger I think I do not feel that sadness. watching him go down this path of distruction is devastating, even on days that he doesn't use. it is so hard not to try and offer some assistance or try to help him find a way out of the deep...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

This response was sent to me from John, who responded to my post "Am I asking for Trouble" It is really one of the first times I remember hearing anyone talk about moving on past one relationship in peace and finding love again with someone new. It really made me hopeful and offered me ESH f...

skyy · skyy

Im 17 yrs old, and my mothers been an alcoholic now , my whole 'xxx' life! She was sober for 9 months last yr!, with the help of AA meetings, and now shes been slipping again... since she dismissed going to her meetings. I worry about my mom everyday of my life, and im sick of having to worry about my 45 yr old...

wgredgray · wgredgray

There was a time when I would have never imagined I would end up with someone as self destructive as me. I build these great castles only to tear them down. Just as he did. I never quite understood why. I have not only been resentful of him but jealous... Here's a guy who by all accounts is the male version...

Gailey · Gailey

son called his ex wife today and she called me. she said he sounds so depressed and was breaking down on the phone with her. I tried not to call for the longest time but just couldn't hold off. I didn't tell him she called me but you could tell he had been crying. He said he has a head cold. I just needed to hear t...

fishinmama · fishinmama

Goodmorning Family, No work today. This is a party day here at the house. Yesterday I got a miracle. I do not hear well. Actually I had a hearing test on Monday and the result was a pretty profound hearing loss. Well I went to the doctor yesterday and he put tubes in both of my ears. When we were walkin...

wp · wp

"One of my character defects is to respond in kind to behavior that is directed at me...to react to rudeness with more rudeness. .....I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior; I can begin by refusing to accept it from myself. I can choose to behave courteously and with dignity.....If I am...

maresie · maresie

Just recently a new guy started where I work. I have no romantic interest in him. I sometimes travel to work to and from with him. What I'm seeing these days is that my alcoholic radar is up there. One sure sign for me is someone who is too good to be true. He sails through things. He broke up a relation...

Ness · Ness

So..... all over Xmas and New Year Ive been invited back on the merry- go- round.My Ason found an enabler who he spent the holiday period with. This other person, newly relapsed A, took pity on him because he couldnt be with us, his family, over this period. My son has spent the last few weeks crying in his...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Let me first explain where I am.... I've dedicated my New Year to my recovery and working it to the best of my ability. I was even asked to be a sponsor and was overjoyed that someone else believed in me as well, and that is going great! I'm doing everything I can to work my program and normally do one F2F ...

Sam72 · Sam72

I'm new to this and I'm having difficulty understanding some of the abbreviations, can anyone help me with this please. I would really appreciate it, Thanx

wispythewolf · wispythewolf

I am the mother of a 21 year old son who is an addict. He was sentenced today on drug charges and is doing 45 days in jail. I am reaching out because I am in no condition to attend a real time group tonight but feel the need to get help for myself.

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	morning rambling (Preview) My A still drank on the past two days, but unlike most days lately he didn't drink til he was drunk or passed out. He barely drank at all and was actually sober for most of the time. It was so nice having him ¨present¨ for a change. But it was so hard for me to admit my powerlessness. I kept thinking that becaus...	pineapple	3	639	Jan 13, 2010 by RLC
	Court Sentencing (Take 3) (Preview) Third time's a charm or three strikes and you're out. Either way, I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be the official sentencing and my AH will be going to jail for his DUI (I would honestly be shocked if he got a 4th extension). He made a plea deal of 45 days work release. I've got some anxiety about being alo...	N8SMOM	11	1252	Jan 13, 2010 by Tenderheartsks
	I really need help and a sponsor!!!!!!! (Preview) I disabled I live with an alcoholic mother and an a verbally abusive step father. I am, if I can afford to move to assisted living faculity. I am not sure I can.	Raven68	2	618	Jan 13, 2010 by meg7
	A friend's sad loss. (Preview) Today one of my f2f family has lost her husband to this hateful disease. She has been separated from him for a while but lived nearby and was witness to the ongoing progression of his disease. He was prone to blackouts and we believe he succumbed to hypothermia after collapsing outside. She has many yrs...	Ness	10	894	Jan 13, 2010 by Ness
	Signs you need to get out of a relationship. (Preview) I started dating this wonderful man 12 days after divorcing my husband. (sign #1) He seemed to be the answer to prayer and met my every need. (sign #2) Bought me things and spoiled me lavishly (wanted to buy me a horse for Christmas). Started talking about marriage after dating 4 months (sign # 3) Had a me...	Overcome	10	1451	Jan 13, 2010 by lost one
	writing therapy (Preview) i am quite a creative person. i love writing:- letters, poems, short stories, etc. this skill has been of great help and comfort during some very dark times in my life. i have started using the skill again since my breakup with AH. sometimes i just sit and write whatever comes into my head (most inc...	miss lucy	4	1204	Jan 12, 2010 by Jerry F
	Expectations... (Preview) Just got back from my "other" meeting this moring...the one just 20 or so feet from the Pacific Ocean. The ocean was calm and peaceful and the meeting was a quiet spiritual, HP event. Two people, married, both receiving anniversary coins for the same length of time in recovery. Both with...	Jerry F	6	1116	Jan 12, 2010 by Ness
	Limbo (Preview) Hey, everybody. Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me. This forum has really helped my sanity! I just thought I'd post tonight about where I am now. I feel like I'm in Limbo. Despite my boundaries and all my work, nothing's changed. Nothing's changed, so nothing's changed, yep I learn...	intothewoods	9	1156	Jan 12, 2010 by suzydawn
	Quotes on Gratitude, Faith and Serenity (Preview) Found these while looking online today and thought I'd share:) Peace and faith, shelly Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apat...	shellyj123	1	6375	Jan 12, 2010 by Jozie
	More on the breakthrough (Preview) I recently posted on my realization that there was a disconnect between the rewards I think the relationship with the A will bring, and the actual misery and anxiety of the experience. Then I found a scientific report that says they have found that exact thing! Apparently there are two different kin...	Mattie	1	809	Jan 12, 2010 by kitty
	Daily Readings - where to start... (Preview) *Book reviews wanted...* Hi all and happy weekend! So, I have been reading lots & lots on this site all week (seems so long and so short at the same time). I know that there are a lot of Al Anon and related books out there - what are your favorites - especially at the beginning of your journey? There is no...	Festfan	8	6215	Jan 12, 2010 by tea2
	question about addictive personalities (Preview) i have been reading some posts and would like to know...what is the definition of an addictive personality? how do you know if you are attracted to one? how do you know if you are one yourself? the reason i ask is that i have been married 3 times now,,,,hubby no1 was a very violent paranoid schizophre...	miss lucy	2	592	Jan 11, 2010 by miss lucy
	Finally had the "talk" with ABF... (Preview) And I can't tell if I am relieved or not... I really didn't know what my exact "position" would be with him - have been debating the full break up vs setting up some boundaries. We had not seen each other since New Year's & very few phone calls - mostly texting. I didn't invite him to a par...	Festfan	10	945	Jan 11, 2010 by Mattie
	Slipping, Falling, and Getting Back Up (Preview) Well, after about of month of relative peace and occasional borderline happiness, I fell back into the trap of my soon to be ex AH's manipulation and mind games. I see now that I had allowed myself to trust the illusion that he was doing better - getting sober. We managed to have several pleasant (dar...	blender_girl	3	817	Jan 11, 2010 by Debilyn
	Breakthrough realization (Preview) I had a breakthrough this morning. I was obsessing about my ex. And so I was yearning and missing him and having these conversations in my mind where I explain the truth and he gets it and repents and everything's perfect... And I was trying to get this obsession out of my mind by telling myself, "...	Mattie	5	957	Jan 11, 2010 by RunnerChick
	learning to take one step at at time (Preview) hi again. i had a nice surprise earlier today. AH asked me to go to his home for a talk. he was calm, collected and very focused. i haven't seen him like this for....oooo...must be 2 years or more. Anyway, he made me a coffee and he started the conversation off .."how are we going to sort this mes...	miss lucy	1	813	Jan 11, 2010 by RLC
	Need ESH on separation from AH and our children (Preview) Hi all-- You have always been so helpful to me, so I thought I would seek your ESH on separating from my AH in regards to our children. My AH (finally!!) moved out on December 30 (this is a very, very good thing for me). Kids took the news well, asked questions, and I am working to keep a very open dialogue on t...	3littlekittens	10	957	Jan 11, 2010 by Nodaybut2day
	Humor :) (Preview) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------	John	4	1143	Jan 11, 2010 by Hoot Nanny
	Working with a sponsor - does bringing things up make the pain worse? (Preview) This week was the second meeting I had with my sponsor. After the meeting I worked for a couple of hours on the questions for my first step. What brought me into alanon was a relationship with an A boyfriend that ended after3 years when he left me for another woman he met in AA. Well after my journaling on so...	jasobel	8	1440	Jan 11, 2010 by maresie
	sharing on tonight's topic of detachment (online meeting) (Preview) Carol Lynn, alanon. Detachment. this issue was what got me in the rooms of Alanon last September. People just got to me, left and right. I almost died becasue I internalized everything they said and did to me---esp. the A's I got involved with. I stopped making any more friends becasue I got so tired o...	Carol_Lynn	3	896	Jan 11, 2010 by Carol_Lynn
	Alcoholic Father and Depression (Preview) I'm a 20something year woman with an alcoholic father. He is a good man but I believe he is severely depressed and self-medicates with drinking. My mom is finally at a breaking point and doesn't know how to handle it anymore. We know we can't save him and he is the only one who can save himself. Does anyone...	LSL	2	810	Jan 11, 2010 by Jerry F
	Does part of the mental illness of addiction include.... (Preview) Driving the people in their lives crazy?! I'm not sure if my BF thrives on gaslighting and playing mind games or if he actually doesn't even know he's doing it. Why is the reaction of others so imporant to addicts. Even when they are sober and in recovery? Does this ever go away? Never in my life have I had s...	Dyinginside	15	1368	Jan 11, 2010 by buick23
	BIG SLIP (Preview) Hi everyone, well my ABF had a slip beginning of NOV and I have just realised so did I big time. I kept going to meetings, reading, talking o sponsor but have not been walking the walk. There re big consequences to this that I now have to face. My ABF went straight back to AA after a 24 hr slip, he lost alot due...	Tracy	3	1036	Jan 10, 2010 by Jerry F
	i am surprised at my own inner strength (Preview) hello again. i hope it is ok to post almost every day but i am finding it really helpful to share my thoughts this way and mention anything that is really bothering me as i cant get to a one to one group at the moment (i live 6 miles out of town and AH has kept the car). a thought hit me today that i am actually n...	miss lucy	3	1005	Jan 10, 2010 by Jerry F
	JUST A SHORT ONE! (Preview) Today is a good day! I am grateful & even have a bit of serenity. Maybe it is because I am finally starting to let go of the past & move on. 24 years ago I was in a very messy situation--a very difficult one. I was going through my first breakdown of many. Now I can see the "light" of day! ...	Hoot Nanny	4	725	Jan 10, 2010 by Tracy
	gettin up again (Preview) Hey all Been in recovery for a few years now and not attending face to face meetings for a while. Online is safer for me. I was "raised" by alcoholics and I married someone who was also "raised" by alcoholics. All of my relationships are dysfunctional/abusive/harmful etc. I'll...	idontknow	2	888	Jan 10, 2010 by Tracy
	hello (Preview) Hello everyone, Just really want to introduce myself. Both my parents are alcoholics. One active - the other dry at the moment. However I am 44yrs old and live with someone and I am finding his behaviour when he drinks really nasty and aggressive. (not physically) He is nice in the day time but in the eve...	cassie	5	923	Jan 10, 2010 by cassie
	I Have a Question ? (Preview) It could be just me, but for the last several months on this board, and in my two weekly meetings it seems newcomers are getting and applying the program quicker than in the past. They don't question the program, they are applying it in their lives and seeing their life get better. There are seve...	RLC	2	785	Jan 10, 2010 by abbyal
	self love & intimacy issues (Preview) I have come to the conclusion that all of us, alanons, codas, acoas and even A's - the root of our problem is one of self intimacy & loving the self. The A's use to be numb and avoid themselves, we focus on othrs to avoid ourselves. Once I began to work to love me as my own first priority... like a best fri...	kitty	6	1773	Jan 10, 2010 by mac57
	cant sleep,,,cant stop worrying about him! (Preview) i have now finished setting up home in my little caravan and have finally run out of things to do to keep me occupied. i managed to get out for a while and go see a friend of mine last night which was nice. i still cant sleep though. thoughts circling my mind....could i have done more, did i help him enough...	miss lucy	5	1066	Jan 9, 2010 by miss lucy
	Working Powerlessness... (Preview) Good evening family...Came to the board to read and gain perspective and direction for tomorrow morning's Super Saturday meeting and I've found the topic. It is working Powerlessness or How I work Powerlessness. Let me leave that topic open to the board especially the old timers who have worked it...	Jerry F	9	1169	Jan 9, 2010 by White Rabbit
	Honestly, not sure how much more I can take.... (Preview) Well I received another call yesterday from the Dr with more bad news. I need to have a test done on my bladder and bladder surgery. I don't know all the details yet as I haven't spoken to the Dr directly and the PA had little information, but I believe it has to do with the removal of the endo from my bladde...	shellyj123	2	810	Jan 9, 2010 by masspedirn
	Boundries vs. Control vs. Ultimatums (Preview) Hi new Al Anon Friends... I have been thinking a lot about what to say to my ABF the next time I see him (uncertain when that will be) about what I have been going through and what I have learned. I am trying to figure out my boundries for him. I'm fairly certain that I will break up with him, but I want to do th...	Festfan	12	2896	Jan 9, 2010 by blender_girl
	It's broken I'm broken (Preview) So depressed I am angry at everyone and everything. Migraine, broke my same rib again. Had a bone dens test. That was very painful laying on my back. Pelvis is at its finest pain again. four thing toaster is now two,dryer still not fixed, kitchen faucet died, stupid plastic parts, recliner is stuck u...	Debilyn	10	968	Jan 9, 2010 by blender_girl
	help me please....am at my wits end (Preview) thank god i have found this site...i am so upset and confused i dont know what to do. 4 days ago i left my heavy drinking, cannabis smoking husband of 7 years as i had reached the stage that i no longer felt safe with him. the police were called after his latest outburst which involved a knife and taunting m...	miss lucy	11	1033	Jan 9, 2010 by Mattie
	How to handle this situation...?? (Preview) This situation is not related to my A but, to a program female friend. She is in the program, he does not actively work a program but does attend meetings with her occasionally. Her husband asked me if I would be willing to talk to him about addiction and the way it has hurt his life and how it is affecting hi...	RunnerChick	8	939	Jan 8, 2010 by nmike
	Don't want to give this TOO much thought... (Preview) We have been speaking to each other. He asks me for a hug. We had a long talk the other night about how great our relationship was when we were both working a program. We both admitted that we were in a self-loathing funk for alot of last year, wishing the other person could drag us out of our self-imposed mi...	RunnerChick	5	861	Jan 8, 2010 by nmike
	Prayers & Strength Needed... (Preview) Again, One of our own is in need of some Strength... Hope... & Love.... Shellyj123 has more to handle, And I would just ask that you all give her some if you have it to give, I'm sure she will update, but just asking you all to spare a Prayer or two for her health, and a big hug ;) THANKS MIP.... Jozie	Jozie	2	830	Jan 8, 2010 by maire rua
	how far does detachment go? (Preview) I've been coming here for a couple weeks now and have found this site and the people on it to be a great help. I thought I was learning detachment- I quit nagging about his drinking, I had no problem leaving him passed out on the patio until he woke up, letting him go without eating when he was too drunk to j...	pineapple	9	945	Jan 8, 2010 by woopsadaisy
	No respect (Preview) I have been divorced from my A/Ex Hubby for about 28 yrs. My 3 sons were about 6,7,8 at the time. So it has been MANY years. The thing I don't understand is I have been remarried to a great man for 23 years....but my 3 sons are so much like their dad. I guess its all in the 'genes' They are now 34/35 and36. My big...	meagain	5	1002	Jan 8, 2010 by maresie
	Rehab (Preview) Well, the A is going to rehab in Florida next Thursday. He thanked me for my help and said that " he hoped he could take it from here." He also said that he wasn't ready before, but that he was ready now. I wished him the best. I am working hard at detaching. My therapist sorta yelled at me yes...	Codependent	3	1008	Jan 8, 2010 by kmarty
	The hamsters in my head are taking over today!!!~ESH desperately needed today (Preview) Well I went back to the Dr and found out some more less than favorable news-the Endo they took out, all the lesions were all over my bladder. The good news is that they found it and removed what they could see and there is no cancer there, the bad news is that I'm told the lesion stage is the last/final stage...	shellyj123	3	851	Jan 8, 2010 by Tattyhead
	Powerlessness and Obsession - just sharing... (Preview) I find myself being overwhelmed by fear and powerlessness. I still ache for his love and comfort. I find myself attempting to ween this in the moments I can. When I get it, I am more peaceful. But then in the empty spaces, the fear returns. I hold on and it hurts. I struggle with letting go of HOPE for TODAY a...	RunnerChick	6	980	Jan 8, 2010 by jasobel
	is it worth it (Preview) I have pulled away from my ABF after his slip in Nov. He went striaght back to AA but has needed to focus on himself which I understand but if I am truthful I was not working my programme and was resentful that I was left again, just dropped because of the disease. The more I have withdrawn he has chased, I j...	Tracy	5	726	Jan 8, 2010 by maresie
	Posting instead of calling/texting (Preview) I don't mean to double dip today ... but I'm posting instead of texting/calling. I feel very alone and sad right now about our relationship. A mutual friend sent me a message that said 'Don't forget to breathe'. I feel ticked off by this because I did not tell her what was going on and for some reason I feel...	RunnerChick	9	1022	Jan 8, 2010 by RunnerChick
	Talking to children about alcoholic father (Preview) I just wondered if any others on this board have experienced problems with what to tell children about alcoholic parent My son is 29 but with a learning disability which means he functions around the age of 12 emotionally. He has witnessed his father at his worst and also the rows beteween his parents....	Tattyhead	2	1433	Jan 8, 2010 by Jen
	Not good at all (Preview) I need to stop snooping. Is doing me no good at all. This is my addiction, snooping into my exAH (wow that feels so strange to say...ex) facebook, emails, phones..you name it.. I know I have to stop cause everytime I find more and more hurtful things, but it's like a compulsion. I just miss him so much I fee...	Priscilla83	2	917	Jan 7, 2010 by Festfan
	First time here (Preview) Hi everyone - I would appreciate any advice or direction someone can point me in. Thank you. My older brother and his wife, I fear, have both become alcoholics. I knew they drank quite a bit over the past several years but now they have both lost their jobs. He is borrowing money from me and for the first t...	charna	3	750	Jan 7, 2010 by charna
	compassion versus anger (Preview) while feeling compassion for the A son I feel sadness all the time. When I feel anger I think I do not feel that sadness. watching him go down this path of distruction is devastating, even on days that he doesn't use. it is so hard not to try and offer some assistance or try to help him find a way out of the deep...	Gailey	4	1207	Jan 7, 2010 by Jerry F
	Letting Go and moving on to a new love-(for those of you who missed it) (Preview) This response was sent to me from John, who responded to my post "Am I asking for Trouble" It is really one of the first times I remember hearing anyone talk about moving on past one relationship in peace and finding love again with someone new. It really made me hopeful and offered me ESH f...	shellyj123	4	841	Jan 7, 2010 by Jozie
	whats left to say!? (Preview) Im 17 yrs old, and my mothers been an alcoholic now , my whole 'xxx' life! She was sober for 9 months last yr!, with the help of AA meetings, and now shes been slipping again... since she dismissed going to her meetings. I worry about my mom everyday of my life, and im sick of having to worry about my 45 yr old...	skyy	21	1041	Jan 7, 2010 by barbara lewis
	when the Alcoholic gets help...then what (Preview) There was a time when I would have never imagined I would end up with someone as self destructive as me. I build these great castles only to tear them down. Just as he did. I never quite understood why. I have not only been resentful of him but jealous... Here's a guy who by all accounts is the male version...	wgredgray	7	865	Jan 7, 2010 by maresie
	having a very rough day (Preview) son called his ex wife today and she called me. she said he sounds so depressed and was breaking down on the phone with her. I tried not to call for the longest time but just couldn't hold off. I didn't tell him she called me but you could tell he had been crying. He said he has a head cold. I just needed to hear t...	Gailey	6	921	Jan 7, 2010 by Debilyn
	What a miracle!!!! (Preview) Goodmorning Family, No work today. This is a party day here at the house. Yesterday I got a miracle. I do not hear well. Actually I had a hearing test on Monday and the result was a pretty profound hearing loss. Well I went to the doctor yesterday and he put tubes in both of my ears. When we were walkin...	fishinmama	4	812	Jan 7, 2010 by RunnerChick
	Courtesy (Preview) "One of my character defects is to respond in kind to behavior that is directed at me...to react to rudeness with more rudeness. .....I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior; I can begin by refusing to accept it from myself. I can choose to behave courteously and with dignity.....If I am...	wp	3	983	Jan 7, 2010 by tea2
	the al anon radar (Preview) Just recently a new guy started where I work. I have no romantic interest in him. I sometimes travel to work to and from with him. What I'm seeing these days is that my alcoholic radar is up there. One sure sign for me is someone who is too good to be true. He sails through things. He broke up a relation...	maresie	5	1723	Jan 7, 2010 by maresie
	Knock Knock......insanity calling. (Preview) So..... all over Xmas and New Year Ive been invited back on the merry- go- round.My Ason found an enabler who he spent the holiday period with. This other person, newly relapsed A, took pity on him because he couldnt be with us, his family, over this period. My son has spent the last few weeks crying in his...	Ness	4	982	Jan 7, 2010 by Ness
	Am I asking for trouble???? Am I strong enough in my recovery to risk it all again? (Preview) Let me first explain where I am.... I've dedicated my New Year to my recovery and working it to the best of my ability. I was even asked to be a sponsor and was overjoyed that someone else believed in me as well, and that is going great! I'm doing everything I can to work my program and normally do one F2F ...	shellyj123	9	1249	Jan 7, 2010 by John
	help with abreviations (Preview) I'm new to this and I'm having difficulty understanding some of the abbreviations, can anyone help me with this please. I would really appreciate it, Thanx	Sam72	3	912	Jan 7, 2010 by Sam72
	I am new here and a basket case (Preview) I am the mother of a 21 year old son who is an addict. He was sentenced today on drug charges and is doing 45 days in jail. I am reaching out because I am in no condition to attend a real time group tonight but feel the need to get help for myself.	wispythewolf	4	931	Jan 7, 2010 by Ness
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.