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had to abandon a friend
(Preview)
Hello. The woman that I met over Xmas---it isn't working out. She isn't an a, but my patterns with friendships are all too familiar. I found myself wanting her approval constantly. I lost myself to her. I thought she was "better than me". And my body was getting sick again because I was putti...
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Carol_Lynn
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7
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908
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Alcoholic dealing with alcoholics
(Preview)
First time with AlAnon - in real life or cyber space What do I do next to request advice....please. Peace Haze;1066
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hazel1066
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6
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1492
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a higher power breakthrough
(Preview)
My boyfriend of over 2years, left me 1 month ago. I have been struggling with letting him go - he is now with someone else. I have also been struggling with my higher power, questioning why he left when we were to spend the rest of our lives together. The pain has been unyielding, constant. He left his dog w...
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jasobel
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2
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1264
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removing dependence
(Preview)
Hey MIP family! I need to post today about the trials of removing some of the dependence from my relationship with my AH. Hopefully some of ya'll can relate. ;) The dependence I'm talking about is transportation. My AH doesn't drive; I do. He has many "reasons" why he doesn't, and that's fin...
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intothewoods
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4
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938
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Minding my own business
(Preview)
I went to a f2f meeting today and the topic was this quote: "If I'm not part of the problem, I'm not part of the solution." I remember when I first got to Alanon - I thought I knew exactly what everyone else needed to do in order for me to be happy. If my ex AH would just stop drinking and go to AA, if h...
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White Rabbit
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7
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1170
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Loving my friends and my husband at the same times
(Preview)
So my co depence is screaming right now. What I consider to be one of my best friends is an A. She recently split from her husband because she reached sobrity and thought that she needed to do more exploration in life. In reality a year later and a failed relationship since her divorce she is missing...
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ARSK
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5
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939
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So here I am again...long time I know, the weeks seem to have gone by so quickly and yet it only seems like yesterday...
(Preview)
Hello dear friends and family, I cannot believe that I have not been with you for so many weeks, yes even months, and yet when I opened up my account this morning I had a reply from Loupy sent in SEPTEMBER and a message from Jerry F which he sent to me in early DECEMBER. Please forgive me and take this as my sin...
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Suzannah
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8
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1014
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A Quote From Forum Magazine
(Preview)
Quote from the "One Quote at a Time" section "Fear" stretches our problems way out of proportion. ------- "Faith" shrinks them down to a manageable size.---- Quote from James G., MO. I still have fears, but with the Al-Anon program my HP will always help me get thr...
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RLC
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6
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1350
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Financial Protection
(Preview)
My wife took out 5 credit cards, without my knowledge, and ran them up to the hilt in persuit of her pain killers. She was/is buying from an "on line" pharmancy. She had been out of work for the last 2 1/2 years, but has been back at work for around four months. Before I took over the finances (s...
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Charlie
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11
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1095
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mad at myself for being angry with him
(Preview)
So my ABF went to a friends surprise 40th b-day party yesterday that started at 5pm. He very rarely goes out like that anymore. As a matter of fact he doesn't drink very much anymore because he is always home (when not working 60 hrs a week) and I don't tolerate his behavior. That being said I knew havin...
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Holly09
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9
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1331
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I cannot allow him to kill me.
(Preview)
Blood pressure this evening 212/96. I have to go on alone. I cannot stand any more of the undercurrent that is in this house even when all seems peaceful. He just left screaming and throwing things. I am beginning to feel my health deteriorating, and I know it is because of his abominable and abhor...
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Diva
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19
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1258
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Thanks Jerry, for the post.
(Preview)
The following was not posted to me, but it is as true for one of us as it is for the other. These are words to live by gang. Jerry has a way of always "hitting the nail on the head". Thanks again Jerry. Eternally grateful for your presence here on MIP, DivaReply Quote "... it's about you...
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Diva
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2
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778
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The passing of my husband - may he rest in peace
(Preview)
Dear MIP family,
I wanted to take a moment to let you all know that unfortunately my husband was taken by the disease earlier this week.
Many of you know of his battles and the many illnesses that came as a result. I knew that he was suffering terribly, that his disease was progressing at a rapid pace,...
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Rocky38
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21
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1260
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so angrey
(Preview)
My ABf is still living in his mums after his slip in Nov. I have accepted that this illness is for life and that he can not promise that he will never drink again. He is in recovry so I am trying to live one day at a time and hand it all over to HP. The problem is I am taking care of me, I need to rely on me he is sick...
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Tracy
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4
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1043
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Important Recall Information!
(Preview)
(((((Family)))), Normally I don't do this, but I felt it was too important not to. Many of you know hubby was in the pharmaceutical business and dealt with these type of things. This is a link to news about the Tylenol, Motrin and St. Joseph recalls. Go to this link and read the information and then che...
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Karilynn
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1
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841
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too much too soon?
(Preview)
am worried....spoke to AH earlier this evening (which is now yesterday!) and he was bubbling with enthusiasm! He was so excited that he had done three days straight without a drink or a smoke of the green stuff. He had decided that he wants to make a list of things that need doing around his home (i have...
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miss lucy
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4
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1189
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Prayers for Haiti.
(Preview)
((((Family)))), As I look around at my cosy happy home and listen to the news about Haiti, it reminds how lucky I am. How lucky I have been despite the recent trials and tribulations in my life. It's nothing compared to what these poor people are going through. May we keep all the people affected by th...
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Karilynn
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5
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1075
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Urgent help
(Preview)
Hi guys, I am new here. I am 28 year old white female living in South Africa. I am a fun loving person who enjoys being with family and friends. I need your guys help desperately badly. If I dont do something about my drinking now it will become a major major problem. My dad loved to drink and if I dont st...
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Safferchick
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1
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620
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I'm new...
(Preview)
So...I really just need to get this all off of my chest. I have a friend who is clearly an alcoholic. For awhile, I thought maybe it was just college and she would get it out of her system but it doesn't appear that way. She ended up in a relationship with a bad guy who verbally threatened her and pushed he...
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frustratedfriend2010
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13
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1370
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Step Work Board Question
(Preview)
Hi Everyone! Im fairly new here and just finding my way around all that is offered here, but I have a question about the step board. I am not only new to this site but also new to Al-Anon, so I was very interested in the step board to help me learn as much as possible about the 12 steps and working them. When I...
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Suzi1965
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3
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968
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New to al-anon - books?
(Preview)
Hello, I am new to al-anon. I have a wonderful husband who grew up in an alcoholic family. We recently had our first child which has made our relationship with his family more complicated. My MIL is very volatile and we are constantly walking on egg shells around her. While she is the hardest to deal...
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balst19
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7
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1890
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Monitoring expectations
(Preview)
This weekend I got very sick. Exabf and I still live together. I am looking for a place, but we have agreed to remain in the house and save money until the Bank informs us as to when we need to vacate. Our previous landlord had the property foreclosed upon and now the bank is the owner. It was a huge mess and w...
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RunnerChick
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2
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760
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Sick or not he will still not want me....
(Preview)
I know in my heart of hearts that the Addicts drug has nothing to do with why he is not in love with me and, ultimately, it is that rejection that I struggle with most.
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Codependent
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5
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1077
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When Will They Learn, to live together?!!! It's been 20 years now
(Preview)
Things get crazy and out of control so fast around here. I just don't have a chance to catch up with them. Even when I am not part of the insanity it still drips over on me. I try to keep my distance when my son and AH start going at each other. My son is 19 going on 20 in a few days and I think is capable of dealing wi...
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wildthang86
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6
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1109
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AH making a real effort!
(Preview)
am pleased to report that AH hasnt had a drink for 3 days - a decision he took all by himself! He text me last night to see if i would watch a film with him - which i did. And it was great! We huddled infront of the TV just like in the days when we first met, missed most of the film because of his constant chat...
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miss lucy
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4
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991
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What to do with the pain of loss?
(Preview)
My A ex left 31 days ago. No matter how many meetings I go to, or how much I read, pray or talk to others, the pain is as raw as the day he left. In a recent relapse he started dating this woman who is also an alcoholic. He came back to me when he was sober, started AA again and then 3 weeks later went back to her beca...
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jasobel
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9
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1001
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putting our problems into words
(Preview)
A reading came up tonight, and I wanted to share it with the board. "Those who benefit most from [Al-Anon] have the courage to face their difficulties instead of hiding them in some dark corner of their minds, to set up a gnawing sickness of spirit." "Most of us think we know what our pro...
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intothewoods
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3
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704
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In the middle
(Preview)
Today has been awful. Even though my A has been mostly sober for the last two days he was drunk at 9 am today. The worst part is that we get our water from a well and the well pump quit working three days ago. We bought and share our property in partnership with a friend. We have two acres and T (my A)and I have ou...
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pineapple
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5
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847
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2 kids in the court system now...but I am so busy I can not join the choas
(Preview)
Good morning friends, I got sometime to practice step one yesterday...My son got a DUI. Both of my kids are keeping the court system busy and causing choas to swirl. He came in and apologized to me yesterday. I said I am sorry too...I am sorry you have to drag your self through this and cause yourself a...
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fishinmama
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4
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939
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Living the serenity prayer.......
(Preview)
This week has proven to be a test of my program in many ways, and Im happy to say that I really think I worked my program good (for the most part) and finally set some boundaries for the first time in my life that I am happy with. Ive never been good at boundaries but this week it hit me-I CAN SET BOUNDARIES! I...
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shellyj123
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1
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1621
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Reaction
(Preview)
The A left for Rehab today. I did not call to say bye. I did not call his mom. I did not call and offer support. However, at the last minute I sent him a pic via phone of him and his kids. I'm not sure why...well, maybe I am. I guess it was a last minute reminder of me. A last minute attempt to get reaction....
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Codependent
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3
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963
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Clearer thoughts from an unlikely sourse
(Preview)
Goodmorning family, Strange where the message comes from. Yesterday I was watching The Joy of Painting on OPB with Bob Ross. He paints with 2 - 4 inch brushes and quickly. Has a very happy different outlook - at least different from mine. He was talking about painting clouds in his picture and he sa...
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fishinmama
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2
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878
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IS HE AN ALCOHOLIC??
(Preview)
Hi, my name is Diana and I am 20 years old. I have been in an on and off again relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. He is EVERYTHING I would want in a man and I could definitely see myself marrying and starting a family with him, EXCEPT when he drinks. I am not sure if Al-Anon is right for me or not. Here is...
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DBROOKS5511
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12
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1304
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practising detatchment
(Preview)
i read a sign a long time ago that has had a profound effect on me and stays with me to this day - you know the signs i mean? the cartoon type ones that are usually hung on the back of lavatory doors. In fact, if i remember correctly, it was on the back of my mum's lav door just after she split with schizo bf.......
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miss lucy
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4
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894
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Good news
(Preview)
My daughter, who became a single parent exactly one yr ago, when she asked her A husband to leave, has had the offer of not one job but two! One job is safe, (boring) well paid (with pension plan etc) but no chance for her to grow in her field. The other is with a vibrant, young dynamic company, 3 month trial...
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Ness
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6
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785
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controlling vs boundaries
(Preview)
i have a hard time with this--determining what is controlling vs putting up boundaries. I often feel like people are more trying to control me than vice versa. Like today, on a message board with one of my ex's. I have no relationship with him at all. (he dumped me--HARDCORE) Yet he constantly brings up...
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idontknow
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8
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2322
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My heart is breaking for my mom who passed away last month.
(Preview)
How do you begin to confront the feelings of losing a parent? I'm only 28 years old and my mom is gone. Forever. My mom was an alcoholic before I was even born. She used to think it was funny that she drank while she was pregnant with me and "my daughter turned out just fine!" I never thought...
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Columbine 1122
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12
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1231
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trying not to hope
(Preview)
The f2f meeting I *thought* was today is tomorrow. Well! One day at a time, right? Since there's no meeting for me, I thought I'd post here instead. I'm having mixed feelings that I need to let loose on the internet. Well... He went to a meeting with an addiction counselor today, and he got more info about...
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intothewoods
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9
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950
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Feelings
(Preview)
My therapist says I have choices and just need to stop with all these "feelings" for him. "Feelings" of rejection. "Feelings" of wanting him. "Feelings" of preoccupation. How do you stop feelings?
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Codependent
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3
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868
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I just miss her so much...
(Preview)
Greetings everyone my name is Regina, I just joined your online al-anon message board. It surprises me that I did because I have been near al-anon before, and I didn't think I was enabler. I still am not sure that I am, but I do know that how I feel right now... Just about all of you have probably felt.....
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regigse
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4
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1020
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Making Sacrifices?
(Preview)
I know that no one can tell me what to do, but I want to run a situation by you and get some opinions. Last year we were supposed to go to Hawaii. We've been going every year for 10 years. We have a time-share there, so we don't every have to play for a place to stay. We bought 2 plane tickets and the 3rd one was p...
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N8SMOM
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13
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970
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Thought for the day...
(Preview)
(((((Family)))), Life is too short not to dance around the house with our furry friends. So grab your pets, step away from the chaos and boogie down with them. You'll be surprised how much you smile. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the day. Much love and blessings to you and your families and of course, our pe...
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Karilynn
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3
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2797
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hubby taking small steps every day
(Preview)
hi all. i had a text last night from AH saying he missed me and the dog! BREAKTHROUGH #1. He never backs down. Up until now its always been me that has made the peace, done the chasing to make things better. I was shocked to say the least. It was quite late when he text so i naturally thought here we go.,.....
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miss lucy
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4
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1067
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Does the 'Why' of it all, really matter?
(Preview)
I hope I'm not completely overstepping my posting boundaries here. Feel like I've been a posting demon the past week or so, but I guess this is my form of "sharing" outside of the rooms. For that I am SOOOO grateful for this board and for all of the wonderful members :) Last night, my exabf whom...
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RunnerChick
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8
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1064
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Illusion of Control, Powerlessness & practicing STEP ONE
(Preview)
I am told to PRACTICE powerlessness. Practice Step one. How? In my mind I seem to resist this surrender. I feel if I do this than there is no way my exabf will want me back. Ibelieve that my struggling and fighting and trying to maintain some sort of control - somehow prevents pain? I am learning that power...
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RunnerChick
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17
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2164
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morning rambling
(Preview)
My A still drank on the past two days, but unlike most days lately he didn't drink til he was drunk or passed out. He barely drank at all and was actually sober for most of the time. It was so nice having him ¨present¨ for a change. But it was so hard for me to admit my powerlessness. I kept thinking that becaus...
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pineapple
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3
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713
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Court Sentencing (Take 3)
(Preview)
Third time's a charm or three strikes and you're out. Either way, I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be the official sentencing and my AH will be going to jail for his DUI (I would honestly be shocked if he got a 4th extension). He made a plea deal of 45 days work release. I've got some anxiety about being alo...
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N8SMOM
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11
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1347
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I really need help and a sponsor!!!!!!!
(Preview)
I disabled I live with an alcoholic mother and an a verbally abusive step father. I am, if I can afford to move to assisted living faculity. I am not sure I can.
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Raven68
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2
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714
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A friend's sad loss.
(Preview)
Today one of my f2f family has lost her husband to this hateful disease. She has been separated from him for a while but lived nearby and was witness to the ongoing progression of his disease. He was prone to blackouts and we believe he succumbed to hypothermia after collapsing outside. She has many yrs...
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Ness
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10
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984
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Signs you need to get out of a relationship.
(Preview)
I started dating this wonderful man 12 days after divorcing my husband. (sign #1) He seemed to be the answer to prayer and met my every need. (sign #2) Bought me things and spoiled me lavishly (wanted to buy me a horse for Christmas). Started talking about marriage after dating 4 months (sign # 3) Had a me...
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Overcome
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10
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1541
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writing therapy
(Preview)
i am quite a creative person. i love writing:- letters, poems, short stories, etc. this skill has been of great help and comfort during some very dark times in my life. i have started using the skill again since my breakup with AH. sometimes i just sit and write whatever comes into my head (most inc...
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miss lucy
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4
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1289
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Expectations...
(Preview)
Just got back from my "other" meeting this moring...the one just 20 or so feet from the Pacific Ocean. The ocean was calm and peaceful and the meeting was a quiet spiritual, HP event. Two people, married, both receiving anniversary coins for the same length of time in recovery. Both with...
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Jerry F
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6
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1194
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Limbo
(Preview)
Hey, everybody. Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me. This forum has really helped my sanity! I just thought I'd post tonight about where I am now. I feel like I'm in Limbo. Despite my boundaries and all my work, nothing's changed. Nothing's changed, so nothing's changed, yep I learn...
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intothewoods
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9
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1235
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Quotes on Gratitude, Faith and Serenity
(Preview)
Found these while looking online today and thought I'd share:) Peace and faith, shelly Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apat...
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shellyj123
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1
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7381
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More on the breakthrough
(Preview)
I recently posted on my realization that there was a disconnect between the rewards I think the relationship with the A will bring, and the actual misery and anxiety of the experience. Then I found a scientific report that says they have found that exact thing! Apparently there are two different kin...
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Mattie
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1
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888
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Daily Readings - where to start...
(Preview)
Book reviews wanted... Hi all and happy weekend! So, I have been reading lots & lots on this site all week (seems so long and so short at the same time). I know that there are a lot of Al Anon and related books out there - what are your favorites - especially at the beginning of your journey? There is no...
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Festfan
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8
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6824
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question about addictive personalities
(Preview)
i have been reading some posts and would like to know...what is the definition of an addictive personality? how do you know if you are attracted to one? how do you know if you are one yourself? the reason i ask is that i have been married 3 times now,,,,hubby no1 was a very violent paranoid schizophre...
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miss lucy
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2
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684
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Finally had the "talk" with ABF...
(Preview)
And I can't tell if I am relieved or not... I really didn't know what my exact "position" would be with him - have been debating the full break up vs setting up some boundaries. We had not seen each other since New Year's & very few phone calls - mostly texting. I didn't invite him to a par...
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Festfan
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10
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1030
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Slipping, Falling, and Getting Back Up
(Preview)
Well, after about of month of relative peace and occasional borderline happiness, I fell back into the trap of my soon to be ex AH's manipulation and mind games. I see now that I had allowed myself to trust the illusion that he was doing better - getting sober. We managed to have several pleasant (dar...
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blender_girl
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3
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899
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Breakthrough realization
(Preview)
I had a breakthrough this morning. I was obsessing about my ex. And so I was yearning and missing him and having these conversations in my mind where I explain the truth and he gets it and repents and everything's perfect... And I was trying to get this obsession out of my mind by telling myself, "...
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Mattie
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5
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1057
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