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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Knock Knock......insanity calling.
Post Info TOPIC: Knock Knock......insanity calling.
Ness


~*Service Worker*~

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Knock Knock......insanity calling.
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So..... all over Xmas and New Year Ive been invited back on the merry- go- round.

My Ason found an enabler who he spent the holiday period with. This other person, newly relapsed A, took pity on him because he couldnt be with us, his family, over this period. My son has spent the last few weeks crying in his cups, full of the poor mes....telling everyone his family wont have him home for Christmas.........and this guy thought he was doing his best by him. He was phoning us constantly, 99% of which I didnt answer, it was only updates on how the insanity was progressing...... and finally got the desperate (not unexpected) message on the answer service to say he couldnt cope with my sons drinking any longer and wanted him out......he tried to lay the guilt trip on me, saying we needed to do this and needed to do that etc etc etc.

I emptied the tool box, and stayed off the merry-go-round.

My son is well aware of the boundaries in place and I can tell hes now hurting from the consequences of this. Is he hurting enough.....who knows.  He keeps asking to come home, hell moderate his drinking, hell keep himself clean, he wont lay in bed all day and on and on and on. Phone call yesterday he wants back to rehab. Im keeping out of it, other than to keep encouraging him to seek recovery and to remind him we love him and hate the disease.  He is so ill.....he has been at rock bottom for so long.....

It's tough.....Im having to work hard, thankful to have the Alanon programme and this family in my life.

 

(((((hugs))))) Ness x



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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Hi Ness

I am so sorry this is going on. 

I will keep you and your family in  my thoughts and prayers. 

I really hate this disease!!!!

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
Date:
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Ness!!! hugging you! Be strong. YOU are a great mom! It is so hard not to take our "babies" in! We know that the best thing is to allow them to feel the negative consequences from the disease.

Why stop using when I can manipulate mom to allow me to come back and be comfy and use???

I can tell you from experience, though my son was not A. I had to gently nudge him out the door to find his own strength. Ness he is such a great man today!

If we baby our kids they won't find out who they are, and find they can take care of themselves.

My ex AH was babied all his life, he cannot live on his own still and he is 58! Now the USA supports him in prison! He gets to read all day and eat good food, watch tv, listen to his radio, have a canteen, go to classes and on and on.

Of course it is full of danger too...

Anyway the point is if our kids A or not have any chance at all at growing up, we have to push them out into the world. Especially boys. Ness look at how many fathers are not taking responsibility for their kids.

More men than ever are not taking care of their part in families, more are sitting at home while the wife works even if they don't have kids! I love that there are stay at home dads and moms work. Don't get me wrong there!

I am hoping that if we as parents do not enable the A early in life, they will have a better chance of finding recovery. Since it sometimes takes many, many detoxes, rehabs and times of being in recovery to finally be able to really have a long recovery period, the younger they start, the better chance they get.

HP will watch over him no matter what.

Remember to do the same thing over and over, expecting a different result is insanity.

So myself I am thinking I would say, "Ok get into AA, detox, get yourself into a rehab, show me what you are serious about."

I believe in putting it back into their laps.

So proud of you. It is NOT easy!!! you raised him right I am sure, I hope he will find that foundation you layed for him.

hugs,debilyn and pleae keep coming and sharing!

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
DreamsOver


Senior Member

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Posts: 223
Date:
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I love your title! I can relate.

Wow it sounds like you are doing a great job, and I know the strength it takes to do what you are doing.

Isn't it great when the disease does not have the power over us, we don't take the responsibility for it any longer. 

My son does the pity party routine too, he went on a binge this Christmas, he always paints the family as the bad guys, gets all the attention that he can.

Insanity is calling but we don't have to answer.








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Ness


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 619
Date:
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Thanks Betty, Deb & Dreams....As the song (kind off) says......I hear it knockin but it cant come in.

Love and gratitude......xx



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