having a very rough day - Al-Anon Family Group

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

having a very rough day

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Gail)))))......your son is feeling his disease.....when I get tears at the other end of the phone I tell my son Im so sorry he is hurting but gently remind him there is another way. I try to make sure my voice is strong and not panicy..... I may not feel like that but one of the Alanon slogans I keep close by me is fake it till you make it......we shed a lot of tears with this disease......I try to take mine to my f2f.......hold tight honey....... Im glad youve got your f2f tonight.

Ness x

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

And we also got a recording from my daughter in law last evening that they have been
busy and wanted to let us know that they are "fine".    Been there.   Done that.   Know
the truth, "Nothing changes if nothing changes" and the definition of insanity is "doing
the same things over and over expecting different results."   We listen and let go with
no compulsion to interfere between them and HP or anyone HP sends into cause a
change. Pain is such a great tool HP uses to create a surrender.    (((((hugs))))) smile

Priscilla83 · Senior Member

Gailey I'm sorry you are going thru this. The most difficult thing for me is understanding that if they don't stop, they could die.
I ask HP every day to guard his life, but unfortunately that is all we can do. I understand your pain and send you lots of hugs.

irish54 · Senior Member

Gailey, so sorry you are going through this. I know the feeling. My son is bipolar/schizo affective and lives here with us...most days he stays in his room constantly but there are some days he just leaves in his car. I know I have no power or what he does or where he goes and have no choice but to give him to my HP.
My other son is in prison.
All of my 4 children have been drastically affected by their alcoholic/drug dealer father and it is sooooooo hard being the Mother.
My prayers are with you.

((((Hugs))))
Irish

Tattyhead · Senior Member

Oh Gailey, I empathise so much with your pain! We are urged to detach but when it is from someone we love - that is so hard!

My A is my husband of 38 years and it is so difficult to cut myself off. he has lost job, friends and his children and me - yes he is still at home but we have detached mentally and he has lost our respect - which is key to any relationship.

I cannot offer reassurance I can only offer my prayers and let you know you are not alone - so many people and families are struggling with a family member whom they love but who seems to have a self-destruct button!

Love and prayers,

Tish xxx

-- Edited by Tattyhead on Thursday 7th of January 2010 04:41:32 PM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

HUG! Any growing experience is horribly hard. When it is our kids, we want to do it for them! It's so not easy to know they hurt.

If we rescue we are not allowing them to learn anything.

I still have to stop myself from "helping" my son. He does not even need my help....sigh I have learned to listen and say so what are your options?

Good for you for sticking to your boundaries! love,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.