How to handle this situation...?? - Al-Anon Family Group

RunnerChick · Senior Member

How to handle this situation...??

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

I would be the kind of friend, that you would want her to be.

If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. My experience is, program sharing becomes intimate, no question about it. He can find al-anon meetings for himself, it doesn't seem wise to put you in the middle of their relationship.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

RC,

Most likely anything you would say would be Alanon, so couldn't he get the same info from meetings and literature and make his own mind up in the matter of their son?
I would talk to him about addiction, but talking about his marriage is a slippery slope. Your friend would want to know what he said about the marriage, then you would either betray his confidence or make her mad by being silent.
Getting in the middle isn't a place where I would want to be.

Christy

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha RC...lots of people flocking to your door? God are there not many invitations to
"fix" people, places and things?   Asking him to follow thru on the suggestion of getting
to face to face meetings for a 90 day period of time will pull forward more people who
have more experience on recovery and give him more options and support.   Give him
the suggestion and then "let him go and let God have him".

Of course if you are still addicted to excitement you can get into the middle of it all
and take in the thrill of the disease.   Trying to be humorous without the teeth gritting
on that one.

Turn them over and work for yourself and your own serenity.   (((((hugs)))))

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I think the suggestion of going to meetings is a good idea. I know most active alcoholics I know (and unfortunately I know a lot of them) live, sleep and eat denial. Some of them things have to get worse before they get better. I think your best advocate would be an impartial recovering alcoholic and maybe the program has someone who will come and take them to a meeting without their family present. I'm not against people going to meetings in groups but I think sometimes it helps to be able to go alone and meet people outside of family.

Maresie.

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Yeah, I agree with what's been said about recommending meetings instead of talking one on one. It would probably be more appropriate for him to find a male sponsor in the program that he can talk to freely who can be objective and not be right in the middle of everything. Talking intimately can lead places it's not intended to, even if it starts out innocent - particularly when one or both is in a vulnerable position. Even if nothing were to happen, I would imagine that knowing he was talking to you about his marriage would really upset his wife. It would upset me, anyway, to know that my husband was confiding in some other woman about problems he had with me.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello runner for me that is a little too tricky , friendship is very important to me today I wouldnt want to risk it . Like Christy said he can attend meetings for himself and get all the help he needs or read his wifes literature . And then there is always the suggestion that we not seek out the oposite sex in our program as both parties are way too vulnerable . You can thank him for asking but u would be more comfortable with him finding meetings for himself and talking to someone else , xplain that the friendship betwee you and them as a couple is too important to you to risk understanding .

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow to me this is big time stepping on boundaries! I know I would have a BIG problem with any of my friends talking to my husband about me no matter what it was!

I guess I am thinking what is a married man asking a basically single, very vulinerable, hurting lady for? What are his motives? Seems like he would rather talk to another man about his situation.

I see this as a very tender, subject, if you two just talked on the phone, it may lead to meeting somewhere for coffee, then since it is an emotional subject we hug, and on and on. This is how it starts.

Sounds dangerous to me. Just knowing how much you hurt, and are in such need of comfort....

Even if it is completely innocent, you are a very approachable person, it can turn bad so easy.

Take it from an old lady.....Sometimes when we are starving for affection, understanding, a listener, if an opportunity comes along, no matter there were no expectations, we might choose the wrong path.

To be honest a while back I got all confused over my friend who is married. MANY people here grabbed me and shook me and said,"Whatza Matta with you????"

I am not kidding, they got me back on my path pdq!

YOU are first. How do you want to take care of you.

Love,debilyn throwing a lasso on Runnerchick and pulling her in.....

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Lots of literature and esh in Alanon meetings. It keeps it objective.

In support,
Nancy

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.