The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i had a nice surprise earlier today. AH asked me to go to his home for a talk. he was calm, collected and very focused. i haven't seen him like this for....oooo...must be 2 years or more. Anyway, he made me a coffee and he started the conversation off .."how are we going to sort this mess out?" which is a miracle in itself as he usually goes into total shutdown when i stand up to him.
we talked about what we thought had brought us to this point, what we thought we could change to make things better and get our marriage back on track. Instead of rushing back to his side, where i really want to be, i told him i thought that time apart was now a necessaty to deal with our health issues and to give me the choice of not being in his company if he was out of control. we uncovered some underlying problems that had thus far been ignored and allowed to fester until the explosion of last week. Everything came out and it was good to be able to speak without recrimination. I really think he was listening this time. He said several times that he didn't realise that he had become that bad. I don't know if that was genuine or not but i would like to think so (maybe i chose to - not sure). At no time did he make excuses though.
He came out with a really odd comment. His GP has mentioned several times that his alcohol consumption is way too high and borderline alchoholic/alcohol dependant. AH says he thinks he has it under control because he only drinks at night time! He has always worked hard and liked a drink at night. He doesn't always get drunk but he reaches the stage that he can't have a soft drink/tea anymore and the lager tins come out or he goes to the pub. He asked me if i wanted him to give up drinking all together and i couldn't answer. In my mind it's not for me to make that decision...he has to make it himself doesn't he?
Anyway, thanks for listening again. I am feeling more positive with each day. No doubt there will be set backs. Aside from the drinking and temper tantrum issues AH also has jealousy issues. The longer I am away the more likely he is to think I have someone else. But that is another story and another problem for another day.
I've read all your post and responsed to some since you have been a member of MIP. Your growth and progress is evident. If "you" want to see your progress all you have to do is go back and read your first post 11 days ago titled, "Help Me Please I'm At My Wits End". I just re-read it. It's like a different person posted today. I love miracles.
