The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A still drank on the past two days, but unlike most days lately he didn't drink til he was drunk or passed out. He barely drank at all and was actually sober for most of the time. It was so nice having him ¨present¨ for a change. But it was so hard for me to admit my powerlessness. I kept thinking that because he was sober I could talk to him about his drinking and what it's doing to him and to us. Then I would remember all the talks we've had before on the same subject and look what good it's done-none. I also had to keep reminding myself that just because he was mostly sober for most of a couple days does not mean he's going to GET and BE sober. So I enjoyed his company and put away any expectations for the next day, or even hour. I managed to keep my mouth shut on the subject of drinking and to live in the present moment. Boy, it was hard! This morning I'm wondering what today will be like, if he'll drink, if he'll get drunk, if he'll pass out or MAYBE if he'll stay sober for the day. I'll just have to wait and see. Then I think about how happy it made me that for two days even though he had a few drinks he didn't get drunk. And how pathetic is that?!?!? I don't even know what my point is here, just sharing my rambling thoughts this morning.
You're not alone. Expectations and monitoring them is so very difficult. I KNOW the compulsion I had of trying to describe to the A the error of his ways. Believing that the absent substance from the equation meant that he was seeing life clearly. I have to accept that I don't have the power to induce that sort of clarity in him.
(((((pineapple)))))), I personally call those "ramblings" sweet moments in time. They are few and far between sometimes but they are awesome to have. We recently had one on Christmas. It was nice to have a sober husband even if it was just for the day and early evening. He didn't pass out and he was nice. Sometimes he becomes overly critical of us when he gets "drunk". So the kids tend to scatter when their dad comes home. I also feel sad about those moments too because I enjoy them but also have to monitor myself to not get too excited about them because I tend to put some hope in there that he has stopped. But reality is he is not ready to quit. So I cherish the "sweet moment".
As they say Alocholic's all have the same characteristics . It is also true for us. It doesn't take much to make us happy. For me a little ray of sunshine sometimes looks like the sun coming up over the horizon. That's my expectations. I want to be positive. I have tried to be my whole life. But, I also have to be realistic, and accept that the sun goes down over the same horizon. I look froward to the day when the sun comes up and doesn't go down. Till that day comes I have to keep working my program.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Wednesday 13th of January 2010 01:36:02 PM
-- Edited by RLC on Wednesday 13th of January 2010 06:45:56 PM
