The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone - I would appreciate any advice or direction someone can point me in. Thank you.
My older brother and his wife, I fear, have both become alcoholics. I knew they drank quite a bit over the past several years but now they have both lost their jobs. He is borrowing money from me and for the first time, my niece, who is a senior in high school called me crying for help. She is off to college when she graduates this spring and tells me she can't wait to get out.
The problem is this...my brother and his wife are very "proud" people. They were very successful in their careers, very stubborn and never "open up". They get very angry if you ever confront them about anything.
I have no idea where to start with all of this. Any ideas would be appreciated. Thank you so much!
Charna...it is so hard when we finally realize that our family members have become so sick in this disease. We don't give advice here but I would strongly suggest that you get to some Alanon meetings asap and take your niece with you. That will help both of you tremendously as to how to deal with this destructive disease.
Welcome Charna. I agree with Gialey, find local meetings and take neice with you. When u get there, pick up all the pamplets they have and read them. Learning as much as you can about this disease and then how to foucs on you and detach with love is the best way to help them deal with their own problem. A's thrive on chaos & emotional drama. They want all of your attention on their problem, so they dont have to worry about it. Dont take responsibility for their messes. I learend the hard way not to loan money to A's who cant prioritze for themselves and would rather sepnd the money on drugs &/or alcohol.
Confortning an A doesnt work, they are automatically defensive & usually lie to themselves and everyone else. None of them think they have a problem, they are in denial. I wouldnt talk about their drinking their problem to them - an A has to deal with the uncomfortable consequences that their drinking brings. If u are there to save them and clean them up, it is enalbing.
Al-anon will help you and your neice. The program works when u apply it to your life. I hope u give it a try, for you.
I grew up in this chaotic dysfunction like ur neice has. The book that really helped me was 12 Steps for Adult Children. I bought my copy at a regular book store. But know that u cant save your neice either. But u can support her and love her. Same with ur brother and his wife. The only person u can change is YOU. How does that help? Well if u are enbaling them and can learn to stop that behavior, it will force them to deal with some of their own consequences - or lean more heavily on another enabler close to them.
Getting to meetings, sharing, listening and learning will help. Welcome.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
