The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am the mother of a 21 year old son who is an addict. He was sentenced today on drug charges and is doing 45 days in jail. I am reaching out because I am in no condition to attend a real time group tonight but feel the need to get help for myself.
Am sorry your having a rough day , perhaps your son will find the help he needs in the next 45 days . I hope u read this before 9pm eastern time there is a meeting in the chat room , they are just like f2f meetings . it will help . hope to see there . Louise
As the mother of addicted son I understand what you are feeling right now, the fear, the pit in your stomach, thinking what could you have done different.
This is as harder on you than it is him, it maybe the wake up call that he needs. Maybe it will give him time to think about what he is doing to himself, and maybe the court will order some sort of drug rehabilitation for him that you couldn't get if he was not in the court system. Take this one day at a time, give yourself a lot of slack, you know where he is, and he he will be fed with a place to sleep.
Let him own the consequences, not knowing your son I don't know if he is like my son, in that, my son took some sort of pleasure in seeing me upset. The drama he created by his behavior was something he thrives on, and of course everything is my fault.
I think the hardest thing for me was working on detachment, that is a strange word for a mother don't you think? I didn't think I could ever reach a point where I could stand back and let him live his own life without me thinking I had to rescue him. Letting go of a mother's will to protect her child (even if that child is grown) is so strong that if you don't "let go and let God" you will go crazy or break your health down, which I came very close to doing. You begin to learn a behavior that is not natural to a mother, but learn it you must if you are to have any kind of life for yourself.
Please come back and let us know how you are doing, there are great people on this board.
Welcome Wispy, Im sorry you are going through this. Its tough on you all. Your son is in a safe place for the next 45 days, hes off the streets, not using..... he will have access to recovery help in jail Im sure........so a good time to focus on you!
My son is an alchoholic. For me fear was the killer.....it brings you to a shuddering halt. I never thought it would leave me, but it has. I know where youre at, I too was a basket case, fell apart a yr ago. I realised that after yrs trying to fix my son I ended up sicker than him.....thats the insanity of the disease......the only one I can save is me.
I found this board last Jan......a great family. I kept coming back and reading, then posted as you have, and I was no longer alone. I was encouraged to find face to face Alanon meetings which I now attend weekly. I was told I didnt cause it, I cant control it and I cant cure it (the 3 Cs) and to get out of the way and hand control of his disease back to my son.
Well , I decided that if it worked for others I had nothing else to lose..... so Im working my behind off!! I keep coming back....to this board and to my meetings and I am a different, stronger, person today than this time last year. I fall down a fair bit....progress not perfection eh!! My son is still very sick, he has half hearted attempts at recovery but is still choosing alcohol above all else. Ive learned about, and practice, loving detachment, setting boundaries and consequences and find I can have a loving relationship with my son, but stay out of his disease. Dreams is right when she says You begin to learn a behavior that is not natural to a mother, but learn it you must if you are to have any kind of life for yourself
Hope you keep coming back.... it can, and does, get better for US, whether the A gets better or not.
