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Where do I draw the line when setting boundries?
(Preview)
So, I have a choice and I need help making it. I am leaving St. Thomas. I have already bought my dad a plane ticket back to the states. a) give my dad 200.00(1st months rent) to let him stay on St. Thomas and recv unemployment benifits and stay on a boat for 6 months. b) Say no Im not giving you any more money...
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gandalf92478
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6
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4900
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Invitation to Happiness
(Preview)
Invitation to Happiness was the theme for the Massachusetts State Convention this weekend. Boy am I glad I accepted this invitation . . . a weekend of meetings, fellowship, friendships reunited and new ones made . . . what a gift. We had over 500 in attendance from all over New England. We had two membe...
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Maria123
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4
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926
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H got thrown out of rehab for fighting
(Preview)
He called last night to say he was thrown out and to pick him up. It was 11PM. I had 2 sleeping kids. No way was I going. So they let him stay overnight and I have to get him today. It's only 5 days he was there and that was detox. I'm at my wits end.
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Destynee
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5
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897
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Help
(Preview)
Hello Friends, My name is Dustin. I am very new. In fact this is my first time even researching my issue. I was sent here by my aunt because she thought this would help. I belive my dad is an alcoholic and uses me. My dad hasn't had a job for months. And, this is not the first time he has mooched off of me. I am co...
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gandalf92478
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6
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7849
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I feel crazy!
(Preview)
On Thursday I talked to H about his drinking. I started out nagging and being "mommy" and then stopped myself and talked to him in "I" statements and actually expressed my emotions (something that is VERY hard for me). I told him that I was scared about his drinking, scared that...
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oppida
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10
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784
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New to the group..Hello
(Preview)
Hello Everyone, I'm totally new to Alanon. My mom is an alcoholic and has been for years. She also takes anti-anxiety meds and depression meds. She doesn't think she has a problem. The family, my brother, father and I have tried to talk to her with no results. My dad ended up leaving for a few days a...
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bchgurl249
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6
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789
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Is Anyone Ever Successful?
(Preview)
After a tumultious beginning to the new year chronicled by my posts here, it seems things are finally looking better and on the upswing. AH is finally in therapy and going faithfully to his AA meetings. He has sought support from our family doctor and is learning to live one day at a time. I have not retur...
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Acatnip
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11
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1328
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MONDAY A.M. AL-ANON MEETING
(Preview)
I am unable to chair the Monday a.m. meeting due to commitment with my lawyer. Hopefully, another OP will be available and if not, another member could step up to chair the meeting. Thanks
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shimo
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0
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294
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Getting back into the rooms...
(Preview)
I KNOW meetings help. I KNOW I need to be in the rooms. But why is it so hard to get there? I know I need a program in my life - so why do Iresist giving myself over to it completely? I promise myself I am going to go to a meeting - then I do not go and I beat myself up, lose hope and credibility. I must remember - nothi...
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RunnerChick
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10
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774
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Attitude
(Preview)
One of my new insights is that my family of origin had an attitude of contempt and derision for certain people and that never changed no matter what happened that didn't change. When I come across a person like the ex A who exhibits the same contempt and derision I was hooked in by not being able to accept...
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maresie
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8
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1227
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fresh hope and a new future looming
(Preview)
hi everyone. have been so busy studying i havent had chance to pop in for a while. am doing great with my dog trainer course - i have one more test to do and then i am fully qualified! my business is starting to take shape and i have just been accepted as a foster carer for one of the local voluntary rescue org...
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miss lucy
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2
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648
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Reliving old feelings from family of origin
(Preview)
I've been thinking a lot the past few days about my family of origin and how dysfunctional it was and still is. My mom seems to want to live in a complete atmosphere of chaos and drama - every day it seems like there's something else that's stressing her out (i.e. a good reason to drink). My stepfather tr...
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White Rabbit
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4
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618
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New here---need guidance
(Preview)
I've been married to my husband, a recovering alcoholic for almost 3 years now. While he hasn't had an alcohol slip up for almost year now, he has turned to strong anti-anxiety medications. In August 2008, he took a whole bottle of calanopin and acted drunk the entire night. I called his therapist aft...
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AmberB
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9
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927
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Another step back
(Preview)
I feel as though I keep getting punished over and over again. In the months before my split from my 20 year relationship with my A. I somewhat pushed him away. I did things I'm not proud of and then when he blindsided me and up and left and things spiraled out of control, it was to late. He keeps hitting w...
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sdisnie
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4
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664
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Beyond anger, in hurt and fear, but now what?
(Preview)
As expected, my ex finally got in touch to talk about the baby that is due in a few weeks. He wanted to be there at the birth, and for me to pop round and see him from sometimes. I was kind of going along with it, then after the call it just didn't feel right. Why pop round and see him? He swears there is noone e...
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ayjay
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6
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915
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self care
(Preview)
Hi Eveyone, been having a bit of a tough time my ex ABF is letting himself in my house when my son was in before I got home from work. He was drunk been on a bender for a week. He asked me to take him to the hospital that he wants to go to rehab he wants to die. I took him but really did not want to be there. I rang m...
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Tracy
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3
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708
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.....miss you guys!!!
(Preview)
Hello My Friends, Its been months since I have posted. I'm doing okay. I once again reconciled with my A Hubby and we are experiencing a nice sober marriage. One day at a time! That's all we can do! He is actively working his program through our chruch and I'm taking care of me. We try our best not to i...
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Sincerely
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5
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785
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His and my families putting pressure on me in different directions-I can't deal with it.
(Preview)
H went into rehab on Wednesday. I had to ask his family for the 250.00 copay because he left us with nothing. My MIL was not told about this, my FIL told me not to say anything (they are divorced). But she ended up paying the copay and sent me a nasty letter and ending it with "tell him we love him and su...
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Destynee
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7
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1075
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New Member: What is he? What am I in for? What do I do?
(Preview)
Hi I'm new here and new to the understanding that my husband is probably an alcoholic. :( H has always drank. But, it wasn't till recently that I realized that he is a binge drinker and must have a problem. I have not confronted him, as it has not been a problem I have recognized till now. Here is his drinki...
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oppida
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12
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1014
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Happy Friday!
(Preview)
I've been working really hard lately. I decided to take the afternoon off and visit a couple of stores I like without my children - walk nice and slow down the aisles and enjoy myself, etc. :) It's nice to be able to do this once in a while and to believe that I deserve having some time to myself. It's nic...
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White Rabbit
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3
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676
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Starting to love Me...
(Preview)
I have recently started to take actions to show myself how much I love me. Got a new haircut, some nice highlights, some new stylish shoes and some new clothes. This week I joined a gym (with a daycare, so I don't need to depend on AH to watch the kids) and have actually gone twice now. In fact, the kids d...
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MissyPoo
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3
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738
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To give up hope?
(Preview)
I constantly find myself unconsciusly making plans to when my AH gets sober. Then I snap out of it and I remember that maybe that will never happen. But I struggle between facing my reality and giving up hope. I don't know I guess a part of me does not ever want to think that this is the way things will be for...
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Priscilla83
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12
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1007
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I've been away again... but now I'm back
(Preview)
Well, I know I posted earlier when I had finally moved out of the house with my ex-A but, I've been here for almost a month and a half and things are harder. Admittedly I have been drinking more, myself - trying to escape the feelings of dissatisfaction with my life. If I have not already shared this before...
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RunnerChick
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5
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795
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He was an alcoholic?
(Preview)
My pal, I'll call him H, had a lot of stamina despite being some 35 years older than I. From the moment we met, we hit it off. We chummed around together, sailed together, skiid together. We'd have a few beers and soak in the sunset with the wind on our faces, truly enjoying the joys of nature. I knew H...
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CJ recovery
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8
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778
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Took H to rehab today
(Preview)
He came back last night and asked for help. He made the phone calls last night and this morning. I just drove him there. Strangely, as I was sitting next to him taking him there, I felt nothing. I felt no emotion except relief. Selfish relief. That he wasn't on the streets or his "friends"...
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Destynee
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4
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780
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so much has happened since my first post
(Preview)
In my heart I love him so much but in my head, I know he can never be the man I need him to be. So, why does my heart and mind have to have this struggle? Since my last post, so much has happened. We had another heart to heart talk. I asked him to quit for 30 days, to prove to himself and me that he could do it. He...
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daisygirl
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5
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751
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It's all mind over matter
(Preview)
It's all mind over matter. I know this. It's not time that heals the wounds, it's your entire mind set. Almost like the alcoholic when they are on the sober AA path. I used to see the change in his brain....the difference between when he was actively drinking vs when he was on the sober path and attend...
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sdisnie
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6
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652
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Do You Love An Alcoholic?
(Preview)
Do you love an alcoholic? How can you live with an alcoholic and love them at the same time? Very carefully. It’s true, it is very difficult to live with an alcoholic, but people do it all the time. Alcohol controls the mind and spirit of a person, so in affect as long as the alcoholic is drinking you will no...
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John
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4
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1894
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Member in China?
(Preview)
Didn't one of us go to China to see her new grandbaby? Who was it? They had a bad earthquake. ?
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lyndebi
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4
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1327
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New member
(Preview)
I have only just discovered that my sister (she's 53) is an alcoholic. She and I are very close and although she has a family of her own and lives a distance away from me it has made me really sad and guilty. I feel so sad for her with this illness and so guilty that I never knew and couldn't be there for her. She...
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dusty58
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4
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649
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Heart that hurts...
(Preview)
Morning Alanon family, This morning my heart aches immensely as I have lost a beacon of light in my life. Yesterday afternoon my father (step - although I have not called him that part for years) passed away suddenly. Jim came into my life in my early teens and I had made the decision quickly to hate him...
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AlaMom
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15
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1081
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Is this "normal"?
(Preview)
First, sorry to be so needy. It feels like I've been posting a lot and I'm really pretty new here still...It's wierd how for a year this all seemed to be a slow fade into a bad situation and suddenly it's like we are on the Audubon to hell on earth! I've been doing stuff for me this week. First time in a very...
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Love Always Hopes
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14
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1086
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compassion while they are drinking
(Preview)
My son was sober when I got home from work. I went next door to talk to him. It was nice to see him sober. I told him that too (does that apply pressure to the A?) I went out last night and when I got back home he came outside to help me carry things in the house. It was obvious he was drinking. I couldn't talk to...
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Gailey
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7
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701
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a big step for me last night
(Preview)
Last night I went to a Monday night meeting that I haven't been going to in a while. I did 2 things that really even surprised me. 1) signed up to open a meeting in May (first time ever) 2) ask someone to sponser me....YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! It is a lady that has been in program for many years and when I get back fr...
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Gailey
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6
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1219
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Need ESH !!!!!
(Preview)
Thank goodness I found this board. My ALO is recently returned home from his second round of treatment from an addiction with hydrocodone. Things are different this time. He's different, which I know is a good thing but at this time he seems very confused and unsure of his feelings and his life. H...
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bethjudi
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11
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825
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Loving yourself back to living
(Preview)
I loved an alcoholic who I knew for over 30 years and was married to for 12 of those years. He severly abused alcohol for 15-20 years. I moved back home 10 years ago, back to Northern California from Lexington KY. I left because My ex husband, Ray's parting words to me was that he "wasn't going to sto...
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One4Life
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6
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692
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cutting off the finances
(Preview)
I'm writing for your thoughts on cutting off my husband's financial access. I dated my husband for 2.5 years and then married him 1.5 years ago. He is a good person (think Indigo1's earlier post) who has slowly degraded and is now verbally and mentally abusive when drinking. Prior to our marriage, m...
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tlynna
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10
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650
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Need to Make Up My Mind - but it keeps shifting and I am so freakin weak!!
(Preview)
I came to a point this week of just not being able to take it anymore. We dropped the kids off (we only get them every other weekend) after a hard weekend with them but good time together. We had a great talk on the way home about kid stuff. We got home and immediately he was gone into the bathroom and the dr...
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Love Always Hopes
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10
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1075
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Regretting my boundary that I set
(Preview)
The H left on Thursday to go and use. On Sunday he called for his extra set of truck keys as he lost his. He met me at a corner store near where he was staying. I gave them to him and he said "I won't bother you again, I'm done." I said ok. He said the same thing and I said ok. He said I can't believe y...
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Destynee
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9
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785
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An innocent victim
(Preview)
Last night i had the misfortune to witness first hand the tragic consequences of a drinker out of control. My friend, and don't get me wrong he is one heck of a guy when he is sober, had been out with some mates drinking and celebrating finding a new job after being unemployed for over 18 months. He had als...
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miss lucy
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9
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869
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Step work question
(Preview)
Another al anon member asked me if I had done any step work with my sponsor. She said she was given questions on each step to complete and then discussed th answers. I have been sponsered for over to years. My sponsor is great and we have long chat she has learnt me a lot. I have done tried an attempt at a s...
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Tracy
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6
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859
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Drinking and personality change
(Preview)
It has nothing to do with me...repeat....nothing to do with me....repeat.....I didn't cause it.......can't cure, can't control......nothing to do with me. Right? wp
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wp
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5
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1014
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Positive steps to a better me
(Preview)
Hi family, Thanks for all who replied to my "hurting" post. I love having a safe place to come to vent. Most of the time I am looking for just that a vent. I love also that I can come here and get ESH and NOT advice. I have enough people telling me what to do, and I love that here I can learn from what yo...
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Mandy123
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5
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856
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New here - my story
(Preview)
I've been lurking around here for a little while but finally got the courage to join and post my story. I apologize in advance for the length, but it helps me to read other people's experiences...and let's be honest, it's very cathartic to just "get it out." I'm 24 years old, and my mother is a...
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SeekingPeace
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8
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1024
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Nightmares
(Preview)
I saw ah over the weekend. He is a drug addict, lately heroin has taken over... And it was our sons 3rd birthday. So he came along. And I did great with handing over the situation to my HP. I didn't get into his stuff. And we actually spent some nice time the next day together. But it was sooo sad to see him. At o...
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angelchar375
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5
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835
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What to do/say when they relapse? ESH please
(Preview)
Hi all. Its been awhile for me on this board. My A-mom is visiting my sister and I this weekend - STRESS! She went into rehab for the 1st time last summer - 1 week inpatient and a 6 week daily outpatient program (9-5 style). She has been going to meetings 2-3 times a week. During the visit we have learned...
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Festfan
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9
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2347
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he is still mad at me...
(Preview)
because he feels i'm not being supportive. suppportive to him looks like saying i love you every time we speak, hugging, touching, saying "you can do this" constantly. personally i'm not ready to do any of these things. i have buried my anger but it my fear of this thin ice of new sobriety we a...
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maybethistime
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6
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923
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Court in morn
(Preview)
8am in Oregon. yuck. Got tired of being taken advantage of. Usually I take it and stew then let it go. It is scarey for me to go to court alone especially. Tenats as usual did not pay their last months rent. They had a security deposit, not a rent deposit. I would have let it go had they been nice when they lef...
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lyndebi
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8
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749
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MY TIME
(Preview)
Hi everyone, I have shared how my sober ABF has started to have slips again and how I have used my al anon to handle this effectivly. However after a recent panic attack my Hp sent me a message that he loved me and that it was my time. I care for my Bf but I really think I want t fix me. I can not fix him or anyon...
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Tracy
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3
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697
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Funny How
(Preview)
When you get what you have been asking for, you don't know what to do with it. In the continuing saga that is my life, just yesterday I shared how I felt so unsettled in this new life. Then later on in my day, I heard from AH. Not the same AH I have been used to talking to, this version is now sober and attending h...
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Acatnip
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3
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1078
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Finally did something...now if patience would just step up the pace!!
(Preview)
The good news is I finally took the step and went to a f2f meeting tonight. It was very good. It was all about Step1 and admitting how we are powerless to change what is outside of ourselves. I admit, I found myself nodding at times and thinking "that's crap!" at others (What do you mean I can...
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Love Always Hopes
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5
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722
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feeling scared about leaving
(Preview)
This Saturday I will be leaving for a trip to Japan. This is a trip I have been waiting for. It is a trip to meet my new granddaughter, Julia, who was born on 3/27. I will be up in the air for 14 hours straight. That has me stressed to begin with but what I am really afraid of is leaving the A son at home for a week....
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Gailey
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13
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1504
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anyone heard of the book...
(Preview)
How the alcoholic uses anger as a weapon?
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maybethistime
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2
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727
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Happy Birthday ~ Imfree2004
(Preview)
Happy Birthday (((Rose))) I hope your day was a magical one! Thanks for your service to the program. love in recovery, Maria
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Maria123
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4
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628
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no money - no way out
(Preview)
Hello folks, 1st time back here for about a year and things only worse! I think my wife has been an alcholic for about 12 years now and I'm really hacked off with it - yeah yeah she's a lovely person when sober bla de blah ! But there's no intamacy any more and I really can't be bothered anymore even trying for...
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saltire
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10
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1223
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more MONEY worries ? No, something else.....
(Preview)
I received a PM in response to my MONEY post and below is the reply I gave the kind member, as you will read it's not money worries bugging me now; please read on.... Thank you for your pm. I hope things work out for you. things have taken another twist for me. I learned today my AW drove to work and had to be dri...
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saltire
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5
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751
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The A's curse turned into a blessing with help from Alanon Tools!
(Preview)
This week started out horrible! My dry drunk husband, who is sick in more ways then one, decided to throw out nearly everything I owned on the front lawn from the floor and my dressers in my bedroom one morning, while I was sorting laundry. "Throw" is not an exagerration! He threw everyt...
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MaryPoppins
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6
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1440
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despair and faith
(Preview)
I really liked todays ODAT reading! It is about despair and its relationship to faith. "...when we are troubled and cannot see a way out it is only because WE cannot SEE a way out because we imagine that only WE can find a solution to the trouble" We imagine that all solutions are up to us and...
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Jean4444
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6
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1963
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Ason in hospital
(Preview)
Hi family, my son is in hospital 4 days now. He took three big seizures within the space of 2 hours, luckily his drinking partner had the sense to call the emergency service after the 1st seizure.Funny thing is he called us the night before..........1st since Xmas . He sounded weak and ill on the phone,...
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Ness
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17
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942
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New...feeling lost, angry, sad etc
(Preview)
I am new here... trying to find a way to deal with the fact that my mother, who was clean and in AA for over 5 years, has now decided to "live life" and drink because she "wants to." I am an only child and she is my only family. I have three kids that supposedly mean the world to her yet s...
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RMM124
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10
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842
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