The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I saw ah over the weekend. He is a drug addict, lately heroin has taken over... And it was our sons 3rd birthday. So he came along. And I did great with handing over the situation to my HP. I didn't get into his stuff. And we actually spent some nice time the next day together. But it was sooo sad to see him. At one point in the day I noticed he had a huge absess forming on his hand from what appears to be where he's decided to shoot up. I didn't say anything to him. But it reminded me of that model - Gia, I saw her movie way back when and she had something similar. It got really out of hand and disgusting on her. His is just a large lump of skin. I don't know, maybe it's something else.
But that night I was plagued by nightmares. I woke up several times from dreams that he was spiraling out of control with drugs and killing himself, overdosing or whatever.
Anyways, it's just really hard to get that image out of my mind. And I'm in tears from time to time thinking about how he is killing himself. I know it's grief and it will pass. And I keep praying to hand it over, but it's still hard. I'm human, I know, and this is just a hard process. But I guess I just figured maybe if I shared it here I could get a little more relief. I can't make it to a meeting until next week!
We have meetings twice a day in our chat room...please join us! They are held at 9pm EST and 9am EST each day. Online meetings are always wonderful along with f2f meetings - especially when you need support and a meeting at a time when your home town does not hold one!
Remember the 3 c's - you did not cause it, cannot control it, nor can you cure it.
Take care of you - do things that make you feel better....give him to his HP, and ask for strength from yours. I understand your pain and the nightmares...
Keep coming back!
__________________
...He compared his weathered hand to mine and said, ... GROWTH OF THE MIND AND HEART are the best offers you can give.my Grandfather (Keeper of Stories), to me
(((((Angel))))) You are a very caring person. For a caring person to learn how to let go and let God and to detach with love is like going thru surgery. Part of the time I thought I needed to have my alcoholic surgically removed and other times I was trying to rip her from my self. It's normal and detaching with love takes the pain away. Let us continue to support you in this. (((((hugs)))))
I know how it is to worry more about someone then they even do. I grew up with people like that. It took me a long time to get to acceptance - bc I was stuck in trying to "help" (control) them mode. My ego told me I was helping by being in thier business, when in fact, I was no role model - I was emotionally upset all the time and didnt focus on me - just like they werent.
When I got to alanon, I heard members saying to -- give the other person the dignity to live their own lives, make thier own choices and suffer the consequences of those choices. (read that a few times) and step back.
Today, I can clearly see that our lives are not judged by God. Our lives are merely the consequences of the choices we make. It isnt about being good or bad or deserving or not -- these are his choices, accept that it is his life. We have free will. All u can do is change YOU and control YOU.
I had to face that I was an out of control (myself) control freak, trying to direct everyone else. My life is all I can be responsible for, unless I keep enabling others. Take care of YOU and set boundaries that u can respect inside of yourself. Self respect is priceless.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
The nitemares are tough - it's been a yr & 1/2 since i left my ex ah and occasionally I still have one -
that i'm back in that situation and he is refusing to let me leave; that I'm once again trapped in the dysfunction - It's hard to shake it the next day or so.
I have to remind myself constantly that I'm free and that he is in the hands of someone bigger than I!
HUGS to you and prayers for peaceful nite's rest! Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
