This week has been extra tough for me. My son turned 3 this weekend, and I had been planning his birthday that it seemed like not many people - including some of our closest friends - would be able to attend. But... it was the best day/time for me so I planned away. Then I was concerned my ah would be in town and roll out of his van to make a scene at the party. All the while, I've felt like a chicken with my head cut off just trying to make it through the day with work, the commute and my two toddlers.

My ah checked himself out of sober living, surprise! So, I've put up some good boundaries for us. My mom has really interfered in our lives -- to the point that I am crying for hours straight and feeling completely violated. So, I'm taking a break from her. It's been tough to think about cutting people out of our lives. But it's also been nice to take a break from that And deal with my life... work has been rough, I've got a lot of responsibilities at work, where I can't seem to get my head out of a fog until 2pm in the afternoon.

And lately, I have received some real blessings by keeping these boundaries and taking care of me. The boundaries are respected. I've been feeling like a more normal person again. And I've kept coming back to the alanon program, keeping out of their business and dealing with my life. I've started acknowledging some of the pain I feel now that is related to things earlier in my life and accepting that pain. Somehow, a lot of that acknowledgement helps me to realize how I have done the best I could with what I've been given. I can accept and love myself!

So the stress this week, was only natural. It's a little nerve wrecking to plan, plan, plan - be exhausted and try to function normally. But in spite of all that havoc, I realized I could hand over the outcome to my hp. So all week, I've been doing my best and praying the serenity prayer. When  I start stressing - I turn to that prayer. Within a couple repeats of the prayer, I'm off to doing something else and my HP has helped me deal with the worries. 

I was forced to take a day off with a sick kid on Friday. And boy was it needed. I got to rest for a few hours. And then was hit by a few doozies on Saturday morning before the party. The park I had a bouncy permit for was under construction. And my boss called telling me that an event I had planned had gone haywire. I was in tears as my guests started arriving. I felt isolated and alone. But I talked to a few people, just a enough. And we all ended up having a nice day. I helped resolve some of the work issues after the party. And, although I am dreading Monday morning at work. I do have a plan for dealing with it.

Taking care of me in the midst of this storm has been so important. And it's so nice to be able to share it with all of you. I need an outlet! Because to add to all of this, my sponsor has gone awol.