The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When you get what you have been asking for, you don't know what to do with it. In the continuing saga that is my life, just yesterday I shared how I felt so unsettled in this new life. Then later on in my day, I heard from AH. Not the same AH I have been used to talking to, this version is now sober and attending his AA meetings. It was strange to hear him tell me he is taking one day at a time, how he recognizes his addiction and had such a strange clarity about him. So this is what I wanted and while I am so hopeful for him, I keep looking for the AH I am familiar with. The one who makes excuses and blames me. Not this humble guy that is trying to clean up and take responsibility for his actions. Is this normal?
It is and will continue to be unless you get into the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups. When there I learned that I had a part to play in all of the insanity. It that part and the alcoholic's or the alcoholic that I have to turn around; either that or continue to stay crazy while the alcoholic gets sober and sane and sails off into the sunset happy, joyous and free leaving me on the beach wondering how she learned to sail and where did she get the boat and how come she didn't load it with booze and why didn't she invite me to go with her? I'd look at the part of wanting the old alcoholic (my addiction) while a better one was standing right in front of me.
I wanted my old alcoholic so bad that I told mine she wasn't an alcoholic and presto changeo!! I got the old one back in a flash and cloud of smoke and didn't know what happened to me. She was sober at the time and then she wasn't and then we wasn't. Lordy did I ever screw up!!
Don't do what I did...it never worked. ((((hugs))))
My only ESH is to exist as completely as you can in today. Not yesterday and not tomorrow. See what is in front of you today. Its all that really matters or all that we really have- right here, right now. hugs, J.
I really understand what Jerry is saying. New sobriety is not easy. I had this picture in my head that when my AH got out of rehab, life was going to be beautiful and easy and perfect. I had it in my head that alcohol was the whole problem, and once the alcohol was out of the picture everything would be fine. I was shocked to find out that wasn't the case. Alcohol is just the symptom of a greater problem. When the alcohol is gone and the real problem begins to be addressed, it's strange new territory for everyone involved.
I found that it was a good thing to have no expectations of my A in the early days of his sobriety. He wasn't capable of anything more than just managing to not drink.
If you can get to any f2f meetings, it would go a long way with reclaiming your own sanity.
