This week started out horrible! 

My dry drunk husband, who is sick in more ways then one, decided to throw out nearly everything I owned on the front lawn from the floor and my dressers in my bedroom one morning, while I was sorting laundry. 

"Throw" is not an exagerration!  He threw everything out onto the front lawn!  That's right, bras, panties, jeans, socks, shoes, books, fabric, beads, paperwork, mail, BANK CHECKS, CREDIT CARD STATEMENTS (as in the current ones, with my CC number on them) perfume bottles, jewelry, all on the front lawn!

He wasn't done...

Then he went into the garage and took all of my storage boxes from our move and threw those on top of my things!  Once again, "throw" is not an exagerration.  He threw the storage boxes on top of my things so hard that many of them cracked and broke open.  It was a HUGE pile of a mess, right on our front lawn, in a neighborhood where the houses are close together, EVERYONE saw it!  It truly looked like a scene on CNN where a tornado went through someone's house.

He did it on a day it was supposed to rain, I am sure not an accident.

OK, I need to mention here that I have TWO casts on, one on each foot due to torn tendons from a car accident.  OH, and one arm in a sling from bad bursities in my elbow and shoulder...OH, and I need surgery on the hand of my other arm.  IN other words, I was in no shape to bring my stuff back in the house. 

I am sure AH meant this to be a terrible blow to me in his dry drunk rage, I could imagine his glee to have found a way to cause me as much pain as possible without hitting me and going to jail.  Why he is so angry I will never know.  He used to make his parents the target of all of his rage, and once he married me, I was promoted to that spot . 

I admit, he was succesful in causing me pain, although I did NOT let him know it.  It wasn't fun when the teen boys next door came home from school and saw my fancy bras strewn across the yard and pointed and giggled.  The hateful dry drunk also caused me and my mom pain when she tripped and fell trying to gather up my underwear before I had more giggles from the gathering crowd.  My mom is 81, frail and sick having just survived radiation and chemotherapy from a bout of cancer.  She fell on the hard sidewalk from the uneven ground and hurt her rotator cuff.

But, I remembered my alanon tools and didn't say a word or react the entire time. I knew to just get out of his way while he went at it, hoping there would be a limit to his craziness and he would not get violent and try to forcibly throw me out too!

I did call on a friend for help.  She is ACOA and grew up with a crazy drunk and told me if things "got crazy" she would be there for me.  She dropped everything and came running, from another city and got there 45 minutes later.  She just quickly started stuffing stuff back into the garage.  The crazy dry drunk didn't dare say anything or try to stop her, not with so many witnesses (a crowd had gathered now). 

The rain was imminent, and with so much important stuff, like CURRENT credit cards statements and jewelry thrown around, she came up with a plan.  One of the items thrown out was a tent I had bought for a planned camping trip which never happened due to the dry drunks crazy antics.  She put up the tent and just began throwing everything in there, in a huge pile.  I helped how I could.  We used every trash bag in the house to bag up nearly everything I owned, but as we threw in the last bag and zipped up the tent...the rain started.  NOTHING got wet .

My tent turned out to be a good waterproof tent with a strong waterproof bottom.  Ironically, there were also some sheets of plywood leftover from some remodeling work.  The dry drunk had NOT thrown those out, but I did (LOL) we used them for a platform for the tent to protect it from the driveway stones.

The next day I began sorting in the tent and it was actually fun, sort of like camping.  That evening my friend came back over to help, and we hooked up my camping lantern and had a fun time in the tent.  My daughter and I slept out there too.  The weather was PERFECT.  It was actually peaceful laying there in that perfect 70 degree weather on soft lounge chairs gazing up at the lovely stars on those clear nights.

The mean dry drunk left for work right after doing his dirty work.  He told me later he took off his wedding ring on the way to work "knowing I would not react well".  I am sure he thought I would retaliate and throw his stuff out too, which could have resulted in my taking a serious beating from him.  He is a BIG strong guy and a martial artist and years ago when I tried to NEATLY pack his stuff (pre-alanon) in boxes to have him leave after a particularly nasty session of verbal and emotional abuse, he made sure I hit the hard wood floor so hard the skin on my elbow and wrist tore open and I got up bruised, bleeding, and in some serious pain.

Well, he has toned down somewhat, last time when he took of his wedding ring he THREW it at me, and yes it hurt, he is very strong.  This time he took it off in his car and put it in his pocket, so I guess that was an improvement.

Anyway, I am not happy about this turn of events but it turned out to have a silver lining once I thought about it. 

1) I have learned the power of alanon tools, they probably saved my life as had I reacted like he wanted, he could have tried to use that as an excuse to put a serious hurting on me in his nearly psychotic level of rage.

2)  I found out that I really do have friends I can really count on when the chips are down, that is a great feeling.

3)  I felt surrounded by love as my friend, Mom and daughter rushed to help me gather my things.  If something bad ever happens to him, I wonder who would rush to help him?  Things aren't going that good for me right now, but I am blessed in ways that are immesurable with loving and loyal family and friends.  That will  help me through these hard times.

4)  It turned out sorta fun in my nice new tent, and we are going to have a yard sale from some of my excess stuff and raise money to do some more camping away from the mean dry drunk.  I already got an offer yesterday from one neighbor to buy my daughter's and my Trike 8's .

5)  Truthfully, I needed to declutter anyway, so it sort of helped me. I can now take my time decluttering in the tent with lots of room to sort.

6)  I didn't have to spend time stuck in the house with the rotten dry drunk.  My daughter and I, and my friend and Mom at times, were outside in LOVELY weather, away from the A on his break, and in the warm sunshine having fun, laughing, talking, and sorting.

7) At night, we are having fun camping in the waterproof tent right in our driveway, 20 yards from a clean bathroom through the garage door, LOL. 

I feel humbled by how I was blessed for not responding in kind to the A.  Things could not have worked out so well by accident.  God was blessing me for always taking the high road and trusting in him to bless me and help me come out on top, as he always has.  I could not believe how it all worked out so beautifully.  I just happened to get my camping stuff out of storage and put it in the garage a few weeks ago, not knowing how soon I would NEED it.  There was those extra pieces of plywood to make a nice platform for my new tent in the driveway.  I had brand new sleeping cots, camping chairs, sleeping bags, lanterns, etc. I had a friend to help.  I even had lots of my clothes, books and things right there in the tent with me .  I had perfect weather to sleep outside in the tent for a few days while the dry drunk calmed down or came to his senses. 

Yes, he may do this again, but I doubt it.  He was so flabbergasted to see his dastardly plan foiled that I think he is still reeling from the shock.  He can't fathom how I once again got help from above and from friends and family to be OK despite whatever he does.  I am sure it seemed like such a foolproof plan to cause me the  most pain possible.  There I was with two casts on both feet, an arm in a sling, and needing surgery on the hand on my other arm, piles and piles of my things on the lawn, and rain imminent.  How could he possibly lose?  How could I come out on top with the deck stacked so highly against me?  Yet, I did, with LOTS of help , I think it even scared him a little.

It reminded me of the time he stranded me at a far away mall in the next county on a bitterly cold night (I have asthma) just as the mall was closing.  I could have been put out on a really cold night in the dark alone and had a serious asthma attack.  I just happened to run into a close friend of mine and her daughters, who live nearby, and got a ride home.  She was all of the way out there trying to track down some sale items in her size when the nearby mall had run out.   The dry drunk even admitted he does not know or understand how things "always seem to work out for me" .

Always treat people with christian dignity no matter what, don't take revenge, don't lower yourself to the A's underhanded level of betrayal, don't lose your tempter and get down and dirty with the A and give them back what they give you, and things will work out somehow. Take the high road ALWAYS, even if it is so high, you get dizzy .

What the A planned to be a curse for me that caused me pain, turned into a blessing due to how things fell into place.  I found out who my friends are, was reminded of how many blessings I have in my life, had some camping fun, and it made sorting and decluttering a lot easier in the waterproof tent where my stuff is safe.  We live in a nice neighborhood and believe me, no one is interested in my shoes, books, old clothes, and panties, LOL.

Just thought I would share on how alanon tools REALLY work, even under very drastic conditions.

MP