more MONEY worries ? No, something else..... - Al-Anon Family Group

saltire · Member

more MONEY worries ? No, something else.....

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Saltire

I am so sorry that the disease is active in your life. I understand how upset you must feel to see your A wife succeed in returning to work and then self sabatoge her own efforts by going to a new job Drunk!! Driving Drunk cannot be understood but many, many alcoholics do drive under the influence.

Remember we are powerless over this disease and your desire to go home because you are not enjoying your job is tempting!!! Please do not self sabatoge your own job in the process!! Try to find meetings in the town where you are, come here post, read your alanon material. live ODAT, turn your wife over to HP and continue to show up for your job and life.

You are not alone. Thanks for sharing your journey

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 7th of April 2010 02:18:52 PM

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I am assuming you have no children in the home , there is nothing u can do about your wifes drinking , and if your away from home on business that is actually a blessing you don' t have to watch ... alcoholism tells them theyare a little smarter than most thus assuming no one will notice they are drunk and its ok to drive this is a disease cunning baffling and poweful ..
What can u do if u go home , nothing except look up a Al-Anon meeting and go for yourself , u need support . this is just too hard to fight alone . We are enablers , we lie for them , we make excuses for thier crappy behavior , we cover up thier mistakes and continue to get them out of trouble that is our description of insanity doing the same things over and over again expecting this time it will be different it never is ..
every time we rescue the alcoholic we are helping them drink , allowing them the dignity to grow up and deal with the concequences of thier own mistakes is difficult I know but seems to be the only thing that works . and the beauty of that for me was I didnt have to leave my marriage to do that , learning to detach with love takes time . but necessary for us to get our lives back and stop obsessing about what to do about THEM.
We have alot of men in our program now so u won't be alone .. do this for yourself ...

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Fred,

I can relate because I deal with simular circumstances. Several years ago the very same thing happened to my AW that happened to yours. I still live with the fact that my AW drinks and drives. I was consumed with the thoughts and worries that come with knowing that there could be terrible consequences that could not only affect my AW but other innocent people. I talked to her on several occasions over the years----yet it still continues today. I have a feeling of powerlessness ----of which I am. I posted on MIP a couple of years ago about my concern, and received ES&H from many members.

In the end I could have turned her in to the police, and still could today. What I decided to do instead of turning her in---- was to turn her over----- to a power greater than myself----My HP. I have not taken her back from HP, not once. I have to believe and have faith that HP in all his wisdom will take care of and handle the situation in his own way, in his own time.

I chose to go on with my life and not be consumed anymore with all the thoughts and what if's. Right or wrong my thinking about turning her in to the police was -----what would that change. Losing two jobs, having two accidents or having to go into the hospital for two day with a problem caused by this disease etc. etc. didn't change the drinking and driving. If I locked her up in her closet, that would stop her, but then I would have to go to a place I have "never" been--------jail.

Fred I understand what you are going through, I've been there, it's not any fun, it makes you think and act crazy, yet we have to admit we are powerlessness over this awful disease. Get involved in the Al-Anon program and start taking care of yourself frist, that is absolutely the best thing you can do. As Hotrod stated above --Don't sabatoge your job over your AW's disease, what possible good could that do? Put yourself first and take care of you. That's something you do have control over.

Man Hugs,
RLC

saltire · Member

Many thanks for your replies.
I like the idea of not sabotaging my own job.
I think I will try and make a return to my local group meetings.
Regards,
Saltire
x

CJ recovery · Veteran Member

Saltire, is that your story or mine?

Detachment. You know the Three Cs, right? She has to do her thing; she has to hit the point where she finds the need to change. Remember, the outcome of her actions- no matter how terrible- are her responsibility alone. Whatever happens, it is not your concern or responsibility.

I can no longer worry about the "what if?" Our HP will make that decision. If he elects to put her into a tree, I can be sad, but I cannot be responsible. It is between her & her HP.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.