The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi family, Thanks for all who replied to my "hurting" post. I love having a safe place to come to vent. Most of the time I am looking for just that a vent. I love also that I can come here and get ESH and NOT advice. I have enough people telling me what to do, and I love that here I can learn from what you have done and take that with me.
The relationship with the guy and I is over. I am hurt, but I am also healing. Someone said that I can't love someone in just a few months. I say please don't tell me how I feel! I know my heart and what I was feeling and yes I do love him. But we all know love is not enough!
In the past when I am hurting I reach for food. This past weekend I didn't reach for the food. I went to the gym and had some really great workouts and I will continue to do that. I didn't do what I had always done so I didn't get what I had always gotten. I ate like I need to and because of all of that I lost 3.5 pounds from Friday to Monday. LOL I really worked out!.
I also reached out to my religious family. I told them I was hurting and I was surrounded by people who really love me. I still hurt, but I wasn't isolating like I typically do.
Today I went and met with my trainer I lost 17 inches in two weeks. All this because I am making changes. Postive changes and if I continue down this healthy road I am on I can become the woman I want to be.
My kids are with my ex sis-in-law and their dad (he is staying with her) and will be there until I return from Boston. So tonight I continued to take care of me. I reached out to my religious family again and went to a bible study. And we were reading about what love is in the bible. That was totally my HP at work.
I wasn't looking for this relationship. I wanted to spend some time alone. He walked into my life and I wouldn't let myself pass it up. I know I wasn't ready. I know that time alone is important to me and my recovery. I know I need it. My sponsor suggested waiting 6 months. I know how wise she is and I am going to take that suggestion. I need to become the type of person I want to attract and I know I need to do some more work on me.
Besides a good al-anon friend reminded me: Boys are like buses, another one will be coming before very long. If I want to get on the right bus that will take me where I want to go then I better do some work on me. Right now my picker is broke.
I am grateful that this man I met was who he is. I could have done so much worse. I am grateful that my kids knew nothing of him. I don't need to have another man walk out of their lives. I am grateful that I have the tools to see me through the pain. I am grateful because I know I am healing.
Thanks all for being a part of my recovery!
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Good for you for working on yourself and doing something different. I also reach for food to make myself feel better. Your post gives me hope that I can start to do things different also.
As I was reading your post it occurred to me how cool it is to have a way to measure progress concretely -- inches and pounds lost. And I kinda wish that we had similar benchmarks to tangibly mark our emotional progress in the program, because sometimes (for me) it's not immediately apparent!
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
You said some magic and powerful words in ur post -- ' " u need to be the person u want to attract" ' I came to that same conclusion in my life. As I was just beginning to experience self love, bc I always want a realtionship and longed for that "perfect" guy -- I decided to pretend that I already was happy in the fantasy relationship that I wanted. That way, I could work on me but also pretend and begin to feel that I already had what I wanted, so I could act as if.
A few months later, I did meet such a nice man and we are still together three years later.
In that process, I was sure to stick to my boundaries - if u looked like an A, I followed my intuition and even though u might be a nice guy, I wouldnt go back out with you, if I was not sure u were not an A. Pretty tricky for me too bc I enjoyed drinking a lot at that time. I tried to be clear about it and if they didnt have a handle on their emotional body and appeared even remotely unavailable, I moved on. Thank god for boundaries, they protect you. Receiving self respect & detachment by following through with my boundaries is a strong marker for me in my recovery.
Keep up the good work/progress, u have a lot to be grateful for. Focus on what u want to grow/manifest. tc
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
