Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

hopeful332 · hopeful332

Hello all I been sitting here for the last couple of hours trying to get myself to an alanon meeting but its not easy. I been dealing with this disease for the last 4 years with my daughter. She is now almost 20 years old and left our house again last night because we discovered she was stealing from us again...

casa · casa

I won't be able to chair tonight's meeting. Would someone please cover? Thank you so much! :)

kath · kath

The Voice of Truth tells me a different story...I love that song by Casting Crowns. I have listened to the lies of my AH for way too long. I am wavering today. I should not have read all the hateful messages telling me that I am an unfit mother and that I am a whore because for so long I have believed every litt...

kath · kath

Just started back up with college this semester. Did well last semester, two A's and a B in a really difficult class!! I am no longer taking our daughter to visit her father who is an A. The environment is bad for all of us. He has to get high all the time so when we are there he leaves but comes back smelling li...

Fiddleman · Fiddleman

Hi All I am thinking today about how to maintain detachment and move forward in dealing with my A son, age 27. It seems I can make progress in my Al Anon program, both F2F meetings, plus readings, working my steps, etc. but where the rubber meets the road it is still difficult. My goal is to achieve sereni...

clep · clep

My A has had a sponsor for the past year. His sponsor's wife was my sponsor. For many reasons I dropped that scenario and my sponsor a few months ago. He dropped his sponsor as we fought about him all the time. There were a few things the sponsor was advising him on that I would not accept. That was one i...

maresie · maresie

Prior to al anon if I met someone who was an alcoholic or addict I didn't make a decision regarding boundaries because I doubted my perceptions. I had no trust in my abilty to assess other people. I gave them the benefit of the doubt for years and years. This week a new woman started at my job. She lives c...

floridawife · floridawife

So I went to my first f2f meeting on Saturday. WOW, That was hard!!! I honestly didn't think it would be that hard. I think I started crying before the meeting even started. I calmed down some until the subject of detachment came up. That is a tough subject for me and something I am having trouble with. I k...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I had my best friend call me. I was pretty down this morn. He told me I needed sleep. Ok I am always telling you guys to nap, I forgot to do it myself! so I did. Woke up feeling better. Guess what? I am putting my down payment on my cabin on Monday. I put my horse on CL. Not ten min. later I got an email. It was the sam...

stephaniej · stephaniej

My AH arrived home very early on Thursday morning, and is leaving to return to his jobsite today. I had some issues during the weekend, including watching, in spite of myself, *very closely* how much he drank. But I didn't say anything. A few times I had the opportunity to make some very passive aggre...

monarae · monarae

has anyone out there experienced anything like this? the rage doesnt always seem to be brought on by anything particular but escalates to total anger over the smallest thing.

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

I really don't know if I will be able to do this detachment thing. I am somewhat prone to anxiety. I need to keep check on it and use relaxation exercises, etc. When my AH isn't drinking and is paying attention to the family, I hardly need to do a thing to check my anxiety. This is a big thing, b /c my job is dif...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

I hope its ok to share how great the f2f meetings are here :) I mean I know you all kept telling me how great they are, but I kept putting it off and thought I could get by without them. Well they are just another great tool to put in my box, having a real meeting to get to, to be at and contribute to helps me so...

jettiesgirl · jettiesgirl

I finally, after giving ABF too many chances and repeatedly getting hurt and lied to and taken advantage of, basically cut him out of my life. For my sake and my daughter's. I've been working my program, focusing on me, etc. But at the same time I was still hanging onto the insane hope that he would hit bot...

Jerry F · Jerry F

My former sponsor would have either or both had a good laugh or/and then had a heart attack if he had witnessed me take the "Don't" away from the slogan "Don't React". I did and did it well...I had other choices but flew past that awareness in a mircosecond and then got myself good...

dhotch · dhotch

My brother is 35 and an alchoholic. He doesn't think he has a problem. He recently moved back home with my parents and my 2 sisters. He doesn't have a job nor a driver's license. Recently, he has started to become more agitated after being at the bar all night. He comes home late and barges into my si...

jereh · jereh

I have a wonderful 4 year old grand daughter named Natalie. Not going to get into a lot of details here but Natalie's mother is actually one of my step daughter's. My step daughter has a very serious drinking problem, cannot hold a job. We have had legal custody of Natalie in the past and pretty much ra...

Aloha · Aloha

It's really a whole new world when I'm living by myself. I don't get the volume of exterior drama that I had when I lived with the exAH. This is such a great opportunity, but at the same time, it's also a very tempting place for me to get complacent about working my program. Nothing's stressing me out with t...

Bettina · Bettina

"When you look at plants in winter, most have neither flowers or leaves. The may seem to be not alive at all, but thats not true. They are waiting for the right time to bloom, they are waiting for the best time for them. In the same way you need to believe in your own inner strength and wisdom, utilize...

wintergirl · wintergirl

are there any chats that are open now for alanon support. can not get out to a meeting right now. hoping to go next week.

Debilyn · Debilyn

UPdate part! I just got an email I can have this place if I want it! You guys its late, I tend to be pretty weak when I am tired. I have to tell you I am scared. Very scared. I know moving is always hard right? I have to go no matter what. I will go put the deposit down Tuesday to hold to Feb. The internet and tv are be...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

I have been working hard here since July 28th... And last night I decided I need some face to face time too. And I didn't have my kids or anything going on. So I went. My bf actually went to a meeting in the next room for him as well. I had already decided I was going no matter what, if he went to one or not. I...

KimmyJo · KimmyJo

AH is coming home within a week from a 28 day intensive rehab. Honestly, Im nervous, and dont know if all of my mixed up emotions can handle his arrival..The mental issues or so called A behaviors are the ones that will throw me under the bus faster than anything... I have already heard them on the phone wh...

wintergirl · wintergirl

I hear often "don't be an enabler"...I need help understanding how to practice that.

Jennifer · Jennifer

Yes I am a glutton ... I got through my classes, moved the business, worked enough to pay for my life and hopefully this semester and finished it all up in time to have one weekend off and here I go again. I'll be checking in and reading as much as possible and thinking of you all constantly but probably not...

DadtoCandE · DadtoCandE

My wife came home from rehab on Wednesday. We are separated, but we went out for dinner as a family Wednesday and we made dinner together last night, and she hung out for a couple of hours both nights. The difference in her has been amazing so far. It is like these last two nights she has been present in t...

Hayes · Hayes

I feel so disappointed. MY AH organised to have my daughter's friend from childcare of this evening and her parents for dinner. I thought it was a big ask as the house is really messy and I've had really bad morning sickness. I said three days ago that I wasn't feeling comfortable with this. But he assure...

billr · billr

I am a recovering alcoholic (almost two years sober, absolutely zero slips not even a sip) and am married to an alcoholic. I am sure for those never having been an alcoholic personally, that living with one can be extremely difficult/impossible. Trust me, its alot worse (?) when you are a recoverin...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

One day at a time right? Today was a good day. Something happened yesterday while reading responses here and hearing from my wonderful sponsor.... I became aware of what you have all been telling me all along. To set boundaries they have to be for me and there cannot ever be an expectation that those...

jocelgp · jocelgp

how do I start participating in this forum?

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

I'm new to Al-Anon and am working hard to change my ways of thinking (I'm also going to F2F meetings). As a newbie, I'm experiencing a lot of confusion with trying to understand my behaviors and attitudes. I find myself struggling with having boundaries versus trying to control someone's behavior...

Lizabelle123 · Lizabelle123

I think my husband is an alcoholic but he does not. He knows he has a problem drinking but believes he can control it. I believe he needs help and to abstain from alcohol. But, I also want to believe in him and feel like if I don't give him a chance to prove himself to me then I'm somehow letting him down and...

Rose · Rose

Why does my AH think its ok that he buys the bottles of wine and drinks them at night while we are sleeping? He says, he's not out, he's home and he provides for the family..... Should I bend down and kiss his feet? A little angry right now and need to vent. Last week I turned the computer on and all porn sites...

Debilyn · Debilyn

http://corvallis.craigslist.org/apa/2139275436.html

kitty · kitty

I want to say to everyone out there that find themelves here and also in therapy - that it takes one to know one. Going to therapy wont give you peace of mind or forgiveness and sharing wont "do" the work for you. Forgiveness as a form of reconciling and releasing the past and pain is the most e...

NCSUgeology · NCSUgeology

My A brother got out of jail last Wednesday. The judge said if he came back for any alchohol related offense he was facing 5 yrs in the big-boy jail. I drove him around so he could find a place to live. Every place that he liked, did a background check, but he got approval from his number one choice, and we mov...

Cleo76 · Cleo76

Hello all, I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but I figured since this is alcohol related, I'd post here. I need advice in dealing with a friend's alcohol abuse and the promiscouity that is a result of it. She has had a hard life. She was molested by both her father and step-father and she was take...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

My A has always had a temper, even when he was sober (I think he was a dry drunk, quite frankly). He loses his temper very easily but 99% of the time it's not anger AT ME, it's anger about a situation and he wants to vent about it. Usually, he curses while raising his voice, stomps around, slams doors, etc....

floridawife · floridawife

So my AH admitted he had a drinking problem (about 2 weeks ago) after one of his episodes. Then Tuesday night I came home and asked if he had been drinking, he admitted it, I left it at that and said nothing more about it and tried not to show that I was upset or disappointed. So lastnight I tried to calmly tal...

Lila Frost · Lila Frost

I am currently struggling with the detachment process. I am trying to distance myself from my AM but how do you do this without feeling like you have turned your back on them? The problem is I have had enough. I can't sleep and I'm constantly distracted so my kids and my work suffer. I have four siblings...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I have to let my home go. Cannot fight this anymore, its honestly too much for one person. I almost fainted when I got the letter. I called the advocate who gave me more options. I told him I am done. Its too much on my income. I cannot upkeep a 5 acre place with as big a payment as it is on my income. If the paymen...

stomoxys · stomoxys

At the f2f meeting I attended this week the topic was willingness and there was lots of great sharing and I was glad I went. I didn't have an opportunity to share but wanted to here. My AH has been hospitalized recently for complications from the disease, then he tried to get sober on his own and now it is j...

free angel · free angel

My husband has a problem with drink for along time now. But as years gone by its getting harder for me to deal with.He blames everybody else especially myself and my 11yr old mainly when he has to much and says horrible things to us.But he goes more mad when we fight back at him and he doesnt like it. My 1...

knowmadic · knowmadic

anyone see television as being a form of addiction? I saw my mom turn to television after my father was arrested. she would watch all day long until she went to sleep. I think my soon-to-be-ex-husband, who also drinks and smokes pot, uses television as a form of escapism as well. it's crazy that i use...

Jozie · Jozie

Martyr--- 1) A Person who Dies rather then renounce his religion; 2) One who Makes a Great Sacrifice for the Sake of Principle... 3) A GREAT or CONSTANT Sufferer.... Ok, Well I must confess that When I 1st Entered the Room of Al-Anon and someone would say, "My Mom is a Martyr" I would Dismiss i...

Sincerely · Sincerely

UGH, our joint account is NEGATIVE again. My personal account is just fine. Yesterday I put $200 from my personal account into our joint account to avoid NSF charges, however it didn't work. All those pending charges from the weekend and MLK day jumped up to bite me in the butt. Anyway, went to the ban...

floridawife · floridawife

So my AH recently admitted that he has a drinking problem, he promised himself he wouldn't drink again, was good for about 3 weeks (he was never an everyday drinker-he is a social drinker-goes out with friends and can't control his drinking-comes home drunk and drives drunk at times-arrested for a DU...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

I am working on letting go of outcomes and surrendering. Today I have a second interview at a Doctor's office where they train you to become a medical assistant. I already have some college courses in this field so it would be great. The pay would be better than I make now, most likely. Also I have my...

this too shall pass · this too shall pass

he has been sober for over a year... last week i was moving out when he sat down and spoke and had a discussion-- not something he does- he said he needed time to change and let's give it another shot.. i thought for a couple of days and then agreed... he tried for a week and then last night was out with his fri...

Karilynn · Karilynn

Time to do our happy dance! It's Christy's birthday today! She wears 39 very well! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUJO! Love ya tons! Thanks for all you do here. It's been a remarkable journey with you. Remember calories don't count this week, so you can have your and eat it too! Live strong, Karilynn &a...

suave75 · suave75

I went to my first Alanon meeting. I was so nervous. They recommended at least 6 meetings. I am very shy so didn't speak. I just listened. I now know I am not alone. I was feeling very alone. My AB is in the early stages of recovery. It's been a week since he last had alcohol and drugs. He got a sponsor and is go...

kath · kath

I am so finally glad I broke out of my isolation. I used to suffer so much because I thought it was normal to be treated like dirt by my AH. I thought it was the way things were because I was such a bad person and I deserved it. In this program I have learned that I am a valuable and lovable person, and that the fir...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hi everyone, there is something stressing me out (that Id like to squash) and Id like to hear others thoughts or experiences in similar situations. As some of you know, my AH is in rehab right now, he was in detox before that. His mother keeps emailing me telling me how worried sick she is, she hasnt heard...

Loupiness · Loupiness

Perhaps one of the premises of al-anon that makes it "work", is the repetition of concepts, ideas, and priniciples until one is ready to get it. Could it be that time has come for me? Now I am not talking about something earth-shattering and new, I am talking about the basic premise that al-...

Rhivenn · Rhivenn

Hello all. I'm 39, and happily attached to my guy. He's just had his 4th AA birthday (this time around) We've been together for a little over a year, and the AA world was very new to me. I've not gone to al anon meetings, but I have gone to plenty of open AA meetings with him, and have read some of the Big Book. (...

helpme08 · helpme08

My diabetic AH is going to court next Monday for what's called an "Initial Appearance". I am staring at a blank sheet of paper and wondering where to even start. I can only write about the incident in which he was arrested. On that date, he drank most of the day and became verbally abusive t...

knowmadic · knowmadic

Hello, everyone. I'm new to this group. I've been scrolling through the message board and am comforted just reading other people's stories. I left my AH this weekend. He drank to "celebrate" finishing an exam and a good meeting with his supervisor after promising not to drink "f...

Phoe · Phoe

This morning there was an article in the paper...my exAH has been suspended from his job pending investigation. I know his situation is not my problem, and let me tell you, I am so grateful that it isn't! However, it did dredge up a lot of feelings...I am very ashamed of things I did/accepted when I was in...

sdisnie · sdisnie

As I read posts and read the newcomers stories.....I realize how I have been in their places, how we have all been in their places. A lot of us have married young......we have kids, we don't make enough money, or we stay home with our young kids, our spouses support us, our spouses develop these pro...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I have been on the AA board on this site for over 2 years. I came there when I had about 60 days sober (which was a pink chip in the meetings in my area). I am here to learn and understand more about how alcoholism affects families. I am also a therapist, though I don't claim to have expertise that I don't. I...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	My 19 year old daughter (Preview) Hello all I been sitting here for the last couple of hours trying to get myself to an alanon meeting but its not easy. I been dealing with this disease for the last 4 years with my daughter. She is now almost 20 years old and left our house again last night because we discovered she was stealing from us again...	hopeful332	5	1126	Jan 26, 2011 by Jerry F
	CHAIR NEEDED FOR TONIGHT'S MEETING! (Preview) I won't be able to chair tonight's meeting. Would someone please cover? Thank you so much! :)	casa	0	450	Jan 25, 2011 by casa
	believing the truth (Preview) The Voice of Truth tells me a different story...I love that song by Casting Crowns. I have listened to the lies of my AH for way too long. I am wavering today. I should not have read all the hateful messages telling me that I am an unfit mother and that I am a whore because for so long I have believed every litt...	kath	5	1121	Jan 25, 2011 by kath
	encouragement (Preview) Just started back up with college this semester. Did well last semester, two A's and a B in a really difficult class!! I am no longer taking our daughter to visit her father who is an A. The environment is bad for all of us. He has to get high all the time so when we are there he leaves but comes back smelling li...	kath	6	787	Jan 25, 2011 by kath
	Need Help with How to Maintain Detachment and Feel OK detachment son Steps 1-3 (Preview) Hi All I am thinking today about how to maintain detachment and move forward in dealing with my A son, age 27. It seems I can make progress in my Al Anon program, both F2F meetings, plus readings, working my steps, etc. but where the rubber meets the road it is still difficult. My goal is to achieve sereni...	Fiddleman	6	7548	Jan 24, 2011 by Jerry F
	I finally told him the truth. (Preview) My A has had a sponsor for the past year. His sponsor's wife was my sponsor. For many reasons I dropped that scenario and my sponsor a few months ago. He dropped his sponsor as we fought about him all the time. There were a few things the sponsor was advising him on that I would not accept. That was one i...	clep	1	859	Jan 24, 2011 by pinkchip
	self doubt (Preview) Prior to al anon if I met someone who was an alcoholic or addict I didn't make a decision regarding boundaries because I doubted my perceptions. I had no trust in my abilty to assess other people. I gave them the benefit of the doubt for years and years. This week a new woman started at my job. She lives c...	maresie	6	1034	Jan 24, 2011 by Rita G
	Went to my 1st f2f meeting Saturday (Preview) So I went to my first f2f meeting on Saturday. WOW, That was hard!!! I honestly didn't think it would be that hard. I think I started crying before the meeting even started. I calmed down some until the subject of detachment came up. That is a tough subject for me and something I am having trouble with. I k...	floridawife	3	578	Jan 24, 2011 by abbyal
	Miracle after miracle (Preview) I had my best friend call me. I was pretty down this morn. He told me I needed sleep. Ok I am always telling you guys to nap, I forgot to do it myself! so I did. Woke up feeling better. Guess what? I am putting my down payment on my cabin on Monday. I put my horse on CL. Not ten min. later I got an email. It was the sam...	Debilyn	15	1425	Jan 24, 2011 by Jennifer
	Celebrating my Triumphs and Progress (Preview) My AH arrived home very early on Thursday morning, and is leaving to return to his jobsite today. I had some issues during the weekend, including watching, in spite of myself, very closely how much he drank. But I didn't say anything. A few times I had the opportunity to make some very passive aggre...	stephaniej	2	737	Jan 24, 2011 by canadianguy
	my husband is an alcoholic and has become a rageaholic (Preview) has anyone out there experienced anything like this? the rage doesnt always seem to be brought on by anything particular but escalates to total anger over the smallest thing.	monarae	3	2350	Jan 24, 2011 by Nalina
	Having an AH increases my amxiety symptoms (Preview) I really don't know if I will be able to do this detachment thing. I am somewhat prone to anxiety. I need to keep check on it and use relaxation exercises, etc. When my AH isn't drinking and is paying attention to the family, I hardly need to do a thing to check my anxiety. This is a big thing, b /c my job is dif...	looking_for_peace	4	958	Jan 24, 2011 by Debilyn
	Another great f2f (Preview) I hope its ok to share how great the f2f meetings are here :) I mean I know you all kept telling me how great they are, but I kept putting it off and thought I could get by without them. Well they are just another great tool to put in my box, having a real meeting to get to, to be at and contribute to helps me so...	sunflowergirl	3	724	Jan 24, 2011 by Jerry F
	Saying Good-Bye (Preview) I finally, after giving ABF too many chances and repeatedly getting hurt and lied to and taken advantage of, basically cut him out of my life. For my sake and my daughter's. I've been working my program, focusing on me, etc. But at the same time I was still hanging onto the insane hope that he would hit bot...	jettiesgirl	9	1241	Jan 23, 2011 by jettiesgirl
	Attacked my serenity tonight... (Preview) My former sponsor would have either or both had a good laugh or/and then had a heart attack if he had witnessed me take the "Don't" away from the slogan "Don't React". I did and did it well...I had other choices but flew past that awareness in a mircosecond and then got myself good...	Jerry F	11	1093	Jan 23, 2011 by Fiddleman
	Need some advice about very serious situation (Preview) My brother is 35 and an alchoholic. He doesn't think he has a problem. He recently moved back home with my parents and my 2 sisters. He doesn't have a job nor a driver's license. Recently, he has started to become more agitated after being at the bar all night. He comes home late and barges into my si...	dhotch	11	1237	Jan 23, 2011 by xeno59
	Step daughter's drinking (Preview) I have a wonderful 4 year old grand daughter named Natalie. Not going to get into a lot of details here but Natalie's mother is actually one of my step daughter's. My step daughter has a very serious drinking problem, cannot hold a job. We have had legal custody of Natalie in the past and pretty much ra...	jereh	4	882	Jan 23, 2011 by xeno59
	Keep the focus on me. (Preview) It's really a whole new world when I'm living by myself. I don't get the volume of exterior drama that I had when I lived with the exAH. This is such a great opportunity, but at the same time, it's also a very tempting place for me to get complacent about working my program. Nothing's stressing me out with t...	Aloha	5	1543	Jan 23, 2011 by sunflowergirl
	Inspirational Words... (Preview) "When you look at plants in winter, most have neither flowers or leaves. The may seem to be not alive at all, but thats not true. They are waiting for the right time to bloom, they are waiting for the best time for them. In the same way you need to believe in your own inner strength and wisdom, utilize...	Bettina	6	2737	Jan 22, 2011 by Jerry F
	chats for support (Preview) are there any chats that are open now for alanon support. can not get out to a meeting right now. hoping to go next week.	wintergirl	1	609	Jan 22, 2011 by Christy
	HP decisions and rug NOT pulled out....(c:UPDATE!!!! (Preview) UPdate part! I just got an email I can have this place if I want it! You guys its late, I tend to be pretty weak when I am tired. I have to tell you I am scared. Very scared. I know moving is always hard right? I have to go no matter what. I will go put the deposit down Tuesday to hold to Feb. The internet and tv are be...	Debilyn	5	1523	Jan 22, 2011 by VickieB
	Went to a f2f last night :) (Preview) I have been working hard here since July 28th... And last night I decided I need some face to face time too. And I didn't have my kids or anything going on. So I went. My bf actually went to a meeting in the next room for him as well. I had already decided I was going no matter what, if he went to one or not. I...	sunflowergirl	10	779	Jan 22, 2011 by knowmadic
	Is there a difference in LIQUIDS??? (Preview) AH is coming home within a week from a 28 day intensive rehab. Honestly, Im nervous, and dont know if all of my mixed up emotions can handle his arrival..The mental issues or so called A behaviors are the ones that will throw me under the bus faster than anything... I have already heard them on the phone wh...	KimmyJo	11	2569	Jan 22, 2011 by pinkchip
	trying to understand (Preview) I hear often "don't be an enabler"...I need help understanding how to practice that.	wintergirl	4	804	Jan 22, 2011 by wintergirl
	Back to the books and other stuff (Preview) Yes I am a glutton ... I got through my classes, moved the business, worked enough to pay for my life and hopefully this semester and finished it all up in time to have one weekend off and here I go again. I'll be checking in and reading as much as possible and thinking of you all constantly but probably not...	Jennifer	2	617	Jan 21, 2011 by Debilyn
	feeling hopeful (Preview) My wife came home from rehab on Wednesday. We are separated, but we went out for dinner as a family Wednesday and we made dinner together last night, and she hung out for a couple of hours both nights. The difference in her has been amazing so far. It is like these last two nights she has been present in t...	DadtoCandE	5	819	Jan 21, 2011 by Jerry F
	Just Got my AH to Cancel A Playdate (Preview) I feel so disappointed. MY AH organised to have my daughter's friend from childcare of this evening and her parents for dinner. I thought it was a big ask as the house is really messy and I've had really bad morning sickness. I said three days ago that I wasn't feeling comfortable with this. But he assure...	Hayes	9	1067	Jan 21, 2011 by McFripp
	My story ... (Preview) I am a recovering alcoholic (almost two years sober, absolutely zero slips not even a sip) and am married to an alcoholic. I am sure for those never having been an alcoholic personally, that living with one can be extremely difficult/impossible. Trust me, its alot worse (?) when you are a recoverin...	billr	9	1250	Jan 21, 2011 by sunflowergirl
	More and more I am getting it :) (Preview) One day at a time right? Today was a good day. Something happened yesterday while reading responses here and hearing from my wonderful sponsor.... I became aware of what you have all been telling me all along. To set boundaries they have to be for me and there cannot ever be an expectation that those...	sunflowergirl	5	719	Jan 21, 2011 by sunflowergirl
	how do i get started? (Preview) how do I start participating in this forum?	jocelgp	3	860	Jan 21, 2011 by canadianguy
	Boundaries vs. control (Preview) I'm new to Al-Anon and am working hard to change my ways of thinking (I'm also going to F2F meetings). As a newbie, I'm experiencing a lot of confusion with trying to understand my behaviors and attitudes. I find myself struggling with having boundaries versus trying to control someone's behavior...	Very Very Tired	15	8900	Jan 21, 2011 by maisey
	Is it irresponsible? (Preview) I think my husband is an alcoholic but he does not. He knows he has a problem drinking but believes he can control it. I believe he needs help and to abstain from alcohol. But, I also want to believe in him and feel like if I don't give him a chance to prove himself to me then I'm somehow letting him down and...	Lizabelle123	4	769	Jan 21, 2011 by abbyal
	Why does my AH think its ok? (Preview) Why does my AH think its ok that he buys the bottles of wine and drinks them at night while we are sleeping? He says, he's not out, he's home and he provides for the family..... Should I bend down and kiss his feet? A little angry right now and need to vent. Last week I turned the computer on and all porn sites...	Rose	13	1150	Jan 21, 2011 by danielle0516
	amazing update (Preview) http://corvallis.craigslist.org/apa/2139275436.html	Debilyn	15	1007	Jan 20, 2011 by Jennifer
	the fallacy of therapy (Preview) I want to say to everyone out there that find themelves here and also in therapy - that it takes one to know one. Going to therapy wont give you peace of mind or forgiveness and sharing wont "do" the work for you. Forgiveness as a form of reconciling and releasing the past and pain is the most e...	kitty	17	1427	Jan 20, 2011 by Emi
	My update (Preview) My A brother got out of jail last Wednesday. The judge said if he came back for any alchohol related offense he was facing 5 yrs in the big-boy jail. I drove him around so he could find a place to live. Every place that he liked, did a background check, but he got approval from his number one choice, and we mov...	NCSUgeology	3	859	Jan 20, 2011 by Jerry F
	Need Advice in Dealing With a Friend (Preview) Hello all, I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but I figured since this is alcohol related, I'd post here. I need advice in dealing with a friend's alcohol abuse and the promiscouity that is a result of it. She has had a hard life. She was molested by both her father and step-father and she was take...	Cleo76	7	586	Jan 20, 2011 by Mattie
	Boundaries and outbursts in the home (Preview) My A has always had a temper, even when he was sober (I think he was a dry drunk, quite frankly). He loses his temper very easily but 99% of the time it's not anger AT ME, it's anger about a situation and he wants to vent about it. Usually, he curses while raising his voice, stomps around, slams doors, etc....	ilovedogs	11	687	Jan 20, 2011 by ClaireW
	Argument about me going to Al-Anon meeting (Preview) So my AH admitted he had a drinking problem (about 2 weeks ago) after one of his episodes. Then Tuesday night I came home and asked if he had been drinking, he admitted it, I left it at that and said nothing more about it and tried not to show that I was upset or disappointed. So lastnight I tried to calmly tal...	floridawife	12	1545	Jan 20, 2011 by kitty
	Struggling!! (Preview) I am currently struggling with the detachment process. I am trying to distance myself from my AM but how do you do this without feeling like you have turned your back on them? The problem is I have had enough. I can't sleep and I'm constantly distracted so my kids and my work suffer. I have four siblings...	Lila Frost	7	859	Jan 20, 2011 by reqforpeace
	my update (Preview) I have to let my home go. Cannot fight this anymore, its honestly too much for one person. I almost fainted when I got the letter. I called the advocate who gave me more options. I told him I am done. Its too much on my income. I cannot upkeep a 5 acre place with as big a payment as it is on my income. If the paymen...	Debilyn	6	905	Jan 20, 2011 by kath
	Willingness (Preview) At the f2f meeting I attended this week the topic was willingness and there was lots of great sharing and I was glad I went. I didn't have an opportunity to share but wanted to here. My AH has been hospitalized recently for complications from the disease, then he tried to get sober on his own and now it is j...	stomoxys	4	1658	Jan 20, 2011 by pinkchip
	Confused (Preview) My husband has a problem with drink for along time now. But as years gone by its getting harder for me to deal with.He blames everybody else especially myself and my 11yr old mainly when he has to much and says horrible things to us.But he goes more mad when we fight back at him and he doesnt like it. My 1...	free angel	7	803	Jan 20, 2011 by PrestenT
	TV as an addiction... (Preview) anyone see television as being a form of addiction? I saw my mom turn to television after my father was arrested. she would watch all day long until she went to sleep. I think my soon-to-be-ex-husband, who also drinks and smokes pot, uses television as a form of escapism as well. it's crazy that i use...	knowmadic	12	824	Jan 20, 2011 by Emi
	Awareness into a Martyr... And ME! (Preview) Martyr--- 1) A Person who Dies rather then renounce his religion; 2) One who Makes a Great Sacrifice for the Sake of Principle... 3) A GREAT or CONSTANT Sufferer.... Ok, Well I must confess that When I 1st Entered the Room of Al-Anon and someone would say, "My Mom is a Martyr" I would Dismiss i...	Jozie	5	1459	Jan 19, 2011 by hotrod
	NSF Charges Again (Preview) UGH, our joint account is NEGATIVE again. My personal account is just fine. Yesterday I put $200 from my personal account into our joint account to avoid NSF charges, however it didn't work. All those pending charges from the weekend and MLK day jumped up to bite me in the butt. Anyway, went to the ban...	Sincerely	3	748	Jan 19, 2011 by Aloha
	Oops he did it again (Preview) So my AH recently admitted that he has a drinking problem, he promised himself he wouldn't drink again, was good for about 3 weeks (he was never an everyday drinker-he is a social drinker-goes out with friends and can't control his drinking-comes home drunk and drives drunk at times-arrested for a DU...	floridawife	12	996	Jan 19, 2011 by xeno59
	Surrendering ???? (Preview) I am working on letting go of outcomes and surrendering. Today I have a second interview at a Doctor's office where they train you to become a medical assistant. I already have some college courses in this field so it would be great. The pay would be better than I make now, most likely. Also I have my...	sunflowergirl	11	1009	Jan 19, 2011 by xeno59
	leavign him... need the strength (Preview) he has been sober for over a year... last week i was moving out when he sat down and spoke and had a discussion-- not something he does- he said he needed time to change and let's give it another shot.. i thought for a couple of days and then agreed... he tried for a week and then last night was out with his fri...	this too shall pass	17	1049	Jan 19, 2011 by stomoxys
	Happy Birthday Christy! (Preview) Time to do our happy dance! It's Christy's birthday today! She wears 39 very well! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUJO! Love ya tons! Thanks for all you do here. It's been a remarkable journey with you. Remember calories don't count this week, so you can have your and eat it too! Live strong, Karilynn &a...	Karilynn	5	846	Jan 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	Went to alanon meeting (Preview) I went to my first Alanon meeting. I was so nervous. They recommended at least 6 meetings. I am very shy so didn't speak. I just listened. I now know I am not alone. I was feeling very alone. My AB is in the early stages of recovery. It's been a week since he last had alcohol and drugs. He got a sponsor and is go...	suave75	6	1140	Jan 19, 2011 by Tracy
	isolation (Preview) I am so finally glad I broke out of my isolation. I used to suffer so much because I thought it was normal to be treated like dirt by my AH. I thought it was the way things were because I was such a bad person and I deserved it. In this program I have learned that I am a valuable and lovable person, and that the fir...	kath	7	930	Jan 19, 2011 by maresie
	Dealing with AH's mom, stressing me out. (Preview) Hi everyone, there is something stressing me out (that Id like to squash) and Id like to hear others thoughts or experiences in similar situations. As some of you know, my AH is in rehab right now, he was in detox before that. His mother keeps emailing me telling me how worried sick she is, she hasnt heard...	danielle0516	8	911	Jan 19, 2011 by maresie
	keeping inside my hula hoop... (Preview) Perhaps one of the premises of al-anon that makes it "work", is the repetition of concepts, ideas, and priniciples until one is ready to get it. Could it be that time has come for me? Now I am not talking about something earth-shattering and new, I am talking about the basic premise that al-...	Loupiness	3	5060	Jan 19, 2011 by canadianguy
	Feeling left out. (Preview) Hello all. I'm 39, and happily attached to my guy. He's just had his 4th AA birthday (this time around) We've been together for a little over a year, and the AA world was very new to me. I've not gone to al anon meetings, but I have gone to plenty of open AA meetings with him, and have read some of the Big Book. (...	Rhivenn	9	1202	Jan 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	Victim Impact Statement (Preview) My diabetic AH is going to court next Monday for what's called an "Initial Appearance". I am staring at a blank sheet of paper and wondering where to even start. I can only write about the incident in which he was arrested. On that date, he drank most of the day and became verbally abusive t...	helpme08	4	1881	Jan 19, 2011 by lacewing
	left husband this weekend... (Preview) Hello, everyone. I'm new to this group. I've been scrolling through the message board and am comforted just reading other people's stories. I left my AH this weekend. He drank to "celebrate" finishing an exam and a good meeting with his supervisor after promising not to drink "f...	knowmadic	11	1017	Jan 18, 2011 by knowmadic
	Sometimes it's one hour or one minute at a time! (Preview) This morning there was an article in the paper...my exAH has been suspended from his job pending investigation. I know his situation is not my problem, and let me tell you, I am so grateful that it isn't! However, it did dredge up a lot of feelings...I am very ashamed of things I did/accepted when I was in...	Phoe	7	859	Jan 18, 2011 by firehorse
	So many of us feel so stuck! (Preview) As I read posts and read the newcomers stories.....I realize how I have been in their places, how we have all been in their places. A lot of us have married young......we have kids, we don't make enough money, or we stay home with our young kids, our spouses support us, our spouses develop these pro...	sdisnie	4	810	Jan 18, 2011 by ilovedogs
	Introducing self (Preview) I have been on the AA board on this site for over 2 years. I came there when I had about 60 days sober (which was a pink chip in the meetings in my area). I am here to learn and understand more about how alcoholism affects families. I am also a therapist, though I don't claim to have expertise that I don't. I...	pinkchip	10	877	Jan 18, 2011 by pinkchip
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.