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Newbie- how do I support my DH?
(Preview)
Hi, I have lived with a husband who is an alcoholic for 15 yrs. Though I made it clear that I disliked his drinking, he did not think he had an issue and enjoyed it so refused to stop. Afterall, when he was young he was a D&A counselor so knew all the signs of an alcoholic and he considered himself a funct...
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Willow1
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3
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413
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Compassion
(Preview)
I'm struggling a lot with compassion today. It has been an incredibly tough few weeks for me, and every day seems to pile more on. Today's bad news involves my mom's deteriorating health. I am so insanely angry at my AH right now because he is totally unable to show me any meaningful compassion. Every co...
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stephaniej
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6
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561
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When Love is not Enough
(Preview)
I watched the Movie "When Love is not Enough" - the Lois Wilson Story with Winona Ryder last night. Wow... great movie. I think I have done and said every single thing Lois did in that movie, I could feel her feelings, her heartbreak and despair, her guilt, her isolation, the progression, t...
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danielle0516
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6
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820
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A moment I felt close to HP
(Preview)
This weekend, my wife and I took the kids out to a park that we go to a lot in the spring and summer. We've had a fair amount of snow recently and we thought we may be able to find some hills for the kids to go sledding or just explore a bit and see what we found. When we got there, we were surprised to see no other ca...
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usedtobeanyer
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5
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730
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struggling aunt
(Preview)
Hello, I am the aunt of a 19 year old boy. He has a drug and alcohol problem. He has been using mostly pot and pills. He is not able to get along with his mom so I agreed to take him in after he had been in jail for stealing. Over the last year he has been leaving with friends families and stealing from them and...
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desperateaunt
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3
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690
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Would this tactic work?
(Preview)
I was doing some reading online about people who hide their drinking. I stumbled upon a psychologist's website where he gives this advice: If your spouse is hiding their alcohol, you should take the bottles and put them out on the kitchen counter. When spouse comes home and says, "what's this...
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ilovedogs
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22
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972
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I ended it
(Preview)
I ended it with my husband last night. He didnt believe me when I told him that I didnt want to be married to someone who has to stay high all the time. He thinks I have found another man. I have not. He accused me of taking his daughter away from him and asked me to leave him alone as he was mourning the loss of hi...
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kath
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12
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950
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My niece died and here comes my dreaded family.
(Preview)
I have a family that is horrendous. I have had nothing to do with them for many years. I couldn't imagine having my son around such dysfunctional and manipulative people. We can't even visit for a short time as that time is filled with such chaos, brainwashing, control, cruelty and shame. I have tw...
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clep
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2
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534
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WOW!!! Talk about HP's will....I got to see how unmanageable my life is again.
(Preview)
My life has become unmanageable...WOW! What strong words and sooo true right now. Last week I found out I am facing another surgery...number six, for a tumor growing in me. It has to be removed as the Dr said it will continue to grow. Of course I was in shock...not again I thought...but yes again. Thi...
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shellyj123
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4
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599
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DEFINE "DRY DRUNK"
(Preview)
Keep on hearing this word. Would like to read what it really is in your opinion, along with their behaviors. Does this come after rehab & when they are truely sober?
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KimmyJo
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9
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4253
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Drinking and driving
(Preview)
I have a question about a recurrent theme on this board and at my Al-Anon meetings that I just can't understand. When the alcoholic drinks and decides to drive, I get the strong impression that I should never call the cops. I understand we need detach from the alcoholic's drinking and not let it make us c...
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looking_for_peace
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7
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1211
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compassion
(Preview)
I have been reading again (I had not been able to as I was working so much) and discovered that compassion is a skill rather than a given. In the past I had a great deal of compassion for others and little for myself. The compassion I had was linked to my desire to control. I had compassion for them and use...
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maresie
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6
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1536
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Remorsing...
(Preview)
My emotions are free floating about 20 feet off of the cliff. I'm sad and very sad and I'm angry and depressed and concerned. I am not trusting for the moment and am groping for the hemline of my HP's pullover. I've been like this off and on for over 5 months as a direct result of the death of a person I've...
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Jerry F
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16
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1118
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01.09.2010 MIP Chatroom Group Business Meeting Minutes
(Preview)
Chair opened the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. December minutes were approved as written. First item: Meeting schedule. AM MON Shimo TUES xeno WED Iona THURS OPEN FRI Blendergirl SAT OPEN SUN (Spiritual) OPEN PM MON grammie TUES casa WEDS ednaxrat THURS (Step/tradition) courage...
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casa
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0
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332
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Prayers, please
(Preview)
Yesterday I found out that my mom has elevated liver enzymes. She didn't want to tell anyone in the family about it (she's still in denial that everyone knows she drinks and has known for the last 20 years). My stepfather told me, though - he told me she went to see a new doctor to get her high blood pressu...
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White Rabbit
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7
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702
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Hard Place to Be, But Grateful
(Preview)
As Most Know I have resently had a Pretty Tough Week, and i have to say yesterdays Veiwing was the hardest, Not just because my Friends Father had Past, but because of the Addictions that has reared its ugly head in their family... But only with their Youngest Son, Who at one time, I could have called my br...
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Jozie
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2
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750
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I don't know where I am going...
(Preview)
I don't know where I am going but I sure know where I have been! I am letting go today of a counselor/friend. I am so saddened by this--he is not dying or anything but I am going to have to make it w/o him for three long mos. He is going on medical leave. I feel so selfish because I have really be thinking too muc...
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Hoot Nanny
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1
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384
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Good Morning All!
(Preview)
Just wanted to wish you all a happy, stress-free weekend. My kids (plus one) are outside playing in the snow already. Taking the rest as it comes. Enjoy!
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member922
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5
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676
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Trouble with chat room
(Preview)
I posted this above also, but the last post before mine was in 2009, so I'm thinking it's not looked at too often? I've tried many times to enter the chat and take part in the meetings, but keep getting this message: Unable to connect : java.security.AccessControlException : access denied (java.net....
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ms621
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3
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579
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Alcoholic vs. Alcohol abuser
(Preview)
Ok, so this is kind of hard for me.....the alcoholic vs. the alcohol abuser. Here's the thing.....I know what I don't ever want to be around again...and that of course is what I lived with for 16 years....pure alcoholism hell.....binging, disappearing, complete craziness and chaos..... Now there...
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sdisnie
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10
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1141
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Just two drinks, but still...
(Preview)
Just talked to my husband and he has had two beers. He's in the very beginning of realizing he is an alcohol abuser. We no longer have it in the house and he says he's never felt better. He lied and lied until I begged for the truth--but I knew, I heard it in his voice--just sort of a test, I guess, waiting t...
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ms621
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8
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737
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Meds vs illegal drugs?
(Preview)
My ABF is a smoker. Recently he attacked me for wanting to see my psychiatrist for a med adjustment (perhaps). He goes on a huge rampage about how the whole world is shutting off their feelings by taking meds and walking around all goofy etc. I am on a mood stabilizer, btw, and have fought with the idea o...
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member922
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6
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674
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Started Al-anon study last night
(Preview)
My new study was quite interesting. I have thought often that the extreme co dependence of my A is a program killer when we reconcile. It seems that no matter how strong his program is, once he is in an intimate relationship he loses it via gradually living for me. It is the one thing that really drives...
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clep
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2
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681
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RE: Feeling the daunting issue of focusing on me
(Preview)
From Jerry's post: "Nothing can be more demoralizing than a clinging and abject dependence upon another human being. This often amounts to the demand for a degree of protection and love that no one could possibly satisfy. So our hoped for protectors finally flee, and once more we are left al...
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sunflowergirl
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6
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1006
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Funny things I'd like to actually do!
(Preview)
So, I was dreaming about the things I'd really like to do to get back at my dh. I know, totally petty and ridiculous, but I thought it was funny to dream. 1. Make him keep track of every penny he spends and give me all his receipts. My goal here would be to make him nervous and force him to sneak a bit more. 2....
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ilovedogs
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5
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771
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Service Work
(Preview)
The current Group Representative in my home group has been trying to recruit a new volunteer to replace her, as her term is up. And I'm not clear on the exact situation, but I think she now has a service commitment that puts her in a position where she can't remain as GR. So we need a new GR. At last night'...
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ythannah
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4
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1695
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Practical question about kids and AH driving
(Preview)
AH often helps me get our children to and from their various activities. There is one activity where I really need him to drive our DS. How do I enforce a boundary that he may not drive with the children in the car if he has been drinking? I don't want to turn our children into police by telling them they c...
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Very Very Tired
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11
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933
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Dry drunk
(Preview)
As some of you know my A is a dry drunk. I work my program very consistently and haven't felt frustrated for about a month. Today I feel very frustrated. I think because it just dawned on me that there seems to be no bottom with a dry drunk and I will have to live with this behavior as long as I am with him. We j...
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clep
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3
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1498
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Friday Morning meeting - need a chair
(Preview)
Sorry for the short notice, but I will be unable to chair tomorrow's morning meeting. Hopefully someone can step in and chair for us. Thanks, bg
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blender_girl
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0
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330
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I NEED HELP
(Preview)
I just married my husband in october of 2010. I have been with him for seven years. We have a six year old. He just found out his leukemia came back in november 09 and since then had a stem cell transplant. He was sober for 4 years and has just recently started using heroin again. He is in a detox right no...
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LOSTMOMMY
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5
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744
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I'm new to the board and new to Al-Anon-need advise
(Preview)
Hi everyone! I am new to the whole Al-Anon thing; I have read some things and want to go to a meeting but haven't had the time YET. I was hoping maybe someone would be able to give me some advise or share their experiences with me. Here is my story: I have been married 8 years (with my husband 13yrs total) I am...
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floridawife
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6
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664
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I'm back. Question about confronting
(Preview)
So, quick recap of my story: dh and I quit drinking 15 years ago of our own accord. No AA involved, we just quit because we didn't want alcohol in our lives and because dh had a history of being verbally abusive and flying into rages or depressions when he drank too much. We were in our early 20's back then...
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ilovedogs
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8
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774
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New to Al-anon. My "recovering alcholic" is starting to drink again. How do I deal with it?
(Preview)
Hello everyone, I will try and keep it brief. Been with my partner just over a year. He was having a tough time looking after his terminally ill Father when we met and I put his drinking down to that. Wrong! Long story short he went into rehab in the Summer and did really, really well. So proud of him an...
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Snowdrop
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6
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1020
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Working on an open mind
(Preview)
So recently I have decided to really listen when ABF (or even others) is talking. I do not plan what I am going to say and decide that I do not have to defend anything I do. I am realizing that everyone has a right to their opinion and their right to express it. I feel like I am soaking in a lot and learning mor...
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member922
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3
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661
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He said he hit bottom...
(Preview)
I said he could come home after almost two weeks. He lived out on the street. He stayed at shelters. He is clean and Sober. He has to do 90 meeting in 90 days. I am praying for the best. My boundaries are in place. We decided to work on ourselves and our relationship. Every one thinks I am nuts. I don't have muc...
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suave75
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6
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676
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Little, teeny, tiny, babysteps
(Preview)
My wife & I correspond throughout the day via e-mail and text. When she was actively drinking, I usually could get a sense that something was wrong by her e-mails to me (or lack of e-mails). We had a bunch of snow last night and before I left for work I shoveled our driveway and shoveled out her car. I go...
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usedtobeanyer
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5
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452
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From the Co-founder of AA
(Preview)
Aloha Family...just some verifying information from the other program that I came across from inside my own library of literature (literature is very good!!). I use to wonder what the alcoholic knew and felt and thought. Did they (she) understand and I haunted that question if not her self wantin...
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Jerry F
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4
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840
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Went to my first meeting, have some questions
(Preview)
Hi! I finally took all of your advice and went to my first F2F meeting yesterday. I was incredibly nervous and was already in tears by the time I walked into the room. I felt like a complete basketcase... I expected to be nervous but I don't really know where the tears came from. It was really crazy. But wit...
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Angeliki
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10
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766
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Struggling...
(Preview)
Currently I am Having a Week from Hell... And I Can't seem to catch a Break... Went Out to Eat with some Al-Anon Friends Fri, and the Brakes went out on my truck so Its in the shop, Sat. My Sister Was Hit in a Car Acciedent, (Thank God OK) My Office & Home Computer have Both Crashed with in the last 5 days, a...
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Jozie
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2
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622
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Here we go again!
(Preview)
For the last week and a half, AH has been on vacation. The first week, we were in Winter Park, CO on a ski trip. This week he spent Monday thru Wednesday at home, while I had to work. His first day back to work was yesterday, but this week is his week to work from home. Yesterday was his only work day this we...
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kimmy1975
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10
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967
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Update on Mixed emotions
(Preview)
I just went to go to our one family email, where I discovered 4 emails from the one questionable site linked from fb. One was confirming the new account, and 3 were notifications of new messages for HIM!!
He doesn't know that I know, and at first I was really angry, and upset. I didn't tell him or lead on t...
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Evian
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2
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697
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struggling
(Preview)
In my life, the state of my mental well being is directly shown by how well my house is kept. My house is a wreck today. I am afraid of what the future holds for me. There's so much to know and figure out...sometimes I really just want to give up. So why don't I? I guess this is the time to really turn it over to G...
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craftygirl
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6
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603
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slip
(Preview)
I was so angry at my AH that I said some very hurtul words to him. I wanted him to hurt as much as I was hurting. I made amends but the damage is done. He won't be able to forget the hurtful words I said, that is what he told me. I realize my expectations of this marriage are crazy and I must let go of them. Insanity...
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kath
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4
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750
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Nasty
(Preview)
He just get's NASTY. And then I get nasty back. The verbal abuse he flings at me triggers everything in me from my childhood and I show little self control - engaging in an argument and trying to defend and justify. So, so down on myself. Going to read on here and hopefully read about some detachment. Wish...
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Hayes
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15
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752
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Having a hard time
(Preview)
As usual when I least want to share and would rather curl up and hide here I am making myself type it out. Thanks for listening. For the last couple years I have been working hard to accept something about myself that I did not choose and is impossible to change. I manage it as best I can and it impacts other...
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Jennifer
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4
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717
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I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know
(Preview)
and so part of my "coming to understand" included college and the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups and the program as suggested. I learned about Denial and Diminishing the problem and Delusion. Aloha...my mind has been on former sponsors and wise oldtimers in the program who raised me....
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Jerry F
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9
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632
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Mixed emotions/confused??
(Preview)
My AH and I have issues pertaining to the bedroom.. I'm sure I don't have to explain what.. He wants it, I don't. The other day however I let him, and I tell you, it made me feel so dirty and gross, and I hated every second of it.
That being said, I'm not sure why it then bothers me to find out that while on Face...
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Evian
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1
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445
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O-ANon
(closed)
(Preview)
I see there are a number of people looking for help with family/friends with eating disorders. I went to an O-ANon meeting 20+ years ago in Cincinnati. I had contact with O-Anon several years ago, but it was petering out at the time. I notice that people are asking for information. The best informa...
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rahamimi
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2
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3770
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I didn't get a do-over...
(Preview)
Okay, I was hoping that maybe my son's time away would allow me to start again. And yes, i was hoping his heart may have been touched too... Problem is chaos started before I could even see him in the first 24hrs, and I find myself back where I left off. So, I grabbed my Courage to Change book and read all of...
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Loupiness
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4
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783
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O-Anon
(Preview)
Does anyone know of an online chat site for Overeaters and/or for their friends and family? I'm also looking for any meetings for friends and family of overeaters in the Niagara Region (Southren Ontario Canada). I'm having a hard time finding much online. Thanks
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agatha
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6
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4671
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Poems
(Preview)
After reading Evians poem this came to me and maybe others have something of a poem in them. I lie in my bed at night and listen to the cry of distress. I wonder how did I get myself into this mess? I cannot feel his guilt or pain, not if I want to stay sane. Its late in the nighthe calls my name. I lie still with no...
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VickieB
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3
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3492
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A newbie looking for guidance
(Preview)
Hi! I'm new here. My first face-to-face Al-Anon meeting was a week ago. I've been lurking on this site for a couple of weeks. I've only recently admitted the extent of my AH's drinking. We have been married for 18 years. My AH has drank heavily our entire relationship. The last two years the drink...
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Very Very Tired
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8
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705
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How will I know when to leave?
(Preview)
It's been a rotten time. My AH is accelerating going from RX pills to drinking and back. I miss the man i love and I feel alone. He sleeps, stumbles around and goes back to sleep. I keep waiting for him to hit bottom...and the bottom never comes. I can't help thinking "If i leave THEN he'll change&quo...
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alexmaui
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14
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1687
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Yet another blackout....
(Preview)
Last night was another blackout. My bf was drinking before noon yesterday, got enough buzz to go buy his other drug of choice (the heroin) and then drank some more. When I got home he was that ghost man again. With my kids there, I didn't go berserk or anything. I stayed to myself while he went to slee...
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sunflowergirl
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8
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972
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Newly pregnant and four year old daughter - asked alcoholic to leave
(Preview)
I don't know what I am doing or if I am doing the right thing. I found out I am pregnant yesterday to my alcoholic and I also have a four year old daughter. We have two houses. I couldn't sleep last night - out of absolute fear and guilt. Things are really not okay - this is not going to be okay to bring up my daugh...
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Hayes
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13
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670
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hurting so bad it makes me cry
(Preview)
ok,i need to talk agin about my a,ive avoided him for weeks,not answering his calls and not calling him,but i broke down tonite and called himjust to check onhim,to c if he was doing ok,knowing that he would be drunk,everynite of the week if i just waited till in the mornin and called him i would have caug...
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pattyann1963
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2
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741
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I FIGURED OUT WHAT IS WRONG
(Preview)
WOW it finally came to me today during meditation....It hit me like a bolt of lightning...the tears I have been shedding are not grief,sorrow, fear, etc...they are because I am on my frist step......I admit I am powerless over my son's addiction and that MY life had become unmanagable......when...
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butterfliesnroses60
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4
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760
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Newbie - just saying hello :)
(Preview)
Hi all! My name is Kristen and I was excited to find an al-anon support community online! A bit about me - I'm a recovering alcoholic (and active member of AA), been sober since June '08. My husband of one year is also an active member of AA with 2 yrs of sobriety. He is also diagnosed and being treated f...
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allecto
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3
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624
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More learning...
(Preview)
So I spent the weekend with the ABF. We had to spend a long time in the car and he actually brought up a quite interesting discussion about his past (and mine), his first time smoking and addiction and things. It was nice to have the conversation as we really don't have "real" conversations...
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member922
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6
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745
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Scared & Frustrated
(Preview)
On Dec. 21, my diabetic AH was drinking all day, so that evening he got really weird with me at about 8:30 p.m. I told our 8 year son that it was time for us to go to bed & my AH would not let us down the hallway to our bedrooms. Long story short, I called a neighbor to come over because I didn't want to be alo...
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helpme08
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5
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636
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