Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

kitty · kitty

I want to say to everyone out there that find themelves here and also in therapy - that it takes one to know one. Going to therapy wont give you peace of mind or forgiveness and sharing wont "do" the work for you. Forgiveness as a form of reconciling and releasing the past and pain is the most e...

NCSUgeology · NCSUgeology

My A brother got out of jail last Wednesday. The judge said if he came back for any alchohol related offense he was facing 5 yrs in the big-boy jail. I drove him around so he could find a place to live. Every place that he liked, did a background check, but he got approval from his number one choice, and we mov...

Cleo76 · Cleo76

Hello all, I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but I figured since this is alcohol related, I'd post here. I need advice in dealing with a friend's alcohol abuse and the promiscouity that is a result of it. She has had a hard life. She was molested by both her father and step-father and she was take...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

My A has always had a temper, even when he was sober (I think he was a dry drunk, quite frankly). He loses his temper very easily but 99% of the time it's not anger AT ME, it's anger about a situation and he wants to vent about it. Usually, he curses while raising his voice, stomps around, slams doors, etc....

floridawife · floridawife

So my AH admitted he had a drinking problem (about 2 weeks ago) after one of his episodes. Then Tuesday night I came home and asked if he had been drinking, he admitted it, I left it at that and said nothing more about it and tried not to show that I was upset or disappointed. So lastnight I tried to calmly tal...

Lila Frost · Lila Frost

I am currently struggling with the detachment process. I am trying to distance myself from my AM but how do you do this without feeling like you have turned your back on them? The problem is I have had enough. I can't sleep and I'm constantly distracted so my kids and my work suffer. I have four siblings...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I have to let my home go. Cannot fight this anymore, its honestly too much for one person. I almost fainted when I got the letter. I called the advocate who gave me more options. I told him I am done. Its too much on my income. I cannot upkeep a 5 acre place with as big a payment as it is on my income. If the paymen...

stomoxys · stomoxys

At the f2f meeting I attended this week the topic was willingness and there was lots of great sharing and I was glad I went. I didn't have an opportunity to share but wanted to here. My AH has been hospitalized recently for complications from the disease, then he tried to get sober on his own and now it is j...

free angel · free angel

My husband has a problem with drink for along time now. But as years gone by its getting harder for me to deal with.He blames everybody else especially myself and my 11yr old mainly when he has to much and says horrible things to us.But he goes more mad when we fight back at him and he doesnt like it. My 1...

knowmadic · knowmadic

anyone see television as being a form of addiction? I saw my mom turn to television after my father was arrested. she would watch all day long until she went to sleep. I think my soon-to-be-ex-husband, who also drinks and smokes pot, uses television as a form of escapism as well. it's crazy that i use...

Jozie · Jozie

Martyr--- 1) A Person who Dies rather then renounce his religion; 2) One who Makes a Great Sacrifice for the Sake of Principle... 3) A GREAT or CONSTANT Sufferer.... Ok, Well I must confess that When I 1st Entered the Room of Al-Anon and someone would say, "My Mom is a Martyr" I would Dismiss i...

Sincerely · Sincerely

UGH, our joint account is NEGATIVE again. My personal account is just fine. Yesterday I put $200 from my personal account into our joint account to avoid NSF charges, however it didn't work. All those pending charges from the weekend and MLK day jumped up to bite me in the butt. Anyway, went to the ban...

floridawife · floridawife

So my AH recently admitted that he has a drinking problem, he promised himself he wouldn't drink again, was good for about 3 weeks (he was never an everyday drinker-he is a social drinker-goes out with friends and can't control his drinking-comes home drunk and drives drunk at times-arrested for a DU...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

I am working on letting go of outcomes and surrendering. Today I have a second interview at a Doctor's office where they train you to become a medical assistant. I already have some college courses in this field so it would be great. The pay would be better than I make now, most likely. Also I have my...

this too shall pass · this too shall pass

he has been sober for over a year... last week i was moving out when he sat down and spoke and had a discussion-- not something he does- he said he needed time to change and let's give it another shot.. i thought for a couple of days and then agreed... he tried for a week and then last night was out with his fri...

Karilynn · Karilynn

Time to do our happy dance! It's Christy's birthday today! She wears 39 very well! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUJO! Love ya tons! Thanks for all you do here. It's been a remarkable journey with you. Remember calories don't count this week, so you can have your and eat it too! Live strong, Karilynn &a...

suave75 · suave75

I went to my first Alanon meeting. I was so nervous. They recommended at least 6 meetings. I am very shy so didn't speak. I just listened. I now know I am not alone. I was feeling very alone. My AB is in the early stages of recovery. It's been a week since he last had alcohol and drugs. He got a sponsor and is go...

kath · kath

I am so finally glad I broke out of my isolation. I used to suffer so much because I thought it was normal to be treated like dirt by my AH. I thought it was the way things were because I was such a bad person and I deserved it. In this program I have learned that I am a valuable and lovable person, and that the fir...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hi everyone, there is something stressing me out (that Id like to squash) and Id like to hear others thoughts or experiences in similar situations. As some of you know, my AH is in rehab right now, he was in detox before that. His mother keeps emailing me telling me how worried sick she is, she hasnt heard...

Loupiness · Loupiness

Perhaps one of the premises of al-anon that makes it "work", is the repetition of concepts, ideas, and priniciples until one is ready to get it. Could it be that time has come for me? Now I am not talking about something earth-shattering and new, I am talking about the basic premise that al-...

Rhivenn · Rhivenn

Hello all. I'm 39, and happily attached to my guy. He's just had his 4th AA birthday (this time around) We've been together for a little over a year, and the AA world was very new to me. I've not gone to al anon meetings, but I have gone to plenty of open AA meetings with him, and have read some of the Big Book. (...

helpme08 · helpme08

My diabetic AH is going to court next Monday for what's called an "Initial Appearance". I am staring at a blank sheet of paper and wondering where to even start. I can only write about the incident in which he was arrested. On that date, he drank most of the day and became verbally abusive t...

knowmadic · knowmadic

Hello, everyone. I'm new to this group. I've been scrolling through the message board and am comforted just reading other people's stories. I left my AH this weekend. He drank to "celebrate" finishing an exam and a good meeting with his supervisor after promising not to drink "f...

Phoe · Phoe

This morning there was an article in the paper...my exAH has been suspended from his job pending investigation. I know his situation is not my problem, and let me tell you, I am so grateful that it isn't! However, it did dredge up a lot of feelings...I am very ashamed of things I did/accepted when I was in...

sdisnie · sdisnie

As I read posts and read the newcomers stories.....I realize how I have been in their places, how we have all been in their places. A lot of us have married young......we have kids, we don't make enough money, or we stay home with our young kids, our spouses support us, our spouses develop these pro...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I have been on the AA board on this site for over 2 years. I came there when I had about 60 days sober (which was a pink chip in the meetings in my area). I am here to learn and understand more about how alcoholism affects families. I am also a therapist, though I don't claim to have expertise that I don't. I...

Imogen421 · Imogen421

Recently I don't know why, I am feeling badly. I was trying a lot last week in every area of my life (health, Alanon, studies, schedule), and just kind of ran out of steam. I think maybe I have just entered some sort of delayed grieving over my canceled wedding (mid-October), and fed up about still not kno...

Sincerely · Sincerely

Marriage and Money! (the message at church yesterday) My husband initiated going to church yesterday morning. We do go often but not often enough. The devil has a strange way of getting at me, even in church! Anyways.. last week our Pastor asked all of us to think about Gratfulness all week long. Th...

f2fmember · f2fmember

Hi I've been in Alanon recovery for a long time now. My AH can be annoying but hes working his program hard and doing really well. My problem is with a friend of mine S who is not in recovery. She'll quite openly say shes an A to get attention and sympathy but she won't get help. Since my AH went into recovery...

ntxalanon · ntxalanon

I did some searches on this board under this topic and found it strikingly similiar, but I thought I would throw out this topic in search of some wisdom. My wife came back from a 30 day rehab experience and has been home about 10 days (40 days sober which is something to be commended and celebrated). I had t...

floridawife · floridawife

I am feeling very overwhelmed. My husband and I just realized that he is an Alcoholic. I am just starting to get into AL-Anon, I haven't even went to my 1st f2f Al-Anon meeting yet. I will, but right now I am feeling very overwhelmed with things in my life. I keep reading that we need to focus on ourselves...

DadtoCandE · DadtoCandE

I have been seperated from my wife since September, but the emotional seperation has been for years. I have been posting to a divorce forum. In the beginning the addiction was this pesky little problem that once the marriage got resolved would get fixed. My wife is very high functioning and succe...

Willow1 · Willow1

Hi, I have lived with a husband who is an alcoholic for 15 yrs. Though I made it clear that I disliked his drinking, he did not think he had an issue and enjoyed it so refused to stop. Afterall, when he was young he was a D&A counselor so knew all the signs of an alcoholic and he considered himself a funct...

stephaniej · stephaniej

I'm struggling a lot with compassion today. It has been an incredibly tough few weeks for me, and every day seems to pile more on. Today's bad news involves my mom's deteriorating health. I am so insanely angry at my AH right now because he is totally unable to show me any meaningful compassion. Every co...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

I watched the Movie "When Love is not Enough" - the Lois Wilson Story with Winona Ryder last night. Wow... great movie. I think I have done and said every single thing Lois did in that movie, I could feel her feelings, her heartbreak and despair, her guilt, her isolation, the progression, t...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

This weekend, my wife and I took the kids out to a park that we go to a lot in the spring and summer. We've had a fair amount of snow recently and we thought we may be able to find some hills for the kids to go sledding or just explore a bit and see what we found. When we got there, we were surprised to see no other ca...

desperateaunt · desperateaunt

Hello, I am the aunt of a 19 year old boy. He has a drug and alcohol problem. He has been using mostly pot and pills. He is not able to get along with his mom so I agreed to take him in after he had been in jail for stealing. Over the last year he has been leaving with friends families and stealing from them and...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

I was doing some reading online about people who hide their drinking. I stumbled upon a psychologist's website where he gives this advice: If your spouse is hiding their alcohol, you should take the bottles and put them out on the kitchen counter. When spouse comes home and says, "what's this...

kath · kath

I ended it with my husband last night. He didnt believe me when I told him that I didnt want to be married to someone who has to stay high all the time. He thinks I have found another man. I have not. He accused me of taking his daughter away from him and asked me to leave him alone as he was mourning the loss of hi...

clep · clep

I have a family that is horrendous. I have had nothing to do with them for many years. I couldn't imagine having my son around such dysfunctional and manipulative people. We can't even visit for a short time as that time is filled with such chaos, brainwashing, control, cruelty and shame. I have tw...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

My life has become unmanageable...WOW! What strong words and sooo true right now. Last week I found out I am facing another surgery...number six, for a tumor growing in me. It has to be removed as the Dr said it will continue to grow. Of course I was in shock...not again I thought...but yes again. Thi...

KimmyJo · KimmyJo

Keep on hearing this word. Would like to read what it really is in your opinion, along with their behaviors. Does this come after rehab & when they are truely sober?

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

I have a question about a recurrent theme on this board and at my Al-Anon meetings that I just can't understand. When the alcoholic drinks and decides to drive, I get the strong impression that I should never call the cops. I understand we need detach from the alcoholic's drinking and not let it make us c...

maresie · maresie

I have been reading again (I had not been able to as I was working so much) and discovered that compassion is a skill rather than a given. In the past I had a great deal of compassion for others and little for myself. The compassion I had was linked to my desire to control. I had compassion for them and use...

Jerry F · Jerry F

My emotions are free floating about 20 feet off of the cliff. I'm sad and very sad and I'm angry and depressed and concerned. I am not trusting for the moment and am groping for the hemline of my HP's pullover. I've been like this off and on for over 5 months as a direct result of the death of a person I've...

casa · casa

Chair opened the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. December minutes were approved as written. First item: Meeting schedule. AM MON Shimo TUES xeno WED Iona THURS OPEN FRI Blendergirl SAT OPEN SUN (Spiritual) OPEN PM MON grammie TUES casa WEDS ednaxrat THURS (Step/tradition) courage...

White Rabbit · White Rabbit

Yesterday I found out that my mom has elevated liver enzymes. She didn't want to tell anyone in the family about it (she's still in denial that everyone knows she drinks and has known for the last 20 years). My stepfather told me, though - he told me she went to see a new doctor to get her high blood pressu...

Jozie · Jozie

As Most Know I have resently had a Pretty Tough Week, and i have to say yesterdays Veiwing was the hardest, Not just because my Friends Father had Past, but because of the Addictions that has reared its ugly head in their family... But only with their Youngest Son, Who at one time, I could have called my br...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I don't know where I am going but I sure know where I have been! I am letting go today of a counselor/friend. I am so saddened by this--he is not dying or anything but I am going to have to make it w/o him for three long mos. He is going on medical leave. I feel so selfish because I have really be thinking too muc...

member922 · member922

Just wanted to wish you all a happy, stress-free weekend. My kids (plus one) are outside playing in the snow already. Taking the rest as it comes. Enjoy!

ms621 · ms621

I posted this above also, but the last post before mine was in 2009, so I'm thinking it's not looked at too often? I've tried many times to enter the chat and take part in the meetings, but keep getting this message: Unable to connect : java.security.AccessControlException : access denied (java.net....

sdisnie · sdisnie

Ok, so this is kind of hard for me.....the alcoholic vs. the alcohol abuser. Here's the thing.....I know what I don't ever want to be around again...and that of course is what I lived with for 16 years....pure alcoholism hell.....binging, disappearing, complete craziness and chaos..... Now there...

ms621 · ms621

Just talked to my husband and he has had two beers. He's in the very beginning of realizing he is an alcohol abuser. We no longer have it in the house and he says he's never felt better. He lied and lied until I begged for the truth--but I knew, I heard it in his voice--just sort of a test, I guess, waiting t...

member922 · member922

My ABF is a smoker. Recently he attacked me for wanting to see my psychiatrist for a med adjustment (perhaps). He goes on a huge rampage about how the whole world is shutting off their feelings by taking meds and walking around all goofy etc. I am on a mood stabilizer, btw, and have fought with the idea o...

clep · clep

My new study was quite interesting. I have thought often that the extreme co dependence of my A is a program killer when we reconcile. It seems that no matter how strong his program is, once he is in an intimate relationship he loses it via gradually living for me. It is the one thing that really drives...

sunflowergirl · sunflowergirl

From Jerry's post: "Nothing can be more demoralizing than a clinging and abject dependence upon another human being. This often amounts to the demand for a degree of protection and love that no one could possibly satisfy. So our hoped for protectors finally flee, and once more we are left al...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

So, I was dreaming about the things I'd really like to do to get back at my dh. I know, totally petty and ridiculous, but I thought it was funny to dream. 1. Make him keep track of every penny he spends and give me all his receipts. My goal here would be to make him nervous and force him to sneak a bit more. 2....

ythannah · ythannah

The current Group Representative in my home group has been trying to recruit a new volunteer to replace her, as her term is up. And I'm not clear on the exact situation, but I think she now has a service commitment that puts her in a position where she can't remain as GR. So we need a new GR. At last night'...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

AH often helps me get our children to and from their various activities. There is one activity where I really need him to drive our DS. How do I enforce a boundary that he may not drive with the children in the car if he has been drinking? I don't want to turn our children into police by telling them they c...

clep · clep

As some of you know my A is a dry drunk. I work my program very consistently and haven't felt frustrated for about a month. Today I feel very frustrated. I think because it just dawned on me that there seems to be no bottom with a dry drunk and I will have to live with this behavior as long as I am with him. We j...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	the fallacy of therapy (Preview) I want to say to everyone out there that find themelves here and also in therapy - that it takes one to know one. Going to therapy wont give you peace of mind or forgiveness and sharing wont "do" the work for you. Forgiveness as a form of reconciling and releasing the past and pain is the most e...	kitty	17	1355	Jan 20, 2011 by Emi
	My update (Preview) My A brother got out of jail last Wednesday. The judge said if he came back for any alchohol related offense he was facing 5 yrs in the big-boy jail. I drove him around so he could find a place to live. Every place that he liked, did a background check, but he got approval from his number one choice, and we mov...	NCSUgeology	3	795	Jan 20, 2011 by Jerry F
	Need Advice in Dealing With a Friend (Preview) Hello all, I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but I figured since this is alcohol related, I'd post here. I need advice in dealing with a friend's alcohol abuse and the promiscouity that is a result of it. She has had a hard life. She was molested by both her father and step-father and she was take...	Cleo76	7	527	Jan 20, 2011 by Mattie
	Boundaries and outbursts in the home (Preview) My A has always had a temper, even when he was sober (I think he was a dry drunk, quite frankly). He loses his temper very easily but 99% of the time it's not anger AT ME, it's anger about a situation and he wants to vent about it. Usually, he curses while raising his voice, stomps around, slams doors, etc....	ilovedogs	11	628	Jan 20, 2011 by ClaireW
	Argument about me going to Al-Anon meeting (Preview) So my AH admitted he had a drinking problem (about 2 weeks ago) after one of his episodes. Then Tuesday night I came home and asked if he had been drinking, he admitted it, I left it at that and said nothing more about it and tried not to show that I was upset or disappointed. So lastnight I tried to calmly tal...	floridawife	12	1486	Jan 20, 2011 by kitty
	Struggling!! (Preview) I am currently struggling with the detachment process. I am trying to distance myself from my AM but how do you do this without feeling like you have turned your back on them? The problem is I have had enough. I can't sleep and I'm constantly distracted so my kids and my work suffer. I have four siblings...	Lila Frost	7	794	Jan 20, 2011 by reqforpeace
	my update (Preview) I have to let my home go. Cannot fight this anymore, its honestly too much for one person. I almost fainted when I got the letter. I called the advocate who gave me more options. I told him I am done. Its too much on my income. I cannot upkeep a 5 acre place with as big a payment as it is on my income. If the paymen...	Debilyn	6	841	Jan 20, 2011 by kath
	Willingness (Preview) At the f2f meeting I attended this week the topic was willingness and there was lots of great sharing and I was glad I went. I didn't have an opportunity to share but wanted to here. My AH has been hospitalized recently for complications from the disease, then he tried to get sober on his own and now it is j...	stomoxys	4	1586	Jan 20, 2011 by pinkchip
	Confused (Preview) My husband has a problem with drink for along time now. But as years gone by its getting harder for me to deal with.He blames everybody else especially myself and my 11yr old mainly when he has to much and says horrible things to us.But he goes more mad when we fight back at him and he doesnt like it. My 1...	free angel	7	741	Jan 20, 2011 by PrestenT
	TV as an addiction... (Preview) anyone see television as being a form of addiction? I saw my mom turn to television after my father was arrested. she would watch all day long until she went to sleep. I think my soon-to-be-ex-husband, who also drinks and smokes pot, uses television as a form of escapism as well. it's crazy that i use...	knowmadic	12	763	Jan 20, 2011 by Emi
	Awareness into a Martyr... And ME! (Preview) Martyr--- 1) A Person who Dies rather then renounce his religion; 2) One who Makes a Great Sacrifice for the Sake of Principle... 3) A GREAT or CONSTANT Sufferer.... Ok, Well I must confess that When I 1st Entered the Room of Al-Anon and someone would say, "My Mom is a Martyr" I would Dismiss i...	Jozie	5	1397	Jan 19, 2011 by hotrod
	NSF Charges Again (Preview) UGH, our joint account is NEGATIVE again. My personal account is just fine. Yesterday I put $200 from my personal account into our joint account to avoid NSF charges, however it didn't work. All those pending charges from the weekend and MLK day jumped up to bite me in the butt. Anyway, went to the ban...	Sincerely	3	687	Jan 19, 2011 by Aloha
	Oops he did it again (Preview) So my AH recently admitted that he has a drinking problem, he promised himself he wouldn't drink again, was good for about 3 weeks (he was never an everyday drinker-he is a social drinker-goes out with friends and can't control his drinking-comes home drunk and drives drunk at times-arrested for a DU...	floridawife	12	931	Jan 19, 2011 by xeno59
	Surrendering ???? (Preview) I am working on letting go of outcomes and surrendering. Today I have a second interview at a Doctor's office where they train you to become a medical assistant. I already have some college courses in this field so it would be great. The pay would be better than I make now, most likely. Also I have my...	sunflowergirl	11	944	Jan 19, 2011 by xeno59
	leavign him... need the strength (Preview) he has been sober for over a year... last week i was moving out when he sat down and spoke and had a discussion-- not something he does- he said he needed time to change and let's give it another shot.. i thought for a couple of days and then agreed... he tried for a week and then last night was out with his fri...	this too shall pass	17	988	Jan 19, 2011 by stomoxys
	Happy Birthday Christy! (Preview) Time to do our happy dance! It's Christy's birthday today! She wears 39 very well! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUJO! Love ya tons! Thanks for all you do here. It's been a remarkable journey with you. Remember calories don't count this week, so you can have your and eat it too! Live strong, Karilynn &a...	Karilynn	5	767	Jan 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	Went to alanon meeting (Preview) I went to my first Alanon meeting. I was so nervous. They recommended at least 6 meetings. I am very shy so didn't speak. I just listened. I now know I am not alone. I was feeling very alone. My AB is in the early stages of recovery. It's been a week since he last had alcohol and drugs. He got a sponsor and is go...	suave75	6	1078	Jan 19, 2011 by Tracy
	isolation (Preview) I am so finally glad I broke out of my isolation. I used to suffer so much because I thought it was normal to be treated like dirt by my AH. I thought it was the way things were because I was such a bad person and I deserved it. In this program I have learned that I am a valuable and lovable person, and that the fir...	kath	7	855	Jan 19, 2011 by maresie
	Dealing with AH's mom, stressing me out. (Preview) Hi everyone, there is something stressing me out (that Id like to squash) and Id like to hear others thoughts or experiences in similar situations. As some of you know, my AH is in rehab right now, he was in detox before that. His mother keeps emailing me telling me how worried sick she is, she hasnt heard...	danielle0516	8	846	Jan 19, 2011 by maresie
	keeping inside my hula hoop... (Preview) Perhaps one of the premises of al-anon that makes it "work", is the repetition of concepts, ideas, and priniciples until one is ready to get it. Could it be that time has come for me? Now I am not talking about something earth-shattering and new, I am talking about the basic premise that al-...	Loupiness	3	4760	Jan 19, 2011 by canadianguy
	Feeling left out. (Preview) Hello all. I'm 39, and happily attached to my guy. He's just had his 4th AA birthday (this time around) We've been together for a little over a year, and the AA world was very new to me. I've not gone to al anon meetings, but I have gone to plenty of open AA meetings with him, and have read some of the Big Book. (...	Rhivenn	9	1139	Jan 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	Victim Impact Statement (Preview) My diabetic AH is going to court next Monday for what's called an "Initial Appearance". I am staring at a blank sheet of paper and wondering where to even start. I can only write about the incident in which he was arrested. On that date, he drank most of the day and became verbally abusive t...	helpme08	4	1819	Jan 19, 2011 by lacewing
	left husband this weekend... (Preview) Hello, everyone. I'm new to this group. I've been scrolling through the message board and am comforted just reading other people's stories. I left my AH this weekend. He drank to "celebrate" finishing an exam and a good meeting with his supervisor after promising not to drink "f...	knowmadic	11	957	Jan 18, 2011 by knowmadic
	Sometimes it's one hour or one minute at a time! (Preview) This morning there was an article in the paper...my exAH has been suspended from his job pending investigation. I know his situation is not my problem, and let me tell you, I am so grateful that it isn't! However, it did dredge up a lot of feelings...I am very ashamed of things I did/accepted when I was in...	Phoe	7	790	Jan 18, 2011 by firehorse
	So many of us feel so stuck! (Preview) As I read posts and read the newcomers stories.....I realize how I have been in their places, how we have all been in their places. A lot of us have married young......we have kids, we don't make enough money, or we stay home with our young kids, our spouses support us, our spouses develop these pro...	sdisnie	4	747	Jan 18, 2011 by ilovedogs
	Introducing self (Preview) I have been on the AA board on this site for over 2 years. I came there when I had about 60 days sober (which was a pink chip in the meetings in my area). I am here to learn and understand more about how alcoholism affects families. I am also a therapist, though I don't claim to have expertise that I don't. I...	pinkchip	10	809	Jan 18, 2011 by pinkchip
	what gets you out of a rut when you lose hope and feel overhwelmed? (Preview) Recently I don't know why, I am feeling badly. I was trying a lot last week in every area of my life (health, Alanon, studies, schedule), and just kind of ran out of steam. I think maybe I have just entered some sort of delayed grieving over my canceled wedding (mid-October), and fed up about still not kno...	Imogen421	12	902	Jan 18, 2011 by kitty
	M & M's (Preview) Marriage and Money! (the message at church yesterday) My husband initiated going to church yesterday morning. We do go often but not often enough. The devil has a strange way of getting at me, even in church! Anyways.. last week our Pastor asked all of us to think about Gratfulness all week long. Th...	Sincerely	3	610	Jan 18, 2011 by Sincerely
	How easy it is to relapse (Preview) Hi I've been in Alanon recovery for a long time now. My AH can be annoying but hes working his program hard and doing really well. My problem is with a friend of mine S who is not in recovery. She'll quite openly say shes an A to get attention and sympathy but she won't get help. Since my AH went into recovery...	f2fmember	7	1109	Jan 18, 2011 by f2fmember
	back from Rehab (Preview) I did some searches on this board under this topic and found it strikingly similiar, but I thought I would throw out this topic in search of some wisdom. My wife came back from a 30 day rehab experience and has been home about 10 days (40 days sober which is something to be commended and celebrated). I had t...	ntxalanon	9	743	Jan 17, 2011 by ntxalanon
	Overwhelmed Newbie (Preview) I am feeling very overwhelmed. My husband and I just realized that he is an Alcoholic. I am just starting to get into AL-Anon, I haven't even went to my 1st f2f Al-Anon meeting yet. I will, but right now I am feeling very overwhelmed with things in my life. I keep reading that we need to focus on ourselves...	floridawife	8	824	Jan 17, 2011 by Peggy7
	hello (Preview) I have been seperated from my wife since September, but the emotional seperation has been for years. I have been posting to a divorce forum. In the beginning the addiction was this pesky little problem that once the marriage got resolved would get fixed. My wife is very high functioning and succe...	DadtoCandE	7	442	Jan 17, 2011 by Jennifer
	Newbie- how do I support my DH? (Preview) Hi, I have lived with a husband who is an alcoholic for 15 yrs. Though I made it clear that I disliked his drinking, he did not think he had an issue and enjoyed it so refused to stop. Afterall, when he was young he was a D&A counselor so knew all the signs of an alcoholic and he considered himself a funct...	Willow1	3	465	Jan 17, 2011 by abbyal
	Compassion (Preview) I'm struggling a lot with compassion today. It has been an incredibly tough few weeks for me, and every day seems to pile more on. Today's bad news involves my mom's deteriorating health. I am so insanely angry at my AH right now because he is totally unable to show me any meaningful compassion. Every co...	stephaniej	6	604	Jan 17, 2011 by kitty
	When Love is not Enough (Preview) I watched the Movie "When Love is not Enough" - the Lois Wilson Story with Winona Ryder last night. Wow... great movie. I think I have done and said every single thing Lois did in that movie, I could feel her feelings, her heartbreak and despair, her guilt, her isolation, the progression, t...	danielle0516	6	885	Jan 17, 2011 by hotrod
	A moment I felt close to HP (Preview) This weekend, my wife and I took the kids out to a park that we go to a lot in the spring and summer. We've had a fair amount of snow recently and we thought we may be able to find some hills for the kids to go sledding or just explore a bit and see what we found. When we got there, we were surprised to see no other ca...	usedtobeanyer	5	772	Jan 17, 2011 by member922
	struggling aunt (Preview) Hello, I am the aunt of a 19 year old boy. He has a drug and alcohol problem. He has been using mostly pot and pills. He is not able to get along with his mom so I agreed to take him in after he had been in jail for stealing. Over the last year he has been leaving with friends families and stealing from them and...	desperateaunt	3	736	Jan 17, 2011 by abbyal
	Would this tactic work? (Preview) I was doing some reading online about people who hide their drinking. I stumbled upon a psychologist's website where he gives this advice: If your spouse is hiding their alcohol, you should take the bottles and put them out on the kitchen counter. When spouse comes home and says, "what's this...	ilovedogs	22	1018	Jan 16, 2011 by danielle0516
	I ended it (Preview) I ended it with my husband last night. He didnt believe me when I told him that I didnt want to be married to someone who has to stay high all the time. He thinks I have found another man. I have not. He accused me of taking his daughter away from him and asked me to leave him alone as he was mourning the loss of hi...	kath	12	1020	Jan 16, 2011 by AngieD
	My niece died and here comes my dreaded family. (Preview) I have a family that is horrendous. I have had nothing to do with them for many years. I couldn't imagine having my son around such dysfunctional and manipulative people. We can't even visit for a short time as that time is filled with such chaos, brainwashing, control, cruelty and shame. I have tw...	clep	2	578	Jan 16, 2011 by member922
	WOW!!! Talk about HP's will....I got to see how unmanageable my life is again. (Preview) My life has become unmanageable...WOW! What strong words and sooo true right now. Last week I found out I am facing another surgery...number six, for a tumor growing in me. It has to be removed as the Dr said it will continue to grow. Of course I was in shock...not again I thought...but yes again. Thi...	shellyj123	4	642	Jan 16, 2011 by Loupiness
	DEFINE "DRY DRUNK" (Preview) Keep on hearing this word. Would like to read what it really is in your opinion, along with their behaviors. Does this come after rehab & when they are truely sober?	KimmyJo	9	4325	Jan 16, 2011 by All I can be
	Drinking and driving (Preview) I have a question about a recurrent theme on this board and at my Al-Anon meetings that I just can't understand. When the alcoholic drinks and decides to drive, I get the strong impression that I should never call the cops. I understand we need detach from the alcoholic's drinking and not let it make us c...	looking_for_peace	7	1257	Jan 16, 2011 by canadianguy
	compassion (Preview) I have been reading again (I had not been able to as I was working so much) and discovered that compassion is a skill rather than a given. In the past I had a great deal of compassion for others and little for myself. The compassion I had was linked to my desire to control. I had compassion for them and use...	maresie	6	1590	Jan 16, 2011 by Ava
	Remorsing... (Preview) My emotions are free floating about 20 feet off of the cliff. I'm sad and very sad and I'm angry and depressed and concerned. I am not trusting for the moment and am groping for the hemline of my HP's pullover. I've been like this off and on for over 5 months as a direct result of the death of a person I've...	Jerry F	16	1161	Jan 15, 2011 by Jennifer
	01.09.2010 MIP Chatroom Group Business Meeting Minutes (Preview) Chair opened the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. December minutes were approved as written. First item: Meeting schedule. AM MON Shimo TUES xeno WED Iona THURS OPEN FRI Blendergirl SAT OPEN SUN (Spiritual) OPEN PM MON grammie TUES casa WEDS ednaxrat THURS (Step/tradition) courage...	casa	0	375	Jan 15, 2011 by casa
	Prayers, please (Preview) Yesterday I found out that my mom has elevated liver enzymes. She didn't want to tell anyone in the family about it (she's still in denial that everyone knows she drinks and has known for the last 20 years). My stepfather told me, though - he told me she went to see a new doctor to get her high blood pressu...	White Rabbit	7	753	Jan 15, 2011 by Jerry F
	Hard Place to Be, But Grateful (Preview) As Most Know I have resently had a Pretty Tough Week, and i have to say yesterdays Veiwing was the hardest, Not just because my Friends Father had Past, but because of the Addictions that has reared its ugly head in their family... But only with their Youngest Son, Who at one time, I could have called my br...	Jozie	2	798	Jan 15, 2011 by xeno59
	I don't know where I am going... (Preview) I don't know where I am going but I sure know where I have been! I am letting go today of a counselor/friend. I am so saddened by this--he is not dying or anything but I am going to have to make it w/o him for three long mos. He is going on medical leave. I feel so selfish because I have really be thinking too muc...	Hoot Nanny	1	427	Jan 15, 2011 by Phoe
	Good Morning All! (Preview) Just wanted to wish you all a happy, stress-free weekend. My kids (plus one) are outside playing in the snow already. Taking the rest as it comes. Enjoy!	member922	5	722	Jan 15, 2011 by xeno59
	Trouble with chat room (Preview) I posted this above also, but the last post before mine was in 2009, so I'm thinking it's not looked at too often? I've tried many times to enter the chat and take part in the meetings, but keep getting this message: Unable to connect : java.security.AccessControlException : access denied (java.net....	ms621	3	623	Jan 15, 2011 by abbyal
	Alcoholic vs. Alcohol abuser (Preview) Ok, so this is kind of hard for me.....the alcoholic vs. the alcohol abuser. Here's the thing.....I know what I don't ever want to be around again...and that of course is what I lived with for 16 years....pure alcoholism hell.....binging, disappearing, complete craziness and chaos..... Now there...	sdisnie	10	1187	Jan 14, 2011 by xeno59
	Just two drinks, but still... (Preview) Just talked to my husband and he has had two beers. He's in the very beginning of realizing he is an alcohol abuser. We no longer have it in the house and he says he's never felt better. He lied and lied until I begged for the truth--but I knew, I heard it in his voice--just sort of a test, I guess, waiting t...	ms621	8	782	Jan 14, 2011 by xeno59
	Meds vs illegal drugs? (Preview) My ABF is a smoker. Recently he attacked me for wanting to see my psychiatrist for a med adjustment (perhaps). He goes on a huge rampage about how the whole world is shutting off their feelings by taking meds and walking around all goofy etc. I am on a mood stabilizer, btw, and have fought with the idea o...	member922	6	741	Jan 14, 2011 by member922
	Started Al-anon study last night (Preview) My new study was quite interesting. I have thought often that the extreme co dependence of my A is a program killer when we reconcile. It seems that no matter how strong his program is, once he is in an intimate relationship he loses it via gradually living for me. It is the one thing that really drives...	clep	2	742	Jan 14, 2011 by member922
	RE: Feeling the daunting issue of focusing on me (Preview) From Jerry's post: "Nothing can be more demoralizing than a clinging and abject dependence upon another human being. This often amounts to the demand for a degree of protection and love that no one could possibly satisfy. So our hoped for protectors finally flee, and once more we are left al...	sunflowergirl	6	1070	Jan 14, 2011 by maresie
	Funny things I'd like to actually do! (Preview) So, I was dreaming about the things I'd really like to do to get back at my dh. I know, totally petty and ridiculous, but I thought it was funny to dream. 1. Make him keep track of every penny he spends and give me all his receipts. My goal here would be to make him nervous and force him to sneak a bit more. 2....	ilovedogs	5	818	Jan 14, 2011 by ilovedogs
	Service Work (Preview) The current Group Representative in my home group has been trying to recruit a new volunteer to replace her, as her term is up. And I'm not clear on the exact situation, but I think she now has a service commitment that puts her in a position where she can't remain as GR. So we need a new GR. At last night'...	ythannah	4	1909	Jan 14, 2011 by ythannah
	Practical question about kids and AH driving (Preview) AH often helps me get our children to and from their various activities. There is one activity where I really need him to drive our DS. How do I enforce a boundary that he may not drive with the children in the car if he has been drinking? I don't want to turn our children into police by telling them they c...	Very Very Tired	11	987	Jan 14, 2011 by Very Very Tired
	Dry drunk (Preview) As some of you know my A is a dry drunk. I work my program very consistently and haven't felt frustrated for about a month. Today I feel very frustrated. I think because it just dawned on me that there seems to be no bottom with a dry drunk and I will have to live with this behavior as long as I am with him. We j...	clep	3	1543	Jan 14, 2011 by Karilynn
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.