You are both dealing with so much. How overwhelming for you. I have no words of wisdom- other than Al Anon words that worked for me. But i will keep you in my prayers. Good Luck

Our emotions and feelings are so different from the A.

As you shared he is very sick. He needs to look at him and his needs.

So what I would do, or more what I did was take care of me. Took care of all my basics. food,shelter, rest, spiritual help. My being strong as I could be, I could be there to just be beside him.

Mine was sober many years then had a brain surgery, relapsed medically and has gotten worse day by day, year by year.

The best thing you can do is make a home for you and you guys child. I know you must love your sick one so very much. You just married a few months ago after years of being with him. That says a lot.

I hope you can get to Al Anon meetings. We have them here online, you are more than welcome here.

I wish I had been with MIP when I went thru what we did.

We cannot stop what life will bring another. My ex AH ended up with oral cancer, whilst facing going to prison for dui's. My thought was, gads does he have to go thru everything bad in life?

Detaching from the disease, not taking it as my own, just loving my A made a huge difference.

I still care very much, though he is not anything like the boy to man I knew all my life.
We need to keep living. Even when they are going thru awful stuff. What they do is their choice. What we do is work on our own health, make good choices.

We cannot allow their illness to take us down too.

Whenever I have been there for someone, I made sure I took care of me, napped, kept water with me, ate only good things. Walked away sometimes and took a walk or went out and took a breath.

Your A does sound very sick. We cannot control that. We can stand next to them. Just be there. Love them, enjoy every moment we can with them.

If they become mean/abusive toxic to be around, it is up to us to decided to walk out the door for awhile or the room whatever.

Meetings will rejunenate you. To be around others who understand and relate is priceless.

We know what it is like to love an A. Most our family/loved ones just don't seem to get why we don't just walk away. We would not walk away if they had any other disease.

We take things as they come. He is very sick, but we have no idea when they or anyone will die. I have seen my ex AH be zapped back from heroin overdose, brain tumor surgery, migraines, oral cancer. He tried to drink himself to death to not go to prison! But he is getting out this month.

In all my education, I cannot believe he is still walking around. All his friends and brother are dead! We just don't know.

So we don't think ahead of where we are. We take care of each moment, give ourself our needs. We nap when we need it.

Loving an A is very hard, but if we do, we do. Al Anon is what saved me, gave me the tools to know how to live with loving people who are addicts.

Glad you are here. Sending you a hug. love,debilyn