Here we go again! - Al-Anon Family Group

kimmy1975 · Veteran Member

Here we go again!

DreamXL · Senior Member

((kimmy))) hang in there.... and most of all hang onto your program...:)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Part of my program was/is learning the truth.

A's drink because the are addicts. They could be on a beautiful island with all their needs met, and drink.

We don't make them drink, stress does not make them drink, New years party does not make them drink. They are A.

Their bodies are programmed to "crave" alcohol or whatever drug they choose.

It is a continuing process till they die. There is no here we go again hon. It has always been there, will always be there, on a plan of recovery it will be there.

This is what makes it vital for us to work on us and leave the disease to them. We can do nothing for his disease. We can make our life and our kids life as good as possible by staying out of it!

There is no use telling him anything. He knows believe me. Plus we are not their counselors, sponsors or Hp. It is totally up to them.

The best back then and now with anyone around me, is to leave the addicts personal struggle with their disease alone. NOne of my business.

When I make it my business it takes away from them, does not add to them.

If he had years of good recovery, he knows what it is to be there. HE has to feel being in recovery is better than being a drunk. Its totally up to him.

I can see you are progressing though as you are questioning things. Thats great, plus you come here!

Well I as I sit her I see one of my potted pigs is about to get the food bucket stuck on his head.....lol hugs hon,debilyn

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Yup - dig in and work your program hard! Remember to do it just one day at a time. None of us ever knows what the future holds.

Blessings,

Summer

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn wrote:

Well I as I sit her I see one of my potted pigs is about to get the food bucket stuck on his head.....lol hugs hon,debilyn

Aaahahahaaa! Debilyn you made my day by saying that - I have the cutest little picture in my head! :)

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn you said it all, nothing to add, but I love your Pig!!!

Kimmy, keep coming back you are on the right path.

Luv, Bettina

clep · Senior Member

kimmy1975 wrote:

Then he goes on to tell me that he feels like he can control how much he drinks, and that he feels like drinking will help him keep his sanity due to pressure and stress at work.

To me that is the words of an alcoholic in denial that has just relapsed. I feel I am about to deal with the same thing as my A has quit his AA program very recently. All I can do is really work my own program and do what I need to for myself.

Stress doesn't cause an A to drink imo. The inability to deal with that stress and or rid ones self of that kind of stress before it gets overwhelming is the real issue. I don't think of drinking to relieve stress as I am not an alcoholic, I think of decreasing my stress or finding new coping mechanisms to deal with it.

Blessings

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

The biggest stress may be coming from the alcoholism begging him to drink again.
Looks like you have your good glasses on girl and came for support when you did.
Well hold on to you...can cause it, control you or cure you but we can hold on to you
and support you as you work your way in this. Meetings for sure as many as you can
over the next 90 days (my experience) and literature to focus on when you are
compulsed on focusing on him. He has an alcohol addiction...you have the "ic"
addiction.

Actually this has happened so often to other spouses and families of alcoholics.

Its great that there is a program for us. Keep coming back...((((hugs)))) smile

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Great job in recognizing that "stress" is just an excuse....if work was slow he would need a drink cause he'd be worried about not getting enough hours.
any exucse will do for an A
I think jerry once again nailed it whan he said that the stress may very well be that drink calling his name.
way to work your program!
Blessings

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I've certainly been there with trying to deal with impossible situations. I also spent years and years wondering was he really an alcoholic/addict.

The ex A had a million reasons to use. It didn't matter if times were good or bad, he had a reason to use.

I am so glad you are here and reaching out for help, support and care. You deserve it. I hope you will take time to learn about al anon and start working on the tools. The beginning is tough but there is another way to deal with what you are dealing with.

Maresie.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Kimmy, I don't know how often you come on here but I wanted to thank you for this thread. I haven't been on for a few months but I see we have a similar story. My dh started drinking again after 15 years of sobriety(which he did without AL Anon, so he thinks he was never an alcoholic to begin with since he quit without a sponsor??). Anyway, I've been finding bottles both empty and half empty and I have chosen to say nothing since our last confrontation back in October.

Someone on here reminded me that begging him to stop drinking or cajoling him to stop just for me or for 'us' isn't going to work on a true alcoholic. Of course, it turned out to be true. We had our last confrontation a few months ago and I asked him not to drink or to bring alcohol into the home, I begged, I cried, he cried and promised, etc. Empty promises, of course, but I do believe they were real tears. Tears of shame and guilt. So, for now I have chosen to leave him be. I find the empty bottles, I throw them away and say nothing. This is so hard because I want him to feel my pain, but somehow I've gotten through it and it's really made me realize that I do love him and as long as he doesn't go all rageaholic on me like he did 16 years ago, then I might just wait and see what transpires. I may even get the guts up to attend a meeting f2f.

Just wanted to share, that you are not alone. And, just like Maresie I wonder if he's a true alcoholic or not. I figured, alcoholic or not, he's damaging our relationship by drinking and hiding it and then justifying it because his job is stressful, etc. He would say stuff like, "Now, I'm not really justifying drinking, BUT it does help me wind down in the evening." Umm, I call that justifying, dude, duh! Sigh, one day at a time, right?!

B

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