Having a hard time - Al-Anon Family Group

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

Having a hard time

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Jen))))...One of the values of the program I was taught and found out was
true in and for others and then myself was that very often inside of the problem
resides the solution. Often times (very often) the absolute frustration point I
reached contained the solution of "letting go" and better still "Letting God".

I use to exercise by lifting free weights and part of the routine of building muscle
was increasing weight over time. My sponsor asked me what were the consequences
of trying to life "too much" weight which I related to real well. I told him I would still
make the attempt at getting it over my head and by doing that one of the results
was a hernia. "Would you have gotten the hernia if you had let the weight drop to
the floor?" I know the answer to that question now and am more experienced at
letting it all go now.

Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You know Jennifer, I would say most of us have something we hold back from sharing.

I have shared here after years of torture....that I am pretty much stuck home due to incontenance of bowel and bladder. Nerve damage from a hyster/complete surgery. Plus when I am upset it goes to my gut.

To look at me you would think I could still do about anything. As you can imagine this makes it very difficult for me to meet anyone.

I wait a long time before I share it. I can tell you most do not "get" it. Meaning it is like they forget. They say hey why don't you join blah blah, or go to meetings here...take a class...gads.

I shop one day a month for everything. Then I can plan, not eat much the day before so I can make it thru that day shopping.

Jennifer I am not sure what you are talking about. I believe you shared it here. But won't say unless you do. (we may have talked about it pm) I can say it took me many years to become comfortable with this with myself.

I can be walking to the barn and dang it...uno. Or driving home...thank goodness never in a store yet.

Have learned to eat differently, not beat myself up, always bring extra cloths. Takes lots of showers. lol

We did nothing to ask for this. But we don't have to be hard on ourselves. We love the me the creator gave us, it is really better than most of the world population.
If people look at us differently, that is not our problem hon. The people who really love, who are not critical will not give it a second thought.

When I share my "fun" obstacle, I do my best to put them at ease as I do for me.

Yes isolation is very common honey. Maybe you could spend some time with others who are just naturally comfy with you. to remind you there are people who will see you as is and know you have just as much worth.

As you know we have to build ourselves up first. Be kind to YOU. It may be that we have not accepted the obstacle we have as well as we would like.

Something else too I believe anything different can scare some people. They are so afraid of goofing up they act strange. Maybe we are gauging their reaction not as it is meant?

Its like when you have someone die you love, some people sorta just go away.

All I know is you are a gem, have learned you are kind, funny, tough cookie, but also sometimes tired. We all get like that! Its ok.

I am so glad you came here. Wish I could come grab you and the big MUG face and go for a walk. I do know, even if it is only a tiny bit, moving my body helps.

Again it may help to not try to read anything into how others react, as we just really don't know what they are feeling.

You know who cares about you here, you know our crazy animals would love us even if we did not take a shower for a week!

Love to see you here honey, debilyn Pm or email me anytime

nycwolf · Newbie

Thank u so much 4 sharing.

The one thought that came to me while reading your post was "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".

The first time I heard that phrase I repeated it to myself at least 3 times before I truly felt the strength those words gave me.

I hope u will, too, find strength today.

xx

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks everybody, I got the reminders I needed to muddle through this eventually.

Deb, I was talking about being visually impaired. I do not have a problem with sharing the fact I am legally blind, in fact I feel it is important to share that fact with people. It does explain my odd behavior sometimes

I did not think it had alot to do with my exah or my recovery until I meditated some more today.

You all are right it is a matter of practicing letting go and remembering that other's opinions are not only none of my business but not what I should base my thoughts upon. BUT when potential study partners, business advancements, dates and potential friends consistently react as if I have grown a second and third head out of my ears when they are told or figure it out I get frustrated. And alot of that frustration comes from not being able to listen with my eyes, it makes it harder to protect and care for myself when it comes to judging how to interact with nontrusted or unknown people. I am still angry that my lack of vision did hinder my ability to care for myself as well as I should have while living with my exah. Fear of repeating lessons I have already learned is compounded when I get a string of negative reactions from people who initially treated me differently prior to knowing my vision limitation. The whole thing is confusing and depressing. Yuck.

Jen

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.