The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a family that is horrendous. I have had nothing to do with them for many years. I couldn't imagine having my son around such dysfunctional and manipulative people. We can't even visit for a short time as that time is filled with such chaos, brainwashing, control, cruelty and shame.
I have two sisters. Middle sister had a child she gave up to older sister. Middle sister didn't really try to have a relationship with the child and older sister manipulated the child to despise real mom as she had to be the ONLY mom my niece loved.
My niece died a few days ago. Middle sister and I have nothing to do with our family. Family stole everything middle sister had a couple of years ago while she was visiting me in another province. Middle sister is not happy with family, but ruled by guilt for not having a relationship with her daughter and family is very comfortable using guilt tactics to get what they want out of her.
Family doesn't like my boundaries, that guilt doesn't work with me, that I won't react to the abuse and that I don't really care to be responsible for them or their feelings.
Niece hated me and was very abusive to me. I am not going to the funeral and am mourning her death in my own way. I have no ill feelings towards her or my family and have forgiven as they are doing the best they can with what they have. What they have is so very limited that a relationship is not possible.
Middle sister is now involved with family again and is distraught about it, yet happy at the same time. She has always wanted a "normal" family that accepts and loves her as she is. She is homosexual and they are religious to the point of cult so that acceptance will never be available to her.
My family has started calling me, threatening me, screaming at me to go to hell. I have been calm about it all and just hung up the phone. It is unsettling though to even be dealing with them in any way.
My family makes my A seem like a dream if you can fathom that. How sad it is.
I am happy with how I have been handling it and have used my program every step of the way. I just needed to get some of this out though. It is hard sometimes to see them and how despicable they treat people as well as each other and be able to stomach it. It is amazing to me that they don't wake up and realize their perceptions and behaviors are very far from productive.
Your serenity is really coming through in your post! I can't imagine what that situation must be like for you, but it sounds like you are handling it with dignity and grace.
