Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

on a rollercoaster · on a rollercoaster

Hi. I'm new here. I just went to an al-anon meeting for the first time last Thurs. It was nice and I think it will help me...but it might take me forever to feel better and try to heal form the harsh reality that I have an alcoholic husband. He has FINALLY admitted he has an issue with it, but still doesn't thi...

Eliza · Eliza

My husband has been sober for 5yrs and has always been angry and irritable. He refuses counseling or AA. Is there hope that he may change with working on recovery? Is this a symptom of the being a dry drunk? I welcome any feedback.

rara avis · rara avis

Hey everybody, So sorry to bogart the forum, but it really is getting down to the wire. Some ESH would be really helpful. Anyone here have ESH on giving a final ultimatum? Basically, I am done. Done. I've planned to leave my boyfriend and tell him to move out this next weekend. My RA's best pal said I sh...

MeTwo2 · MeTwo2

So here it is .. my last night out of town with my primary alcoholic's family .. this truly has been Such a trip .. at this point i'm hoping to make it back on my way out of this town and safely back to my home town .. I made a decision to stay home from a family outting today and knew it would make the addicts a litt...

canadianguy · canadianguy

Really pleased to announce that we have a new Board Moderator, effective immediately..... Hotrod (Betty) is back from vacation, and has agreed to become a Moderator, and I am thrilled to have the help. She has been a valuable member of our family for a long time on MIP, and will be a valuable addi...

keiker · keiker

I don't even know where to start... I am so worried about my father. I am 33 years old and do not live with him.... In the last year or so he has become an alcoholic. It is so hard to believe it since before last year he hardly ever had a drink. His drink of choice is crown and 7. He has become emotionaly...

odalis · odalis

My AH and I had a wonderful day. We took our dog to the park, talked about things other than his problem, and went to eat ice cream with the kids. Yesterday he told me he had been hiding his rum but hasn't bought any in the past month. Good for him, I am really proud of him for that and told him so. Then he says he'...

tommyecat · tommyecat

The other night I was meeting with a sponsee whom I meet with weekly at a coffee shop to guide them through step 4. I was running a few minutes late and was anxious to get there. As I get closer to the place I see an open parking spot in front which is nothing short of a miracle. I was about to pull in when I no...

MeTwo2 · MeTwo2

One day left to go and then i return to my home state .. I have watched the primary alcoholic in my life flip his last switch .. i'm just too tired and angry to watch anymore but i'm not really angry and tired with him .. i'm angry and tired with myself .. the lies i've told myself to survive .. the ones like .. he...

nicjon · nicjon

I left my husband 3 years ago and in the past 19 months that we've been back together his drinking has escalated to alcoholism. He was an alcoholic before I met him but was sober for 7 years (he did relapse a few times in that time period but was always able to pull himself together and stop). Now he is drinki...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

Hi guys I can't help but get my hopes up at the moment and enjoying the current 'good' feeling and I am tempering it with the reality of 'this too shall pass'. Yesterday, my husband went fishing with his mate who also smokes pot. I detached for the day. I didnt test in the hope that when he gets reception h...

elizabethcontreras · elizabethcontreras

Hello Everyone, I am going to my first Al-Anon meeting tomorrow. I am having some super high anxiety, trying to cope through my work week as chipper as possible and keep good face with my friends. I have been going on outings with friends just trying to keep my mind at ease and positive, but I guess I shou...

msgadget6905 · msgadget6905

Some members of my AFG are starting a Step Group. None of us has ever participated in one before. I need some pointers on starting and running a 12 Step Group. Are there guidelines available? Discussion questions? Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Katy · Katy

Typo there, but I think it means when something happens opposite to what you expsected, Alanon has taught me this, and it's helped me to see that the things that I thought were my defects can actually be my assets, I just have to twiggle them a little bit is all, I spent a huge huge part of my life feeling wor...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi Everyone, I have not been myself lately my A is out there after 9 months sober he has been going down fast for about 2 months ( it was the anniversary yesterday of him going into rehab I was very sad. I am not watching detaching from it unless he goes back to AA. My mother turns up yesterday she was very str...

Dufferin · Dufferin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disulfiram My husband's doctor just prescribed this, he's going to start on Tuesday. It sounds like a miracle pill - just start taking it, no side effects, and stop drinking! Ta da! I'm a bit...not suspicious, exactly, just not sure. It just sounds too good to be true...

Jennifer · Jennifer

I am happy to say I am no longer attached to an IV bag and am on the upswing part of my treatment cycle. It is very nice to feel that my thoughts and actions are more me than influenced by steroids. It is a creepy feeling almost like having another person living inside your mind and has once again given me a bit...

Pushka · Pushka

We had been talking yesterday I believe about feeling overwhelmed by things in our life, trying to do it all with a flare for procrastination (A LARGE ONE .. lol), and I had a good lesson last night. LOL! Anyway, I always joke and say, I'm a goddess, just not a domesticated one. Yes in my younger years,...

littlemotel · littlemotel

My AH said he would stop drinking, I want to believe him but I can't. I feel like I am just waiting for the ball to drop. Is this part of letting go? I know he is going to do whatever he chooses to do & I suppose I am ok by that. I've set my boundaries with him. I just don't want to be blindsided or too pos...

clep · clep

My sister as some of you know has been living with me for a few months. She has not been very driven to get a job and has not taken the apprenticeship she has been offered. I have let her know already she has to pay rent to live here and have given her the amount. I told her a month and a half ago. The date was y...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

As time goes by, I'm seeing more and more examples of how I turn the focus on everyone in my life but myself. I'm encouraged that I'm at least aware of it, but I'm worried about how I'm ultimately going to stop doing it. My wife & I have 2 kids, ages 4 & 2. They are great kids, but as with most kids this a...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I have been working 4 part time jobs all Summer long, I slow down work wise this Fall just because that is how the work comes and goes where I live. And I know I will make it another couple weeks. I am still reading my daily reader's which keep my attitude good and at night I am reading a book written by my spons...

rara avis · rara avis

Hey wonderful people! I know none of you are mind readers, but any ESH would be appreciated!!! Long story short, I've had enough w/my beloved RA, he didn't seem to pay attention to his self care or to my basic needs, things which I told him had to change. I made extensive plans to get out and kick him out...

glad lee · glad lee

Detachment doesn't mean denying compassion. Approaching life with detachment may seem cold at first. We are accustomed to offering lots of help to other people. Thus the first few times we back off from what has become our natural inclination - we feel uncomfortable. Through this program we are lea...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I am in a quandary this morning As I have been keeping to myself and reading and trying to change my anxious and controlling behavior,(and codependence) my AH has upped the ante and been acting out even more than before. Is this a common pattern? His behavior is so disrespectful of me that I dont know...

Pushka · Pushka

Went to another wonderful open speaker AA meeting and I have to say this is on my rotation of meetings. They are just terrific! I really encourage anyone to go to a meeting to see the other side of the coin. It is like being at an alanon meeting and hearing your own story through someone else. Listenin...

Pushka · Pushka

Ok .. I have no idea why a little cell phone or any regular phone becomes the size of an elephant and just as heavy when I have to ask for help on anything. Doesn't matter what it is, something simple to something difficult the idea of rejection just sizzles me to the core and I become very afraid. I hit a ma...

bonobo · bonobo

Hi there, I have been an al anon member for about 3 years, and am currently working the steps with my sponsor. For the next month I'm travelling for work, and my sponsor is sick with her own issues anyway, so I am very glad I found this message board! I just want to share something that happened to me last wee...

MeTwo2 · MeTwo2

I'm not in town at the moment and can't make it to my meetings .. I am in another state with my adolescent daughter visiting my alcoholic's family members and so far things have gone ok .. with all things considered .. in fact they've gone (up to this point) better than i'd expected .. only by the grace of hi...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I had an interesting conversation with my grown daughter yesterday. Background, I have been having bouts of high Blood Pressure over the past few months. I know they are related to my stress with my spouse. I feel it go up if we fight and when I lose sleep due to issues we are having. I finally went to t...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone, I just realised that I have been feeling some strange vibes from my AH recently, when I happen to be writing on this site/on the computer. He has read my journal before, and would not be opposed to finding and reading my posts - and, believe me, he could figure out which are mine. Is there an...

Jozie · Jozie

Welp.... Currently My Life has Started to breathe a New Way of Living, and it is Non Stop- Balls to the Wall- Wide Open... I Have so Much To be Thankful for, So Much to be Grateful for, and yet still have these desires to just Disappear sometimes and Hide from it all... My Sons Schedule went from 3 days a week...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I rarely write about my qualifier on here since the relationship has been over for a while and also my whole AA side takes over when I respond to many posts here. But...I have been meaning to write that I got a text from my ex-A that stated he went to his first AA meeting because his life had gotten so unmana...

KLotus · KLotus

This morning I am having a really hard time again. I have always been able to speak with my MIL about any difficulties I have with my AH or myself. Lately, I don't feel I can. I guess that means I'm feeling alone. I'm doing as many al-anon related things as I can, and trying to practice. I just feel hope...

Katy · Katy

My husband and I went to Oxford, to help our 23 year old daughter move house, Oxford is the place where Harry Potter was filmed with all the fabulous buildings and history, it's a very beutiful university Town, or maybe even city, it has so much to offer, rivers with punts on, boat trips, and open top doub...

PrincessPeriwinkle · PrincessPeriwinkle

I saw a separate post entitled "Al-Anon Annoys Me" by jBunny. I agree with many of her findings regarding Al-Anon meetings (I've been to four). I am new, too, and am having a very difficult time sorting everything out. My son is married to a raging alcoholic, which has now been going on for t...

Doozy · Doozy

I am so thankful for this board and each of you posting and sharing your thoughts, experience, strength and hope! I haven't been posting much or replying, but I have been reading quite a bit and finding so much insight and inspiration. Thank you!! And thank you so much for providing such a safe place to s...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

After another weekend of being ignored by my AH, I am wondering if it's time to give it all up. I would almost rather be yelled at than ignored or disrespected. My AH ignores me, for example, he fails to tell me he isn't coming home for dinner on Saturday. When I call him at his parents, he is all sweet...

david62 · david62

Hello Everyone, I got home this evening from a AA/Al-Anon conference I have attended every year since I first sat in a recovery meeting on April 17, 2004. I love conferences, and this one is probably my favorite. It always has wonderful speakers, great Al-Anon meetings and has had anywhere from 700...

Talula · Talula

Greetings MIP's, Got a call from my brother who isn't doing so well. He wants to end his life, I talked him out of it for today but he lives in another city - 7 hours away. We're both ACOA, he has been to rehab 2 times now and still drinking. He put his head through a window last night and I urged him to go to the em...

Dufferin · Dufferin

Hi everyone, I've never posted here before - and haven't even taken the time to read the FAQs, but I will do that in a minute. I just need to vent a bit first. My husband is off at his second-ever AA meeting at the moment - or so he told me. Except that his sponsor called our home number about twenty minutes aft...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Things are actually quite good these days. My wife has been sober many, many more days than not in the last couple of months. There have been some bumps in the road but she's in a much better place than she was a year ago. Her patience with our sometimes challenging kids has left me in awe at times, especia...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

I have woken with very high anxiety levels I think that ocky strap (I found out are called bungy cords?? in America) has sprung back and hit me in the head. I think I have taken it back on. (previous post reference, I was visualising handing his pot drawer over to the universe but it was still attached to a...

NovSun · NovSun

Morning all, Good news - I got the job!! I start training today. Big promotion, more money, more responsibility. Good also because I won't have time during the day to obsess over whether my Afiance drinks or not. On that note, couldn't get through even ONE DAY of no drama. I came home from work last night...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone really needed to come on here and share. I went to a meeting last night. People shared about their childhoods. In my share I said my childhood was good (i do have lots of good memeories of childhood my dad had lots of time for me). I said that my co dependency came from my mother and grandmoth...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Here's our Littile Lucky, the abandoned kitty that I agreed to care for and then find a good home. There's NO way I'm giving him up now! When I first got him, I worried the entire day about what to do with him. Will our adult cat accept him? Do we really want another indoor cat? (No, but...) How will I fi...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

Hi guys I am feeling better today. I gave in and looked in his drawer. I don't know why. I was feeling anxious and it took the anxiety away.. I got my hit??? anyhooooooo.. I didn't do anything with the information but I know I looked for the wrong reasons... We had a chat last night. He was my wonderful ca...

maresie · maresie

I grew up in a family where the boundaries were all amiss. My elder sister was relegated to the parent role (I should say bully really because that's what she became). My parents could barely hold it all together on the most basic level of providing shelter, food and sustenance and there was no emotio...

chinup · chinup

i just came in from a 12 step meeting here in my town i go to ,we r on the 2nd step ,ive found it hard to leave it in gods hands ,but im learning little by little to leave it with him and its actually worked everytime,lol i just want to keep takeing it all back ,but not everytime im learning to leave it with him an...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

It's like I feel like I'm a little kid. Like I need permission to get off the dang merry go round that I started in motion to begin with. I have every right and every desire to get off but I still fall into my sick ways. Last night he came home from a dinner out with his boss and the President of his company. ...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone! I have a confession to make: I don't like drama. I enjoy pause, calm, reflection, and joy. I think sometimes my part in the drama has to do with my fear when I can sense things building in my atmosphere (e.g. if my AH is struggling). I might ask too many times "Are you ok? What's goin...

CUrbs83 · CUrbs83

I'm 27 years old and started dating a guy a year and a half ago who is an alcoholic. He has hurt me so much throughout the past year and I became so disgustingly ill and a codependent b/c of him. He has been sober for 5 months now and says he's a different person but I can't believe him. I truly think he doesn'...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

Hi all I have posted on the ACOA board. I did so yesterday and had a bit of a vent about those childhood things. I think perhaps maybe, it has triggered something inside me and yesterday I had a massively big urge to check on my husbands pot drawer. I deliberately didn't. I stayed away from the drawer so...

bjkansas · bjkansas

When I met my boyfriend, 2 years ago, I knew he drank. He was 42 and I was 38. We got to gether in a relationship and his drinking calmed down considerably. He used to be drunk EVERY night. now it is maybe 3 times a week (still too much). I have told him that he has done much better. If I get on to him about ho...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Prayers please!!!!!!!!!!!! A very dear friend of mine has been fighting cancer for over a year and found out this week that the cancer has metastasized to the bone and a bone marrow transplant isn't an option. The doctors are giving her a few weeks to a couple of months. Please pray for her and her husb...

rara avis · rara avis

I was told something yesterday that I know was told to someone here too. Last night my RA was again being loving, pleasant..and patronizing. Keep in mind he's not going to program and lied to me earlier yesterday morning about ditching his sponsor and why. He said, " I love you.....I don't want...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

This started as a response to another about taking the bait, but I figured out I really have a question. Is it part of the disease for my AH to keep me out of the loop on things regarding the family, then refuse to honor my wishes on them. I feel so left out of things that I should know about in our marriage...

holenheart · holenheart

Working in a toxic enviornment. I know I can't change the people and their gossip and lies etc. I can't change the fact that they don't love me....etc. It bothers me what they think and say about me and how their lies may or may not influence the manager etc. I need to change myself and be consumed wit...

Katy · Katy

As I keep coming back, listening and learning I think it is called peeling away the layers of the onion skin, the answers are always here LURKING, living with an addict really is soul destroying and something I read here this week has really helped me to acknowledge that pain of living in that dreadful...

jbunny · jbunny

What's the point of Al-Anon? I don't get it at all. The whole program seems like a cult trying to sell books. I don't understand why people in Al-Anon don't give "advice" to others. How helpful is that? Al-Anon is not about helping the alcoholic to stop drinking. It seems to me that it...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Please help! Advice needed and I need to vent. I feel crazy (Preview) Hi. I'm new here. I just went to an al-anon meeting for the first time last Thurs. It was nice and I think it will help me...but it might take me forever to feel better and try to heal form the harsh reality that I have an alcoholic husband. He has FINALLY admitted he has an issue with it, but still doesn't thi...	on a rollercoaster	9	825	Sep 6, 2011 by rrib
	Is Anger and Rudeness part of the Dry Drunk Syndrome? (Preview) My husband has been sober for 5yrs and has always been angry and irritable. He refuses counseling or AA. Is there hope that he may change with working on recovery? Is this a symptom of the being a dry drunk? I welcome any feedback.	Eliza	8	5723	Sep 6, 2011 by rrib
	ESH on final ultimatums? (Preview) Hey everybody, So sorry to bogart the forum, but it really is getting down to the wire. Some ESH would be really helpful. Anyone here have ESH on giving a final ultimatum? Basically, I am done. Done. I've planned to leave my boyfriend and tell him to move out this next weekend. My RA's best pal said I sh...	rara avis	11	680	Sep 6, 2011 by GailMichelle
	the levels of insanity .. (Preview) So here it is .. my last night out of town with my primary alcoholic's family .. this truly has been Such a trip .. at this point i'm hoping to make it back on my way out of this town and safely back to my home town .. I made a decision to stay home from a family outting today and knew it would make the addicts a litt...	MeTwo2	10	840	Sep 6, 2011 by maresie
	New Board Moderator (Preview) Really pleased to announce that we have a new Board Moderator, effective immediately..... Hotrod (Betty) is back from vacation, and has agreed to become a Moderator, and I am thrilled to have the help. She has been a valuable member of our family for a long time on MIP, and will be a valuable addi...	canadianguy	12	770	Sep 6, 2011 by maresie
	New Here - Need advice~ (Preview) I don't even know where to start... I am so worried about my father. I am 33 years old and do not live with him.... In the last year or so he has become an alcoholic. It is so hard to believe it since before last year he hardly ever had a drink. His drink of choice is crown and 7. He has become emotionaly...	keiker	12	558	Sep 6, 2011 by Pushka
	feeling scared of my own decisions (Preview) My AH and I had a wonderful day. We took our dog to the park, talked about things other than his problem, and went to eat ice cream with the kids. Yesterday he told me he had been hiding his rum but hasn't bought any in the past month. Good for him, I am really proud of him for that and told him so. Then he says he'...	odalis	8	622	Sep 6, 2011 by tommyecat
	Perspective (Preview) The other night I was meeting with a sponsee whom I meet with weekly at a coffee shop to guide them through step 4. I was running a few minutes late and was anxious to get there. As I get closer to the place I see an open parking spot in front which is nothing short of a miracle. I was about to pull in when I no...	tommyecat	12	646	Sep 6, 2011 by tommyecat
	Just so angry and tired (Preview) One day left to go and then i return to my home state .. I have watched the primary alcoholic in my life flip his last switch .. i'm just too tired and angry to watch anymore but i'm not really angry and tired with him .. i'm angry and tired with myself .. the lies i've told myself to survive .. the ones like .. he...	MeTwo2	6	1847	Sep 5, 2011 by winnie
	Stuck trying to figure out why he drinks (Preview) I left my husband 3 years ago and in the past 19 months that we've been back together his drinking has escalated to alcoholism. He was an alcoholic before I met him but was sober for 7 years (he did relapse a few times in that time period but was always able to pull himself together and stop). Now he is drinki...	nicjon	9	674	Sep 5, 2011 by nicjon
	I have learned so much.. and am only beginning (Preview) Hi guys I can't help but get my hopes up at the moment and enjoying the current 'good' feeling and I am tempering it with the reality of 'this too shall pass'. Yesterday, my husband went fishing with his mate who also smokes pot. I detached for the day. I didnt test in the hope that when he gets reception h...	Lindaoakford	1	347	Sep 5, 2011 by youfoundme
	Seeking Al-Anon (Preview) Hello Everyone, I am going to my first Al-Anon meeting tomorrow. I am having some super high anxiety, trying to cope through my work week as chipper as possible and keep good face with my friends. I have been going on outings with friends just trying to keep my mind at ease and positive, but I guess I shou...	elizabethcontreras	11	3171	Sep 5, 2011 by tommyecat
	12 Step Group (Preview) Some members of my AFG are starting a Step Group. None of us has ever participated in one before. I need some pointers on starting and running a 12 Step Group. Are there guidelines available? Discussion questions? Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.	msgadget6905	5	539	Sep 5, 2011 by tommyecat
	serren dipperty! (Preview) Typo there, but I think it means when something happens opposite to what you expsected, Alanon has taught me this, and it's helped me to see that the things that I thought were my defects can actually be my assets, I just have to twiggle them a little bit is all, I spent a huge huge part of my life feeling wor...	Katy	1	496	Sep 5, 2011 by Katy
	family (Preview) Hi Everyone, I have not been myself lately my A is out there after 9 months sober he has been going down fast for about 2 months ( it was the anniversary yesterday of him going into rehab I was very sad. I am not watching detaching from it unless he goes back to AA. My mother turns up yesterday she was very str...	Tracy	3	609	Sep 4, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Any experience with Antabuse? (Preview) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disulfiram My husband's doctor just prescribed this, he's going to start on Tuesday. It sounds like a miracle pill - just start taking it, no side effects, and stop drinking! Ta da! I'm a bit...not suspicious, exactly, just not sure. It just sounds too good to be true...	Dufferin	9	4766	Sep 4, 2011 by linbaba
	Resolution of anger at self (Preview) I am happy to say I am no longer attached to an IV bag and am on the upswing part of my treatment cycle. It is very nice to feel that my thoughts and actions are more me than influenced by steroids. It is a creepy feeling almost like having another person living inside your mind and has once again given me a bit...	Jennifer	4	405	Sep 3, 2011 by Debilyn
	Share :) (Preview) We had been talking yesterday I believe about feeling overwhelmed by things in our life, trying to do it all with a flare for procrastination (A LARGE ONE .. lol), and I had a good lesson last night. LOL! Anyway, I always joke and say, I'm a goddess, just not a domesticated one. Yes in my younger years,...	Pushka	4	604	Sep 3, 2011 by bonobo
	Trust or stupidity? (Preview) My AH said he would stop drinking, I want to believe him but I can't. I feel like I am just waiting for the ball to drop. Is this part of letting go? I know he is going to do whatever he chooses to do & I suppose I am ok by that. I've set my boundaries with him. I just don't want to be blindsided or too pos...	littlemotel	11	690	Sep 3, 2011 by lasthope
	I think my sister is coming to a meeting tonight!!!!! Prayers Please. (Preview) My sister as some of you know has been living with me for a few months. She has not been very driven to get a job and has not taken the apprenticeship she has been offered. I have let her know already she has to pay rent to live here and have given her the amount. I told her a month and a half ago. The date was y...	clep	6	363	Sep 3, 2011 by Pushka
	Pointing the finger at yourself (Preview) As time goes by, I'm seeing more and more examples of how I turn the focus on everyone in my life but myself. I'm encouraged that I'm at least aware of it, but I'm worried about how I'm ultimately going to stop doing it. My wife & I have 2 kids, ages 4 & 2. They are great kids, but as with most kids this a...	usedtobeanyer	10	884	Sep 3, 2011 by pinkchip
	Burnin out (long) (Preview) I have been working 4 part time jobs all Summer long, I slow down work wise this Fall just because that is how the work comes and goes where I live. And I know I will make it another couple weeks. I am still reading my daily reader's which keep my attitude good and at night I am reading a book written by my spons...	Breakingfree	7	551	Sep 3, 2011 by elizabethcontreras
	ESH please, regarding breakup? So confused (Preview) Hey wonderful people! I know none of you are mind readers, but any ESH would be appreciated!!! Long story short, I've had enough w/my beloved RA, he didn't seem to pay attention to his self care or to my basic needs, things which I told him had to change. I made extensive plans to get out and kick him out...	rara avis	12	621	Sep 3, 2011 by rara avis
	Detachment (Preview) Detachment doesn't mean denying compassion. Approaching life with detachment may seem cold at first. We are accustomed to offering lots of help to other people. Thus the first few times we back off from what has become our natural inclination - we feel uncomfortable. Through this program we are lea...	glad lee	6	683	Sep 3, 2011 by hotrod
	Questioning everything this morning. (Preview) I am in a quandary this morning As I have been keeping to myself and reading and trying to change my anxious and controlling behavior,(and codependence) my AH has upped the ante and been acting out even more than before. Is this a common pattern? His behavior is so disrespectful of me that I dont know...	oldgraduate	15	565	Sep 3, 2011 by youfoundme
	Open AA Meeting .. (Preview) Went to another wonderful open speaker AA meeting and I have to say this is on my rotation of meetings. They are just terrific! I really encourage anyone to go to a meeting to see the other side of the coin. It is like being at an alanon meeting and hearing your own story through someone else. Listenin...	Pushka	4	345	Sep 3, 2011 by hawaiilover
	Asking for help (Preview) Ok .. I have no idea why a little cell phone or any regular phone becomes the size of an elephant and just as heavy when I have to ask for help on anything. Doesn't matter what it is, something simple to something difficult the idea of rejection just sizzles me to the core and I become very afraid. I hit a ma...	Pushka	8	605	Sep 3, 2011 by hawaiilover
	hello - new here... need to share about crazy FOO (Preview) Hi there, I have been an al anon member for about 3 years, and am currently working the steps with my sponsor. For the next month I'm travelling for work, and my sponsor is sick with her own issues anyway, so I am very glad I found this message board! I just want to share something that happened to me last wee...	bonobo	9	546	Sep 3, 2011 by bonobo
	In need of support (experience, to give me strength and hope asap .. ? (Preview) I'm not in town at the moment and can't make it to my meetings .. I am in another state with my adolescent daughter visiting my alcoholic's family members and so far things have gone ok .. with all things considered .. in fact they've gone (up to this point) better than i'd expected .. only by the grace of hi...	MeTwo2	8	609	Sep 3, 2011 by MeTwo2
	interesting twist on grown daughter's perception (sorry it's long) (Preview) I had an interesting conversation with my grown daughter yesterday. Background, I have been having bouts of high Blood Pressure over the past few months. I know they are related to my stress with my spouse. I feel it go up if we fight and when I lose sleep due to issues we are having. I finally went to t...	oldgraduate	2	772	Sep 2, 2011 by Too hard
	This Message Board and Privacy (Preview) Hi Everyone, I just realised that I have been feeling some strange vibes from my AH recently, when I happen to be writing on this site/on the computer. He has read my journal before, and would not be opposed to finding and reading my posts - and, believe me, he could figure out which are mine. Is there an...	KLotus	6	661	Sep 2, 2011 by likemyheart
	Still Going... Were I Not Sure yet... (Preview) Welp.... Currently My Life has Started to breathe a New Way of Living, and it is Non Stop- Balls to the Wall- Wide Open... I Have so Much To be Thankful for, So Much to be Grateful for, and yet still have these desires to just Disappear sometimes and Hide from it all... My Sons Schedule went from 3 days a week...	Jozie	5	437	Sep 2, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Just an update (Preview) I rarely write about my qualifier on here since the relationship has been over for a while and also my whole AA side takes over when I respond to many posts here. But...I have been meaning to write that I got a text from my ex-A that stated he went to his first AA meeting because his life had gotten so unmana...	pinkchip	6	507	Sep 2, 2011 by Pushka
	My A (Preview) This morning I am having a really hard time again. I have always been able to speak with my MIL about any difficulties I have with my AH or myself. Lately, I don't feel I can. I guess that means I'm feeling alone. I'm doing as many al-anon related things as I can, and trying to practice. I just feel hope...	KLotus	4	403	Sep 2, 2011 by youfoundme
	Yesterday! (Preview) My husband and I went to Oxford, to help our 23 year old daughter move house, Oxford is the place where Harry Potter was filmed with all the fabulous buildings and history, it's a very beutiful university Town, or maybe even city, it has so much to offer, rivers with punts on, boat trips, and open top doub...	Katy	4	484	Sep 2, 2011 by youfoundme
	The Alcoholic Spouse, my Son and the Elephant in the Room (Preview) I saw a separate post entitled "Al-Anon Annoys Me" by jBunny. I agree with many of her findings regarding Al-Anon meetings (I've been to four). I am new, too, and am having a very difficult time sorting everything out. My son is married to a raging alcoholic, which has now been going on for t...	PrincessPeriwinkle	19	966	Sep 2, 2011 by PrincessPeriwinkle
	my own worst critic and attacker (Preview) I am so thankful for this board and each of you posting and sharing your thoughts, experience, strength and hope! I haven't been posting much or replying, but I have been reading quite a bit and finding so much insight and inspiration. Thank you!! And thank you so much for providing such a safe place to s...	Doozy	8	502	Sep 2, 2011 by oldgraduate
	How to reconcile staying versus giving up (Preview) After another weekend of being ignored by my AH, I am wondering if it's time to give it all up. I would almost rather be yelled at than ignored or disrespected. My AH ignores me, for example, he fails to tell me he isn't coming home for dinner on Saturday. When I call him at his parents, he is all sweet...	oldgraduate	8	450	Sep 2, 2011 by maresie
	Thank You for Being Here (Preview) Hello Everyone, I got home this evening from a AA/Al-Anon conference I have attended every year since I first sat in a recovery meeting on April 17, 2004. I love conferences, and this one is probably my favorite. It always has wonderful speakers, great Al-Anon meetings and has had anywhere from 700...	david62	6	446	Sep 2, 2011 by maresie
	Suicidal borther (Preview) Greetings MIP's, Got a call from my brother who isn't doing so well. He wants to end his life, I talked him out of it for today but he lives in another city - 7 hours away. We're both ACOA, he has been to rehab 2 times now and still drinking. He put his head through a window last night and I urged him to go to the em...	Talula	5	539	Sep 2, 2011 by Talula
	Brand new - need to vent (Preview) Hi everyone, I've never posted here before - and haven't even taken the time to read the FAQs, but I will do that in a minute. I just need to vent a bit first. My husband is off at his second-ever AA meeting at the moment - or so he told me. Except that his sponsor called our home number about twenty minutes aft...	Dufferin	5	597	Sep 2, 2011 by youfoundme
	I feel traumatized (Preview) Things are actually quite good these days. My wife has been sober many, many more days than not in the last couple of months. There have been some bumps in the road but she's in a much better place than she was a year ago. Her patience with our sometimes challenging kids has left me in awe at times, especia...	usedtobeanyer	13	837	Sep 2, 2011 by kenyon7
	very high anxiety levels (Preview) I have woken with very high anxiety levels I think that ocky strap (I found out are called bungy cords?? in America) has sprung back and hit me in the head. I think I have taken it back on. (previous post reference, I was visualising handing his pot drawer over to the universe but it was still attached to a...	Lindaoakford	5	554	Sep 1, 2011 by Too hard
	Update to Good News - And Question (Preview) Morning all, Good news - I got the job!! I start training today. Big promotion, more money, more responsibility. Good also because I won't have time during the day to obsess over whether my Afiance drinks or not. On that note, couldn't get through even ONE DAY of no drama. I came home from work last night...	NovSun	11	375	Sep 1, 2011 by NovSun
	denial/childhood (Preview) Hi everyone really needed to come on here and share. I went to a meeting last night. People shared about their childhoods. In my share I said my childhood was good (i do have lots of good memeories of childhood my dad had lots of time for me). I said that my co dependency came from my mother and grandmoth...	Tracy	4	452	Sep 1, 2011 by ilovedogs
	Our "One Day at a Time" Kitty (Preview) Here's our Littile Lucky, the abandoned kitty that I agreed to care for and then find a good home. There's NO way I'm giving him up now! When I first got him, I worried the entire day about what to do with him. Will our adult cat accept him? Do we really want another indoor cat? (No, but...) How will I fi...	GailMichelle	5	747	Sep 1, 2011 by tommyecat
	feeling better (Preview) Hi guys I am feeling better today. I gave in and looked in his drawer. I don't know why. I was feeling anxious and it took the anxiety away.. I got my hit??? anyhooooooo.. I didn't do anything with the information but I know I looked for the wrong reasons... We had a chat last night. He was my wonderful ca...	Lindaoakford	5	434	Sep 1, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	total enmeshment (Preview) I grew up in a family where the boundaries were all amiss. My elder sister was relegated to the parent role (I should say bully really because that's what she became). My parents could barely hold it all together on the most basic level of providing shelter, food and sustenance and there was no emotio...	maresie	4	706	Aug 31, 2011 by Doozy
	Thank You Jerry F for that wonderful and helpful share (Preview) i just came in from a 12 step meeting here in my town i go to ,we r on the 2nd step ,ive found it hard to leave it in gods hands ,but im learning little by little to leave it with him and its actually worked everytime,lol i just want to keep takeing it all back ,but not everytime im learning to leave it with him an...	chinup	2	325	Aug 31, 2011 by Doozy
	Why do I feel like I need permission to get off the merry go round? (Preview) It's like I feel like I'm a little kid. Like I need permission to get off the dang merry go round that I started in motion to begin with. I have every right and every desire to get off but I still fall into my sick ways. Last night he came home from a dinner out with his boss and the President of his company. ...	ilovedogs	15	664	Aug 31, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Truth (Preview) Hi Everyone! I have a confession to make: I don't like drama. I enjoy pause, calm, reflection, and joy. I think sometimes my part in the drama has to do with my fear when I can sense things building in my atmosphere (e.g. if my AH is struggling). I might ask too many times "Are you ok? What's goin...	KLotus	9	582	Aug 31, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Stuck (Preview) I'm 27 years old and started dating a guy a year and a half ago who is an alcoholic. He has hurt me so much throughout the past year and I became so disgustingly ill and a codependent b/c of him. He has been sober for 5 months now and says he's a different person but I can't believe him. I truly think he doesn'...	CUrbs83	16	656	Aug 31, 2011 by pinkchip
	not in a good place today (Preview) Hi all I have posted on the ACOA board. I did so yesterday and had a bit of a vent about those childhood things. I think perhaps maybe, it has triggered something inside me and yesterday I had a massively big urge to check on my husbands pot drawer. I deliberately didn't. I stayed away from the drawer so...	Lindaoakford	9	492	Aug 31, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Where do I begin? (Preview) When I met my boyfriend, 2 years ago, I knew he drank. He was 42 and I was 38. We got to gether in a relationship and his drinking calmed down considerably. He used to be drunk EVERY night. now it is maybe 3 times a week (still too much). I have told him that he has done much better. If I get on to him about ho...	bjkansas	5	575	Aug 31, 2011 by Ruby
	Prayers Please!!! (Preview) Prayers please!!!!!!!!!!!! A very dear friend of mine has been fighting cancer for over a year and found out this week that the cancer has metastasized to the bone and a bone marrow transplant isn't an option. The doctors are giving her a few weeks to a couple of months. Please pray for her and her husb...	Mandy123	9	421	Aug 31, 2011 by pineapple
	Not funny, but funny (Preview) I was told something yesterday that I know was told to someone here too. Last night my RA was again being loving, pleasant..and patronizing. Keep in mind he's not going to program and lied to me earlier yesterday morning about ditching his sponsor and why. He said, " I love you.....I don't want...	rara avis	6	700	Aug 31, 2011 by pineapple
	Is the noncompliance part of the disease ? (Preview) This started as a response to another about taking the bait, but I figured out I really have a question. Is it part of the disease for my AH to keep me out of the loop on things regarding the family, then refuse to honor my wishes on them. I feel so left out of things that I should know about in our marriage...	oldgraduate	9	546	Aug 31, 2011 by Jerry F
	People Pleasin Prison (Preview) Working in a toxic enviornment. I know I can't change the people and their gossip and lies etc. I can't change the fact that they don't love me....etc. It bothers me what they think and say about me and how their lies may or may not influence the manager etc. I need to change myself and be consumed wit...	holenheart	5	526	Aug 31, 2011 by xeno59
	I just seem to be getting it more and more! (Preview) As I keep coming back, listening and learning I think it is called peeling away the layers of the onion skin, the answers are always here LURKING, living with an addict really is soul destroying and something I read here this week has really helped me to acknowledge that pain of living in that dreadful...	Katy	2	327	Aug 31, 2011 by ilovedogs
	Annoyed by al-anon (Preview) What's the point of Al-Anon? I don't get it at all. The whole program seems like a cult trying to sell books. I don't understand why people in Al-Anon don't give "advice" to others. How helpful is that? Al-Anon is not about helping the alcoholic to stop drinking. It seems to me that it...	jbunny	19	5272	Aug 31, 2011 by Jennifer
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.