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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Resolution of anger at self
Post Info TOPIC: Resolution of anger at self
Jennifer


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Resolution of anger at self
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I am happy to say I am no longer attached to an IV bag and am on the upswing part of my treatment cycle. It is very nice to feel that my thoughts and actions are more me than influenced by steroids. It is a creepy feeling almost like having another person living inside your mind and has once again given me a bit more empathy and forgiveness for my exAH's actions while under the influence of mind altering substances.

I was angry at my exAH's decision to Google my disease 5 years after diagnosis and then expect me to comfort him about his sadness. I am still a bit angry and realizing why ... a few years ago I would have dropped everything to comfort him and help him deal with these emotions. Today I am actually just shocked at his assumption that I should do this while in process of doing a treatment that is difficult but part of taking care of myself. I am angry at his lack of common courtesy and even more so STILL angry at myself for allowing my perspective to have once been so focused on his needs rather than my own. I keep thinking that I need to absolve this anger and that my transformation will not be complete until I do but another thought has recently crept in. Maybe my anger at myself is my strength ... if I hold this little bit of anger when confronted with situations that made me act in ways I do not care for I can bring that anger up as a shield to keep from reverting to past behavior. Instead of fighting so hard to hand it over and let go perhaps just accepting this as a part of me and placing value on its benefits is good enough for now. It could just be that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now

Jen



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Pushka


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Hugs Jen,

So glad you are on the mend!!!! Steriods are not pretty, I can see why that would make you a bit frustrated!!

At least you know what you are doing and what is and is not working for you . attagirl!! It's ironic when we focus outside of ourselves instead of staying where we need to be, which is on us, especially during times we should be being gentle and easy on ourselves.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
tommyecat


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Jen,

I am thrilled to hear you are no longer attached to an IV.  Congrats on finishing the treatment.  I do so hope we will be seeing you around more. 

Best,

Tommye



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Doozy


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Hi Jen,
I think your post really shows a lot of strength and insight. Anger is not always a bad thing, that's for sure. I guess it just depends what we do with it. Glad you are on the upswing!
~ Doozy

p.s. your dog is so darn cute!

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Debilyn


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So how are you doing kiddo? Please update how you are feeling! hugs,debilyn who has you in her thoughts and prayers

 



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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