The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Approaching life with detachment may seem cold at first. We are accustomed to offering lots of help to other people. Thus the first few times we back off from what has become our natural inclination - we feel uncomfortable.
Through this program we are learning so much about ourselves. For example, we never knew that we attained much of our worth from how we took care of others. Detachment doesn't mean we stop loving them. We are discovering that letting them be wholly in charge of themselves is really far more loving. And it doesn't mean we can't have deep feelings of care and concern. We simply need to stop doing for others what they need to do for themselves.
I will evaluate my need for taking care of others today. Letting others take care of themselves is far more loving.
by Karen Casey
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Glad Lee, thanks for posting this! That is just an awesome passage :) Learning to detach is hard, detaching with love is even harder, but then some how it all works out... And I can do it in all my affairs :) Little by little...
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I now realise that a lot of the problems in my life were due to the fact that I find it hard to mind my own business. For some reason I thought that if you love someone that you had to fix their life , give them advise. I have learnt the hard way nd I am still learning life is so much easier if I focus on my life, my responsibilities and leave other adults to work on their own stuff.
Thanks for sharing this. I struggled with detachment for a long time before I finally ¨got it¨. And I still occasionally forget it. I've copied this and put it in my personal notebook for those times when I need a reminder.
I had to post that as my Facebook status. A great friend of mine and I ended a 30 something relationship because she told me I was too controlling and she could not live up to my expectations....funny thing is she isn't even an A. The years of being the child of an alcoholic and having an AH have taught me nothing up until this point when our friendship reached rock bottom. Talk about a recovery moment cause my HP showed me I needed to pull out my Big Blue Book and rework those steps and finally make some moves at a sponser. So by me evaluating this need to take care of others I must really ask is it for me or them? And the funny thing is everything I did for her was about me looking like I was the best friend ever when in reality I was not. I am not sure if we will ever repair the damage done but I can sure tell you I am not making the mistake with my other friends.
Detaching can be loving if I can remember to let others make choices and if I can respect those choices and not let them affect my life. Sounds so simple doesn't it?
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Are my expectations controlling my life and it is me letting me down.
Detachment was so very foreign tot me when I first arrived in alanon. I felt if I loved someone I needed to do everything for them and accept unacceptable behavior as acceptable. Detachment thought me what "Love" truly is and how to express it. I now can have compassion, empathy, understanding for someone without having to "Fix"It I can be there and walk with them and not take on the pain
Detach with Love what a gift. Appreciate the reminder
