The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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my husband has been sober for 10 years and i have just discovered that he is acting out sexually he blames me for being distant and removed since the birth of my grandchildren can my behavior lead to his acting out
Regardless of what he is saying is his cause it is his choice and he is responsible for his choices. Don't take it. Let it drop to the floor with the other stuff that needs to be swept out or vacuumed up. ((((hugs))))
The man's got to find a better value system and make up a better list of choices. hmmm
In a word: NO. We cannot MAKE another person act in any particular way. Although he would like to place the blame anywhere other than where it belongs, the responsibility for his own bad choices rests with him.
Even if your behavior bothered him (which is a big "if" ... it may have only been in retrospect that he considered your behavior at all, and he only considered it then for purposes of deflecting the attention from the real problem - his behavior), he had the choice to talk to you honestly about what he was feeling instead of acting out.
You are not responsible for anyone else's choices, good or bad.
thank you when i told him to talk about it at his aa meetings he said that is not my issue to tell him what to do a his meeting i feel i am back to 10 years ago hen he became sober
Actually he is right about what he should do about it. It is a part of what we learn in recovery. Learning to "let go and Let God" is for me learning how to let go absolutely and not even comment on her recovery and how she should handle it. It is his business and you have your own to mind. ((((hugs))))
Sounds like ego running rampant to me. There is no way infidelity can be excused as anybody elses "fault." Him feeling you were distant may have been a contributing factor, but not a cause and not an excuse. Anyone with a decent AA program would acknowledge their own acting out, own it, make amends and not excuses. Nobody in AA is a saint and we do make mistakes, but certainly this would not be how I was taught to deal with others when I do hurt people. "Step 10: Continued to take personal Inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."
