The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have not been myself lately my A is out there after 9 months sober he has been going down fast for about 2 months ( it was the anniversary yesterday of him going into rehab I was very sad. I am not watching detaching from it unless he goes back to AA. My mother turns up yesterday she was very stressed. She stared questioning me about al anon she said my 18 year old son was worried (he found some of my step work i think). she kept saying is it all about god is it a cult. I explained about the spiritual side and she seems o.k. We then got into a coversation how her grandparents were alcoholics, her father, her brother and many of my cousins. I tried to explain it was a family disease and that my nan had been controlling, a fixer, over responsible because she was affected. I explained that no one was to blame but she had passed all theses traits on to me thats why I chose an alcoholic and that al anon was helping me to stop the cyc;le so that my children who have already been affected and the next generation will hopefuly no suffer as much. I said it begins with me I go to al anon for me and my kids not the drinker. I seen her have a few a ha moments but was trying not to rip of her balnket of denial I have learnt all this over 4 years and it has been a painful journey at times. She said it was the past and that not everyone was like me she said she just looks after number one and wants me to do that too. I explain al anon was trying to help me to do this. She said what I take from you is you would like me to read that book but she did not ask for it so I left it there. I hate the fact that I am on this journey and my family do not understand, they all think I am nuts. I wish they could get into recovery especially my mum and kids. I have to just hand them over and keep working on me. Thanks for letting me share tracy xxxxx
My best friend in the whole world someone I've literally known since K, (someone I consider family) and ironically was married to a very very active A. Had an extremely strong reaction to me going to alanon. I was actually very shocked and even hurt that she wasn't supportive, even just a little. Now I can see that some of her reactions had everything to do with fear and my expectations of what I wanted and needed from her. She wasn't in a place to give me the kind of support I needed from her at that time. Fast forward many weeks later, I have never discussed alanon with her outside of the fact that I've gone through some things and we've been talking more, her comment to me was "Alanon really seems to be working for you." It turns out that she had been to an alanon meeting where in her mind this is somewhere people go to stay with their spouses who continue to be addicts. Let's sit around the table feeling sorry for ourselves and not do anything about it. Since she wasn't staying she didn't need it. I didn't argue the point, it really doesn't matter, she's still my friend and I know we care about and love each other very much. She struggles I think from time to time about it in regards to how I choose to do something, however now she is understanding that it's not what she thought originally. I wish I could share more of my journey in alanon and have discovered I don't have to, she sees or hears it in my voice in my actions to situations around me. That's one more gift of alanon, is others see the miracle of healing happening in me, and maybe someday someone else in my family of origin or someone I consider family will eventually reach out to me and say "Ok I'm ready". All I can do is give that all over to their HP and allow Him/Her to work their miracle in my loved one's lives. I get to heal no matter what.
Thank you for your share Tracy, you gave me so much to think about on this beautiful day. :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It's a program of attraction rather than promotion. Also, it's good to remember that you need to live your program because you may be the closest thing to recovery that some people will ever see.
I can relate to your share. I have had similar converstations in the past. I no longer engage in them, however, because I realized that it's best to live by example. No explanation necessary.
Hey, if this is "nuts" then I'm okay with that. :)
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
