The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I read that great page in ODAAT for Sept. 6th. I gained a new perspective from that. I was able to hold onto it all day. Spoke with my sponsor and another Alanon friend through texts and messages. I am glad I read that page because I may not have had such an easy time last night....
My A drank yesterday, but I barely even thought about it. I was able to keep on me and do my stuff. He drank before work and at work. I only know this because he came home from work early and he told me. This admission only happened after these things occured: He texted me saying he was coming home. I said OK. I knew then, but didn't question him about it. I kept doing my own thing, taking care of the kids and reading my book. When he arrived home I just said hello and smiled. I could tell by his body language that he had drank, but I still just left it with him. He sat next to me and I kept reading. I didn't react. I remained calm. A strange calm sensation flooded me. I knew HP was taking care of things.
My A then turned to me and said "I am sorry, I drank, I asked to leave work early, told them I was sick. I drank and I feel so awful about it. I am so sorry" I just said "Oh ok" and then smiled. I got up and took care of tucking my son into bed and getting me ready for bed. In the meantime my A was throwing up and feeling pretty terrible. I went into see him and patted him on the back, but left it with him. He came out and again said "I am so sorry, I feel awful, I don't know why I did this again"... I said "I am sorry you did this to yourself. I love you though" and then he said he was going to bed. My sponsor texted me and said "you see, he punishes him self so well, and you stayed out of it, good for you."
I was so calm though and the most amazing thing was, through it all my sponsor and my friend from alanon kept texting me so I didn't feel alone, I felt the power of my HP holding me up through the texts and it got me through the evening without a hitch. That page yesterday really really helped me too.
This morning my A woke up with me. He said again "I am so sorry, I feel terrible. I wish I didn't do that last night. I want to stop, I don't want to feel like this anymore. I hate feeling like this."
I know this doesn't mean anything, but I was told by my sponsor, that who knows, that may have been just one more incident that shows him to the doors of AA/NA. I am not sure what will come of this, but I wanted to share with you all that I felt so much warmth and love from my sponsor and alanon friend. From my HP who guided me into a calm serenity. This program works, helping each other works, staying in touch by phone works... prayer works. Reacting doesn't work. So I didn't react, I remained calm and I stayed with my serenity. one day at a time.... Thank you all :)
Added: A couple photos for fun, my gray kitten lays like a frog, my flowers rescued from Hurricane Irene, and my tiger cat who likes to lay in the sink... :)
-- Edited by youfoundme on Wednesday 7th of September 2011 10:50:37 AM
That's wonderful, I love what your sponsor said about punishing himself, and I love that you kept in touch with your sponsor through the hard part and made it through so well. And who knows, maybe this will be one of the bricks that goes into building the wall that will make your A decide to start recovery. But it sounds like your recovery is getting really strong.
I sure hope others who haven't begun to work the program read this and become inspired to attend meetings.
When they drink, they punish themselves; we don't have to join them. In fact, imagine what a nightmare it would have been if you would have lectured him last night. As you well know, it doesn't work.
Your gary cat is a crack up. I've had many cats in my life and never have seen a cat in that position. funny! The flowers are gorgeous. Did you grow them? also, the "sink" cat is very pretty. I've never had a cat sleep in the sink.
Right now, our new kitty thinks I'm a cat post. He often runs up my legs, scratching the heck out of me. It hurts! I hope this is just a phase!
Thanks for sharing your program in action. Woo-Hoo. You are doing so well! take care
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Aloha YFM...I recognize his words...they sound like "bottom" words and he's groveling around on his bottom and I pray for him that his pain will drive him toward another recovering alcoholic who will start saying to him, "I understand, that is what happened to me too..." and then your alcoholic's life may start to change into something he won't surrender at anytime to a bottle or can of booze. Have hope I've seen it happen and have experienced it myself. It can and does happen.
Sounds like you are in the palms of your Higher Power who knows your mind and your heart and your will and your alcoholics pain. Keep working it...use that compassion tool with the detachment tool every chance you got. In support (((((hugs)))))
I thank you for sharing your story on this board. I have witnessed such a tremendous change in you over the last several months. You are a perfect example of "it works if you work it" I am so glad you kept your side of the street clean, thereby handing his disease back to him with loving kindness.
Do you know what is hilarious, I have a cat that sleeps just like that stretched out on the floor on their belly. Her name is Silly Sally and she sure is silly. It always brings a smile to my face.
WOW!! Look at you YFM!! What a great share!! It feels so much better to leave their disease with the A and just continue on with the day. Your sponsor is right it's soooo easy to see how much they punish themselves.
What cute pics I have a white cat who lays out like that!!! No sink sleepers .. LOL.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
The ex A said "sorry" plenty I don't think he ever meant any of it. The times he said "sorry" more was when he crashed the truck which was often. He'd apologise profusely then.
I don't think I ever got over being shocked by his behavior and actions. He was incredibly self destructive. He destroyed it all, his health, his home, his belongings (I believe he lost his storage unit), his jobs, his clothes, his cars...whatever he had he absolutely decimated it.
Here's hoping that your A finds sobriety. For some people the bottom is very low.
