Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Shark34 · Shark34

My wife has just joined AA - my fear is a bit selfish however - I am afraid that as she makes all these changes, will she push for a divorce. I never drink - ever.

ELEKTRAWMN · ELEKTRAWMN

Would like some experiences please! For those of you that decided to stay with your A while recovering.... what did your family think? Did you receive negative thoughts or input about your decision? How did you handle it when you knew that the decision should be ONLY yours? As my ABF is approa...

oldergal · oldergal

As I have been reading this great site for a while, its seems to me the majority of the time its the "AHusband" Do we know why husbands are the biggest abusers of alcohol? Not trying to bash men, just sincerely like to know if anyone has any insight on this.... Oldergal "When the pain...

Patk · Patk

Hi, I will see my father next month, whom I have not seen in three years, and was thinking of trying to confront him on some of the lies he told, the emotional and psychological harm I experienced and still feel to this day....He is 79, not in great health (mentally or physically) so I am not sure if he will...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone! My sponsor encouraged me to get the book "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage" as it is part of Al-Anon conference approved literature, and may be very applicable for me. Has anyone read it? If so, would you mind please sharing your thoughts? I ordered the book. It must ha...

Kathyslost · Kathyslost

My Husband loves to taunt me and make promises and over and over again, I want to believe him. I want that my control, what is wrong with me. I love him and he just keeps on drinking and more and more and throwing it in my face. I have thrown his beer away, I have thrown him out of the house....he promises an...

Hoping for Happiness · Hoping for Happiness

I left my AH for the summer because I needed some time away from him to decide if I wanted to continue our marriage. I have found great help with the f2f meetings and have decided to return home for one last shot at our marriage. He is telling me that he has been sober and attending meetings. Since I am 2 ho...

Violynn · Violynn

Hello everyone, I have used Al-Anon for my own family of origin issues before and always enjoyed the meetings. I have a specific question about a non-family member. One of my closest friends is married to a severe, active A. We live in the same town, our children are best friends and go to school toget...

Jozie · Jozie

In the Beginning of my Program I Often "ALOT" of times ask... What Good will this program do 4 me My 'A' just Died? What Kinda Place Tells you that its ALL About YOU? How can it be All About Me, when it was the Alcoholic or the Addict that Brought me to the Rooms? Sounds Kinda Selfish & Arroaga...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I feel so loved!!!!!! Well...today I finally got on the computer after the weekend! I was concerned that I wouldn't get too many messages on Facebook on Saturday---my birthday but boy did I ever! It made me feel so good even if I read them 2 days later!I felt so insecure even though I know that no one reall...

youfoundme · youfoundme

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers about my cat Dusty. We did not find him yet. I am however using my new tools and not settling on doom and gloom about it. So I will continue to think positive thoughts and hope he comes back. I hope his asthma didn't take him. I am working on my recovery, takin...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Not asking for any specific reasons necessarily, but curious how others perceive infidelity on the part of their diseased partner? Is this part of the disease and therefore "explainable", or is this unacceptable regardless of how much the illness is in control? I'm learning that lying...

michellelong · michellelong

As I am new here and just getting my feet wet in getting my ownself on the track to recovery I am not comfortable replying to a post for fear of saying the wrong thing. From my own experience I know the feeing of, "am I overreacting" "he's not drinking that much but it is almost everyday&qu...

clep · clep

My A came home for an hour break from his new job due to rain. I haven't been very enthusiastic lately in regards to him. I asked him three months ago about the birth control situation and let him know I am hoping he will take care of it permanently. He agreed and said he would make the call. He said he wou...

Otie · Otie

Hi everyone. Today I read a thread by a person in a delimma about how to protect the family money with an out of control spouse. I got to thinking, I specifically remember that Debilyn has posted some specific safety measures from time to time---and I am sure others have, but there is nothing in one cen...

maresie · maresie

5 years after leaving the ex A I am still climbing out the pit his alcoholism and drug addiction left behind. The bankruptcy, emotional, physical and financial. The exhaustion, the fear, resentment, sense of overwhelming despair. Letting the ex A go was just one small part of it. Rebuilding a li...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone, just wanted to share my good news. I lost my home 7 years ago due to my first husbands gabling. I have been paying lots of rent since then. I heard about a scheme rent to but and they where building new properties in my area. I have been sucessful and have been today to chosse the plot, kitc...

MARCY3 · MARCY3

I'm not sure if I am in the right place or if I am over reacting. I am hoping someone here can give me so guidance. I have been married 1 year and now that I am living with my husband I see his drinking. The frig is always stocked with beer and he drinks roughly 4 beers 5 out of 7 days a week. There are days where he d...

Thlayli · Thlayli

Over the past few months there have been a few nights that my husband has gone out drinking, gone overboard and started gambling. The first time he did this was also the first time he'd just gone out drinking and refused to come home (he typically doesn't go out drinking at all much less not come home). ...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Hello MIP~Haven't posted in ages, due to personal reasons, but miss you all terribly, read your posts when I can, and keep all of you in my prayers. Just finished Round #2 of some major health issues, and as horrible as I feel right now physically....mentally it could not have turned out any better. As y...

Norma · Norma

I love it when I go to face to face meetings I feel a sence of connection, I wonder can I experience the same online

faith2011 · faith2011

This is my first post, so I'll try to be brief. My husband has been in AA and NA for almost 20 years and has been sober for 13. I married him 6 years ago. I sat in the rooms of AA and NA for two years with him. I learned in these rooms that men should work with men and women with women. He even shared about how ofte...

youfoundme · youfoundme

I am learning to let go and Let God. Let it be.... Last night my A was at work. He drank at work. I knew it, but I had to tend to my own business so I got off the phone. When I picked him up, he was so drunk that he was tipping over etc. I got him home, he fell asleep on the couch. All this time, I was talking to my...

sally123 · sally123

I am new here, so I hope I am posting this in the correct place. I am going to be as brief as I can, to protect anonymity. I want to know if there are any safety guidelines for alanon groups. I suspect there might be a sexual predator coming to our meetings.

HAguirre · HAguirre

Okay so my mom is moving to arizona and she will not have a place to live so i told her she can live with me and my family bc we have a big house my husband didnt say anything about it and i just got a call from his dadsaying that my husband wants to live with him untill my mom moves out and has her own place. My mom ha...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Just need to say this aloud to someone and I can't find a live body who will understand around here. So I am speaking as I type. I admit I have no control over other people and their decisions and my life with this nervous reaction has become unmanagable. I know full well that a power greater than me can r...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I have been trying so hard to not react to my AHs ignoring me and condescending attitude. But at lunch, I went home and it all started. I put on a dish this morning to marinate for dinner. My AH informed me at lunch that he made plans to go have chips and tea with a friend this evening. Yes, its my TV night...

odalis · odalis

Please share. If you have remained with your active A, or remained with them while they were still drinking but you were in recovery (Alanon) could you please share your experiences. I am new to this whole thing. I have found such great support here and at f2f alanon meetings. I try to differentiate bet...

KM · KM

I have my up and down days. more up than down. Trying to give control over to HP but having difficulty with crap in my head and can't clear it out. I can have all day good then something happens with my AW to give me reason to make me think she is lying as she has in the past and been caught. she is in recovery righ...

Baba · Baba

Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for the long post. I am new here, new to the Al-Anon program. I have been to four F2F meetings and have been "lurking" here for the last week or so doing lots of reading. I have already had many questions answered, and gained so much insight and perspective f...

Doozy · Doozy

So, this came up in another discussion and I thought it warranted its own topic. I'm so curious about what others think about this idea and what your experience has been. Do you think there's value in couple's counseling or marriage counseling with an active alcoholic? How do you think that can/can't...

pineapple · pineapple

My ah continues to drink, is now on day nine of his latest binge. He's never gone this long before and it scares me. But I know there's nothing I can do about it. Last month we moved into separate rooms so at least I don't have to watch what he is doing to himself. I sometimes think he's trying to drink himsel...

Jozie · Jozie

What a Beautiful Day!!! I Hit My F2F Meeing last night and it was Awesome ;) It was About Choices... I have to say that Before Al-anon/ACOA my Choices in my Mind were Limited to the thoughts and Pleasures of others, I thought as long as Everyone around me was Happy then I too was Happy... Since al-anon I hav...

McHurting · McHurting

Hi all, this is my first post and I'm new to the alanon concept and guess I'm looking for something, anything. I grew up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional envirenment, neglected, abandoned and abused (in every way) at a very early age, sexually by a babysitter by the time I was 5 years old, my first memor...

MeTwo2 · MeTwo2

I went to a meeting this week on the topic of the 4th step and the word illusions was floating around the room. In regard to the fact that we never did have control over the alcoholics in our lives. Even when they did what we wanted, what we Really had was the illusion of control. For that matter, there were...

clep · clep

I am excited for my A who has a new job as of today. He was working seasonal work for a very nice man who happens to be scatterbrained and just can't get it together enough to work consistently. We used to need the flexibility the job supplied but we don't anymore. I did let him know in the past week or two th...

kay115 · kay115

I am feeling very alone and emotionally/physically exhausted. I have been married to my AH for less than a year. Before we married, I knew that he ocassionally took it a little too far when drinking with his friends, but it did not seem to be serious, just annoying. A little over a year ago we moved from th...

Christy · Christy

Your reaction to a situation determines whether it will be positive or negative. If youre determined to label a situation positive, no matter how it appears, the result MUST be positive. If you label something negative, that MUST be your experience. Its never too late to change a situation because y...

atheos · atheos

New AA members are sometimes advised to do 90 meetings in their first 90 days. I know this doesn't happen as much in Al-Anon because in a lot of areas there aren't enough Al-Anon meetings for that to be possible. I am fortunate to live near a few major cities -- I've made a list of meetings, and it would be po...

youfoundme · youfoundme

Me! Yes, me :) I got a real life good old fashioned sponsor! :) So onward and upward, one day at a time ... I feel so good now! She said yes and we are going to keep on doing what we are doing :) Thanks all!

Pushka · Pushka

I mentioned a couple weeks back we had some major drama (of her own doing) with this crazy neighbor teen, in regards to the kittens that were around. At first I felt bad about the situation now I really don't. We didn't do anything wrong, the poor mama kitty was never fed so she started coming here for fo...

ELEKTRAWMN · ELEKTRAWMN

I'm so completely angry with myself. Angry that I'm so addicted to my addict. I've been doing pretty well. Stepping back, looking at an entire situation, an entire conversation...constantly looking to see if it's in MY best interest. I've been stronger than I've ever been before. Until tonig...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

My AH's best friend and his wife came over tonight to visit. He told me that since I left my AH 4 months ago, his drinking has gotten much worse and that he had to tell my AH that he can no longer be around him while he continues to binge with his drinking. It was almost like hearing his friend tell me that the ca...

hawaiilover · hawaiilover

Hello family: I was at my home meeting last week and led the meeting. One member shared that she was thinking about me and what I shared the week before. And, she mentioned that she was discussing it with a friend and had a good laugh about it. Further, she even described me to her friend, how I look and all....

michellelong · michellelong

I know I am not supposed to let my AH's disease control me and maybe it is because I only saught help a few days ago and I am new to this chapter of my life but I can't help the overwhelming feelings I am having. My AH just told me that he was going to go visit his dad, who has not been in the best of health lately and...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am very concerned about my cat. I know she is around now but she eats very little & hides under a tarp. I feel so worried for my husband too. He is beside himself trying to keep her alive & well! I know that she must be traumatized or something because she loves my husband & has always responde...

atheos · atheos

I feel insecure and shy most of the time. Recently, I have been remembering incidents from my childhood (mostly things my dad said or did) that really, really hurt, and probably played a large role in me growing up to be this shy and insecure. Those memories hurt, and thinking about them is making me fee...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

A few days ago, I had submitted a new post (Private Counseling vs Al-Anon). Since the initial post is further down on page 1 and will soon go to page 2, I decided to create a new post to thank all the participants. Each post helped me to gain more clarity on this topic. And I think many people helped each o...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

I think dh is dealing with serious depression now. He hasn't had a drink in quite some time as he says he doesn't even want it. Nothing stirs him, nothing inspires him, he feels nothing. Here's what I typed up to a friend via email this AM:I hadn't been bugging dh about his therapy sessions nor had I bee...

lostbird3 · lostbird3

My boyfriend and I have been through many rough patches because of his alcoholism for 2 1/2 years... About 10 months ago I started attending Al-Anon and I've really been able to see how I've contributed to many of our arguments. About 5 months ago, I made the conscious decision to stop fighting back (i...

Della · Della

Hello, Not been here for a couple of months. For those who don't know, my fiancé of 5 years passed away in April from alcoholism. I recently read about a couple where the husband was an A and recovered but then his marriage didn't survive. This was because he changed when he gave himself to the higher bein...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

I spent some time with my mom today- she's 73 years young : ) She had this to say to me today: "I can't believe "your AH" has a drinking problem. He's a very bright and well educated man. He should know better." As if he had a choice! I felt the need to educate her a bit. I explained to he...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I find now that my AH isn't drinking and is going to counseling, and we are actually getting along better, I am actually bored. Bored with our marriage, bored with myself and my future and filling like I'm not getting my needs met. For a short period, he doted on me immensely. It made me think we had a cha...

odalis · odalis

Hey everyone. I just wanted to share with someone! I heard the words over and over again...we are powerless and our lives have become unmanageable. And I really tried to listen to them and thought I understood them. Well, I didn't realize just how manageable my life had actually become.....emotiona...

ELEKTRAWMN · ELEKTRAWMN

First I want to thank you all for your responses and messages of encouragement. I believe I've truely found the place to be. I have YET to make it to a f2f meeting. Schedule is not exactly working out the way I had hoped. I have been doing lots of reading and have a couple of more books ordered and on the w...

youfoundme · youfoundme

Its not really alanon related, but the more people praying, maybe he will make it home. He is a Maine Coon and he is 3 years old. he is an indoor cat and he has asthma so the terrible weather we are having here with the heat and humidity is making me scared for him. He escaped out the window last night, the...

ELEKTRAWMN · ELEKTRAWMN

I hope it's okay that I post a bit of a story for y'all. Not sure if it's appropriate on this board, so if it's not I hope someone will speak up. So I'm not a very religious person. Never have been. I completely respect other people's faiths. I respect their HP, whether it be God, Jehovah, Buddah... heck...

NovSun · NovSun

Hi There, Newbie here... I have a question regarding private counseling for the alcoholic vs AA? My A does not believe in a HP at this point (although he was raised Lutheran). So he has often said that AA makes him feel uncomfortable. Last week I did see him reading the AA book, though. And Friday he mad...

HAguirre · HAguirre

I was just told by my husband that he didnt want me to help him with his recovery he wants to do it all by himself. Also that he doesnt care about how i am feeling or what is going on around him with our family all he wants is to be left alone. He said that when i talk about my feelings that he doesnt care and that is...

Samsgram · Samsgram

Why do I feel so enraged every time my daughter hangs up on me? I don`t feel a bit of serenity... I feel enraged.. I can`t have a civil conversation with her if its something she doesn`t want to hear, she hangs up on me! I`am so ripping angry.. I put up with this crap all to have grandaughter around and she is t...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Divorce - Afraid AA for my wife will lead to divorce - changes and all - AM I warped? (Preview) My wife has just joined AA - my fear is a bit selfish however - I am afraid that as she makes all these changes, will she push for a divorce. I never drink - ever.	Shark34	13	5065	Jul 29, 2011 by Shark34
	Question about family (Preview) Would like some experiences please! For those of you that decided to stay with your A while recovering.... what did your family think? Did you receive negative thoughts or input about your decision? How did you handle it when you knew that the decision should be ONLY yours? As my ABF is approa...	ELEKTRAWMN	9	559	Jul 29, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Just wondering why its usually the husband? (Preview) As I have been reading this great site for a while, its seems to me the majority of the time its the "AHusband" Do we know why husbands are the biggest abusers of alcohol? Not trying to bash men, just sincerely like to know if anyone has any insight on this.... Oldergal "When the pain...	oldergal	10	789	Jul 29, 2011 by All I can be
	have you ever received an apology and did it make any difference? (Preview) Hi, I will see my father next month, whom I have not seen in three years, and was thinking of trying to confront him on some of the lies he told, the emotional and psychological harm I experienced and still feel to this day....He is 79, not in great health (mentally or physically) so I am not sure if he will...	Patk	14	696	Jul 29, 2011 by Patk
	CAL Question (Preview) Hi Everyone! My sponsor encouraged me to get the book "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage" as it is part of Al-Anon conference approved literature, and may be very applicable for me. Has anyone read it? If so, would you mind please sharing your thoughts? I ordered the book. It must ha...	KLotus	6	828	Jul 28, 2011 by maryjane
	I know I am an Enabler, But I am so scared (Preview) My Husband loves to taunt me and make promises and over and over again, I want to believe him. I want that my control, what is wrong with me. I love him and he just keeps on drinking and more and more and throwing it in my face. I have thrown his beer away, I have thrown him out of the house....he promises an...	Kathyslost	9	899	Jul 28, 2011 by Kathyslost
	Do breathalizers do any good? Harm? (Preview) I left my AH for the summer because I needed some time away from him to decide if I wanted to continue our marriage. I have found great help with the f2f meetings and have decided to return home for one last shot at our marriage. He is telling me that he has been sober and attending meetings. Since I am 2 ho...	Hoping for Happiness	12	691	Jul 28, 2011 by danielle0516
	I have a very specific question (Preview) Hello everyone, I have used Al-Anon for my own family of origin issues before and always enjoyed the meetings. I have a specific question about a non-family member. One of my closest friends is married to a severe, active A. We live in the same town, our children are best friends and go to school toget...	Violynn	10	613	Jul 28, 2011 by Violynn
	Growing Slow, but Steady (Preview) In the Beginning of my Program I Often "ALOT" of times ask... What Good will this program do 4 me My 'A' just Died? What Kinda Place Tells you that its ALL About YOU? How can it be All About Me, when it was the Alcoholic or the Addict that Brought me to the Rooms? Sounds Kinda Selfish & Arroaga...	Jozie	5	681	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	WOW! I am loved! (Preview) I feel so loved!!!!!! Well...today I finally got on the computer after the weekend! I was concerned that I wouldn't get too many messages on Facebook on Saturday---my birthday but boy did I ever! It made me feel so good even if I read them 2 days later!I felt so insecure even though I know that no one reall...	Hoot Nanny	3	557	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	In recovery...and cat update (Preview) Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers about my cat Dusty. We did not find him yet. I am however using my new tools and not settling on doom and gloom about it. So I will continue to think positive thoughts and hope he comes back. I hope his asthma didn't take him. I am working on my recovery, takin...	youfoundme	5	494	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Infidelity (Preview) Not asking for any specific reasons necessarily, but curious how others perceive infidelity on the part of their diseased partner? Is this part of the disease and therefore "explainable", or is this unacceptable regardless of how much the illness is in control? I'm learning that lying...	usedtobeanyer	19	6280	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Overreacting to a situation (Preview) As I am new here and just getting my feet wet in getting my ownself on the track to recovery I am not comfortable replying to a post for fear of saying the wrong thing. From my own experience I know the feeing of, "am I overreacting" "he's not drinking that much but it is almost everyday&qu...	michellelong	10	571	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Lots of change (Preview) My A came home for an hour break from his new job due to rain. I haven't been very enthusiastic lately in regards to him. I asked him three months ago about the birth control situation and let him know I am hoping he will take care of it permanently. He agreed and said he would make the call. He said he wou...	clep	5	561	Jul 28, 2011 by Lyne
	How do you protect your money? (Preview) Hi everyone. Today I read a thread by a person in a delimma about how to protect the family money with an out of control spouse. I got to thinking, I specifically remember that Debilyn has posted some specific safety measures from time to time---and I am sure others have, but there is nothing in one cen...	Otie	8	600	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	climbing out the pit (Preview) 5 years after leaving the ex A I am still climbing out the pit his alcoholism and drug addiction left behind. The bankruptcy, emotional, physical and financial. The exhaustion, the fear, resentment, sense of overwhelming despair. Letting the ex A go was just one small part of it. Rebuilding a li...	maresie	7	729	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	GOOD NEWS (Preview) Hi everyone, just wanted to share my good news. I lost my home 7 years ago due to my first husbands gabling. I have been paying lots of rent since then. I heard about a scheme rent to but and they where building new properties in my area. I have been sucessful and have been today to chosse the plot, kitc...	Tracy	8	515	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	HELP (Preview) I'm not sure if I am in the right place or if I am over reacting. I am hoping someone here can give me so guidance. I have been married 1 year and now that I am living with my husband I see his drinking. The frig is always stocked with beer and he drinks roughly 4 beers 5 out of 7 days a week. There are days where he d...	MARCY3	11	1189	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	How do you handle money? (Preview) Over the past few months there have been a few nights that my husband has gone out drinking, gone overboard and started gambling. The first time he did this was also the first time he'd just gone out drinking and refused to come home (he typically doesn't go out drinking at all much less not come home). ...	Thlayli	7	775	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Letting Go...one day at a time (Preview) Hello MIP~Haven't posted in ages, due to personal reasons, but miss you all terribly, read your posts when I can, and keep all of you in my prayers. Just finished Round #2 of some major health issues, and as horrible as I feel right now physically....mentally it could not have turned out any better. As y...	shellyj123	7	775	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	sense of connection (Preview) I love it when I go to face to face meetings I feel a sence of connection, I wonder can I experience the same online	Norma	5	500	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	In AA rooms - men working with men and women with women (Preview) This is my first post, so I'll try to be brief. My husband has been in AA and NA for almost 20 years and has been sober for 13. I married him 6 years ago. I sat in the rooms of AA and NA for two years with him. I learned in these rooms that men should work with men and women with women. He even shared about how ofte...	faith2011	4	400	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Let it be (Preview) I am learning to let go and Let God. Let it be.... Last night my A was at work. He drank at work. I knew it, but I had to tend to my own business so I got off the phone. When I picked him up, he was so drunk that he was tipping over etc. I got him home, he fell asleep on the couch. All this time, I was talking to my...	youfoundme	10	765	Jul 28, 2011 by Crazy Frog
	Safety Guidelines in Alanon meeting (Preview) I am new here, so I hope I am posting this in the correct place. I am going to be as brief as I can, to protect anonymity. I want to know if there are any safety guidelines for alanon groups. I suspect there might be a sexual predator coming to our meetings.	sally123	3	1069	Jul 28, 2011 by xeno59
	now on road to divorce and scared and dont know what to do? (Preview) Okay so my mom is moving to arizona and she will not have a place to live so i told her she can live with me and my family bc we have a big house my husband didnt say anything about it and i just got a call from his dadsaying that my husband wants to live with him untill my mom moves out and has her own place. My mom ha...	HAguirre	7	547	Jul 28, 2011 by Crazy Frog
	Relapse in my affairs (Preview) Just need to say this aloud to someone and I can't find a live body who will understand around here. So I am speaking as I type. I admit I have no control over other people and their decisions and my life with this nervous reaction has become unmanagable. I know full well that a power greater than me can r...	Jennifer	8	602	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Anybody out there that can give me a little perspective here? (Preview) I have been trying so hard to not react to my AHs ignoring me and condescending attitude. But at lunch, I went home and it all started. I put on a dish this morning to marinate for dinner. My AH informed me at lunch that he made plans to go have chips and tea with a friend this evening. Yes, its my TV night...	oldgraduate	7	507	Jul 28, 2011 by oldgraduate
	Possible to achieve sanity when still living with the AH? (Preview) Please share. If you have remained with your active A, or remained with them while they were still drinking but you were in recovery (Alanon) could you please share your experiences. I am new to this whole thing. I have found such great support here and at f2f alanon meetings. I try to differentiate bet...	odalis	18	946	Jul 28, 2011 by 2nice4_2long
	Step 3 no sponsor yet (Preview) I have my up and down days. more up than down. Trying to give control over to HP but having difficulty with crap in my head and can't clear it out. I can have all day good then something happens with my AW to give me reason to make me think she is lying as she has in the past and been caught. she is in recovery righ...	KM	7	512	Jul 28, 2011 by tommyecat
	Help in applying the principles (Preview) Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for the long post. I am new here, new to the Al-Anon program. I have been to four F2F meetings and have been "lurking" here for the last week or so doing lots of reading. I have already had many questions answered, and gained so much insight and perspective f...	Baba	1	532	Jul 28, 2011 by Jerry F
	Couple's / Marriage Counseling ?? (Preview) So, this came up in another discussion and I thought it warranted its own topic. I'm so curious about what others think about this idea and what your experience has been. Do you think there's value in couple's counseling or marriage counseling with an active alcoholic? How do you think that can/can't...	Doozy	17	1157	Jul 27, 2011 by kay115
	Today (Preview) My ah continues to drink, is now on day nine of his latest binge. He's never gone this long before and it scares me. But I know there's nothing I can do about it. Last month we moved into separate rooms so at least I don't have to watch what he is doing to himself. I sometimes think he's trying to drink himsel...	pineapple	8	438	Jul 27, 2011 by hotrod
	Lifes Excitement... Thanks to My Program! (Preview) What a Beautiful Day!!! I Hit My F2F Meeing last night and it was Awesome ;) It was About Choices... I have to say that Before Al-anon/ACOA my Choices in my Mind were Limited to the thoughts and Pleasures of others, I thought as long as Everyone around me was Happy then I too was Happy... Since al-anon I hav...	Jozie	6	457	Jul 27, 2011 by hotrod
	Walking away (Preview) Hi all, this is my first post and I'm new to the alanon concept and guess I'm looking for something, anything. I grew up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional envirenment, neglected, abandoned and abused (in every way) at a very early age, sexually by a babysitter by the time I was 5 years old, my first memor...	McHurting	6	833	Jul 27, 2011 by tommyecat
	help .. ugh (Preview) I went to a meeting this week on the topic of the 4th step and the word illusions was floating around the room. In regard to the fact that we never did have control over the alcoholics in our lives. Even when they did what we wanted, what we Really had was the illusion of control. For that matter, there were...	MeTwo2	10	799	Jul 27, 2011 by Lyne
	My A got a new job. (Preview) I am excited for my A who has a new job as of today. He was working seasonal work for a very nice man who happens to be scatterbrained and just can't get it together enough to work consistently. We used to need the flexibility the job supplied but we don't anymore. I did let him know in the past week or two th...	clep	3	444	Jul 27, 2011 by youfoundme
	First Post (Preview) I am feeling very alone and emotionally/physically exhausted. I have been married to my AH for less than a year. Before we married, I knew that he ocassionally took it a little too far when drinking with his friends, but it did not seem to be serious, just annoying. A little over a year ago we moved from th...	kay115	13	530	Jul 27, 2011 by kay115
	Positive or Negative? (Preview) Your reaction to a situation determines whether it will be positive or negative. If youre determined to label a situation positive, no matter how it appears, the result MUST be positive. If you label something negative, that MUST be your experience. Its never too late to change a situation because y...	Christy	5	1014	Jul 27, 2011 by youfoundme
	Anyone do an Al-Anon 90-90? (Preview) New AA members are sometimes advised to do 90 meetings in their first 90 days. I know this doesn't happen as much in Al-Anon because in a lot of areas there aren't enough Al-Anon meetings for that to be possible. I am fortunate to live near a few major cities -- I've made a list of meetings, and it would be po...	atheos	8	1226	Jul 27, 2011 by clep
	Guess who got a sponsor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Preview) Me! Yes, me :) I got a real life good old fashioned sponsor! :) So onward and upward, one day at a time ... I feel so good now! She said yes and we are going to keep on doing what we are doing :) Thanks all!	youfoundme	6	443	Jul 27, 2011 by White Rabbit
	Karma AND working my program (Preview) I mentioned a couple weeks back we had some major drama (of her own doing) with this crazy neighbor teen, in regards to the kittens that were around. At first I felt bad about the situation now I really don't. We didn't do anything wrong, the poor mama kitty was never fed so she started coming here for fo...	Pushka	1	437	Jul 27, 2011 by youfoundme
	Tough night..... (Preview) I'm so completely angry with myself. Angry that I'm so addicted to my addict. I've been doing pretty well. Stepping back, looking at an entire situation, an entire conversation...constantly looking to see if it's in MY best interest. I've been stronger than I've ever been before. Until tonig...	ELEKTRAWMN	7	904	Jul 27, 2011 by youfoundme
	My AH is Deep in his Disease (Preview) My AH's best friend and his wife came over tonight to visit. He told me that since I left my AH 4 months ago, his drinking has gotten much worse and that he had to tell my AH that he can no longer be around him while he continues to binge with his drinking. It was almost like hearing his friend tell me that the ca...	Green Eyes	6	386	Jul 27, 2011 by Green Eyes
	One of my Alanon sister broke my anonimity (Preview) Hello family: I was at my home meeting last week and led the meeting. One member shared that she was thinking about me and what I shared the week before. And, she mentioned that she was discussing it with a friend and had a good laugh about it. Further, she even described me to her friend, how I look and all....	hawaiilover	8	854	Jul 27, 2011 by hawaiilover
	Having a tough day (Preview) I know I am not supposed to let my AH's disease control me and maybe it is because I only saught help a few days ago and I am new to this chapter of my life but I can't help the overwhelming feelings I am having. My AH just told me that he was going to go visit his dad, who has not been in the best of health lately and...	michellelong	6	444	Jul 26, 2011 by MeTwo2
	what happened w/ my cat? (Preview) I am very concerned about my cat. I know she is around now but she eats very little & hides under a tarp. I feel so worried for my husband too. He is beside himself trying to keep her alive & well! I know that she must be traumatized or something because she loves my husband & has always responde...	Hoot Nanny	5	557	Jul 26, 2011 by Debilyn
	Is there value in digging up the past? (Preview) I feel insecure and shy most of the time. Recently, I have been remembering incidents from my childhood (mostly things my dad said or did) that really, really hurt, and probably played a large role in me growing up to be this shy and insecure. Those memories hurt, and thinking about them is making me fee...	atheos	9	697	Jul 26, 2011 by Doozy
	Responding to All the Replies Recently Posted counseling vs al-anon (Preview) A few days ago, I had submitted a new post (Private Counseling vs Al-Anon). Since the initial post is further down on page 1 and will soon go to page 2, I decided to create a new post to thank all the participants. Each post helped me to gain more clarity on this topic. And I think many people helped each o...	GailMichelle	10	698	Jul 26, 2011 by flopadopilus
	My husband has hit rock bottom, I think (Preview) I think dh is dealing with serious depression now. He hasn't had a drink in quite some time as he says he doesn't even want it. Nothing stirs him, nothing inspires him, he feels nothing. Here's what I typed up to a friend via email this AM:I hadn't been bugging dh about his therapy sessions nor had I bee...	ilovedogs	6	2973	Jul 26, 2011 by pinkchip
	Loving relationship with an alcoholic (Preview) My boyfriend and I have been through many rough patches because of his alcoholism for 2 1/2 years... About 10 months ago I started attending Al-Anon and I've really been able to see how I've contributed to many of our arguments. About 5 months ago, I made the conscious decision to stop fighting back (i...	lostbird3	8	532	Jul 26, 2011 by lostbird3
	Relationship surviving when a alcoholic recovers (Preview) Hello, Not been here for a couple of months. For those who don't know, my fiancé of 5 years passed away in April from alcoholism. I recently read about a couple where the husband was an A and recovered but then his marriage didn't survive. This was because he changed when he gave himself to the higher bein...	Della	13	1801	Jul 26, 2011 by kay115
	Alcoholism Does Not Discriminate (Preview) I spent some time with my mom today- she's 73 years young : ) She had this to say to me today: "I can't believe "your AH" has a drinking problem. He's a very bright and well educated man. He should know better." As if he had a choice! I felt the need to educate her a bit. I explained to he...	Green Eyes	6	582	Jul 26, 2011 by canadianguy
	conflict versus nothingness (Preview) I find now that my AH isn't drinking and is going to counseling, and we are actually getting along better, I am actually bored. Bored with our marriage, bored with myself and my future and filling like I'm not getting my needs met. For a short period, he doted on me immensely. It made me think we had a cha...	oldgraduate	7	619	Jul 26, 2011 by oldgraduate
	Something good, something sad...my realization (Preview) Hey everyone. I just wanted to share with someone! I heard the words over and over again...we are powerless and our lives have become unmanageable. And I really tried to listen to them and thought I understood them. Well, I didn't realize just how manageable my life had actually become.....emotiona...	odalis	12	534	Jul 26, 2011 by xeno59
	Hi! Just a little update... (Preview) First I want to thank you all for your responses and messages of encouragement. I believe I've truely found the place to be. I have YET to make it to a f2f meeting. Schedule is not exactly working out the way I had hoped. I have been doing lots of reading and have a couple of more books ordered and on the w...	ELEKTRAWMN	6	633	Jul 26, 2011 by ELEKTRAWMN
	Pray for my cat (Preview) Its not really alanon related, but the more people praying, maybe he will make it home. He is a Maine Coon and he is 3 years old. he is an indoor cat and he has asthma so the terrible weather we are having here with the heat and humidity is making me scared for him. He escaped out the window last night, the...	youfoundme	19	767	Jul 26, 2011 by TheJeanGenie
	Maybe it's a sign..... (Preview) I hope it's okay that I post a bit of a story for y'all. Not sure if it's appropriate on this board, so if it's not I hope someone will speak up. So I'm not a very religious person. Never have been. I completely respect other people's faiths. I respect their HP, whether it be God, Jehovah, Buddah... heck...	ELEKTRAWMN	14	812	Jul 26, 2011 by Jozie
	Counseling vs AA? (Preview) Hi There, Newbie here... I have a question regarding private counseling for the alcoholic vs AA? My A does not believe in a HP at this point (although he was raised Lutheran). So he has often said that AA makes him feel uncomfortable. Last week I did see him reading the AA book, though. And Friday he mad...	NovSun	10	1501	Jul 26, 2011 by NovSun
	Dont know what to do now with marriage (Preview) I was just told by my husband that he didnt want me to help him with his recovery he wants to do it all by himself. Also that he doesnt care about how i am feeling or what is going on around him with our family all he wants is to be left alone. He said that when i talk about my feelings that he doesnt care and that is...	HAguirre	9	800	Jul 25, 2011 by maryjane
	The Bull I put up with... I must still be insane (Preview) Why do I feel so enraged every time my daughter hangs up on me? I don`t feel a bit of serenity... I feel enraged.. I can`t have a civil conversation with her if its something she doesn`t want to hear, she hangs up on me! I`am so ripping angry.. I put up with this crap all to have grandaughter around and she is t...	Samsgram	3	925	Jul 25, 2011 by Samsgram
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