Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

maresie · maresie

So much of my resentment towards the ex A was about my expectations of him. I had an expectation that he would turn around, be repsonsible, caring and an eual partner. He was never that. Of course he alluded to it. At times he would put on a great show of being that. Day in and day out he was never that. ...

michellelong · michellelong

Hi all, I am trying so flipping hard to think and act in a positive manner, maybe it's because I am a newbie and just can't get some of the self help awareness down or maybe it's just the way I am going to be for awhile but GOD knows I need help. My AH just sent a text that his poker game (a long ago habit that is pok...

soozin12 · soozin12

so my AH is not working right now, meaning no income on his part, and things are tight. we can make it on my salary but I hate having to hand out money to him-feels like he is a child and it irks me, but i have no choice as i certainly cant give him free rein to our bank account or no bills get paid. Anyway I give him...

Tracy · Tracy

The topic at my meeting this morning was waiting. Everyone had a different perspective on this topic however we all identified with waiting for the drinker to get sober, better on a programme, to work it to change their behavior. However today I realise that life is short I am focusing hard on my recov...

Pushka · Pushka

Well, another court date came and this time the lawyer screwed up because AH was suppose to be in court so take a wild guess what I will be doing Monday in the AM. Truthfully, to hear exactly what will be said makes it all worth while. I need to know $$, how much will this cost exactly. I don't know I might be...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

As of today my AH has now lost: 1. His health 2. His home 3. His self-owned business 4. His childhood best friend 5. His children 6. Me What else is it going to take for him to finally hit the bottom? I keep asking this question when I pray to my HP. My HP's plan for my AH is a mystery to me. -- Edited by Green Eyes...

Bettina · Bettina

You hear that phrase a lot , "Unconditional Love". My daughter and I were having a discussion about it. I told her you need to be a parent to really feel it. What does it mean to you and how does it fit in with your Alanon program???? Luv, Bettina

oldergal · oldergal

People have mentioned a SCRAM bracelet on here a couple of times, what is it? Oldergal

sameoldstuff · sameoldstuff

WELL, HERE IAM AGAIN VENTING. MY AH AND I ARE GETTING A DIVORCE HE JUST GOT OUT OF HIS 3RD INPATIENT REHAB IN ABOUT 9 MONTHS, BUT THIS ONE ONLY FOR 2 WKS, OF COURSE I PICKED HIM UP LET HIM COME HOME (JUSTIFIYING IT BECAUSE HE STAYS IN ANOTHER PART OF HOUSE AND ALSO THINKING I BETTER DO WHAT HE WANTS OR HE WILL GET...

2nice4_2long · 2nice4_2long

I'm not good at identifying my feelings. Please help me put a name to the mixture of emotions I am feeling right now. My husband has lost his job. We knew it was coming. We have enough money. There are benefits available to cover tuition for people who choose a vibrant employable field. My husband w...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

As I was sitting here, minding my own business, my mom once again interrupted my post. I could barely type or think about what I wanted to say! Now she wants to get on here & I am sorely against it--how can I share on here with my mom on here as well. My privacy is already invaded when she comes over & a...

surfingmaestro · surfingmaestro

When I am calm I am so able to work a solid program but when the attack comes from my A wife in recovery I am at a loss to hang on to what program says to do. Here's what happened: My wife was getting ready to leave for her AA meeting and she said she needed to talk to me about our plans for the next day. I closed my...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Hi to All, I want to share an incident that I had yesterday with my ex-AH (who now lives with me). While this incident might appear relatively insignificant when compared to the challenges others have as a result of living with an active or recovering alcoholic, it does show me that attending meetin...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone, I need to write and release: Today my husband and I attended the last IOP family treatment day. This is his last week in IOP. I am so confused. I don't know which way is up or down. I am trying to focus on me, my program, and let him do his own work. Not a problem. When it comes to "aski...

Bettina · Bettina

Scientist at the Planck Inst. in Germany did a study on 18 month old babies. Researchers tested several different scenarios, In all the scenarios, the researchers needed help. For example, they couldnt reach an item on the floor. During the experiments, the babies inadvertently rushed to help peo...

Shark34 · Shark34

My wife has just joined AA - my fear is a bit selfish however - I am afraid that as she makes all these changes, will she push for a divorce. I never drink - ever.

ELEKTRAWMN · ELEKTRAWMN

Would like some experiences please! For those of you that decided to stay with your A while recovering.... what did your family think? Did you receive negative thoughts or input about your decision? How did you handle it when you knew that the decision should be ONLY yours? As my ABF is approa...

oldergal · oldergal

As I have been reading this great site for a while, its seems to me the majority of the time its the "AHusband" Do we know why husbands are the biggest abusers of alcohol? Not trying to bash men, just sincerely like to know if anyone has any insight on this.... Oldergal "When the pain...

Patk · Patk

Hi, I will see my father next month, whom I have not seen in three years, and was thinking of trying to confront him on some of the lies he told, the emotional and psychological harm I experienced and still feel to this day....He is 79, not in great health (mentally or physically) so I am not sure if he will...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone! My sponsor encouraged me to get the book "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage" as it is part of Al-Anon conference approved literature, and may be very applicable for me. Has anyone read it? If so, would you mind please sharing your thoughts? I ordered the book. It must ha...

Kathyslost · Kathyslost

My Husband loves to taunt me and make promises and over and over again, I want to believe him. I want that my control, what is wrong with me. I love him and he just keeps on drinking and more and more and throwing it in my face. I have thrown his beer away, I have thrown him out of the house....he promises an...

Hoping for Happiness · Hoping for Happiness

I left my AH for the summer because I needed some time away from him to decide if I wanted to continue our marriage. I have found great help with the f2f meetings and have decided to return home for one last shot at our marriage. He is telling me that he has been sober and attending meetings. Since I am 2 ho...

Violynn · Violynn

Hello everyone, I have used Al-Anon for my own family of origin issues before and always enjoyed the meetings. I have a specific question about a non-family member. One of my closest friends is married to a severe, active A. We live in the same town, our children are best friends and go to school toget...

Jozie · Jozie

In the Beginning of my Program I Often "ALOT" of times ask... What Good will this program do 4 me My 'A' just Died? What Kinda Place Tells you that its ALL About YOU? How can it be All About Me, when it was the Alcoholic or the Addict that Brought me to the Rooms? Sounds Kinda Selfish & Arroaga...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I feel so loved!!!!!! Well...today I finally got on the computer after the weekend! I was concerned that I wouldn't get too many messages on Facebook on Saturday---my birthday but boy did I ever! It made me feel so good even if I read them 2 days later!I felt so insecure even though I know that no one reall...

youfoundme · youfoundme

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers about my cat Dusty. We did not find him yet. I am however using my new tools and not settling on doom and gloom about it. So I will continue to think positive thoughts and hope he comes back. I hope his asthma didn't take him. I am working on my recovery, takin...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Not asking for any specific reasons necessarily, but curious how others perceive infidelity on the part of their diseased partner? Is this part of the disease and therefore "explainable", or is this unacceptable regardless of how much the illness is in control? I'm learning that lying...

michellelong · michellelong

As I am new here and just getting my feet wet in getting my ownself on the track to recovery I am not comfortable replying to a post for fear of saying the wrong thing. From my own experience I know the feeing of, "am I overreacting" "he's not drinking that much but it is almost everyday&qu...

clep · clep

My A came home for an hour break from his new job due to rain. I haven't been very enthusiastic lately in regards to him. I asked him three months ago about the birth control situation and let him know I am hoping he will take care of it permanently. He agreed and said he would make the call. He said he wou...

Otie · Otie

Hi everyone. Today I read a thread by a person in a delimma about how to protect the family money with an out of control spouse. I got to thinking, I specifically remember that Debilyn has posted some specific safety measures from time to time---and I am sure others have, but there is nothing in one cen...

maresie · maresie

5 years after leaving the ex A I am still climbing out the pit his alcoholism and drug addiction left behind. The bankruptcy, emotional, physical and financial. The exhaustion, the fear, resentment, sense of overwhelming despair. Letting the ex A go was just one small part of it. Rebuilding a li...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone, just wanted to share my good news. I lost my home 7 years ago due to my first husbands gabling. I have been paying lots of rent since then. I heard about a scheme rent to but and they where building new properties in my area. I have been sucessful and have been today to chosse the plot, kitc...

MARCY3 · MARCY3

I'm not sure if I am in the right place or if I am over reacting. I am hoping someone here can give me so guidance. I have been married 1 year and now that I am living with my husband I see his drinking. The frig is always stocked with beer and he drinks roughly 4 beers 5 out of 7 days a week. There are days where he d...

Thlayli · Thlayli

Over the past few months there have been a few nights that my husband has gone out drinking, gone overboard and started gambling. The first time he did this was also the first time he'd just gone out drinking and refused to come home (he typically doesn't go out drinking at all much less not come home). ...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Hello MIP~Haven't posted in ages, due to personal reasons, but miss you all terribly, read your posts when I can, and keep all of you in my prayers. Just finished Round #2 of some major health issues, and as horrible as I feel right now physically....mentally it could not have turned out any better. As y...

Norma · Norma

I love it when I go to face to face meetings I feel a sence of connection, I wonder can I experience the same online

faith2011 · faith2011

This is my first post, so I'll try to be brief. My husband has been in AA and NA for almost 20 years and has been sober for 13. I married him 6 years ago. I sat in the rooms of AA and NA for two years with him. I learned in these rooms that men should work with men and women with women. He even shared about how ofte...

youfoundme · youfoundme

I am learning to let go and Let God. Let it be.... Last night my A was at work. He drank at work. I knew it, but I had to tend to my own business so I got off the phone. When I picked him up, he was so drunk that he was tipping over etc. I got him home, he fell asleep on the couch. All this time, I was talking to my...

sally123 · sally123

I am new here, so I hope I am posting this in the correct place. I am going to be as brief as I can, to protect anonymity. I want to know if there are any safety guidelines for alanon groups. I suspect there might be a sexual predator coming to our meetings.

HAguirre · HAguirre

Okay so my mom is moving to arizona and she will not have a place to live so i told her she can live with me and my family bc we have a big house my husband didnt say anything about it and i just got a call from his dadsaying that my husband wants to live with him untill my mom moves out and has her own place. My mom ha...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Just need to say this aloud to someone and I can't find a live body who will understand around here. So I am speaking as I type. I admit I have no control over other people and their decisions and my life with this nervous reaction has become unmanagable. I know full well that a power greater than me can r...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I have been trying so hard to not react to my AHs ignoring me and condescending attitude. But at lunch, I went home and it all started. I put on a dish this morning to marinate for dinner. My AH informed me at lunch that he made plans to go have chips and tea with a friend this evening. Yes, its my TV night...

odalis · odalis

Please share. If you have remained with your active A, or remained with them while they were still drinking but you were in recovery (Alanon) could you please share your experiences. I am new to this whole thing. I have found such great support here and at f2f alanon meetings. I try to differentiate bet...

KM · KM

I have my up and down days. more up than down. Trying to give control over to HP but having difficulty with crap in my head and can't clear it out. I can have all day good then something happens with my AW to give me reason to make me think she is lying as she has in the past and been caught. she is in recovery righ...

Baba · Baba

Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for the long post. I am new here, new to the Al-Anon program. I have been to four F2F meetings and have been "lurking" here for the last week or so doing lots of reading. I have already had many questions answered, and gained so much insight and perspective f...

Doozy · Doozy

So, this came up in another discussion and I thought it warranted its own topic. I'm so curious about what others think about this idea and what your experience has been. Do you think there's value in couple's counseling or marriage counseling with an active alcoholic? How do you think that can/can't...

pineapple · pineapple

My ah continues to drink, is now on day nine of his latest binge. He's never gone this long before and it scares me. But I know there's nothing I can do about it. Last month we moved into separate rooms so at least I don't have to watch what he is doing to himself. I sometimes think he's trying to drink himsel...

Jozie · Jozie

What a Beautiful Day!!! I Hit My F2F Meeing last night and it was Awesome ;) It was About Choices... I have to say that Before Al-anon/ACOA my Choices in my Mind were Limited to the thoughts and Pleasures of others, I thought as long as Everyone around me was Happy then I too was Happy... Since al-anon I hav...

McHurting · McHurting

Hi all, this is my first post and I'm new to the alanon concept and guess I'm looking for something, anything. I grew up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional envirenment, neglected, abandoned and abused (in every way) at a very early age, sexually by a babysitter by the time I was 5 years old, my first memor...

MeTwo2 · MeTwo2

I went to a meeting this week on the topic of the 4th step and the word illusions was floating around the room. In regard to the fact that we never did have control over the alcoholics in our lives. Even when they did what we wanted, what we Really had was the illusion of control. For that matter, there were...

clep · clep

I am excited for my A who has a new job as of today. He was working seasonal work for a very nice man who happens to be scatterbrained and just can't get it together enough to work consistently. We used to need the flexibility the job supplied but we don't anymore. I did let him know in the past week or two th...

kay115 · kay115

I am feeling very alone and emotionally/physically exhausted. I have been married to my AH for less than a year. Before we married, I knew that he ocassionally took it a little too far when drinking with his friends, but it did not seem to be serious, just annoying. A little over a year ago we moved from th...

Christy · Christy

Your reaction to a situation determines whether it will be positive or negative. If youre determined to label a situation positive, no matter how it appears, the result MUST be positive. If you label something negative, that MUST be your experience. Its never too late to change a situation because y...

atheos · atheos

New AA members are sometimes advised to do 90 meetings in their first 90 days. I know this doesn't happen as much in Al-Anon because in a lot of areas there aren't enough Al-Anon meetings for that to be possible. I am fortunate to live near a few major cities -- I've made a list of meetings, and it would be po...

youfoundme · youfoundme

Me! Yes, me :) I got a real life good old fashioned sponsor! :) So onward and upward, one day at a time ... I feel so good now! She said yes and we are going to keep on doing what we are doing :) Thanks all!

Pushka · Pushka

I mentioned a couple weeks back we had some major drama (of her own doing) with this crazy neighbor teen, in regards to the kittens that were around. At first I felt bad about the situation now I really don't. We didn't do anything wrong, the poor mama kitty was never fed so she started coming here for fo...

ELEKTRAWMN · ELEKTRAWMN

I'm so completely angry with myself. Angry that I'm so addicted to my addict. I've been doing pretty well. Stepping back, looking at an entire situation, an entire conversation...constantly looking to see if it's in MY best interest. I've been stronger than I've ever been before. Until tonig...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

My AH's best friend and his wife came over tonight to visit. He told me that since I left my AH 4 months ago, his drinking has gotten much worse and that he had to tell my AH that he can no longer be around him while he continues to binge with his drinking. It was almost like hearing his friend tell me that the ca...

hawaiilover · hawaiilover

Hello family: I was at my home meeting last week and led the meeting. One member shared that she was thinking about me and what I shared the week before. And, she mentioned that she was discussing it with a friend and had a good laugh about it. Further, she even described me to her friend, how I look and all....

michellelong · michellelong

I know I am not supposed to let my AH's disease control me and maybe it is because I only saught help a few days ago and I am new to this chapter of my life but I can't help the overwhelming feelings I am having. My AH just told me that he was going to go visit his dad, who has not been in the best of health lately and...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Expectations (Preview) So much of my resentment towards the ex A was about my expectations of him. I had an expectation that he would turn around, be repsonsible, caring and an eual partner. He was never that. Of course he alluded to it. At times he would put on a great show of being that. Day in and day out he was never that. ...	maresie	3	595	Jul 30, 2011 by Jerry F
	OK I'm freaking out! (Preview) Hi all, I am trying so flipping hard to think and act in a positive manner, maybe it's because I am a newbie and just can't get some of the self help awareness down or maybe it's just the way I am going to be for awhile but GOD knows I need help. My AH just sent a text that his poker game (a long ago habit that is pok...	michellelong	9	776	Jul 30, 2011 by maresie
	how to "let go" financially & when kids are involved (Preview) so my AH is not working right now, meaning no income on his part, and things are tight. we can make it on my salary but I hate having to hand out money to him-feels like he is a child and it irks me, but i have no choice as i certainly cant give him free rein to our bank account or no bills get paid. Anyway I give him...	soozin12	4	654	Jul 30, 2011 by maresie
	waiting (Preview) The topic at my meeting this morning was waiting. Everyone had a different perspective on this topic however we all identified with waiting for the drinker to get sober, better on a programme, to work it to change their behavior. However today I realise that life is short I am focusing hard on my recov...	Tracy	2	639	Jul 30, 2011 by Pushka
	Progress not perfection (Preview) Well, another court date came and this time the lawyer screwed up because AH was suppose to be in court so take a wild guess what I will be doing Monday in the AM. Truthfully, to hear exactly what will be said makes it all worth while. I need to know $$, how much will this cost exactly. I don't know I might be...	Pushka	3	465	Jul 30, 2011 by Pushka
	How Low is the Bottom my AH Needs to Hit? hitting bottom (Preview) As of today my AH has now lost: 1. His health 2. His home 3. His self-owned business 4. His childhood best friend 5. His children 6. Me What else is it going to take for him to finally hit the bottom? I keep asking this question when I pray to my HP. My HP's plan for my AH is a mystery to me. -- Edited by Green Eyes...	Green Eyes	7	914	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Unconditional Love. (Preview) You hear that phrase a lot , "Unconditional Love". My daughter and I were having a discussion about it. I told her you need to be a parent to really feel it. What does it mean to you and how does it fit in with your Alanon program???? Luv, Bettina	Bettina	11	5166	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	What is a SCRAM bracelet? (Preview) People have mentioned a SCRAM bracelet on here a couple of times, what is it? Oldergal	oldergal	2	575	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	I FEEL LIKE A YO YO (Preview) WELL, HERE IAM AGAIN VENTING. MY AH AND I ARE GETTING A DIVORCE HE JUST GOT OUT OF HIS 3RD INPATIENT REHAB IN ABOUT 9 MONTHS, BUT THIS ONE ONLY FOR 2 WKS, OF COURSE I PICKED HIM UP LET HIM COME HOME (JUSTIFIYING IT BECAUSE HE STAYS IN ANOTHER PART OF HOUSE AND ALSO THINKING I BETTER DO WHAT HE WANTS OR HE WILL GET...	sameoldstuff	4	697	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Help put a name to my feeling (Preview) I'm not good at identifying my feelings. Please help me put a name to the mixture of emotions I am feeling right now. My husband has lost his job. We knew it was coming. We have enough money. There are benefits available to cover tuition for people who choose a vibrant employable field. My husband w...	2nice4_2long	11	998	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Moms mothers dry me crazy sometimes! (Preview) As I was sitting here, minding my own business, my mom once again interrupted my post. I could barely type or think about what I wanted to say! Now she wants to get on here & I am sorely against it--how can I share on here with my mom on here as well. My privacy is already invaded when she comes over & a...	Hoot Nanny	7	660	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Arrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!!!! Vent (Preview) When I am calm I am so able to work a solid program but when the attack comes from my A wife in recovery I am at a loss to hang on to what program says to do. Here's what happened: My wife was getting ready to leave for her AA meeting and she said she needed to talk to me about our plans for the next day. I closed my...	surfingmaestro	6	670	Jul 29, 2011 by tommyecat
	The Red Box Lesson Rescuing (Preview) Hi to All, I want to share an incident that I had yesterday with my ex-AH (who now lives with me). While this incident might appear relatively insignificant when compared to the challenges others have as a result of living with an active or recovering alcoholic, it does show me that attending meetin...	GailMichelle	9	788	Jul 29, 2011 by Hoot Nanny
	This is tough! (Preview) Hi Everyone, I need to write and release: Today my husband and I attended the last IOP family treatment day. This is his last week in IOP. I am so confused. I don't know which way is up or down. I am trying to focus on me, my program, and let him do his own work. Not a problem. When it comes to "aski...	KLotus	6	603	Jul 29, 2011 by rara avis
	Something to consider (Preview) Scientist at the Planck Inst. in Germany did a study on 18 month old babies. Researchers tested several different scenarios, In all the scenarios, the researchers needed help. For example, they couldnt reach an item on the floor. During the experiments, the babies inadvertently rushed to help peo...	Bettina	3	439	Jul 29, 2011 by Bettina
	Divorce - Afraid AA for my wife will lead to divorce - changes and all - AM I warped? (Preview) My wife has just joined AA - my fear is a bit selfish however - I am afraid that as she makes all these changes, will she push for a divorce. I never drink - ever.	Shark34	13	5184	Jul 29, 2011 by Shark34
	Question about family (Preview) Would like some experiences please! For those of you that decided to stay with your A while recovering.... what did your family think? Did you receive negative thoughts or input about your decision? How did you handle it when you knew that the decision should be ONLY yours? As my ABF is approa...	ELEKTRAWMN	9	594	Jul 29, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Just wondering why its usually the husband? (Preview) As I have been reading this great site for a while, its seems to me the majority of the time its the "AHusband" Do we know why husbands are the biggest abusers of alcohol? Not trying to bash men, just sincerely like to know if anyone has any insight on this.... Oldergal "When the pain...	oldergal	10	819	Jul 29, 2011 by All I can be
	have you ever received an apology and did it make any difference? (Preview) Hi, I will see my father next month, whom I have not seen in three years, and was thinking of trying to confront him on some of the lies he told, the emotional and psychological harm I experienced and still feel to this day....He is 79, not in great health (mentally or physically) so I am not sure if he will...	Patk	14	725	Jul 29, 2011 by Patk
	CAL Question (Preview) Hi Everyone! My sponsor encouraged me to get the book "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage" as it is part of Al-Anon conference approved literature, and may be very applicable for me. Has anyone read it? If so, would you mind please sharing your thoughts? I ordered the book. It must ha...	KLotus	6	857	Jul 28, 2011 by maryjane
	I know I am an Enabler, But I am so scared (Preview) My Husband loves to taunt me and make promises and over and over again, I want to believe him. I want that my control, what is wrong with me. I love him and he just keeps on drinking and more and more and throwing it in my face. I have thrown his beer away, I have thrown him out of the house....he promises an...	Kathyslost	9	930	Jul 28, 2011 by Kathyslost
	Do breathalizers do any good? Harm? (Preview) I left my AH for the summer because I needed some time away from him to decide if I wanted to continue our marriage. I have found great help with the f2f meetings and have decided to return home for one last shot at our marriage. He is telling me that he has been sober and attending meetings. Since I am 2 ho...	Hoping for Happiness	12	720	Jul 28, 2011 by danielle0516
	I have a very specific question (Preview) Hello everyone, I have used Al-Anon for my own family of origin issues before and always enjoyed the meetings. I have a specific question about a non-family member. One of my closest friends is married to a severe, active A. We live in the same town, our children are best friends and go to school toget...	Violynn	10	640	Jul 28, 2011 by Violynn
	Growing Slow, but Steady (Preview) In the Beginning of my Program I Often "ALOT" of times ask... What Good will this program do 4 me My 'A' just Died? What Kinda Place Tells you that its ALL About YOU? How can it be All About Me, when it was the Alcoholic or the Addict that Brought me to the Rooms? Sounds Kinda Selfish & Arroaga...	Jozie	5	710	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	WOW! I am loved! (Preview) I feel so loved!!!!!! Well...today I finally got on the computer after the weekend! I was concerned that I wouldn't get too many messages on Facebook on Saturday---my birthday but boy did I ever! It made me feel so good even if I read them 2 days later!I felt so insecure even though I know that no one reall...	Hoot Nanny	3	586	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	In recovery...and cat update (Preview) Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers about my cat Dusty. We did not find him yet. I am however using my new tools and not settling on doom and gloom about it. So I will continue to think positive thoughts and hope he comes back. I hope his asthma didn't take him. I am working on my recovery, takin...	youfoundme	5	517	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Infidelity (Preview) Not asking for any specific reasons necessarily, but curious how others perceive infidelity on the part of their diseased partner? Is this part of the disease and therefore "explainable", or is this unacceptable regardless of how much the illness is in control? I'm learning that lying...	usedtobeanyer	19	6456	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Overreacting to a situation (Preview) As I am new here and just getting my feet wet in getting my ownself on the track to recovery I am not comfortable replying to a post for fear of saying the wrong thing. From my own experience I know the feeing of, "am I overreacting" "he's not drinking that much but it is almost everyday&qu...	michellelong	10	596	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Lots of change (Preview) My A came home for an hour break from his new job due to rain. I haven't been very enthusiastic lately in regards to him. I asked him three months ago about the birth control situation and let him know I am hoping he will take care of it permanently. He agreed and said he would make the call. He said he wou...	clep	5	588	Jul 28, 2011 by Lyne
	How do you protect your money? (Preview) Hi everyone. Today I read a thread by a person in a delimma about how to protect the family money with an out of control spouse. I got to thinking, I specifically remember that Debilyn has posted some specific safety measures from time to time---and I am sure others have, but there is nothing in one cen...	Otie	8	626	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	climbing out the pit (Preview) 5 years after leaving the ex A I am still climbing out the pit his alcoholism and drug addiction left behind. The bankruptcy, emotional, physical and financial. The exhaustion, the fear, resentment, sense of overwhelming despair. Letting the ex A go was just one small part of it. Rebuilding a li...	maresie	7	755	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	GOOD NEWS (Preview) Hi everyone, just wanted to share my good news. I lost my home 7 years ago due to my first husbands gabling. I have been paying lots of rent since then. I heard about a scheme rent to but and they where building new properties in my area. I have been sucessful and have been today to chosse the plot, kitc...	Tracy	8	546	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	HELP (Preview) I'm not sure if I am in the right place or if I am over reacting. I am hoping someone here can give me so guidance. I have been married 1 year and now that I am living with my husband I see his drinking. The frig is always stocked with beer and he drinks roughly 4 beers 5 out of 7 days a week. There are days where he d...	MARCY3	11	1218	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	How do you handle money? (Preview) Over the past few months there have been a few nights that my husband has gone out drinking, gone overboard and started gambling. The first time he did this was also the first time he'd just gone out drinking and refused to come home (he typically doesn't go out drinking at all much less not come home). ...	Thlayli	7	825	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Letting Go...one day at a time (Preview) Hello MIP~Haven't posted in ages, due to personal reasons, but miss you all terribly, read your posts when I can, and keep all of you in my prayers. Just finished Round #2 of some major health issues, and as horrible as I feel right now physically....mentally it could not have turned out any better. As y...	shellyj123	7	803	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	sense of connection (Preview) I love it when I go to face to face meetings I feel a sence of connection, I wonder can I experience the same online	Norma	5	532	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	In AA rooms - men working with men and women with women (Preview) This is my first post, so I'll try to be brief. My husband has been in AA and NA for almost 20 years and has been sober for 13. I married him 6 years ago. I sat in the rooms of AA and NA for two years with him. I learned in these rooms that men should work with men and women with women. He even shared about how ofte...	faith2011	4	427	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Let it be (Preview) I am learning to let go and Let God. Let it be.... Last night my A was at work. He drank at work. I knew it, but I had to tend to my own business so I got off the phone. When I picked him up, he was so drunk that he was tipping over etc. I got him home, he fell asleep on the couch. All this time, I was talking to my...	youfoundme	10	793	Jul 28, 2011 by Crazy Frog
	Safety Guidelines in Alanon meeting (Preview) I am new here, so I hope I am posting this in the correct place. I am going to be as brief as I can, to protect anonymity. I want to know if there are any safety guidelines for alanon groups. I suspect there might be a sexual predator coming to our meetings.	sally123	3	1097	Jul 28, 2011 by xeno59
	now on road to divorce and scared and dont know what to do? (Preview) Okay so my mom is moving to arizona and she will not have a place to live so i told her she can live with me and my family bc we have a big house my husband didnt say anything about it and i just got a call from his dadsaying that my husband wants to live with him untill my mom moves out and has her own place. My mom ha...	HAguirre	7	573	Jul 28, 2011 by Crazy Frog
	Relapse in my affairs (Preview) Just need to say this aloud to someone and I can't find a live body who will understand around here. So I am speaking as I type. I admit I have no control over other people and their decisions and my life with this nervous reaction has become unmanagable. I know full well that a power greater than me can r...	Jennifer	8	630	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Anybody out there that can give me a little perspective here? (Preview) I have been trying so hard to not react to my AHs ignoring me and condescending attitude. But at lunch, I went home and it all started. I put on a dish this morning to marinate for dinner. My AH informed me at lunch that he made plans to go have chips and tea with a friend this evening. Yes, its my TV night...	oldgraduate	7	531	Jul 28, 2011 by oldgraduate
	Possible to achieve sanity when still living with the AH? (Preview) Please share. If you have remained with your active A, or remained with them while they were still drinking but you were in recovery (Alanon) could you please share your experiences. I am new to this whole thing. I have found such great support here and at f2f alanon meetings. I try to differentiate bet...	odalis	18	975	Jul 28, 2011 by 2nice4_2long
	Step 3 no sponsor yet (Preview) I have my up and down days. more up than down. Trying to give control over to HP but having difficulty with crap in my head and can't clear it out. I can have all day good then something happens with my AW to give me reason to make me think she is lying as she has in the past and been caught. she is in recovery righ...	KM	7	538	Jul 28, 2011 by tommyecat
	Help in applying the principles (Preview) Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for the long post. I am new here, new to the Al-Anon program. I have been to four F2F meetings and have been "lurking" here for the last week or so doing lots of reading. I have already had many questions answered, and gained so much insight and perspective f...	Baba	1	563	Jul 28, 2011 by Jerry F
	Couple's / Marriage Counseling ?? (Preview) So, this came up in another discussion and I thought it warranted its own topic. I'm so curious about what others think about this idea and what your experience has been. Do you think there's value in couple's counseling or marriage counseling with an active alcoholic? How do you think that can/can't...	Doozy	17	1186	Jul 27, 2011 by kay115
	Today (Preview) My ah continues to drink, is now on day nine of his latest binge. He's never gone this long before and it scares me. But I know there's nothing I can do about it. Last month we moved into separate rooms so at least I don't have to watch what he is doing to himself. I sometimes think he's trying to drink himsel...	pineapple	8	464	Jul 27, 2011 by hotrod
	Lifes Excitement... Thanks to My Program! (Preview) What a Beautiful Day!!! I Hit My F2F Meeing last night and it was Awesome ;) It was About Choices... I have to say that Before Al-anon/ACOA my Choices in my Mind were Limited to the thoughts and Pleasures of others, I thought as long as Everyone around me was Happy then I too was Happy... Since al-anon I hav...	Jozie	6	488	Jul 27, 2011 by hotrod
	Walking away (Preview) Hi all, this is my first post and I'm new to the alanon concept and guess I'm looking for something, anything. I grew up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional envirenment, neglected, abandoned and abused (in every way) at a very early age, sexually by a babysitter by the time I was 5 years old, my first memor...	McHurting	6	859	Jul 27, 2011 by tommyecat
	help .. ugh (Preview) I went to a meeting this week on the topic of the 4th step and the word illusions was floating around the room. In regard to the fact that we never did have control over the alcoholics in our lives. Even when they did what we wanted, what we Really had was the illusion of control. For that matter, there were...	MeTwo2	10	834	Jul 27, 2011 by Lyne
	My A got a new job. (Preview) I am excited for my A who has a new job as of today. He was working seasonal work for a very nice man who happens to be scatterbrained and just can't get it together enough to work consistently. We used to need the flexibility the job supplied but we don't anymore. I did let him know in the past week or two th...	clep	3	470	Jul 27, 2011 by youfoundme
	First Post (Preview) I am feeling very alone and emotionally/physically exhausted. I have been married to my AH for less than a year. Before we married, I knew that he ocassionally took it a little too far when drinking with his friends, but it did not seem to be serious, just annoying. A little over a year ago we moved from th...	kay115	13	556	Jul 27, 2011 by kay115
	Positive or Negative? (Preview) Your reaction to a situation determines whether it will be positive or negative. If youre determined to label a situation positive, no matter how it appears, the result MUST be positive. If you label something negative, that MUST be your experience. Its never too late to change a situation because y...	Christy	5	1042	Jul 27, 2011 by youfoundme
	Anyone do an Al-Anon 90-90? (Preview) New AA members are sometimes advised to do 90 meetings in their first 90 days. I know this doesn't happen as much in Al-Anon because in a lot of areas there aren't enough Al-Anon meetings for that to be possible. I am fortunate to live near a few major cities -- I've made a list of meetings, and it would be po...	atheos	8	1278	Jul 27, 2011 by clep
	Guess who got a sponsor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Preview) Me! Yes, me :) I got a real life good old fashioned sponsor! :) So onward and upward, one day at a time ... I feel so good now! She said yes and we are going to keep on doing what we are doing :) Thanks all!	youfoundme	6	467	Jul 27, 2011 by White Rabbit
	Karma AND working my program (Preview) I mentioned a couple weeks back we had some major drama (of her own doing) with this crazy neighbor teen, in regards to the kittens that were around. At first I felt bad about the situation now I really don't. We didn't do anything wrong, the poor mama kitty was never fed so she started coming here for fo...	Pushka	1	467	Jul 27, 2011 by youfoundme
	Tough night..... (Preview) I'm so completely angry with myself. Angry that I'm so addicted to my addict. I've been doing pretty well. Stepping back, looking at an entire situation, an entire conversation...constantly looking to see if it's in MY best interest. I've been stronger than I've ever been before. Until tonig...	ELEKTRAWMN	7	930	Jul 27, 2011 by youfoundme
	My AH is Deep in his Disease (Preview) My AH's best friend and his wife came over tonight to visit. He told me that since I left my AH 4 months ago, his drinking has gotten much worse and that he had to tell my AH that he can no longer be around him while he continues to binge with his drinking. It was almost like hearing his friend tell me that the ca...	Green Eyes	6	411	Jul 27, 2011 by Green Eyes
	One of my Alanon sister broke my anonimity (Preview) Hello family: I was at my home meeting last week and led the meeting. One member shared that she was thinking about me and what I shared the week before. And, she mentioned that she was discussing it with a friend and had a good laugh about it. Further, she even described me to her friend, how I look and all....	hawaiilover	8	880	Jul 27, 2011 by hawaiilover
	Having a tough day (Preview) I know I am not supposed to let my AH's disease control me and maybe it is because I only saught help a few days ago and I am new to this chapter of my life but I can't help the overwhelming feelings I am having. My AH just told me that he was going to go visit his dad, who has not been in the best of health lately and...	michellelong	6	472	Jul 26, 2011 by MeTwo2
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.