Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

My AH is not drinking, (or at least not muchor around me) but we have been through so much water under the bridge and fighting that it is hard right now to even talk to each other. I am trying hard to not want to control him but I don't feel like being sweet or giving just yet. I am hurt and when I do talk to him h...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

First, thank you to everyone on this board. Until now I have felt so alone and depressed, your support is literally a lifesaver. I need some guidance: I am finally ready to attend my first f2f meeting. Do you tell your A that you are going to Alanon? I know my husband will deny he is using so the question wi...

tommyecat · tommyecat

So tomorrow I am leaving for a six day AA/Alanon conference out west. I will be going alone and am feeling thrilled, excited, all kinds of mixed emotions. It is the first time I will away all by myself on a trip in years. I have my own room and am really looking forward to quiet evenings, workshops, and h...

Betterfuture · Betterfuture

HI everyone, Things are have changed alot since my very first post. I was sick and tired of everything then. I was so lost and helpless not to mention confused. I loved my AH but hated him wanted him home but wanted him out etc. I cried and cried. One night I was so engulfed w/ grief and pain I just prayed to my...

MDK · MDK

Ok guys need imput.................. Next week is my Birthday!!!!! I am so excited about this but I also am going to be the chairmain of my face to face meeting that day! I am going to discuss the 3 Cs but there isn't many pages to refer to in the Courage to Change Book is there any books or any suggestion any...

supermom · supermom

My husband has been sober for over 4 months now and I am so thankful. He is consistently taking his meds and seeing his doctors. He is not going to AA (hasn't gone during any of this sobriety and doesn't want to). I am having a hard time detaching from his depression. I know we can be happy whether they a...

Loupiness · Loupiness

I haven't posted much on the topic of my A brother, primarily because he has been out of state, and my family has been able to completely detach from him. When he left here 9 years ago, he was an attractive, functioning husband, and a really good dad to five kids. Suffice to say, he just recently got...

Lyne · Lyne

Ok so now my spouse is seeing the CASAC, 3 weeks in a row. I feel better. The alc. counselor wants her to see a weight specialist. She says she will call and hasn't. Now I don't feel better. She needs 90 in 90 and I guess if anyone can get her there, it will be the CASAC because I sure as heck can't get her in...

Iamgood · Iamgood

Hello everyone, I have a mom who is very angry right now. With me, it seems. For not being caring enough to her, not emotional enough. I can she is just scared right now and wants love and a hug and sympathy and someone to sit with her and ask her how she is. She wants me to be that person. Oh gosh, I am not t...

rara avis · rara avis

Hey everybody, First, quick update: I have been to, and am looking for more alanon meetings, seeing a couselor, and reading literature. I'm also seeing friends, exercising, and making exciting decisions in my creative life. Basically I'm doing the best I can to focus on me. But, relationshipwis...

Iamgood · Iamgood

Maybe I am asking for approval, but here goes. I have been attending Al-Anon meetings for 1 year. I am working on Step 1 with a sponsor. I have never lived with active alcoholics. I come from a dysfunctional family, but alcohol/drugs were not at play in this generation. My mother is a rageaholic (m...

jamfu · jamfu

Recently(within the past 2 weeks) a girl I used to be absolutely smitten over in high school contacted me through facebook. Turns out she has had feelings for me for some time as well. Well, my dad was in the hospital, and we had spoken everyday about her us our feelings .. and such. She is a divorcee, and h...

maresie · maresie

I have a new roommate who is gradually moving into the place next door to me. In the past my way of encountering others is to bond by giving of myself, giving too much, asking too much, wanting to be "friends" very quickly. Being roommates in a shared household is a pretty intimate undertaki...

hiflying1 · hiflying1

I have been in al anon for a few months.. Have a face to face sponsor. I struggle because my husband is not alcoholic. We are both adult children of alcoholics. Married for 30 years. I think we have been fighing and arguing the whole time. Could never figure out what the heck was going on. I mean, he is i...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

Bad day today. I was hospitalized this week, now am out. My AH was supportive and did all the rights things while I was there. On the way home however, bang! Car was swerving in our direction, I said "watch out" and the explosion occured. "How dare you question my driving skills, I know w...

Mylife · Mylife

I found wine hidden in my AM's linen closet....I confronted her about it, because she said she had stopped, and she said that she has just a glass at night and that's it. I know that as an alcoholic she shouldn't be having ANY alcohol...but can an alcoholic just have a glass or two every few days. I know for...

maresie · maresie

So much of my resentment towards the ex A was about my expectations of him. I had an expectation that he would turn around, be repsonsible, caring and an eual partner. He was never that. Of course he alluded to it. At times he would put on a great show of being that. Day in and day out he was never that. ...

michellelong · michellelong

Hi all, I am trying so flipping hard to think and act in a positive manner, maybe it's because I am a newbie and just can't get some of the self help awareness down or maybe it's just the way I am going to be for awhile but GOD knows I need help. My AH just sent a text that his poker game (a long ago habit that is pok...

soozin12 · soozin12

so my AH is not working right now, meaning no income on his part, and things are tight. we can make it on my salary but I hate having to hand out money to him-feels like he is a child and it irks me, but i have no choice as i certainly cant give him free rein to our bank account or no bills get paid. Anyway I give him...

Tracy · Tracy

The topic at my meeting this morning was waiting. Everyone had a different perspective on this topic however we all identified with waiting for the drinker to get sober, better on a programme, to work it to change their behavior. However today I realise that life is short I am focusing hard on my recov...

Pushka · Pushka

Well, another court date came and this time the lawyer screwed up because AH was suppose to be in court so take a wild guess what I will be doing Monday in the AM. Truthfully, to hear exactly what will be said makes it all worth while. I need to know $$, how much will this cost exactly. I don't know I might be...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

As of today my AH has now lost: 1. His health 2. His home 3. His self-owned business 4. His childhood best friend 5. His children 6. Me What else is it going to take for him to finally hit the bottom? I keep asking this question when I pray to my HP. My HP's plan for my AH is a mystery to me. -- Edited by Green Eyes...

Bettina · Bettina

You hear that phrase a lot , "Unconditional Love". My daughter and I were having a discussion about it. I told her you need to be a parent to really feel it. What does it mean to you and how does it fit in with your Alanon program???? Luv, Bettina

oldergal · oldergal

People have mentioned a SCRAM bracelet on here a couple of times, what is it? Oldergal

sameoldstuff · sameoldstuff

WELL, HERE IAM AGAIN VENTING. MY AH AND I ARE GETTING A DIVORCE HE JUST GOT OUT OF HIS 3RD INPATIENT REHAB IN ABOUT 9 MONTHS, BUT THIS ONE ONLY FOR 2 WKS, OF COURSE I PICKED HIM UP LET HIM COME HOME (JUSTIFIYING IT BECAUSE HE STAYS IN ANOTHER PART OF HOUSE AND ALSO THINKING I BETTER DO WHAT HE WANTS OR HE WILL GET...

2nice4_2long · 2nice4_2long

I'm not good at identifying my feelings. Please help me put a name to the mixture of emotions I am feeling right now. My husband has lost his job. We knew it was coming. We have enough money. There are benefits available to cover tuition for people who choose a vibrant employable field. My husband w...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

As I was sitting here, minding my own business, my mom once again interrupted my post. I could barely type or think about what I wanted to say! Now she wants to get on here & I am sorely against it--how can I share on here with my mom on here as well. My privacy is already invaded when she comes over & a...

surfingmaestro · surfingmaestro

When I am calm I am so able to work a solid program but when the attack comes from my A wife in recovery I am at a loss to hang on to what program says to do. Here's what happened: My wife was getting ready to leave for her AA meeting and she said she needed to talk to me about our plans for the next day. I closed my...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Hi to All, I want to share an incident that I had yesterday with my ex-AH (who now lives with me). While this incident might appear relatively insignificant when compared to the challenges others have as a result of living with an active or recovering alcoholic, it does show me that attending meetin...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone, I need to write and release: Today my husband and I attended the last IOP family treatment day. This is his last week in IOP. I am so confused. I don't know which way is up or down. I am trying to focus on me, my program, and let him do his own work. Not a problem. When it comes to "aski...

Bettina · Bettina

Scientist at the Planck Inst. in Germany did a study on 18 month old babies. Researchers tested several different scenarios, In all the scenarios, the researchers needed help. For example, they couldnt reach an item on the floor. During the experiments, the babies inadvertently rushed to help peo...

Shark34 · Shark34

My wife has just joined AA - my fear is a bit selfish however - I am afraid that as she makes all these changes, will she push for a divorce. I never drink - ever.

ELEKTRAWMN · ELEKTRAWMN

Would like some experiences please! For those of you that decided to stay with your A while recovering.... what did your family think? Did you receive negative thoughts or input about your decision? How did you handle it when you knew that the decision should be ONLY yours? As my ABF is approa...

oldergal · oldergal

As I have been reading this great site for a while, its seems to me the majority of the time its the "AHusband" Do we know why husbands are the biggest abusers of alcohol? Not trying to bash men, just sincerely like to know if anyone has any insight on this.... Oldergal "When the pain...

Patk · Patk

Hi, I will see my father next month, whom I have not seen in three years, and was thinking of trying to confront him on some of the lies he told, the emotional and psychological harm I experienced and still feel to this day....He is 79, not in great health (mentally or physically) so I am not sure if he will...

KLotus · KLotus

Hi Everyone! My sponsor encouraged me to get the book "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage" as it is part of Al-Anon conference approved literature, and may be very applicable for me. Has anyone read it? If so, would you mind please sharing your thoughts? I ordered the book. It must ha...

Kathyslost · Kathyslost

My Husband loves to taunt me and make promises and over and over again, I want to believe him. I want that my control, what is wrong with me. I love him and he just keeps on drinking and more and more and throwing it in my face. I have thrown his beer away, I have thrown him out of the house....he promises an...

Hoping for Happiness · Hoping for Happiness

I left my AH for the summer because I needed some time away from him to decide if I wanted to continue our marriage. I have found great help with the f2f meetings and have decided to return home for one last shot at our marriage. He is telling me that he has been sober and attending meetings. Since I am 2 ho...

Violynn · Violynn

Hello everyone, I have used Al-Anon for my own family of origin issues before and always enjoyed the meetings. I have a specific question about a non-family member. One of my closest friends is married to a severe, active A. We live in the same town, our children are best friends and go to school toget...

Jozie · Jozie

In the Beginning of my Program I Often "ALOT" of times ask... What Good will this program do 4 me My 'A' just Died? What Kinda Place Tells you that its ALL About YOU? How can it be All About Me, when it was the Alcoholic or the Addict that Brought me to the Rooms? Sounds Kinda Selfish & Arroaga...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I feel so loved!!!!!! Well...today I finally got on the computer after the weekend! I was concerned that I wouldn't get too many messages on Facebook on Saturday---my birthday but boy did I ever! It made me feel so good even if I read them 2 days later!I felt so insecure even though I know that no one reall...

youfoundme · youfoundme

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers about my cat Dusty. We did not find him yet. I am however using my new tools and not settling on doom and gloom about it. So I will continue to think positive thoughts and hope he comes back. I hope his asthma didn't take him. I am working on my recovery, takin...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

Not asking for any specific reasons necessarily, but curious how others perceive infidelity on the part of their diseased partner? Is this part of the disease and therefore "explainable", or is this unacceptable regardless of how much the illness is in control? I'm learning that lying...

michellelong · michellelong

As I am new here and just getting my feet wet in getting my ownself on the track to recovery I am not comfortable replying to a post for fear of saying the wrong thing. From my own experience I know the feeing of, "am I overreacting" "he's not drinking that much but it is almost everyday&qu...

clep · clep

My A came home for an hour break from his new job due to rain. I haven't been very enthusiastic lately in regards to him. I asked him three months ago about the birth control situation and let him know I am hoping he will take care of it permanently. He agreed and said he would make the call. He said he wou...

Otie · Otie

Hi everyone. Today I read a thread by a person in a delimma about how to protect the family money with an out of control spouse. I got to thinking, I specifically remember that Debilyn has posted some specific safety measures from time to time---and I am sure others have, but there is nothing in one cen...

maresie · maresie

5 years after leaving the ex A I am still climbing out the pit his alcoholism and drug addiction left behind. The bankruptcy, emotional, physical and financial. The exhaustion, the fear, resentment, sense of overwhelming despair. Letting the ex A go was just one small part of it. Rebuilding a li...

Tracy · Tracy

Hi everyone, just wanted to share my good news. I lost my home 7 years ago due to my first husbands gabling. I have been paying lots of rent since then. I heard about a scheme rent to but and they where building new properties in my area. I have been sucessful and have been today to chosse the plot, kitc...

MARCY3 · MARCY3

I'm not sure if I am in the right place or if I am over reacting. I am hoping someone here can give me so guidance. I have been married 1 year and now that I am living with my husband I see his drinking. The frig is always stocked with beer and he drinks roughly 4 beers 5 out of 7 days a week. There are days where he d...

Thlayli · Thlayli

Over the past few months there have been a few nights that my husband has gone out drinking, gone overboard and started gambling. The first time he did this was also the first time he'd just gone out drinking and refused to come home (he typically doesn't go out drinking at all much less not come home). ...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Hello MIP~Haven't posted in ages, due to personal reasons, but miss you all terribly, read your posts when I can, and keep all of you in my prayers. Just finished Round #2 of some major health issues, and as horrible as I feel right now physically....mentally it could not have turned out any better. As y...

Norma · Norma

I love it when I go to face to face meetings I feel a sence of connection, I wonder can I experience the same online

faith2011 · faith2011

This is my first post, so I'll try to be brief. My husband has been in AA and NA for almost 20 years and has been sober for 13. I married him 6 years ago. I sat in the rooms of AA and NA for two years with him. I learned in these rooms that men should work with men and women with women. He even shared about how ofte...

youfoundme · youfoundme

I am learning to let go and Let God. Let it be.... Last night my A was at work. He drank at work. I knew it, but I had to tend to my own business so I got off the phone. When I picked him up, he was so drunk that he was tipping over etc. I got him home, he fell asleep on the couch. All this time, I was talking to my...

sally123 · sally123

I am new here, so I hope I am posting this in the correct place. I am going to be as brief as I can, to protect anonymity. I want to know if there are any safety guidelines for alanon groups. I suspect there might be a sexual predator coming to our meetings.

HAguirre · HAguirre

Okay so my mom is moving to arizona and she will not have a place to live so i told her she can live with me and my family bc we have a big house my husband didnt say anything about it and i just got a call from his dadsaying that my husband wants to live with him untill my mom moves out and has her own place. My mom ha...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Just need to say this aloud to someone and I can't find a live body who will understand around here. So I am speaking as I type. I admit I have no control over other people and their decisions and my life with this nervous reaction has become unmanagable. I know full well that a power greater than me can r...

oldgraduate · oldgraduate

I have been trying so hard to not react to my AHs ignoring me and condescending attitude. But at lunch, I went home and it all started. I put on a dish this morning to marinate for dinner. My AH informed me at lunch that he made plans to go have chips and tea with a friend this evening. Yes, its my TV night...

odalis · odalis

Please share. If you have remained with your active A, or remained with them while they were still drinking but you were in recovery (Alanon) could you please share your experiences. I am new to this whole thing. I have found such great support here and at f2f alanon meetings. I try to differentiate bet...

KM · KM

I have my up and down days. more up than down. Trying to give control over to HP but having difficulty with crap in my head and can't clear it out. I can have all day good then something happens with my AW to give me reason to make me think she is lying as she has in the past and been caught. she is in recovery righ...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	How do you deal with the awkwardness and rejection. (Preview) My AH is not drinking, (or at least not muchor around me) but we have been through so much water under the bridge and fighting that it is hard right now to even talk to each other. I am trying hard to not want to control him but I don't feel like being sweet or giving just yet. I am hurt and when I do talk to him h...	oldgraduate	7	501	Aug 1, 2011 by hawaiilover
	First Meeting : To Tell or Not To Tell? (Preview) First, thank you to everyone on this board. Until now I have felt so alone and depressed, your support is literally a lifesaver. I need some guidance: I am finally ready to attend my first f2f meeting. Do you tell your A that you are going to Alanon? I know my husband will deny he is using so the question wi...	surfgirl123	9	3557	Aug 1, 2011 by Jozie
	Off to the mountains (Preview) So tomorrow I am leaving for a six day AA/Alanon conference out west. I will be going alone and am feeling thrilled, excited, all kinds of mixed emotions. It is the first time I will away all by myself on a trip in years. I have my own room and am really looking forward to quiet evenings, workshops, and h...	tommyecat	6	449	Jul 31, 2011 by White Rabbit
	So different.. (Preview) HI everyone, Things are have changed alot since my very first post. I was sick and tired of everything then. I was so lost and helpless not to mention confused. I loved my AH but hated him wanted him home but wanted him out etc. I cried and cried. One night I was so engulfed w/ grief and pain I just prayed to my...	Betterfuture	6	627	Jul 31, 2011 by ELEKTRAWMN
	The 3 Cs (Preview) Ok guys need imput.................. Next week is my Birthday!!!!! I am so excited about this but I also am going to be the chairmain of my face to face meeting that day! I am going to discuss the 3 Cs but there isn't many pages to refer to in the Courage to Change Book is there any books or any suggestion any...	MDK	6	2901	Jul 31, 2011 by flopadopilus
	the sobering addict's depression (Preview) My husband has been sober for over 4 months now and I am so thankful. He is consistently taking his meds and seeing his doctors. He is not going to AA (hasn't gone during any of this sobriety and doesn't want to). I am having a hard time detaching from his depression. I know we can be happy whether they a...	supermom	8	543	Jul 31, 2011 by flopadopilus
	al-anon is saving my b*** (Preview) I haven't posted much on the topic of my A brother, primarily because he has been out of state, and my family has been able to completely detach from him. When he left here 9 years ago, he was an attractive, functioning husband, and a really good dad to five kids. Suffice to say, he just recently got...	Loupiness	3	595	Jul 31, 2011 by Debilyn
	when is my ah ha moment? (Preview) Ok so now my spouse is seeing the CASAC, 3 weeks in a row. I feel better. The alc. counselor wants her to see a weight specialist. She says she will call and hasn't. Now I don't feel better. She needs 90 in 90 and I guess if anyone can get her there, it will be the CASAC because I sure as heck can't get her in...	Lyne	6	995	Jul 31, 2011 by Jerry F
	Mom stuff - how to hug her? (Preview) Hello everyone, I have a mom who is very angry right now. With me, it seems. For not being caring enough to her, not emotional enough. I can she is just scared right now and wants love and a hug and sympathy and someone to sit with her and ask her how she is. She wants me to be that person. Oh gosh, I am not t...	Iamgood	5	522	Jul 31, 2011 by likemyheart
	When does 'someday' become 'now'? (Preview) Hey everybody, First, quick update: I have been to, and am looking for more alanon meetings, seeing a couselor, and reading literature. I'm also seeing friends, exercising, and making exciting decisions in my creative life. Basically I'm doing the best I can to focus on me. But, relationshipwis...	rara avis	8	692	Jul 31, 2011 by Pushka
	Okay if i attend Al-Anon? (Preview) Maybe I am asking for approval, but here goes. I have been attending Al-Anon meetings for 1 year. I am working on Step 1 with a sponsor. I have never lived with active alcoholics. I come from a dysfunctional family, but alcohol/drugs were not at play in this generation. My mother is a rageaholic (m...	Iamgood	11	874	Jul 31, 2011 by Iamgood
	not sure what to do if anything (Preview) Recently(within the past 2 weeks) a girl I used to be absolutely smitten over in high school contacted me through facebook. Turns out she has had feelings for me for some time as well. Well, my dad was in the hospital, and we had spoken everyday about her us our feelings .. and such. She is a divorcee, and h...	jamfu	10	591	Jul 31, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Without a map! (Preview) I have a new roommate who is gradually moving into the place next door to me. In the past my way of encountering others is to bond by giving of myself, giving too much, asking too much, wanting to be "friends" very quickly. Being roommates in a shared household is a pretty intimate undertaki...	maresie	4	537	Jul 30, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Newish....weekends r the hardest (Preview) I have been in al anon for a few months.. Have a face to face sponsor. I struggle because my husband is not alcoholic. We are both adult children of alcoholics. Married for 30 years. I think we have been fighing and arguing the whole time. Could never figure out what the heck was going on. I mean, he is i...	hiflying1	9	698	Jul 30, 2011 by hiflying1
	I Slipped Today - Feel Awful (Preview) Bad day today. I was hospitalized this week, now am out. My AH was supportive and did all the rights things while I was there. On the way home however, bang! Car was swerving in our direction, I said "watch out" and the explosion occured. "How dare you question my driving skills, I know w...	surfgirl123	9	790	Jul 30, 2011 by Debilyn
	Question (Preview) I found wine hidden in my AM's linen closet....I confronted her about it, because she said she had stopped, and she said that she has just a glass at night and that's it. I know that as an alcoholic she shouldn't be having ANY alcohol...but can an alcoholic just have a glass or two every few days. I know for...	Mylife	6	588	Jul 30, 2011 by Debilyn
	Expectations (Preview) So much of my resentment towards the ex A was about my expectations of him. I had an expectation that he would turn around, be repsonsible, caring and an eual partner. He was never that. Of course he alluded to it. At times he would put on a great show of being that. Day in and day out he was never that. ...	maresie	3	606	Jul 30, 2011 by Jerry F
	OK I'm freaking out! (Preview) Hi all, I am trying so flipping hard to think and act in a positive manner, maybe it's because I am a newbie and just can't get some of the self help awareness down or maybe it's just the way I am going to be for awhile but GOD knows I need help. My AH just sent a text that his poker game (a long ago habit that is pok...	michellelong	9	790	Jul 30, 2011 by maresie
	how to "let go" financially & when kids are involved (Preview) so my AH is not working right now, meaning no income on his part, and things are tight. we can make it on my salary but I hate having to hand out money to him-feels like he is a child and it irks me, but i have no choice as i certainly cant give him free rein to our bank account or no bills get paid. Anyway I give him...	soozin12	4	667	Jul 30, 2011 by maresie
	waiting (Preview) The topic at my meeting this morning was waiting. Everyone had a different perspective on this topic however we all identified with waiting for the drinker to get sober, better on a programme, to work it to change their behavior. However today I realise that life is short I am focusing hard on my recov...	Tracy	2	653	Jul 30, 2011 by Pushka
	Progress not perfection (Preview) Well, another court date came and this time the lawyer screwed up because AH was suppose to be in court so take a wild guess what I will be doing Monday in the AM. Truthfully, to hear exactly what will be said makes it all worth while. I need to know $$, how much will this cost exactly. I don't know I might be...	Pushka	3	478	Jul 30, 2011 by Pushka
	How Low is the Bottom my AH Needs to Hit? hitting bottom (Preview) As of today my AH has now lost: 1. His health 2. His home 3. His self-owned business 4. His childhood best friend 5. His children 6. Me What else is it going to take for him to finally hit the bottom? I keep asking this question when I pray to my HP. My HP's plan for my AH is a mystery to me. -- Edited by Green Eyes...	Green Eyes	7	927	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Unconditional Love. (Preview) You hear that phrase a lot , "Unconditional Love". My daughter and I were having a discussion about it. I told her you need to be a parent to really feel it. What does it mean to you and how does it fit in with your Alanon program???? Luv, Bettina	Bettina	11	5321	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	What is a SCRAM bracelet? (Preview) People have mentioned a SCRAM bracelet on here a couple of times, what is it? Oldergal	oldergal	2	587	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	I FEEL LIKE A YO YO (Preview) WELL, HERE IAM AGAIN VENTING. MY AH AND I ARE GETTING A DIVORCE HE JUST GOT OUT OF HIS 3RD INPATIENT REHAB IN ABOUT 9 MONTHS, BUT THIS ONE ONLY FOR 2 WKS, OF COURSE I PICKED HIM UP LET HIM COME HOME (JUSTIFIYING IT BECAUSE HE STAYS IN ANOTHER PART OF HOUSE AND ALSO THINKING I BETTER DO WHAT HE WANTS OR HE WILL GET...	sameoldstuff	4	709	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Help put a name to my feeling (Preview) I'm not good at identifying my feelings. Please help me put a name to the mixture of emotions I am feeling right now. My husband has lost his job. We knew it was coming. We have enough money. There are benefits available to cover tuition for people who choose a vibrant employable field. My husband w...	2nice4_2long	11	1012	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Moms mothers dry me crazy sometimes! (Preview) As I was sitting here, minding my own business, my mom once again interrupted my post. I could barely type or think about what I wanted to say! Now she wants to get on here & I am sorely against it--how can I share on here with my mom on here as well. My privacy is already invaded when she comes over & a...	Hoot Nanny	7	672	Jul 30, 2011 by tommyecat
	Arrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!!!! Vent (Preview) When I am calm I am so able to work a solid program but when the attack comes from my A wife in recovery I am at a loss to hang on to what program says to do. Here's what happened: My wife was getting ready to leave for her AA meeting and she said she needed to talk to me about our plans for the next day. I closed my...	surfingmaestro	6	681	Jul 29, 2011 by tommyecat
	The Red Box Lesson Rescuing (Preview) Hi to All, I want to share an incident that I had yesterday with my ex-AH (who now lives with me). While this incident might appear relatively insignificant when compared to the challenges others have as a result of living with an active or recovering alcoholic, it does show me that attending meetin...	GailMichelle	9	803	Jul 29, 2011 by Hoot Nanny
	This is tough! (Preview) Hi Everyone, I need to write and release: Today my husband and I attended the last IOP family treatment day. This is his last week in IOP. I am so confused. I don't know which way is up or down. I am trying to focus on me, my program, and let him do his own work. Not a problem. When it comes to "aski...	KLotus	6	615	Jul 29, 2011 by rara avis
	Something to consider (Preview) Scientist at the Planck Inst. in Germany did a study on 18 month old babies. Researchers tested several different scenarios, In all the scenarios, the researchers needed help. For example, they couldnt reach an item on the floor. During the experiments, the babies inadvertently rushed to help peo...	Bettina	3	454	Jul 29, 2011 by Bettina
	Divorce - Afraid AA for my wife will lead to divorce - changes and all - AM I warped? (Preview) My wife has just joined AA - my fear is a bit selfish however - I am afraid that as she makes all these changes, will she push for a divorce. I never drink - ever.	Shark34	13	5308	Jul 29, 2011 by Shark34
	Question about family (Preview) Would like some experiences please! For those of you that decided to stay with your A while recovering.... what did your family think? Did you receive negative thoughts or input about your decision? How did you handle it when you knew that the decision should be ONLY yours? As my ABF is approa...	ELEKTRAWMN	9	606	Jul 29, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Just wondering why its usually the husband? (Preview) As I have been reading this great site for a while, its seems to me the majority of the time its the "AHusband" Do we know why husbands are the biggest abusers of alcohol? Not trying to bash men, just sincerely like to know if anyone has any insight on this.... Oldergal "When the pain...	oldergal	10	830	Jul 29, 2011 by All I can be
	have you ever received an apology and did it make any difference? (Preview) Hi, I will see my father next month, whom I have not seen in three years, and was thinking of trying to confront him on some of the lies he told, the emotional and psychological harm I experienced and still feel to this day....He is 79, not in great health (mentally or physically) so I am not sure if he will...	Patk	14	738	Jul 29, 2011 by Patk
	CAL Question (Preview) Hi Everyone! My sponsor encouraged me to get the book "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage" as it is part of Al-Anon conference approved literature, and may be very applicable for me. Has anyone read it? If so, would you mind please sharing your thoughts? I ordered the book. It must ha...	KLotus	6	868	Jul 28, 2011 by maryjane
	I know I am an Enabler, But I am so scared (Preview) My Husband loves to taunt me and make promises and over and over again, I want to believe him. I want that my control, what is wrong with me. I love him and he just keeps on drinking and more and more and throwing it in my face. I have thrown his beer away, I have thrown him out of the house....he promises an...	Kathyslost	9	941	Jul 28, 2011 by Kathyslost
	Do breathalizers do any good? Harm? (Preview) I left my AH for the summer because I needed some time away from him to decide if I wanted to continue our marriage. I have found great help with the f2f meetings and have decided to return home for one last shot at our marriage. He is telling me that he has been sober and attending meetings. Since I am 2 ho...	Hoping for Happiness	12	735	Jul 28, 2011 by danielle0516
	I have a very specific question (Preview) Hello everyone, I have used Al-Anon for my own family of origin issues before and always enjoyed the meetings. I have a specific question about a non-family member. One of my closest friends is married to a severe, active A. We live in the same town, our children are best friends and go to school toget...	Violynn	10	653	Jul 28, 2011 by Violynn
	Growing Slow, but Steady (Preview) In the Beginning of my Program I Often "ALOT" of times ask... What Good will this program do 4 me My 'A' just Died? What Kinda Place Tells you that its ALL About YOU? How can it be All About Me, when it was the Alcoholic or the Addict that Brought me to the Rooms? Sounds Kinda Selfish & Arroaga...	Jozie	5	724	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	WOW! I am loved! (Preview) I feel so loved!!!!!! Well...today I finally got on the computer after the weekend! I was concerned that I wouldn't get too many messages on Facebook on Saturday---my birthday but boy did I ever! It made me feel so good even if I read them 2 days later!I felt so insecure even though I know that no one reall...	Hoot Nanny	3	600	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	In recovery...and cat update (Preview) Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers about my cat Dusty. We did not find him yet. I am however using my new tools and not settling on doom and gloom about it. So I will continue to think positive thoughts and hope he comes back. I hope his asthma didn't take him. I am working on my recovery, takin...	youfoundme	5	531	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Infidelity (Preview) Not asking for any specific reasons necessarily, but curious how others perceive infidelity on the part of their diseased partner? Is this part of the disease and therefore "explainable", or is this unacceptable regardless of how much the illness is in control? I'm learning that lying...	usedtobeanyer	19	6646	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Overreacting to a situation (Preview) As I am new here and just getting my feet wet in getting my ownself on the track to recovery I am not comfortable replying to a post for fear of saying the wrong thing. From my own experience I know the feeing of, "am I overreacting" "he's not drinking that much but it is almost everyday&qu...	michellelong	10	610	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Lots of change (Preview) My A came home for an hour break from his new job due to rain. I haven't been very enthusiastic lately in regards to him. I asked him three months ago about the birth control situation and let him know I am hoping he will take care of it permanently. He agreed and said he would make the call. He said he wou...	clep	5	599	Jul 28, 2011 by Lyne
	How do you protect your money? (Preview) Hi everyone. Today I read a thread by a person in a delimma about how to protect the family money with an out of control spouse. I got to thinking, I specifically remember that Debilyn has posted some specific safety measures from time to time---and I am sure others have, but there is nothing in one cen...	Otie	8	641	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	climbing out the pit (Preview) 5 years after leaving the ex A I am still climbing out the pit his alcoholism and drug addiction left behind. The bankruptcy, emotional, physical and financial. The exhaustion, the fear, resentment, sense of overwhelming despair. Letting the ex A go was just one small part of it. Rebuilding a li...	maresie	7	767	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	GOOD NEWS (Preview) Hi everyone, just wanted to share my good news. I lost my home 7 years ago due to my first husbands gabling. I have been paying lots of rent since then. I heard about a scheme rent to but and they where building new properties in my area. I have been sucessful and have been today to chosse the plot, kitc...	Tracy	8	561	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	HELP (Preview) I'm not sure if I am in the right place or if I am over reacting. I am hoping someone here can give me so guidance. I have been married 1 year and now that I am living with my husband I see his drinking. The frig is always stocked with beer and he drinks roughly 4 beers 5 out of 7 days a week. There are days where he d...	MARCY3	11	1230	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	How do you handle money? (Preview) Over the past few months there have been a few nights that my husband has gone out drinking, gone overboard and started gambling. The first time he did this was also the first time he'd just gone out drinking and refused to come home (he typically doesn't go out drinking at all much less not come home). ...	Thlayli	7	861	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Letting Go...one day at a time (Preview) Hello MIP~Haven't posted in ages, due to personal reasons, but miss you all terribly, read your posts when I can, and keep all of you in my prayers. Just finished Round #2 of some major health issues, and as horrible as I feel right now physically....mentally it could not have turned out any better. As y...	shellyj123	7	816	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	sense of connection (Preview) I love it when I go to face to face meetings I feel a sence of connection, I wonder can I experience the same online	Norma	5	545	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	In AA rooms - men working with men and women with women (Preview) This is my first post, so I'll try to be brief. My husband has been in AA and NA for almost 20 years and has been sober for 13. I married him 6 years ago. I sat in the rooms of AA and NA for two years with him. I learned in these rooms that men should work with men and women with women. He even shared about how ofte...	faith2011	4	438	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Let it be (Preview) I am learning to let go and Let God. Let it be.... Last night my A was at work. He drank at work. I knew it, but I had to tend to my own business so I got off the phone. When I picked him up, he was so drunk that he was tipping over etc. I got him home, he fell asleep on the couch. All this time, I was talking to my...	youfoundme	10	806	Jul 28, 2011 by Crazy Frog
	Safety Guidelines in Alanon meeting (Preview) I am new here, so I hope I am posting this in the correct place. I am going to be as brief as I can, to protect anonymity. I want to know if there are any safety guidelines for alanon groups. I suspect there might be a sexual predator coming to our meetings.	sally123	3	1119	Jul 28, 2011 by xeno59
	now on road to divorce and scared and dont know what to do? (Preview) Okay so my mom is moving to arizona and she will not have a place to live so i told her she can live with me and my family bc we have a big house my husband didnt say anything about it and i just got a call from his dadsaying that my husband wants to live with him untill my mom moves out and has her own place. My mom ha...	HAguirre	7	586	Jul 28, 2011 by Crazy Frog
	Relapse in my affairs (Preview) Just need to say this aloud to someone and I can't find a live body who will understand around here. So I am speaking as I type. I admit I have no control over other people and their decisions and my life with this nervous reaction has become unmanagable. I know full well that a power greater than me can r...	Jennifer	8	643	Jul 28, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Anybody out there that can give me a little perspective here? (Preview) I have been trying so hard to not react to my AHs ignoring me and condescending attitude. But at lunch, I went home and it all started. I put on a dish this morning to marinate for dinner. My AH informed me at lunch that he made plans to go have chips and tea with a friend this evening. Yes, its my TV night...	oldgraduate	7	544	Jul 28, 2011 by oldgraduate
	Possible to achieve sanity when still living with the AH? (Preview) Please share. If you have remained with your active A, or remained with them while they were still drinking but you were in recovery (Alanon) could you please share your experiences. I am new to this whole thing. I have found such great support here and at f2f alanon meetings. I try to differentiate bet...	odalis	18	987	Jul 28, 2011 by 2nice4_2long
	Step 3 no sponsor yet (Preview) I have my up and down days. more up than down. Trying to give control over to HP but having difficulty with crap in my head and can't clear it out. I can have all day good then something happens with my AW to give me reason to make me think she is lying as she has in the past and been caught. she is in recovery righ...	KM	7	551	Jul 28, 2011 by tommyecat
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.